Torchwood IMs: Ianto and Rhys VS SOCO and Cool (Translation)
Title: Ianto and Rhys VS SOCO and Cool (translation)
Chapter: 27
Characters: Ianto Jones, Rhys Williams
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: M.M
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: This is for everyone who loves my Ianto/Rhys friendship and asked for the return of drunken!Ianto.
01 | Ianto and Gwen's IM's
02 | Ianto and Southern Comfort
03 | Skiving with Captain Andy
04 | Ianto and Jack's IMs
05 | Tosh? Gossiping? Never!
06 | What Toshiko Saw ... (Prose)
07 | Captain Andy handles the Force
08 | Ianto and SOCO Strikes Back
09 | Into the Boardroom (Prose)
10 | Ianto's, Tosh's, Gwen and Jack's IMs
11 | Ianto and Rhys' IMs
12 | Obtained File: CPD/Torchwood Liaison Meeting #13
13 | What Toshiko Wants (Prose)
14 | The In-Laws
15 | Mike
16 | Ianto and Jack's Snuggles
17 | Sorry, mam ... I mean ... Gwen
18 | Kisses (Prose)
19 | Australia
20 | White and Nerdy
21 | I Didn't Miss You (Prose)
22 | Gwen and Rhiannon's IMs
23 | The Waiting Room
24 | The Glitch (Interactive)
25 | Obtained File: Torchwood/CPD Liaison Meeting #14
26 | Ianto and Rhys VS SOCO and Cool
27 |
RHYS has entered the conversation via Mobile Communicator
MR JONES: hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
RHYS Oh my golly gosh gherkins, you are totally giggling!
MR JONES: I do believe it is an alcohol induced problem.
RHYS I have concerns that I myself am suffering from a similar condition.
MR JONES: I am aware, as I am present within your house.
RHYS I concur. It is also brought to my attention that I am observing you at very close quarters.
MR JONES: If our proximity increases much further, I fear we may end up engaging in homosexual relations.
RHYS *guffaw*
MR JONES: *appalled* Were you implying that I have the qualities of a water-demon? I think I may reconsider my promise of copulation with you.
RHYS I am afraid that was a typing error, my good friend. I am absolutely gazeboed.
MR JONES: So is your significant other.
RHYS Yes. She does appear to be unconscious.
MR JONES: I am aware of this fact, as it is myself that she has chosen to lose consciousness across.
RHYS I do recall that you required somewhere upon which to place your portable computer.
MR JONES: I had intended you supplied me with a cushion, not your good lady wife.
RHYS Her use as a cushion far outweighs any other use she believes she has.
MR JONES: Oh my days! It has graced my thoughts that come the morrow you will be up the proverbial creek of human excrement without any mode of propulsion.
RHYS Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
MR JONES: That is “dearest” to you my love.
RHYS Let us humorously quote lines from our mutually enjoyed television programme, “The Simpsons”.
MR JONES: oo Let’s!
RHYS My my! That was absolutely spiffing
MR JONES: I must enquire as to whether that is some kind of new colloquial speech or if you are having some form of seizure?
RHYS Personally I am trying to engage myself with the youth culture. The blame is not with me if you are trapped within Victorian times.
MR JONES: I must inform you that: in my opinion you have been seeing too many talkies.
RHYS I feel I must compliment you on the use of that strange punctuation. I personally use it to create eyes for my emoticons. Please, do inform me of its proper use.
MR JONES: I see no profitable consequence for attempting to acquiesce with your enquiry. You are completely lampshaded, and therefore the misfiring neurons in your hippocampus will prevent the transfer of information from short-term to long-term memory.
RHYS I believe there is a great chance that you be correct in this observation. I have to say that tonight has been greatly enjoyable.
MR JONES: Oh, very much so my good friend!
RHYS Would you care to repeat tonight’s activities on the turn of the week?
MR JONES: On the condition that we may once again partake in the game “Lord of the Rings Scene it!”, I would gladly join you on the night you suggest.
RHYS For variety, shall we play a different game next week, old chap?
MR JONES: I cannot help but insinuate that you only wish to play a different game at our next arranged meeting because I embarrassed you with your inability to play the game we have discussed.
RHYS I have a confession: I let you win because I found your ability to play to be of similar value to excrement.
MR JONES: One shares a similar opinion of your face.
RHYS I am very offended. How is it you have the courage to insult my facial features?
MR JONES: I am a very daring man, old boy.
RHYS You shall be regretfully mulling over that comment in a hospital bed come sunrise when you awaken with my victory as your medication.
MR JONES: Sir, I do believe that you must show me the utmost courtesy, or else you must feel the wrath of my big, strong, handsome Captain.
RHYS I assure you, I feel no sense of fear when you threaten me with the anger of your Captain. I am certain that I could outrank him in many situations.
MR JONES: Would you successfully engage with physical combat?
RHYS Perhaps not a fight, but I am more than sure I could embarrass him with is lack of cleaning skills by challenging him to a vacuum cleaner race.
MR JONES: You are so socially inept. I was not aware of such conventions for the speed-vacuuming enthusiast.
RHYS You are lying. I do believe I observed you at such an event with one’s mother.
MR JONES: I know of which event you are referring, and I confess that I was doing no more than assisting her with her purchases made earlier that day.
RHYS Then, good man, the only thing it appeared she had bought was a vacuum cleaner as that is all I witnessed you handling.
MR JONES: Good sir! I was most certainly not “handling” Henry the Hoover, I assure you. Hypothetically speaking, thought, if I was, I do believe it would be the manufacturer’s error in putting facial features on a device designed to powerfully inhale.
RHYS You brought great trauma to your Henry Hoover. All he wanted was to assist in keeping your abode clean, and you and your perverseness contaminated him.
MR JONES: I feel great shame at what I have done. I shall most certainly make a great apology to my vacuum cleaner when I return to my home.
RHYS The poor fellow shall need counselling following his ordeal. I do believe he shall have to point out all the places you made physical contact with him on a miniature version of himself for the police.
MR JONES: Good sir, are you complementing my sexual prowess?
RHYS No, old boy. I’m saying you masturbate with vacuum cleaners.
MR JONES: Oh very dear. I do believe you have become far too intoxicated with drink. Might I relieve you of that bottle?
RHYS In my opinion, if you yourself were to become further intoxicated, you may lose consciousness. I shall spare you the fate a little longer and keep hold of this here bottle.
MR JONES: I feel it is within my rights to dismiss that statement. I do believe I could drink until you sink below the wooden edifice before us.
RHYS At this present moment?
MR JONES: Precisely at this present moment.
RHYS I’m afraid you will not be able to imbibe more drink than myself in order to force me below this table. I do believe that, being such a beefy, thick-set man, I will not fit below it.
MR JONES: You are an uneducated fool. The table is a metaphor for your downfall. I have observed your physical self and compared it to the structure before us and I propose that you shall, indeed, fit below it. If you do not, I shall give you five pounds Stirling.
RHYS I accept your bet.
MR JONES: Oh my golly gosh gherkins! I do believe I am now five pounds indebted to you.
RHYS There is little purpose in this bet, as neither you nor I shall recall this event come the morrow.
MR JONES: I have a solution! We must leave this Instant Messenger conversation open in order to trigger the stored information of these events in our waking memories.
RHYS What a splendid conclusion! I think it is about time myself and my good wife retired to the boudoir.
MR JONES: My, that does sound like a promising conquest! Might I join you?
RHYS No you bloody well can’t! Mr Jones, I do believe you are trying to seduce me out of a wife!
Next Part | Previous Part | Torchwood Index | Request a Convo/Prose Fic
Chapter: 27
Characters: Ianto Jones, Rhys Williams
Author: a_silver_story
Genre Humour
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: M.M
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know.
Summary: This is for everyone who loves my Ianto/Rhys friendship and asked for the return of drunken!Ianto.
01 | Ianto and Gwen's IM's
02 | Ianto and Southern Comfort
03 | Skiving with Captain Andy
04 | Ianto and Jack's IMs
05 | Tosh? Gossiping? Never!
06 | What Toshiko Saw ... (Prose)
07 | Captain Andy handles the Force
08 | Ianto and SOCO Strikes Back
09 | Into the Boardroom (Prose)
10 | Ianto's, Tosh's, Gwen and Jack's IMs
11 | Ianto and Rhys' IMs
12 | Obtained File: CPD/Torchwood Liaison Meeting #13
13 | What Toshiko Wants (Prose)
14 | The In-Laws
15 | Mike
16 | Ianto and Jack's Snuggles
17 | Sorry, mam ... I mean ... Gwen
18 | Kisses (Prose)
19 | Australia
20 | White and Nerdy
21 | I Didn't Miss You (Prose)
22 | Gwen and Rhiannon's IMs
23 | The Waiting Room
24 | The Glitch (Interactive)
25 | Obtained File: Torchwood/CPD Liaison Meeting #14
26 | Ianto and Rhys VS SOCO and Cool
27 |
RHYS has entered the conversation via Mobile Communicator
MR JONES: hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
RHYS Oh my golly gosh gherkins, you are totally giggling!
MR JONES: I do believe it is an alcohol induced problem.
RHYS I have concerns that I myself am suffering from a similar condition.
MR JONES: I am aware, as I am present within your house.
RHYS I concur. It is also brought to my attention that I am observing you at very close quarters.
MR JONES: If our proximity increases much further, I fear we may end up engaging in homosexual relations.
RHYS *guffaw*
MR JONES: *appalled* Were you implying that I have the qualities of a water-demon? I think I may reconsider my promise of copulation with you.
RHYS I am afraid that was a typing error, my good friend. I am absolutely gazeboed.
MR JONES: So is your significant other.
RHYS Yes. She does appear to be unconscious.
MR JONES: I am aware of this fact, as it is myself that she has chosen to lose consciousness across.
RHYS I do recall that you required somewhere upon which to place your portable computer.
MR JONES: I had intended you supplied me with a cushion, not your good lady wife.
RHYS Her use as a cushion far outweighs any other use she believes she has.
MR JONES: Oh my days! It has graced my thoughts that come the morrow you will be up the proverbial creek of human excrement without any mode of propulsion.
RHYS Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
MR JONES: That is “dearest” to you my love.
RHYS Let us humorously quote lines from our mutually enjoyed television programme, “The Simpsons”.
MR JONES: oo Let’s!
RHYS My my! That was absolutely spiffing
MR JONES: I must enquire as to whether that is some kind of new colloquial speech or if you are having some form of seizure?
RHYS Personally I am trying to engage myself with the youth culture. The blame is not with me if you are trapped within Victorian times.
MR JONES: I must inform you that: in my opinion you have been seeing too many talkies.
RHYS I feel I must compliment you on the use of that strange punctuation. I personally use it to create eyes for my emoticons. Please, do inform me of its proper use.
MR JONES: I see no profitable consequence for attempting to acquiesce with your enquiry. You are completely lampshaded, and therefore the misfiring neurons in your hippocampus will prevent the transfer of information from short-term to long-term memory.
RHYS I believe there is a great chance that you be correct in this observation. I have to say that tonight has been greatly enjoyable.
MR JONES: Oh, very much so my good friend!
RHYS Would you care to repeat tonight’s activities on the turn of the week?
MR JONES: On the condition that we may once again partake in the game “Lord of the Rings Scene it!”, I would gladly join you on the night you suggest.
RHYS For variety, shall we play a different game next week, old chap?
MR JONES: I cannot help but insinuate that you only wish to play a different game at our next arranged meeting because I embarrassed you with your inability to play the game we have discussed.
RHYS I have a confession: I let you win because I found your ability to play to be of similar value to excrement.
MR JONES: One shares a similar opinion of your face.
RHYS I am very offended. How is it you have the courage to insult my facial features?
MR JONES: I am a very daring man, old boy.
RHYS You shall be regretfully mulling over that comment in a hospital bed come sunrise when you awaken with my victory as your medication.
MR JONES: Sir, I do believe that you must show me the utmost courtesy, or else you must feel the wrath of my big, strong, handsome Captain.
RHYS I assure you, I feel no sense of fear when you threaten me with the anger of your Captain. I am certain that I could outrank him in many situations.
MR JONES: Would you successfully engage with physical combat?
RHYS Perhaps not a fight, but I am more than sure I could embarrass him with is lack of cleaning skills by challenging him to a vacuum cleaner race.
MR JONES: You are so socially inept. I was not aware of such conventions for the speed-vacuuming enthusiast.
RHYS You are lying. I do believe I observed you at such an event with one’s mother.
MR JONES: I know of which event you are referring, and I confess that I was doing no more than assisting her with her purchases made earlier that day.
RHYS Then, good man, the only thing it appeared she had bought was a vacuum cleaner as that is all I witnessed you handling.
MR JONES: Good sir! I was most certainly not “handling” Henry the Hoover, I assure you. Hypothetically speaking, thought, if I was, I do believe it would be the manufacturer’s error in putting facial features on a device designed to powerfully inhale.
RHYS You brought great trauma to your Henry Hoover. All he wanted was to assist in keeping your abode clean, and you and your perverseness contaminated him.
MR JONES: I feel great shame at what I have done. I shall most certainly make a great apology to my vacuum cleaner when I return to my home.
RHYS The poor fellow shall need counselling following his ordeal. I do believe he shall have to point out all the places you made physical contact with him on a miniature version of himself for the police.
MR JONES: Good sir, are you complementing my sexual prowess?
RHYS No, old boy. I’m saying you masturbate with vacuum cleaners.
MR JONES: Oh very dear. I do believe you have become far too intoxicated with drink. Might I relieve you of that bottle?
RHYS In my opinion, if you yourself were to become further intoxicated, you may lose consciousness. I shall spare you the fate a little longer and keep hold of this here bottle.
MR JONES: I feel it is within my rights to dismiss that statement. I do believe I could drink until you sink below the wooden edifice before us.
RHYS At this present moment?
MR JONES: Precisely at this present moment.
RHYS I’m afraid you will not be able to imbibe more drink than myself in order to force me below this table. I do believe that, being such a beefy, thick-set man, I will not fit below it.
MR JONES: You are an uneducated fool. The table is a metaphor for your downfall. I have observed your physical self and compared it to the structure before us and I propose that you shall, indeed, fit below it. If you do not, I shall give you five pounds Stirling.
RHYS I accept your bet.
MR JONES: Oh my golly gosh gherkins! I do believe I am now five pounds indebted to you.
RHYS There is little purpose in this bet, as neither you nor I shall recall this event come the morrow.
MR JONES: I have a solution! We must leave this Instant Messenger conversation open in order to trigger the stored information of these events in our waking memories.
RHYS What a splendid conclusion! I think it is about time myself and my good wife retired to the boudoir.
MR JONES: My, that does sound like a promising conquest! Might I join you?
RHYS No you bloody well can’t! Mr Jones, I do believe you are trying to seduce me out of a wife!
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