so waking up to a bad mood from the day before makes me feel just grand ( Read more... )

well i have managed to do it again.
but i swear if he has said anything to make her feel so bad, i will definately show my old self one more time. i dont like that part of me, but i think that part of me would like a bit of fresh air and an ass to kick.

so i pray to god he didnt say anything to make her upset.

i dont even know anymore. i have a huge hole where my grip on things should be. im losing my mind. nothing really makes sense to me anymore. i have no reason to get up, but i do it anyways. day in and day out its the same thing. every night i come home the same way, and have the same cat run out in front of me at the four-way. it stops, looks back ( Read more... )

so this week has been kind of a down week, until today. actually, just until about 4 it was a down week. my grandpa is in the hospital not doin too good. i went to see him and he looked horrible. he was shaking pretty badly and would kind of just trail off while talking. i doubt he will be here much longer. then again, he is a very strong man, so ( Read more... )

damnit, it just goes to show that im not supposed to have a good holiday. its bad enough being alone; its really bad being truly alone.

fuck christmas.
fuck new years.
fuck next year.
fuck people.
fuck me.

well, i fell right into the trap. hes a little smarter than i thought him to be. although, its not very hard to pull something over a drunk guy ( Read more... )

i really dont want anything for christmas this year ( Read more... )

so i started a music project today. its metal, so now all i need is a band lol. o well, that can come in time. if you would like to add me on myspace the url is www.myspace.com/swimnewyorkcity

yup

well i felt horrible so i called and talked to my brother fiance for a good long while about everything. i swear, she is like the sister i never had. she made me feel a little better, but i still dont feel all that great. i dunno what to do. i feel like just packing up a bag and heading off for michigan. i know that i have people that care waiting ( Read more... )

ive been having a lot of bad thoughts lately ( Read more... )