Sweet Valley High #66 Who's To Blame?
Hope I am not overloading with the recaps. I have one more to go (#69 hoot hoot! and then I am out of the ones I picked up at the used book store. :( Oh, well, I'll just have to get more!) Oh, and I added a "Dance!" tag so whenever a book I am recapping has a dance, I'll use that. And whenever there is a Party! I'll use a Party! tag. So we can see just how many dances and parties there are!
The cover tells us all we need to know:
If you can't read it, it says "Elizabeth is running away!" and she has a little backpack over her shoulder. Can't hold many underoos in that. She is also wiping a tear from her eyes and wearing an ugly over-sized striped shirt and has a white barrette. My cover also has a purple star on it that exhorts you to "BE THE NEXT SWEET VALLEY READER OF THE MONTH!" and the sad thing is, if I had been reading these books at the time of this contest, I probably would've entered. Oh, you know you would've too, admit it. More on this subject at the end.
When we last left the Wakefield family, Ned and Alice’s marriage was on the rocks. Now it is on even rockier rocks because Ned is moving out to a bachelor pad---Alice gets to keep the house and the kids apparently because she is the woman. That isn’t said, but I am inferring it. Liz is of course all emo and wishing her family wasn’t falling apart while Jess is actually kinda excited. (when my parents split up, I was rather young, but I don’t think being excited about being able to visit my dad once in a while and have him take me out for dinner was how I reacted.) On page 2 we learn about their identical long blond hair and perfect size-six figures. On page 3, their inner differences are detailed much in contrast to their exterior similarities. Ned and Alice have been fighting for the last month or two (Sweet Valley Time of course) and have decided to separate while they work out their differences.
Liz and Jess head downstairs to help their dad pack his things. Talk about torturing the kids. Yeah, honey, your mom and I can’t work out our differences to make it easier on everyone, I am going to abandon you to live in my man-pad and will you please get that box and help me pack my stuff? Steven is home from college and also helping to pack. Steven and Ned apparently look a lot alike, and Liz is worried about the number of females that are going to want to date her handsome, rich-lawyer father while he is out on his own. We get some info-dump on the last book which includes Maria Santelli’s father running for mayor, being accused of taking bribes, Ned defending Mr. Santelli, the trial being thrown out due to lack of evidence, people suggesting Ned run for mayor, Ned and Alice fighting, and Ned accepting the nomination to run for mayor.
They arrive at Ned’s separation apartment. It is, of course, ugly and plain. Nothing like the beautiful Casa de Wakefield. After moving their dad into his new digs, they all stand around awkwardly until Jess breaks the tension and gets them out of there. Really though, I am with Liz, as a day, that would totally suck. Later that evening, Liz is over at Todd’s house, complete with eternally watery eyes. Todd tries to get her to tell him what she is feeling, and she says she is feeling guilt. He asks what she has to feel guilty about, but she doesn’t tell him. Turns out she thinks her parents separation is all her fault.
The next day, the traditional Wakefield brunch is a total flop. Turns out that Jessica is definitely on Ned’s side of the troubles while Liz is waffling in the middle. Jess thinks her mother is so selfish because she keeps running off to work rather than staying with her family. Liz thinks her mom keeps going off to work because she can’t stand to be in a house sans Ned. Jessica picks a fight with Steven and soon they are all yelling at each other. Jessica then gets in the line-of-the-book (so far anyway) and says, “Quit sounding so preachy, Liz!” Amen, sister! Jessica then storms out. Liz comments that she is pretty touchy to Steven and he then blows up at her. Yay, more for Liz to feel guilty about--now everyone in the family hates her!
Liz bikes off to see Enid. She and Enid have more in common now than ever because Enid’s parents are divorced. Liz and Enid talk and Liz tells Enid about how guilty she feels. Enid gives Liz some solid advice about how it isn’t her fault, she shouldn’t feel guilty and Liz listens and takes the advice. And then the book ends. The end!
Silly, of course not. Liz still thinks she is guilty because she was the one who gave Alice’s co-workers (who apparently can’t take a piss without Alice there to hold their hands) the number for the Tahoe resort that the family went to. And the phone calls from her work were apparently the straws that broke the camel’s back as it were. And it is all Liz’s fault. Not the fault of the people who kept calling or even Alice who couldn’t put work behind her for a weekend, but Liz. All Liz! She really does have a martyr complex--if it isn’t her fault, she claims it is, if it isn’t her business, she buts her nose in anyway. Yep, good ole Liz.
That evening, Liz and Alice are the only two around for dinner. There are some sad moments as they wonder what Ned is doing and if he is having dinner alone somewhere. Alice reflects on her mistakes (to her 16 year-old daughter of all people) and comes to the conclusion that she shouldn’t have left Tahoe or taken the work calls either. Her work is not more important than her family. Instead of realizing that Alice is right and it was her fault, Liz again thinks it is her fault because she was the one who gave the phone numbers in the first place. She is determined to take the blame like a moron. You know Jess wouldn’t take the blame even if she were guilty.
That Monday, Jess is actually glad to get to school--at least it is better than being at home. But Jess doesn’t want her friends to treat her with pity--no fears Jess, your friends are too involved with themselves to worry about your petty problems. Turns out Lila and Amy want to throw…a party! A Pi Beta Alpha party. Jess thinks it is a perfect chance to invite Charlie---her phone-sex boyfriend that she hasn’t even met. I bet he is 12, 45, or has glasses. Jess is sure Charlie will come to the PBA dance and it will be true love. That evening, after cheerleading practice, Jess arrives home. She brings in the mail and it is all bills---including a phone bill. Alice opens it and is shocked at how much it was. Jess was too dumb to hide the thing I guess. That 900 number she’s been calling to talk to Charlie has finally come back to bite her in the arse. The bill is three hundred and seventy-five dollars. That’s a lot of phone-sex. Jess finally admits to calling the 900 number but tries to blame it on loneliness because she couldn’t talk to her parents because they were fighting. Alice isn’t buying it and says that Jess’ allowance is suspended until she pays it all back. And if Jess wants any spending money, she’ll have to get a part time job. (All right, what company/store hires someone knowing they’ll only stick around for a week or three at most?) Well, Jess isn’t too happy and thinks that “Daddy wouldn’t do this to me; Daddy would understand.” I doubt that.
The next day, Jess heads to Ned’s office and plays him against Alice. He takes Jess’ side which I am sure will do wonders for Ned and Alice’s chances at reconciliation. Jess decides that if Ned and Alice do split up, she wants to live with Ned and get whatever she wants--especially when he becomes mayor and the town is all hers too. That night Jess calls Charlie and decides that they will simply have to meet face-to-face soon.
At school the next day, the PBA party is announced. It will be in two weeks and a costume party. Jess wonders what to go as and Amy suggests that she and Charlie can be phantoms--or Charlie could be the Invisible Man (the HG Wells one or the Ralph Ellison one?) Jess lies and says they have a date that weekend to go rollerskating. Amy calls her bluff and says that she’ll be there too. Jess now has to tell Charlie to put-up or shut-up. Her mom can be mad at her over Charlie but she just can’t be embarrassed in front of her friends.
Todd and Liz have a date that afternoon. Todd is suggesting costumes for the PBA party while Liz is all monotone and brusk. The date goes downhill from there. Finally they decide to call it a day and Liz is so happy to be going home to check on her mother. Pretty lame-o. Liz returns to the house and Steven is there. Jess comes in and picks a fight. Liz tries to be peacemaker and Jess gets in another zinger, “Oh, quit being such a goody-two-shoes.” At this moment Alice walks in and Ned calls. He wants to talk to Alice. She is all excited but then it is pretty obvious he is talking about Jessica coming to him to complain and that he is on Jessica’s side. Pretty dumb. Alice yells at him for undermining her position and says they’ll talk later and hangs up. Jessica storms up to her room and calls Charlie. She makes a definite date with him for roller-skating that weekend. She’ll know it is him because he’ll be the handsome young man carrying a red rose--just like in the movies.
The next day in English class, they are studying Othello. And of course the day’s discussion is about love dying and other happy things. Liz is daydreaming and when called on doesn’t even know what the question is. Mr. Collins hands back everyone’s essay but Liz’s doesn’t have a grade on it--it just says to see Mr. Collins after class. Oh, baby! Well, Mr. Collins just wants to talk about her sub par writing and he asks her what is wrong. Liz realizes this is the perfect time to tell him about her parents splitting up and get some pity points, but she wimps out and just says that she’ll try harder next time. And then she guilt trips herself some more. She is a total failure all around! (but really, the essay wasn't apparently bad, it just wasn't up to Liz's normal standards. So instead of giving her a B or something on it, she has to rewrite it to meet Mr. Collins' expectations? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?)
Liz leaves school on her bike and bikes to the apartment complex where her dad is now living. She doesn’t go in (because like normal people he is working) but just hangs out and looks at it. She then bikes home where stalker-Todd has left half a dozen phone calls on the answering machine. They were apparently supposed to meet and go shopping. Todd calls again and Liz says that she forgot. Todd is all, “Are you mad at me?” and even I am incredulous. Her parents are splitting up and he is trying to make it about him? King of Lame. He needed her help finding a birthday present for his mom. He wants Liz to go out now but she is going to stay home and help her mom with dinner. Todd then reminds Liz that a boyfriend needs some attention too. I repeat, King of Lame. Liz then takes this opportunity to beat herself up a bit more. She is driving Todd away too. She fails at life. But it is a good thing she is driving him away now when they are just dating rather than after they married. Oh, perspective, where art thou?
After dinner, the doorbell rings. It is Penny Ayla. Turns out that Liz has missed two Oracle meetings and never showed up for an interview with some throwaway character. Liz is so embarrassed. She doesn’t tell Penny, “Hey, my parents might be getting a divorce, cut me some slack” but instead laments about how her whole life is ruined. Good lord, climb down off the cross already.
The next day at school, Jess is lamenting her penniless state. She wants a new outfit for her date with the “mystery” boy. She asks Lila for a loan but Lila tells her to go hit up Daddy Wakefield for some money. Separated parents are suckers for buying a daughter’s love and all that.
Liz is in English class still studying Othello and how it is a tragedy where love fails. Ooh, the subtlety. Class ends, and Liz meets Todd outside the school. He has tickets to go to some club (that 16 year olds get into?) for that evening. Liz is all happy to see Todd until he mentions going to the club. All she can picture is her lonely mom sitting at home…alone. So Liz tells Todd that the date is a non-starter. Todd wonders if he should try go get a third ticket for Alice. Is Todd really that much of an idiot? He wants to see a movie the next night. Liz wants to spend time with her family--she hasn’t seen her father in a week. Todd gets even lamer and says stuff about how he knows she needs to be with her family but he needs time with her too. OMG, her dad moved out a week ago and Todd-the-Lame is bitching about how little time Liz is spending with him? God, Jeffrey would’ve understood and backed off. Todd tries to force the issue by making a lame statement about how he doesn’t even know if Liz wants to be dating him anymore (after one frickin’ bad week? Die, Todd, die.). Liz calls his bluff and agrees with him; she is just too confused right now to be in a relationship. Turns out Liz is now completely disillusioned about love and like Othello, she is going to have a sad ending too eventually so she is just speeding it up. She’ll be friends and all that but she is never going to love anyone ever again. Ever.
That evening, Liz and Alice are watching a movie. Jess is having dinner with Ned and Steven is actually at college. Just as the movie starts, the phone rings. It is Todd. He is ready to beg. Liz isn’t ready to hear it and says that it is over, loser. She doesn’t tell her mom that she and Todd have broken it off, but who really expects Liz to have a rational conversation with anyone? Jess for her part, waltzes in later in a good mood. Liz actually tells her sister that she and Todd broke it off. Jessica is shocked but then tells Liz that what she needs to do is play the field a bit more. You mean, date more than one guy at the same time? Yep, Jess replies. Liz considers this and decides it is good advice. When in doubt, become a whore. Besides, according to Liz, dating lots of different guys could take her mind off her home troubles---and anyway, it couldn’t hurt! [insert major eyeroll]
The next morning, Jess is admiring her new clothing with Amy. She got a suede vest and some “western” looking jeans. Oh, the cutting edge of 80s style! Jessica was successful in guilt-tripping the money out of Ned. Ned, you are such a pushover how do you expect to be mayor when you can’t even stand up to a dumb 16 year old? Jess does feel a bit guilty for her manipulation but she gets over it. Amy says that she ran into Todd and learned he was single. So of course Amy is thinking of asking him out. She thinks they are destined to be together. At the roller-skating rink, Jessica is looking for her date. Eventually, a tall, super-handsome guy with a rose comes up. He says he is Charlie. Jessica notices that he sounds different than he did on the phone but he sure is handsome. But something just doesn’t feel right. Charlie is like cardboard or plastic. He can’t see a joke from a mile away and is totally different in life than he was on the phone. Jess is way disappointed and happy when the date finally ended. That evening, Charlie calls again and he is back to his normal self. He says that he was so surprised by how pretty she is that he was struck dumb. He asks for another date for dinner. Jess agrees and hopes the second date will go better.
Elizabeth is chilling by the pool, and Enid drops by. Enid tries to get her to talk to Todd but Liz is unmoved. She has decided to play the field and is going to stick to it. I bet she’ll even wear a leather miniskirt to school. ;)
Well, I was wrong. She is wearing a denim miniskirt. Of course, the first person she runs into is Todd. Instead of giving the girl some space so she can work her magic on “the field,” he starts walking with her. They don’t say anything, and Liz makes some excuse about meeting Penny before class. Todd stares after her like a wounded puppy. At lunch, Liz is talking to Enid. Turns out Liz has a date with Paul Jeffries. Enid is shocked. Shocked! Paul is a womanizer! Liz thinks Paul is cute and has a great personality and writes for The Oracle so she is content.
Jessica is waiting for her second date with Charlie. She is at a Japanese restaurant and Charlie is late. Jessica ruminates on Elizabeth’s behavior over the past three days. She’s been out with two different boys! Even Jess thinks that is pretty fast. Charlie finally arrives. He is even cuter but even duller. Jess is hungry but not hungry enough for raw fish. Charlie still can’t get a joke and the endless date rolls on. Finally, when it is over, Charlie is all, “Can we go out again?” and Jess decides that there ain’t no way that is happening. She says they can still be friends and talk on the phone and all that, but they just aren’t right for each other. The next day Amy is making fun of Jess’ romantic failure. She says the guy was cute but Jess says she would’ve rather had less cute and more personality. Could our Jess be growing up and maturing? Nope, at that moment Paul Jeffries bounds across the lawn to see her. He is cute so Jess is flattered. She stops being flattered when it turns out he was looking for Liz. Jess mentally flies off the handle--she is supposed to be the cute popular one that boys run to, not Liz!
Jess’ mood gets worse and worse. She runs out of gas and then has forgotten her keys and is locked out. Steven arrives home and instead of thanking him for letting her into the house before it rained, she picks a fight. Elizabeth arrives on her bike (why does Jess always get the car, hmm?) and Jess turns on her. She berates Liz for having so many dates. People are starting to think…well you know… Liz retorts that it was Jess who told her to play the field. Jess says that “playing the field is one thing. Going for all the players at the same time is another.” Jess is still feeling humiliated by the way she was brushed off by Paul Jeffries so she is taking it out on Liz. The fight continues inside. Jess accuses Steven of not caring about Ned while Liz is trying again to be all peacemaker-ish. Oh, then Jess gets in another accurate line (she really has all the best lines in the book) when she says, “I’m impulsive and Steven is stubborn and only Elizabeth is perfectly reasonable.” Oh, you know that’s what Liz was thinking. Jess then calls Liz “self-satisfied” which also is pretty accurate. The fight goes on and eventually Steven calls Liz “self-righteous.” Poor Liz, she is getting picked on because she isn’t taking sides. I am sure her rational side will shine through and she’ll brush it all off. Then we get to the meat of the problem. Jess reminds Liz that it was her giving the phone number to Alice’s coworkers that caused the entire problem. Jess gets all her feelings out and bursts into tears. Steven comforts Jess and neither notice when Liz flees the room.
Liz is sitting in her dark room feeling awful. Part of her felt so guilty for giving the phone number but another part of her was saying that that one act wasn’t all that bad. But now she knows it was bad because both Steven and Jessica told her so. Everything is Liz’s fault. She decides she doesn’t deserve to live in the house after what she did.
Later in the evening, Alice comes home to find a cheerful Jess. Apparently yelling at Liz does a mood good. Alice is in a good mood too. She and Ned had lunch together and it was nice. Jess thinks it would be nice if her parents did get back together. She also realizes that it isn’t all Liz’s fault they split up--maybe only fifty or sixty percent her fault. Jess thinks about apologizing to Liz but decides that not only will Liz get over it, it will somehow teach her not to go out with every boy in Sweet Valley!
At school on Friday, Liz is busy blowing an English test. The topic is, of course, how love is fragile and to support your position with quotes from the things they’ve read. Oh lord, what did we do to deserve this stupidity? Liz knows she’ll let Mr. Hottie-Collins down again, but she isn’t exactly rational on the subject right now. Plus, she had a sleepless night because every time she closed her eyes, she saw her brother and sister’s accusing stares. She also managed to think of one hundred and six other things she had done wrong that drove her parents apart. The bell rings and instead of handing in her blank test, Liz crumples it up in her hand. Mr. Collins will eventually figure out she didn’t do the exam but she intends to be far far away when that time comes.
Liz-the-moron tells Enid that she is leaving. Liz, after all, is the one who caused all the problems between her parents and with her out of the picture, perhaps they’ll get back together. Enid tells her that that is re-damn-diculous. Liz won’t listen; if it wasn’t true, then why did Jessica say it was? [insert HUGE eyeroll at the contrived nature of this] Enid realizes she is talking to an idiot and tries to figure out what Liz’s plans are. Probably so she can run over and tell Ned and Alice first thing. Liz will either go to her aunt and uncle and cousin Jenny’s house in Dallas or else her grandparents in Michigan. Liz thinks everyone will be glad she is gone. Enid throws out the suggestion that maybe Liz could come stay with her for a while. At least until she gets her brain back from the fixit shop. Enid is pretty smart. She knows Ned and Alice are far more likely to let Liz stay with Enid than they are to let her run off to Michigan.
At Enid’s house, Liz is writing her mom a letter to let her know that Liz is now at Enid’s house. She will also send one to Ned because it isn’t fair to inform just one parent according to Enid. Her letter is suitably dramatic. She claims responsibility for all the troubles in the family in vague wording and then says she is staying with a “friend.” Enid doesn’t even get a shoutout. Liz promises she’ll call when she feels ready. So, is she still going to go to school from Enid’s house or is she just going to blow that off too? Because that whole plan with the English test is shot to hell right now.
Back at home, Jessica is not happy. She doesn’t have any kind of date for that weekend or the upcoming dance. And the dance is totally going to be awesome. It is in the gym and there will be costume prizes. And Jessica is the only one without a date. Jess’ mood gets even worse when she gets home and even Liz isn’t there. Jess figures she is probably on a date with another guy. Jess is so lonely she falls off the bandwagon and calls the party line. One of the girls she talked to previously is there but Charlie isn’t. The other girl spills the beans that the guy Jess went on the dates with wasn’t Charlie! No wai! It was a friend of Charlie’s because Charlie isn’t the tall dark and handsome type. Jess is now wondering if Charlie isn’t cute as he says or if he is just shy. Jess is determined to find out.
Later that night, Alice is worried. She hasn’t heard from Liz and it isn’t like her to be late and not call. Steven wonders if it is because of last night. Jess wants to kill him for mentioning that in front of their mother. Steven explains they kinda had a fight and that Jess and Steven kinda ended up accusing Liz of causing Ned and Alice to break up. Alice is outraged. Jess explains about the phone number thing and Alice is even more furious. Liz is so sensitive (and stupid) about that kind of thing! They hear a noise at the door and could it be Elizabeth? Steven goes to the door and sees an unfamiliar car pulling away. But there is a note with Elizabeth’s handwriting! An hour later and chaos! Alice doesn’t agree with the whole “I’ll call you when I am ready” thing from the note and is calling all of Liz’s friends. She has tried Enid’s but the phone was busy and no one was at Todd’s. That was all the places to call because Saint Elizabeth doesn’t have any other friends. Jess thinks it is all her fault. Steven feels guilty for fighting. Alice is wailing because…she is stupid. There is a noise at the door. Again. Liz? Nope, this time it is Ned. He is all in a lather too. He asks if they’ve called Liz’s friends: Todd and Enid. See, he can’t think that she has any more friends either. Alice explains that Liz feels guilty for splitting them up. They realize that none of them have been communicating and that Alice and Ned’s troubles have been affecting the children. Ya think? She says they all need to stop blaming each other for everything and start talking. Oh, if only Liz were here! Alice assures Jess that they’ll find her. Was anyone this worried when Jess was lost at sea? Liz is in the same frickin’ town for crying out loud.
At Enid’s house, Liz is having fun, like a sleep-over. She and Enid are talking and trading secrets and it seems that Liz didn’t enjoy playing the field, she does miss Todd. (Okay, so after getting a busy signal at Enid’s for a few hours, no one thought to drive by?) Enid says that Todd still misses her. Liz doesn’t believe her--she’s seen Todd three times with some cute, great-figured sophomore with red hair named Allison. Enid tells Liz she is being a dumb-head when Liz says they’d’ve only broken up when they went to college so it is better this way. Enid says that even if that were true, they still could enjoy the time they had together. Liz doesn’t agree because Love is Fragile (the theme of the book) and giving your heart to someone to stomp on is dumb.
Turns out Liz left the phone off the hook all night long so she wouldn’t have to listen to her family try to find her. But by 10am the next morning, they have. If she had just left a note saying, “I’m staying at Enid’s for a sleepover” she could have avoided the drama. But Liz is ready to go home. Those 16 or so hours away from her family must’ve been magical to completely turn her outlook around.
Back at the Wakefield house, the first person to greet Liz when Alice brings her home is Ned. He is so happy to see her. Steven and Jess are happy to see her too. And it is time for the whole family to talk about their problems. Things are made better just like that--even though Ned and Alice are still going to live apart--but Liz just loves her family so much!
But things aren’t fixed on the Todd front. Jess asks Liz when she is going to get back together with him but Liz brushes her off. Jess decides to plot with Steven to get the two of them back together. And the upcoming costume party provides the perfect opportunity! Jess calls Todd pretending to be Liz and gets him to meet her at Secca Lake. Steven is supposed to bring Liz separately. Jess will be dressed as Liz and then they’ll switch the real Liz for Jess-as-Liz. Todd-the-King-of-Lame doesn’t even realize it is Jessica he is meeting with and she tells him that she wants to get back together with him. He is thrilled because he loves her more than anyone! Jess hears a twig snap and knows that Steven has brought Liz, and they are eavesdropping. Jess hightails it out of there and they shove Liz into place. What a lame plan. I mean, really utterly lame. But it works because Liz and Todd are pretty lame people. As Jess and Steven head off, Steven asks her about the costume dance. Jess hatches a plan to get Amy to go with the real Charlie and she will go with fake-Charlie. That way, Jess doesn’t have to be seen with someone not cute but have the benefit of talking to the real, interesting Charlie.
The night of the costume party, Jess is dressed as an intergalactic princess with a silver cape and foil in her hair. Amy is a cheerleader. Way to be creative Amy. Well, Charlie finally agreed to the double date and he was right, he isn’t all that hot. But he isn’t awful either and his sense of humor keeps everyone laughing. Well, things don’t go so well for Jess because soon real-Charlie and fake-Charlie are both paying more attention to Amy. But Jess even though she is kinda attracted to real-Charlie, she has given up on men and is going to focus on politics. She is going to help her dad win the election!
That’s all folks. Except for the blurb at the end that asks “Could YOU be the next Sweet Valley Reader of the Month? You have to write an essay and your essay and picture will be featured in the back of an upcoming book! Do we ever find out who these winners are?
The cover tells us all we need to know:
If you can't read it, it says "Elizabeth is running away!" and she has a little backpack over her shoulder. Can't hold many underoos in that. She is also wiping a tear from her eyes and wearing an ugly over-sized striped shirt and has a white barrette. My cover also has a purple star on it that exhorts you to "BE THE NEXT SWEET VALLEY READER OF THE MONTH!" and the sad thing is, if I had been reading these books at the time of this contest, I probably would've entered. Oh, you know you would've too, admit it. More on this subject at the end.
When we last left the Wakefield family, Ned and Alice’s marriage was on the rocks. Now it is on even rockier rocks because Ned is moving out to a bachelor pad---Alice gets to keep the house and the kids apparently because she is the woman. That isn’t said, but I am inferring it. Liz is of course all emo and wishing her family wasn’t falling apart while Jess is actually kinda excited. (when my parents split up, I was rather young, but I don’t think being excited about being able to visit my dad once in a while and have him take me out for dinner was how I reacted.) On page 2 we learn about their identical long blond hair and perfect size-six figures. On page 3, their inner differences are detailed much in contrast to their exterior similarities. Ned and Alice have been fighting for the last month or two (Sweet Valley Time of course) and have decided to separate while they work out their differences.
Liz and Jess head downstairs to help their dad pack his things. Talk about torturing the kids. Yeah, honey, your mom and I can’t work out our differences to make it easier on everyone, I am going to abandon you to live in my man-pad and will you please get that box and help me pack my stuff? Steven is home from college and also helping to pack. Steven and Ned apparently look a lot alike, and Liz is worried about the number of females that are going to want to date her handsome, rich-lawyer father while he is out on his own. We get some info-dump on the last book which includes Maria Santelli’s father running for mayor, being accused of taking bribes, Ned defending Mr. Santelli, the trial being thrown out due to lack of evidence, people suggesting Ned run for mayor, Ned and Alice fighting, and Ned accepting the nomination to run for mayor.
They arrive at Ned’s separation apartment. It is, of course, ugly and plain. Nothing like the beautiful Casa de Wakefield. After moving their dad into his new digs, they all stand around awkwardly until Jess breaks the tension and gets them out of there. Really though, I am with Liz, as a day, that would totally suck. Later that evening, Liz is over at Todd’s house, complete with eternally watery eyes. Todd tries to get her to tell him what she is feeling, and she says she is feeling guilt. He asks what she has to feel guilty about, but she doesn’t tell him. Turns out she thinks her parents separation is all her fault.
The next day, the traditional Wakefield brunch is a total flop. Turns out that Jessica is definitely on Ned’s side of the troubles while Liz is waffling in the middle. Jess thinks her mother is so selfish because she keeps running off to work rather than staying with her family. Liz thinks her mom keeps going off to work because she can’t stand to be in a house sans Ned. Jessica picks a fight with Steven and soon they are all yelling at each other. Jessica then gets in the line-of-the-book (so far anyway) and says, “Quit sounding so preachy, Liz!” Amen, sister! Jessica then storms out. Liz comments that she is pretty touchy to Steven and he then blows up at her. Yay, more for Liz to feel guilty about--now everyone in the family hates her!
Liz bikes off to see Enid. She and Enid have more in common now than ever because Enid’s parents are divorced. Liz and Enid talk and Liz tells Enid about how guilty she feels. Enid gives Liz some solid advice about how it isn’t her fault, she shouldn’t feel guilty and Liz listens and takes the advice. And then the book ends. The end!
Silly, of course not. Liz still thinks she is guilty because she was the one who gave Alice’s co-workers (who apparently can’t take a piss without Alice there to hold their hands) the number for the Tahoe resort that the family went to. And the phone calls from her work were apparently the straws that broke the camel’s back as it were. And it is all Liz’s fault. Not the fault of the people who kept calling or even Alice who couldn’t put work behind her for a weekend, but Liz. All Liz! She really does have a martyr complex--if it isn’t her fault, she claims it is, if it isn’t her business, she buts her nose in anyway. Yep, good ole Liz.
That evening, Liz and Alice are the only two around for dinner. There are some sad moments as they wonder what Ned is doing and if he is having dinner alone somewhere. Alice reflects on her mistakes (to her 16 year-old daughter of all people) and comes to the conclusion that she shouldn’t have left Tahoe or taken the work calls either. Her work is not more important than her family. Instead of realizing that Alice is right and it was her fault, Liz again thinks it is her fault because she was the one who gave the phone numbers in the first place. She is determined to take the blame like a moron. You know Jess wouldn’t take the blame even if she were guilty.
That Monday, Jess is actually glad to get to school--at least it is better than being at home. But Jess doesn’t want her friends to treat her with pity--no fears Jess, your friends are too involved with themselves to worry about your petty problems. Turns out Lila and Amy want to throw…a party! A Pi Beta Alpha party. Jess thinks it is a perfect chance to invite Charlie---her phone-sex boyfriend that she hasn’t even met. I bet he is 12, 45, or has glasses. Jess is sure Charlie will come to the PBA dance and it will be true love. That evening, after cheerleading practice, Jess arrives home. She brings in the mail and it is all bills---including a phone bill. Alice opens it and is shocked at how much it was. Jess was too dumb to hide the thing I guess. That 900 number she’s been calling to talk to Charlie has finally come back to bite her in the arse. The bill is three hundred and seventy-five dollars. That’s a lot of phone-sex. Jess finally admits to calling the 900 number but tries to blame it on loneliness because she couldn’t talk to her parents because they were fighting. Alice isn’t buying it and says that Jess’ allowance is suspended until she pays it all back. And if Jess wants any spending money, she’ll have to get a part time job. (All right, what company/store hires someone knowing they’ll only stick around for a week or three at most?) Well, Jess isn’t too happy and thinks that “Daddy wouldn’t do this to me; Daddy would understand.” I doubt that.
The next day, Jess heads to Ned’s office and plays him against Alice. He takes Jess’ side which I am sure will do wonders for Ned and Alice’s chances at reconciliation. Jess decides that if Ned and Alice do split up, she wants to live with Ned and get whatever she wants--especially when he becomes mayor and the town is all hers too. That night Jess calls Charlie and decides that they will simply have to meet face-to-face soon.
At school the next day, the PBA party is announced. It will be in two weeks and a costume party. Jess wonders what to go as and Amy suggests that she and Charlie can be phantoms--or Charlie could be the Invisible Man (the HG Wells one or the Ralph Ellison one?) Jess lies and says they have a date that weekend to go rollerskating. Amy calls her bluff and says that she’ll be there too. Jess now has to tell Charlie to put-up or shut-up. Her mom can be mad at her over Charlie but she just can’t be embarrassed in front of her friends.
Todd and Liz have a date that afternoon. Todd is suggesting costumes for the PBA party while Liz is all monotone and brusk. The date goes downhill from there. Finally they decide to call it a day and Liz is so happy to be going home to check on her mother. Pretty lame-o. Liz returns to the house and Steven is there. Jess comes in and picks a fight. Liz tries to be peacemaker and Jess gets in another zinger, “Oh, quit being such a goody-two-shoes.” At this moment Alice walks in and Ned calls. He wants to talk to Alice. She is all excited but then it is pretty obvious he is talking about Jessica coming to him to complain and that he is on Jessica’s side. Pretty dumb. Alice yells at him for undermining her position and says they’ll talk later and hangs up. Jessica storms up to her room and calls Charlie. She makes a definite date with him for roller-skating that weekend. She’ll know it is him because he’ll be the handsome young man carrying a red rose--just like in the movies.
The next day in English class, they are studying Othello. And of course the day’s discussion is about love dying and other happy things. Liz is daydreaming and when called on doesn’t even know what the question is. Mr. Collins hands back everyone’s essay but Liz’s doesn’t have a grade on it--it just says to see Mr. Collins after class. Oh, baby! Well, Mr. Collins just wants to talk about her sub par writing and he asks her what is wrong. Liz realizes this is the perfect time to tell him about her parents splitting up and get some pity points, but she wimps out and just says that she’ll try harder next time. And then she guilt trips herself some more. She is a total failure all around! (but really, the essay wasn't apparently bad, it just wasn't up to Liz's normal standards. So instead of giving her a B or something on it, she has to rewrite it to meet Mr. Collins' expectations? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?)
Liz leaves school on her bike and bikes to the apartment complex where her dad is now living. She doesn’t go in (because like normal people he is working) but just hangs out and looks at it. She then bikes home where stalker-Todd has left half a dozen phone calls on the answering machine. They were apparently supposed to meet and go shopping. Todd calls again and Liz says that she forgot. Todd is all, “Are you mad at me?” and even I am incredulous. Her parents are splitting up and he is trying to make it about him? King of Lame. He needed her help finding a birthday present for his mom. He wants Liz to go out now but she is going to stay home and help her mom with dinner. Todd then reminds Liz that a boyfriend needs some attention too. I repeat, King of Lame. Liz then takes this opportunity to beat herself up a bit more. She is driving Todd away too. She fails at life. But it is a good thing she is driving him away now when they are just dating rather than after they married. Oh, perspective, where art thou?
After dinner, the doorbell rings. It is Penny Ayla. Turns out that Liz has missed two Oracle meetings and never showed up for an interview with some throwaway character. Liz is so embarrassed. She doesn’t tell Penny, “Hey, my parents might be getting a divorce, cut me some slack” but instead laments about how her whole life is ruined. Good lord, climb down off the cross already.
The next day at school, Jess is lamenting her penniless state. She wants a new outfit for her date with the “mystery” boy. She asks Lila for a loan but Lila tells her to go hit up Daddy Wakefield for some money. Separated parents are suckers for buying a daughter’s love and all that.
Liz is in English class still studying Othello and how it is a tragedy where love fails. Ooh, the subtlety. Class ends, and Liz meets Todd outside the school. He has tickets to go to some club (that 16 year olds get into?) for that evening. Liz is all happy to see Todd until he mentions going to the club. All she can picture is her lonely mom sitting at home…alone. So Liz tells Todd that the date is a non-starter. Todd wonders if he should try go get a third ticket for Alice. Is Todd really that much of an idiot? He wants to see a movie the next night. Liz wants to spend time with her family--she hasn’t seen her father in a week. Todd gets even lamer and says stuff about how he knows she needs to be with her family but he needs time with her too. OMG, her dad moved out a week ago and Todd-the-Lame is bitching about how little time Liz is spending with him? God, Jeffrey would’ve understood and backed off. Todd tries to force the issue by making a lame statement about how he doesn’t even know if Liz wants to be dating him anymore (after one frickin’ bad week? Die, Todd, die.). Liz calls his bluff and agrees with him; she is just too confused right now to be in a relationship. Turns out Liz is now completely disillusioned about love and like Othello, she is going to have a sad ending too eventually so she is just speeding it up. She’ll be friends and all that but she is never going to love anyone ever again. Ever.
That evening, Liz and Alice are watching a movie. Jess is having dinner with Ned and Steven is actually at college. Just as the movie starts, the phone rings. It is Todd. He is ready to beg. Liz isn’t ready to hear it and says that it is over, loser. She doesn’t tell her mom that she and Todd have broken it off, but who really expects Liz to have a rational conversation with anyone? Jess for her part, waltzes in later in a good mood. Liz actually tells her sister that she and Todd broke it off. Jessica is shocked but then tells Liz that what she needs to do is play the field a bit more. You mean, date more than one guy at the same time? Yep, Jess replies. Liz considers this and decides it is good advice. When in doubt, become a whore. Besides, according to Liz, dating lots of different guys could take her mind off her home troubles---and anyway, it couldn’t hurt! [insert major eyeroll]
The next morning, Jess is admiring her new clothing with Amy. She got a suede vest and some “western” looking jeans. Oh, the cutting edge of 80s style! Jessica was successful in guilt-tripping the money out of Ned. Ned, you are such a pushover how do you expect to be mayor when you can’t even stand up to a dumb 16 year old? Jess does feel a bit guilty for her manipulation but she gets over it. Amy says that she ran into Todd and learned he was single. So of course Amy is thinking of asking him out. She thinks they are destined to be together. At the roller-skating rink, Jessica is looking for her date. Eventually, a tall, super-handsome guy with a rose comes up. He says he is Charlie. Jessica notices that he sounds different than he did on the phone but he sure is handsome. But something just doesn’t feel right. Charlie is like cardboard or plastic. He can’t see a joke from a mile away and is totally different in life than he was on the phone. Jess is way disappointed and happy when the date finally ended. That evening, Charlie calls again and he is back to his normal self. He says that he was so surprised by how pretty she is that he was struck dumb. He asks for another date for dinner. Jess agrees and hopes the second date will go better.
Elizabeth is chilling by the pool, and Enid drops by. Enid tries to get her to talk to Todd but Liz is unmoved. She has decided to play the field and is going to stick to it. I bet she’ll even wear a leather miniskirt to school. ;)
Well, I was wrong. She is wearing a denim miniskirt. Of course, the first person she runs into is Todd. Instead of giving the girl some space so she can work her magic on “the field,” he starts walking with her. They don’t say anything, and Liz makes some excuse about meeting Penny before class. Todd stares after her like a wounded puppy. At lunch, Liz is talking to Enid. Turns out Liz has a date with Paul Jeffries. Enid is shocked. Shocked! Paul is a womanizer! Liz thinks Paul is cute and has a great personality and writes for The Oracle so she is content.
Jessica is waiting for her second date with Charlie. She is at a Japanese restaurant and Charlie is late. Jessica ruminates on Elizabeth’s behavior over the past three days. She’s been out with two different boys! Even Jess thinks that is pretty fast. Charlie finally arrives. He is even cuter but even duller. Jess is hungry but not hungry enough for raw fish. Charlie still can’t get a joke and the endless date rolls on. Finally, when it is over, Charlie is all, “Can we go out again?” and Jess decides that there ain’t no way that is happening. She says they can still be friends and talk on the phone and all that, but they just aren’t right for each other. The next day Amy is making fun of Jess’ romantic failure. She says the guy was cute but Jess says she would’ve rather had less cute and more personality. Could our Jess be growing up and maturing? Nope, at that moment Paul Jeffries bounds across the lawn to see her. He is cute so Jess is flattered. She stops being flattered when it turns out he was looking for Liz. Jess mentally flies off the handle--she is supposed to be the cute popular one that boys run to, not Liz!
Jess’ mood gets worse and worse. She runs out of gas and then has forgotten her keys and is locked out. Steven arrives home and instead of thanking him for letting her into the house before it rained, she picks a fight. Elizabeth arrives on her bike (why does Jess always get the car, hmm?) and Jess turns on her. She berates Liz for having so many dates. People are starting to think…well you know… Liz retorts that it was Jess who told her to play the field. Jess says that “playing the field is one thing. Going for all the players at the same time is another.” Jess is still feeling humiliated by the way she was brushed off by Paul Jeffries so she is taking it out on Liz. The fight continues inside. Jess accuses Steven of not caring about Ned while Liz is trying again to be all peacemaker-ish. Oh, then Jess gets in another accurate line (she really has all the best lines in the book) when she says, “I’m impulsive and Steven is stubborn and only Elizabeth is perfectly reasonable.” Oh, you know that’s what Liz was thinking. Jess then calls Liz “self-satisfied” which also is pretty accurate. The fight goes on and eventually Steven calls Liz “self-righteous.” Poor Liz, she is getting picked on because she isn’t taking sides. I am sure her rational side will shine through and she’ll brush it all off. Then we get to the meat of the problem. Jess reminds Liz that it was her giving the phone number to Alice’s coworkers that caused the entire problem. Jess gets all her feelings out and bursts into tears. Steven comforts Jess and neither notice when Liz flees the room.
Liz is sitting in her dark room feeling awful. Part of her felt so guilty for giving the phone number but another part of her was saying that that one act wasn’t all that bad. But now she knows it was bad because both Steven and Jessica told her so. Everything is Liz’s fault. She decides she doesn’t deserve to live in the house after what she did.
Later in the evening, Alice comes home to find a cheerful Jess. Apparently yelling at Liz does a mood good. Alice is in a good mood too. She and Ned had lunch together and it was nice. Jess thinks it would be nice if her parents did get back together. She also realizes that it isn’t all Liz’s fault they split up--maybe only fifty or sixty percent her fault. Jess thinks about apologizing to Liz but decides that not only will Liz get over it, it will somehow teach her not to go out with every boy in Sweet Valley!
At school on Friday, Liz is busy blowing an English test. The topic is, of course, how love is fragile and to support your position with quotes from the things they’ve read. Oh lord, what did we do to deserve this stupidity? Liz knows she’ll let Mr. Hottie-Collins down again, but she isn’t exactly rational on the subject right now. Plus, she had a sleepless night because every time she closed her eyes, she saw her brother and sister’s accusing stares. She also managed to think of one hundred and six other things she had done wrong that drove her parents apart. The bell rings and instead of handing in her blank test, Liz crumples it up in her hand. Mr. Collins will eventually figure out she didn’t do the exam but she intends to be far far away when that time comes.
Liz-the-moron tells Enid that she is leaving. Liz, after all, is the one who caused all the problems between her parents and with her out of the picture, perhaps they’ll get back together. Enid tells her that that is re-damn-diculous. Liz won’t listen; if it wasn’t true, then why did Jessica say it was? [insert HUGE eyeroll at the contrived nature of this] Enid realizes she is talking to an idiot and tries to figure out what Liz’s plans are. Probably so she can run over and tell Ned and Alice first thing. Liz will either go to her aunt and uncle and cousin Jenny’s house in Dallas or else her grandparents in Michigan. Liz thinks everyone will be glad she is gone. Enid throws out the suggestion that maybe Liz could come stay with her for a while. At least until she gets her brain back from the fixit shop. Enid is pretty smart. She knows Ned and Alice are far more likely to let Liz stay with Enid than they are to let her run off to Michigan.
At Enid’s house, Liz is writing her mom a letter to let her know that Liz is now at Enid’s house. She will also send one to Ned because it isn’t fair to inform just one parent according to Enid. Her letter is suitably dramatic. She claims responsibility for all the troubles in the family in vague wording and then says she is staying with a “friend.” Enid doesn’t even get a shoutout. Liz promises she’ll call when she feels ready. So, is she still going to go to school from Enid’s house or is she just going to blow that off too? Because that whole plan with the English test is shot to hell right now.
Back at home, Jessica is not happy. She doesn’t have any kind of date for that weekend or the upcoming dance. And the dance is totally going to be awesome. It is in the gym and there will be costume prizes. And Jessica is the only one without a date. Jess’ mood gets even worse when she gets home and even Liz isn’t there. Jess figures she is probably on a date with another guy. Jess is so lonely she falls off the bandwagon and calls the party line. One of the girls she talked to previously is there but Charlie isn’t. The other girl spills the beans that the guy Jess went on the dates with wasn’t Charlie! No wai! It was a friend of Charlie’s because Charlie isn’t the tall dark and handsome type. Jess is now wondering if Charlie isn’t cute as he says or if he is just shy. Jess is determined to find out.
Later that night, Alice is worried. She hasn’t heard from Liz and it isn’t like her to be late and not call. Steven wonders if it is because of last night. Jess wants to kill him for mentioning that in front of their mother. Steven explains they kinda had a fight and that Jess and Steven kinda ended up accusing Liz of causing Ned and Alice to break up. Alice is outraged. Jess explains about the phone number thing and Alice is even more furious. Liz is so sensitive (and stupid) about that kind of thing! They hear a noise at the door and could it be Elizabeth? Steven goes to the door and sees an unfamiliar car pulling away. But there is a note with Elizabeth’s handwriting! An hour later and chaos! Alice doesn’t agree with the whole “I’ll call you when I am ready” thing from the note and is calling all of Liz’s friends. She has tried Enid’s but the phone was busy and no one was at Todd’s. That was all the places to call because Saint Elizabeth doesn’t have any other friends. Jess thinks it is all her fault. Steven feels guilty for fighting. Alice is wailing because…she is stupid. There is a noise at the door. Again. Liz? Nope, this time it is Ned. He is all in a lather too. He asks if they’ve called Liz’s friends: Todd and Enid. See, he can’t think that she has any more friends either. Alice explains that Liz feels guilty for splitting them up. They realize that none of them have been communicating and that Alice and Ned’s troubles have been affecting the children. Ya think? She says they all need to stop blaming each other for everything and start talking. Oh, if only Liz were here! Alice assures Jess that they’ll find her. Was anyone this worried when Jess was lost at sea? Liz is in the same frickin’ town for crying out loud.
At Enid’s house, Liz is having fun, like a sleep-over. She and Enid are talking and trading secrets and it seems that Liz didn’t enjoy playing the field, she does miss Todd. (Okay, so after getting a busy signal at Enid’s for a few hours, no one thought to drive by?) Enid says that Todd still misses her. Liz doesn’t believe her--she’s seen Todd three times with some cute, great-figured sophomore with red hair named Allison. Enid tells Liz she is being a dumb-head when Liz says they’d’ve only broken up when they went to college so it is better this way. Enid says that even if that were true, they still could enjoy the time they had together. Liz doesn’t agree because Love is Fragile (the theme of the book) and giving your heart to someone to stomp on is dumb.
Turns out Liz left the phone off the hook all night long so she wouldn’t have to listen to her family try to find her. But by 10am the next morning, they have. If she had just left a note saying, “I’m staying at Enid’s for a sleepover” she could have avoided the drama. But Liz is ready to go home. Those 16 or so hours away from her family must’ve been magical to completely turn her outlook around.
Back at the Wakefield house, the first person to greet Liz when Alice brings her home is Ned. He is so happy to see her. Steven and Jess are happy to see her too. And it is time for the whole family to talk about their problems. Things are made better just like that--even though Ned and Alice are still going to live apart--but Liz just loves her family so much!
But things aren’t fixed on the Todd front. Jess asks Liz when she is going to get back together with him but Liz brushes her off. Jess decides to plot with Steven to get the two of them back together. And the upcoming costume party provides the perfect opportunity! Jess calls Todd pretending to be Liz and gets him to meet her at Secca Lake. Steven is supposed to bring Liz separately. Jess will be dressed as Liz and then they’ll switch the real Liz for Jess-as-Liz. Todd-the-King-of-Lame doesn’t even realize it is Jessica he is meeting with and she tells him that she wants to get back together with him. He is thrilled because he loves her more than anyone! Jess hears a twig snap and knows that Steven has brought Liz, and they are eavesdropping. Jess hightails it out of there and they shove Liz into place. What a lame plan. I mean, really utterly lame. But it works because Liz and Todd are pretty lame people. As Jess and Steven head off, Steven asks her about the costume dance. Jess hatches a plan to get Amy to go with the real Charlie and she will go with fake-Charlie. That way, Jess doesn’t have to be seen with someone not cute but have the benefit of talking to the real, interesting Charlie.
The night of the costume party, Jess is dressed as an intergalactic princess with a silver cape and foil in her hair. Amy is a cheerleader. Way to be creative Amy. Well, Charlie finally agreed to the double date and he was right, he isn’t all that hot. But he isn’t awful either and his sense of humor keeps everyone laughing. Well, things don’t go so well for Jess because soon real-Charlie and fake-Charlie are both paying more attention to Amy. But Jess even though she is kinda attracted to real-Charlie, she has given up on men and is going to focus on politics. She is going to help her dad win the election!
That’s all folks. Except for the blurb at the end that asks “Could YOU be the next Sweet Valley Reader of the Month? You have to write an essay and your essay and picture will be featured in the back of an upcoming book! Do we ever find out who these winners are?