Give Me Your Reason to Believe 9/?
TITLE : Give me your Reason to Believe
AUTHOR: ladyeigh (caliburn.kira)
RATING: R (NC-17 at the end)
PAIRING: VAM (Ville Valo/Bam Margera), Waycest (Mikey/Gerard)
POV: Third person
SUMMARY: Ville and Bam talk...
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, didn’t happen and didn’t see anything… promise
NOTES: To Mytornromance Happy Birthday!!
This is the sequel to the long fic that I wrote for hergerbabe 'Taking Back the Life you Stole', not neccessary to have read it, but it might help!
The Fic that came first...
Or else you can read it on the community from here
chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / chapter 8
Long time... holidays... wrote lots... saw MCR live!!!!!
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@
Bam shut the door carefully behind himself as he eased into the room he shared with his lover whenever they could. The drapes had been pulled three-quarters of the way across but moved with the breeze from the open windows. Ville was huddled on his side, facing the window and lying on his lover’s side of the bed, the claustrophobic skater always having the window side of any room. Bam walked around the bed and perched on the end, knowing not to approach him suddenly or from the rear. The singer’s face was still a little red with embarrassment and damp with tears and he was holding Trouble and gently stroking her soft black and white back. Bam laid his hand on Ville’s ankle, feeling the fine bones beneath his palm and he moved his thumb in small circles against the bare skin. Ville sniffed slightly and moved his head to look at his younger lover.
“Hey.”
“Terve heila.”
Ville smiled at his lover’s Finnish, the skaters attempts to learn one of the most complex languages on earth having been a five year struggle - his lessons having begun before they were a couple, before they even admitted that they were best friends (perhaps that should have been a major giveaway!)
“I'm sor…”
“Don’t Ville, don’t ever be sorry. It’s not like they don’t get it you know!”
“I just couldn’t…”
“Willa. You can’t stand being near me or Mikko sometimes - the boys all know that.”
“Which Mikko?”
“Pick one!”
Ville smiled slightly, his lover almost always managing to lift his spirits. Bam’s sheer joy in living being almost infectious and shining a light into his, by nature, darker outlook.
Bam kept up his slow and gentle caress, thumb constantly moving as he watched his lovers face. The tension in the Finn’s body began to leech away as Bam waited. He knew that Ville would tell him about his dream, would explain why he had been so perturbed, but also knew that he would do so in his own time, not to be rushed or persuaded - just comforted and allowed to regain his composure. Bam thought he had an idea of the monster that had attacked, his Finnish was not the best but he had picked out the gist of his lover’s screamed words. Trouble stretched herself out, luxuriating in her human’s soft strokes, a constant motion from crown of head to hips, her purring increased, a rumble felt against Ville’s chest as he held her.
Finally Ville rolled over and sat up, bringing the cat with him to sit in his lap. He pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged again and looked at Bam. The skater hauled himself up to sit fully on the bed and echoed Ville’s posture, sitting facing his partner with a small gap between them.
“Hi.”
Ville’s voice was small and a little hesitant, his blush receding but still staining his skin.
“Hey heila, you feeling a bit better?”
“Yeah, getting there.”
“Feel up to telling me?”
Ville looked at Bam directly, no hiding, no artifice in his face.
“Yes.”
He swallowed deliberately then held out his hand towards Bam who immediately shuffled closer and grasped it. Holding on tightly Ville blinked slowly then started.
“Different this time… the dream I mean.”
“Different how? Did you see a face?”
Bam remembered all too vividly the first time that Ville’s mind had replaced his face with the blank mask of his rapist. Other friends had appeared in his dreams; Lily and Migé, Ryan Dunn, Burton - even Lauri, Jussi and Jyrki - but nothing had hurt either of them as much as Ville screaming for Bam to get off him and stop his pain.
“No… it wasn’t… I wasn’t.”
Ville stopped and re-gripped his hold on Bam’s hand, threading their fingers together and interleaving them tightly.
“It wasn’t the attack lemmikki, not this time.”
“You were ‘no’ and ‘it can’t’ heila, yelling for me to come back and forgive you… what else is it?”
“This is difficult lemmikki, please… I need you to just listen to me.”
“OK?”
Bam’s voice was a little hesitant, fearful of what his beloved was about to say.
“It was us kulta, you and me making love. It started out so good kulta. I was in you and it was glorious - the way it used to be…”
“Raw?”
Bam’s whisper went with a tightening of his grip; Ville’s reply was equally low.
“Yes. How it was, how it should be.”
“Why so upset kulta? Why is that…?”
“Not that, never you and me… that will never be a source of my pain - I promise you.”
“OK. So?”
“We had finished, were just lying together in peace. You were in my arms, resting against my chest as our breathing went back to normal.”
“Sounds good so far heila.”
“Up until then it was. I leant over to kiss you again and the phone rang. You reached past me to answer it but it was for me...”
“A call?”
“From Dr Matthews.”
That name made Bam sit up straight and look at his lover closely, fearing what he was going to say.
“He was calling to give me important information. He needed to say that the laboratory and the hospital had made a mistake, an error in their labelling and testing.”
“An error?”
“Yes. The results they gave me, gave us were wrong.”
Ville’s voice broke onto a slight sob as he spoke.
“He needed to let me know that I was positive, that I needed to see him to get the medications I needed, that I had to take precautions, that I… that I was a risk… that I was a threat to you.”
Bam leaned forward and tried to embrace Ville, but he wouldn’t allow it, moving back to widen the gap instead.
“I did it Bam, I hurt you… infected you… you would never be OK again. All my fault.”
“It was a dream Ville, just a dream. You’re not infected; Dr Matthews called and confirmed it! The test results were all clear, you are negative Ville, all modern science and medicine says so.”
“I have the piece of paper Bam; I know… my head knows that I'm clear - if you could just tell my heart, I'd be grateful.”
“I’ll tell you every day heila, every hour from now until the ending of the world.”
“I can’t bear it kulta, can’t bear the idea that I could make you dirty, that I could hurt you, hurt the children…”
“Jess and Lily love you like a brother and trust you implicitly with their children… You are their Eno Ville and that will never stop.”
Bam moved closer again and this time Ville allowed him to enfold him in his arms. Bam edged to Ville’s side and managed to wrap both arms and legs around his lover, holding him with everything that he could.
“You are safe kulta, safe and loved. The test results are fine, you are officially clear! You need to trust them.”
“I do… mostly. I am so scared of them being wrong… that I’ll end up where I was in October… unclean and scared.”
“Never heila, never unclean and you are one of the bravest men, bravest people I have ever known.”
Ville relaxed into Bam’s hold, sliding down until his head rested in the younger mans lap from where it had lain in the crook of his neck. Bam shifted his legs to form a cradle for the singer’s frail form and began to pet his hair, soft stokes in the coiling curls and waves, love expressed and calm restored.
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@
AUTHOR: ladyeigh (caliburn.kira)
RATING: R (NC-17 at the end)
PAIRING: VAM (Ville Valo/Bam Margera), Waycest (Mikey/Gerard)
POV: Third person
SUMMARY: Ville and Bam talk...
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, didn’t happen and didn’t see anything… promise
NOTES: To Mytornromance Happy Birthday!!
This is the sequel to the long fic that I wrote for hergerbabe 'Taking Back the Life you Stole', not neccessary to have read it, but it might help!
The Fic that came first...
Or else you can read it on the community from here
chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5 / chapter 6 / chapter 7 / chapter 8
Long time... holidays... wrote lots... saw MCR live!!!!!
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@
Bam shut the door carefully behind himself as he eased into the room he shared with his lover whenever they could. The drapes had been pulled three-quarters of the way across but moved with the breeze from the open windows. Ville was huddled on his side, facing the window and lying on his lover’s side of the bed, the claustrophobic skater always having the window side of any room. Bam walked around the bed and perched on the end, knowing not to approach him suddenly or from the rear. The singer’s face was still a little red with embarrassment and damp with tears and he was holding Trouble and gently stroking her soft black and white back. Bam laid his hand on Ville’s ankle, feeling the fine bones beneath his palm and he moved his thumb in small circles against the bare skin. Ville sniffed slightly and moved his head to look at his younger lover.
“Hey.”
“Terve heila.”
Ville smiled at his lover’s Finnish, the skaters attempts to learn one of the most complex languages on earth having been a five year struggle - his lessons having begun before they were a couple, before they even admitted that they were best friends (perhaps that should have been a major giveaway!)
“I'm sor…”
“Don’t Ville, don’t ever be sorry. It’s not like they don’t get it you know!”
“I just couldn’t…”
“Willa. You can’t stand being near me or Mikko sometimes - the boys all know that.”
“Which Mikko?”
“Pick one!”
Ville smiled slightly, his lover almost always managing to lift his spirits. Bam’s sheer joy in living being almost infectious and shining a light into his, by nature, darker outlook.
Bam kept up his slow and gentle caress, thumb constantly moving as he watched his lovers face. The tension in the Finn’s body began to leech away as Bam waited. He knew that Ville would tell him about his dream, would explain why he had been so perturbed, but also knew that he would do so in his own time, not to be rushed or persuaded - just comforted and allowed to regain his composure. Bam thought he had an idea of the monster that had attacked, his Finnish was not the best but he had picked out the gist of his lover’s screamed words. Trouble stretched herself out, luxuriating in her human’s soft strokes, a constant motion from crown of head to hips, her purring increased, a rumble felt against Ville’s chest as he held her.
Finally Ville rolled over and sat up, bringing the cat with him to sit in his lap. He pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged again and looked at Bam. The skater hauled himself up to sit fully on the bed and echoed Ville’s posture, sitting facing his partner with a small gap between them.
“Hi.”
Ville’s voice was small and a little hesitant, his blush receding but still staining his skin.
“Hey heila, you feeling a bit better?”
“Yeah, getting there.”
“Feel up to telling me?”
Ville looked at Bam directly, no hiding, no artifice in his face.
“Yes.”
He swallowed deliberately then held out his hand towards Bam who immediately shuffled closer and grasped it. Holding on tightly Ville blinked slowly then started.
“Different this time… the dream I mean.”
“Different how? Did you see a face?”
Bam remembered all too vividly the first time that Ville’s mind had replaced his face with the blank mask of his rapist. Other friends had appeared in his dreams; Lily and Migé, Ryan Dunn, Burton - even Lauri, Jussi and Jyrki - but nothing had hurt either of them as much as Ville screaming for Bam to get off him and stop his pain.
“No… it wasn’t… I wasn’t.”
Ville stopped and re-gripped his hold on Bam’s hand, threading their fingers together and interleaving them tightly.
“It wasn’t the attack lemmikki, not this time.”
“You were ‘no’ and ‘it can’t’ heila, yelling for me to come back and forgive you… what else is it?”
“This is difficult lemmikki, please… I need you to just listen to me.”
“OK?”
Bam’s voice was a little hesitant, fearful of what his beloved was about to say.
“It was us kulta, you and me making love. It started out so good kulta. I was in you and it was glorious - the way it used to be…”
“Raw?”
Bam’s whisper went with a tightening of his grip; Ville’s reply was equally low.
“Yes. How it was, how it should be.”
“Why so upset kulta? Why is that…?”
“Not that, never you and me… that will never be a source of my pain - I promise you.”
“OK. So?”
“We had finished, were just lying together in peace. You were in my arms, resting against my chest as our breathing went back to normal.”
“Sounds good so far heila.”
“Up until then it was. I leant over to kiss you again and the phone rang. You reached past me to answer it but it was for me...”
“A call?”
“From Dr Matthews.”
That name made Bam sit up straight and look at his lover closely, fearing what he was going to say.
“He was calling to give me important information. He needed to say that the laboratory and the hospital had made a mistake, an error in their labelling and testing.”
“An error?”
“Yes. The results they gave me, gave us were wrong.”
Ville’s voice broke onto a slight sob as he spoke.
“He needed to let me know that I was positive, that I needed to see him to get the medications I needed, that I had to take precautions, that I… that I was a risk… that I was a threat to you.”
Bam leaned forward and tried to embrace Ville, but he wouldn’t allow it, moving back to widen the gap instead.
“I did it Bam, I hurt you… infected you… you would never be OK again. All my fault.”
“It was a dream Ville, just a dream. You’re not infected; Dr Matthews called and confirmed it! The test results were all clear, you are negative Ville, all modern science and medicine says so.”
“I have the piece of paper Bam; I know… my head knows that I'm clear - if you could just tell my heart, I'd be grateful.”
“I’ll tell you every day heila, every hour from now until the ending of the world.”
“I can’t bear it kulta, can’t bear the idea that I could make you dirty, that I could hurt you, hurt the children…”
“Jess and Lily love you like a brother and trust you implicitly with their children… You are their Eno Ville and that will never stop.”
Bam moved closer again and this time Ville allowed him to enfold him in his arms. Bam edged to Ville’s side and managed to wrap both arms and legs around his lover, holding him with everything that he could.
“You are safe kulta, safe and loved. The test results are fine, you are officially clear! You need to trust them.”
“I do… mostly. I am so scared of them being wrong… that I’ll end up where I was in October… unclean and scared.”
“Never heila, never unclean and you are one of the bravest men, bravest people I have ever known.”
Ville relaxed into Bam’s hold, sliding down until his head rested in the younger mans lap from where it had lain in the crook of his neck. Bam shifted his legs to form a cradle for the singer’s frail form and began to pet his hair, soft stokes in the coiling curls and waves, love expressed and calm restored.
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@