I have butterflies over this. I feel like I'm alive again.

well, since my actual journal is still in farmington, and i would currently rather type on my lovely GIANT keyboard..I shall rant rave and otherwise updaate here. Caution to those who read, I figure no one reads this anymore, so I dont really care what I post.
This has by far been the best summer i've ever had, even with the heartbreak I've been ( Read more... )

I'm not sure if i mentioned this, but i love love love love love my apartment. so much, that i hate coming home. my new place is home.I came home today to babysit, so..i paid for my trip back and made twenty bucks that's going towards girls night. im so exciteddd! All three of us need a night away from our bullshit..and guys. and bullshit about ( Read more... )

I am currently typing this from my new living room, on a used love seat from kim's house, watching family guy on a tv from jen's house, which is sitting on a TV stand we recently purchased from goodwill for 8 dollars. despite our furniture that doesn't match, and our barely furnished living room, i absolutely love it here ( Read more... )

      I am stuck in an endless vortex of hoping things are going to turn out the way i want, and trying to remember God has it already figured out and i need to trust him. everyday is a new burst of emotions. I feel almost bipolar. one second I'm okay, i can do this and be alright, and the next minute i just want to implode, go into myself and hide ( Read more... )

i remember what i posted a week ago. it seems like its been ages since everything's happened. of course, my inner thoughts and emotions haven't changed. I'm an idiot. even turning my thoughts and everything i have to god isn't helping as much as i need it to. I KNOW there is going to be something so much better for me, something maybe i can't mess ( Read more... )

I feel so betrayed. I feel stupid. i feel empty. I feel hatred, and anger and grief. i didn't know it was possible for me to feel this again, this much emotion, and pain. It's more intense than i thought it would be given the situation. im so mad a t myself for everything that happened, that i managed to mess up something that was so perfect, and ( Read more... )

Things have been weird lately. In the midst of trying to find me, I'm finding jealousy is beginning to put me back where i was. Sometimes a little competition shows the truth. But I feel like i'm hiding from myself, like...everything is just kind of a mystery. I hate that the one thing i let go is slowly making me crazy. I know my quote the whole ( Read more... )

I know im supposed to be thankful for all that i have - a family who loves me, a few....very...few close friends, and a guy whos more then i could have asked for. But then why do i always feel like i want to be someone else? its like I lack happiness. I realized tonight Collen isn't a bad person. more than anything, i think i'm jealous of the fact ( Read more... )

If there was one time on this planet in which i could make something extract emotion out of me, it would be now. I've come to realize my emotions are no where near the caliber they should be, i'm guarded, or maybe i just dont care. whatever it is, i dont like it. it makes me doubt everything around me, who i am and what i stand for. My throat hurts ( Read more... )