The feeling returned yesterday. The feeling that everyone around me knows some secret about me or my life. Maybe they are safeguarding me; no they are just too smart to get involved. They don't know if I know or not and the air is teeming with tension. They must feel sorry, right? How pathetic to go on and not know the truth, to piece things back ( Read more... )

I'm so fed up with people right now. I'm tired of hearing excuses. I'm tired of people whining about trust that they have yet to earn. I'm tired of being looked over and passed by. I am not listening to what you say, because my attention is directed at what it is that you are doing. Your words are meaningless in contrast to the actions that I have ( Read more... )

I live out a life in entire ignorance, find plenty of distraction to deter me from the obvious. I could never understand what was behind that vacant stare. Although he was physically here, I knew all to well that he wasn't really here at all. Deadened eyes and in perfect catatonic state, he would remain sometimes for weeks. I am not here, I do not ( Read more... )

The guests were up and about throughout the rest of the house, as our lips began to mingle in secrecy. Not the usual brand of smacking and sucking, the quietist and most calculated exchange of kisses I'd ever known. We smiled, knowing of what had transpired just minutes ago.

I believe that sometime ago, purging became less constructive and more draining. The struggle of years past has waned or changed. Perhaps just morphed into something more compact; easier to package and put on the shelf. Many obstacles remain, but somehow now I am not cowering or distraught. I am no longer the frantic field mouse narrowly escaping ( Read more... )

Something has been definitely off this week, a marked difference, and I'm not exactly the first to embrace change.I was afraid of being replaced altogether as my role slightly shifted. My reactions: not so mature or refined as I'd hope for.I made all of my points, defended what was "mine", and acted ridiculous. I came home and reviewed it all, and ( Read more... )

So this is the crappiest job ever, but so what I am going to get out soon. I just don't know how much I can bite my tongue until the next best thing. Today was really hard, and it will live in infamy because of the degree of degradation that was endured. I think I qualify for much better and that's what I need to strive for. At least, to work for ( Read more... )

It's a coming of age thing, the first great betrayal. People don't just get over it. Even if it's a sham of a relationship, even if you deserve better and all your friends let you know so. That's when the learning starts and you just don't do things like you did before. You're guarded and you're keeping score now or at least you will when the deal ( Read more... )

I am a jealous kind, despite my past experiences. I think that's perfectly human. It's comfortable to forget my own slights and regrets, in a George Costanza kind of way. I'll do this(or have done this), but don't you dare do that to me. Sure it's healthy to know the history of the people you're with, but seriously how much do you wanna know? ( Read more... )

The violent stomach tremors, it's inevitable ( Read more... )