ho hum. ive been up since 11.
thats pretty good for me, especially knowing i went to bed sometime after 5. i feel very strange today. numb or something. im in between happy and sad. i dunno, its just weird. i hope things look up. i hope.

it rained all day long.
its december...i want some snow, not rain.
i slept pretty much the entire day because it was nasty out. tonight was okay, but things could have gone a lot better. i dunno. im ready for something, but im not sure what it is that im ready for. bleh.

why does nothing else seem to matter?

the old me asked that question and laughed.

the new me just smiles and walks away.

the same person, a few years apart..with the same question.

20 days until im 19

well, today wasnt an entire waste ( Read more... )

last day of november.
thank god.

well ya know its gettin bad when the one thing youre trying to hide more than anything is more noticable than you think. my friends called me out on my depression pretty much. well, i guess its a good thing. at least now i know for sure theres a problem.

today was bad.
i wish i could just fall asleep, but that i know thats not going to happen.
how i wish i could just be happy. its a little more complicated than that though.

why is it so hard for me to get what i want with a clean conscience ( Read more... )

damn my soft spot for kindness. i find myself wishing i was the way i was 2 years ago. completely and totally ruthless. ive gone soft and i cant get anything i want. i guess its for the best though.