New Fic - Give me your reason to believe 4/?
TITLE : Give me your Reason to Believe
AUTHOR: ladyeigh (caliburn.kira)
RATING: R (NC-17 at the end)
PAIRING: VAM (Ville Valo/Bam Margera), Waycest (Mikey/Gerard)
POV: Third person
SUMMARY: Couple time, with moments for all... Mikey and Bam talk....
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, didn’t happen and didn’t see anything… promise
NOTES: To Mytornromance Happy Birthday!!
This is the sequel to the long fic that I wrote for hergerbabe 'Taking Back the Life you Stole', not neccessary to have read it, but it might help!
The Fic that came first...
Or else you can read it on the community from here
chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
“Gee held me so tight that night I had bruises - mind you he didn’t exactly get away unscathed. I latched onto him just as much. So glad we weren’t doing a third day.”
He looked through his fringe again, a nervous habit he had had since school.
“I can hardly watch it; even playing ‘Ghost’ live can be rough.”
Bam shook his head at that.
“Every band has a track like that, something that means so much to them that they can’t often play it.”
“Gee pumps his soul into his lyrics - and his performances. He comes off stage exhausted, exhilarated and soaking wet. Him and Frankie get banged up, they come off blood soaked and bruised - then again Gee’s been better since he got sober! One show was really random; Frankie walked across the stage, played a bit then kicked Gerard in the balls! He really didn’t get pissed about it, mostly he was wondering what he’d done. He was sore though… really sore.”
“Not your usual after show then!”
“Nope.”
“It’s me that usually manages to do that sort of thing. I’ve racked myself up so many times that Ville has gotten almost used to helping me out.”
“Ouch.”
“Ville used to joke that cigarettes and alcohol were his contraception and that mine was failing to ride rails.”
“Used to?”
“Well, after… he avoids it all now. Keeps interviews to music and stuff as far as he can. Seppo generally gets the press to agree ‘off limit’ shit first so he can manage. The Kerrang article was a bit close in places but he had company for it… actually I was there in secret so it was OK. The NME though, fuck. I was ready to firebomb the place and the Crew and band were totally ready to back me up. Between the interview and the review… apara vittu!”
Mikey quirked an eyebrow at the snarled Finnish, but like his brother at the photoshoot with Ville he realised that he didn’t need a translation to know exactly what had been said.
“Rough?”
“Sample question; ‘So your drink got doped when you were on tour - did you get bummed in the ass’?”
Mikey’s eyes opened wide in shock, he couldn’t even imagine that level of insensitivity. Bam saw but kept going.
“Ville finished the interview; at least it was on the phone and not in person. Then again, it was on speaker phone and he finished it with me on his lap trying to stop him from having a fucking asthma attack.”
“Fuck.”
“Ville used to be really reclusive at times…”
“Solitary Man?”
“Sort of… though that’s one of Ape’s favourite songs! Anyway, it all changed. He hates to be alone now, and then gets pissed about needing people. There is this fine balance that we maintain, between keeping him company and letting him have his moments of isolation.”
“I kind of know what you mean. Gerard is a solo guy who needs to be with others. If he’s by himself too much it’s like he gets stuck inside his own head! After the whole Bert thing… even just as he was getting clean… he didn’t want to fall apart in public - actually he didn’t want to fall apart in private either. The whole thing just fucking hurt, all of us. And losing Matt at the same time…”
“Matt?”
“Founder member of the band - and asshole.”
“Excellent, just what you need in a group.”
“HIM had the same thing didn’t they?”
“Kind of. The line-up has been stable since 2000; it was a bit wobbly there for a while but… Ville, Migé and Lily have been friends since school. They fight and argue, storm out, bitch, complain - but they’re brothers at heart and so are Gas and Burton now. Only one person left the band in an acrimonious way.”
“Who was that?”
“Juska. He couldn’t deal with Ville’s perfectionism and well, I’ll be honest his total fucking moments!”
“Kind of similar then. We asked Matt to leave because it was all just beyond a fucking joke… he wasn’t one of us, he didn’t see a problem with Gee, even with the cocaine and all the rest he just… he didn’t even keep to the fucking click track… and that was all that was keeping Gerard on the same damn planet when he was on stage! It just all hit the fucking fan in one huge blast; I really thought it was all over…”
Mikey registered Bam’s querying look and explained more.
“Gerard’s first fully sober gig was also our first live show with Bob at the drums.”
“Fucking hell - I mean, that is timing!”
“Oh yeah. Beautiful thing. Old friend, watched Gee fall apart and ignored the whole thing except for when he berated and criticised him. Gee was suicidal, taking more and more, drinking enough to float a small ship - completely off his fucking face the majority of the time. I sort of got him to bed every night then went and cried on the Frankie and Ray. We knew he was spiralling down but he refused all the intervention shit we tried - we had no idea what to do to help him. How to, not stop him, no external force was going to help - not even me.”
“I got called from Minneapolis and just ran there. Ville was clingy and yet stand-offish at the same time, he wanted to be held but couldn’t bear to be touched. I spent a lot of time crying those days, I spend more time than I’d like to admit crying these days.”
Mikey saw the recognition in Bam’s eyes, realising that he knew exactly what he meant, exactly where he was coming from… exactly the almost guilt that struck at his heart and soul - why am I not enough, what else can be done…
“Gee hit bottom in Japan. He did an eight ball of coke, drank more vodka than Moscow on holiday and fell apart. He doesn’t remember this but he took a swing at me.”
Bam forced the younger man to face him, turning the stool when Mikey would not physically move.
“He doesn’t know?”
“He’s missing large chunks of those days. He knows it was bad. I can’t tell him, he didn’t really connect and it’s the only time in our whole lives he’s gotten like that with me. We’ve marked each other up a good few times - but I give as good as I get. We’ve squabbled and grappled - but that was - it wasn’t him. The man who swung at me was not my brother, not my lover, not my band mate - he was no-one I’ve ever met before… or since. We got him to bed, lying on his side so he didn’t die in his sleep and I ended up crying while sitting in Ray’s lap - it was like being five again, except when I was a kid I cried on Gerard and not over him. We were just sitting, listening to music and trying to work out what the hell was the next step when Gerard came in. He had called home and been talked down for hours then walked around by our straight-edge tour manager, who was fucking awesome by the way, totally non-judgemental despite us all breaking every single one of the ideals that he holds dear. He just staggered into the room, face washed but tears spilling down like he wasn’t even aware of them. He fell into me and just begged us for help, pleading with us to not let him die.”
Mikey’s voice cracked and Bam leant forward and embraced him. The skater was silent, offering comfort in his embrace not in any words he could say.
“That was it, the nadir - his turning point. He just quit, everything - well apart from nicotine and caffeine, but - fuck. Mom and Dad, therapy, the band… I got him back.”
Bam tightened his hold even further; he knew all too well the ups and downs, highs and lows of loving an intense man. Gerard and Mikey had come through their trial; he could only hope that eventually he would reach the same calm plateau with Ville, the peaceful place they dreamed of - together.
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~
AUTHOR: ladyeigh (caliburn.kira)
RATING: R (NC-17 at the end)
PAIRING: VAM (Ville Valo/Bam Margera), Waycest (Mikey/Gerard)
POV: Third person
SUMMARY: Couple time, with moments for all... Mikey and Bam talk....
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, didn’t happen and didn’t see anything… promise
NOTES: To Mytornromance Happy Birthday!!
This is the sequel to the long fic that I wrote for hergerbabe 'Taking Back the Life you Stole', not neccessary to have read it, but it might help!
The Fic that came first...
Or else you can read it on the community from here
chapter 1
chapter 2
chapter 3
“Gee held me so tight that night I had bruises - mind you he didn’t exactly get away unscathed. I latched onto him just as much. So glad we weren’t doing a third day.”
He looked through his fringe again, a nervous habit he had had since school.
“I can hardly watch it; even playing ‘Ghost’ live can be rough.”
Bam shook his head at that.
“Every band has a track like that, something that means so much to them that they can’t often play it.”
“Gee pumps his soul into his lyrics - and his performances. He comes off stage exhausted, exhilarated and soaking wet. Him and Frankie get banged up, they come off blood soaked and bruised - then again Gee’s been better since he got sober! One show was really random; Frankie walked across the stage, played a bit then kicked Gerard in the balls! He really didn’t get pissed about it, mostly he was wondering what he’d done. He was sore though… really sore.”
“Not your usual after show then!”
“Nope.”
“It’s me that usually manages to do that sort of thing. I’ve racked myself up so many times that Ville has gotten almost used to helping me out.”
“Ouch.”
“Ville used to joke that cigarettes and alcohol were his contraception and that mine was failing to ride rails.”
“Used to?”
“Well, after… he avoids it all now. Keeps interviews to music and stuff as far as he can. Seppo generally gets the press to agree ‘off limit’ shit first so he can manage. The Kerrang article was a bit close in places but he had company for it… actually I was there in secret so it was OK. The NME though, fuck. I was ready to firebomb the place and the Crew and band were totally ready to back me up. Between the interview and the review… apara vittu!”
Mikey quirked an eyebrow at the snarled Finnish, but like his brother at the photoshoot with Ville he realised that he didn’t need a translation to know exactly what had been said.
“Rough?”
“Sample question; ‘So your drink got doped when you were on tour - did you get bummed in the ass’?”
Mikey’s eyes opened wide in shock, he couldn’t even imagine that level of insensitivity. Bam saw but kept going.
“Ville finished the interview; at least it was on the phone and not in person. Then again, it was on speaker phone and he finished it with me on his lap trying to stop him from having a fucking asthma attack.”
“Fuck.”
“Ville used to be really reclusive at times…”
“Solitary Man?”
“Sort of… though that’s one of Ape’s favourite songs! Anyway, it all changed. He hates to be alone now, and then gets pissed about needing people. There is this fine balance that we maintain, between keeping him company and letting him have his moments of isolation.”
“I kind of know what you mean. Gerard is a solo guy who needs to be with others. If he’s by himself too much it’s like he gets stuck inside his own head! After the whole Bert thing… even just as he was getting clean… he didn’t want to fall apart in public - actually he didn’t want to fall apart in private either. The whole thing just fucking hurt, all of us. And losing Matt at the same time…”
“Matt?”
“Founder member of the band - and asshole.”
“Excellent, just what you need in a group.”
“HIM had the same thing didn’t they?”
“Kind of. The line-up has been stable since 2000; it was a bit wobbly there for a while but… Ville, Migé and Lily have been friends since school. They fight and argue, storm out, bitch, complain - but they’re brothers at heart and so are Gas and Burton now. Only one person left the band in an acrimonious way.”
“Who was that?”
“Juska. He couldn’t deal with Ville’s perfectionism and well, I’ll be honest his total fucking moments!”
“Kind of similar then. We asked Matt to leave because it was all just beyond a fucking joke… he wasn’t one of us, he didn’t see a problem with Gee, even with the cocaine and all the rest he just… he didn’t even keep to the fucking click track… and that was all that was keeping Gerard on the same damn planet when he was on stage! It just all hit the fucking fan in one huge blast; I really thought it was all over…”
Mikey registered Bam’s querying look and explained more.
“Gerard’s first fully sober gig was also our first live show with Bob at the drums.”
“Fucking hell - I mean, that is timing!”
“Oh yeah. Beautiful thing. Old friend, watched Gee fall apart and ignored the whole thing except for when he berated and criticised him. Gee was suicidal, taking more and more, drinking enough to float a small ship - completely off his fucking face the majority of the time. I sort of got him to bed every night then went and cried on the Frankie and Ray. We knew he was spiralling down but he refused all the intervention shit we tried - we had no idea what to do to help him. How to, not stop him, no external force was going to help - not even me.”
“I got called from Minneapolis and just ran there. Ville was clingy and yet stand-offish at the same time, he wanted to be held but couldn’t bear to be touched. I spent a lot of time crying those days, I spend more time than I’d like to admit crying these days.”
Mikey saw the recognition in Bam’s eyes, realising that he knew exactly what he meant, exactly where he was coming from… exactly the almost guilt that struck at his heart and soul - why am I not enough, what else can be done…
“Gee hit bottom in Japan. He did an eight ball of coke, drank more vodka than Moscow on holiday and fell apart. He doesn’t remember this but he took a swing at me.”
Bam forced the younger man to face him, turning the stool when Mikey would not physically move.
“He doesn’t know?”
“He’s missing large chunks of those days. He knows it was bad. I can’t tell him, he didn’t really connect and it’s the only time in our whole lives he’s gotten like that with me. We’ve marked each other up a good few times - but I give as good as I get. We’ve squabbled and grappled - but that was - it wasn’t him. The man who swung at me was not my brother, not my lover, not my band mate - he was no-one I’ve ever met before… or since. We got him to bed, lying on his side so he didn’t die in his sleep and I ended up crying while sitting in Ray’s lap - it was like being five again, except when I was a kid I cried on Gerard and not over him. We were just sitting, listening to music and trying to work out what the hell was the next step when Gerard came in. He had called home and been talked down for hours then walked around by our straight-edge tour manager, who was fucking awesome by the way, totally non-judgemental despite us all breaking every single one of the ideals that he holds dear. He just staggered into the room, face washed but tears spilling down like he wasn’t even aware of them. He fell into me and just begged us for help, pleading with us to not let him die.”
Mikey’s voice cracked and Bam leant forward and embraced him. The skater was silent, offering comfort in his embrace not in any words he could say.
“That was it, the nadir - his turning point. He just quit, everything - well apart from nicotine and caffeine, but - fuck. Mom and Dad, therapy, the band… I got him back.”
Bam tightened his hold even further; he knew all too well the ups and downs, highs and lows of loving an intense man. Gerard and Mikey had come through their trial; he could only hope that eventually he would reach the same calm plateau with Ville, the peaceful place they dreamed of - together.
@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~