SVH #65: Trouble At Home

Feb 18, 2008 11:05

Whee! Another recap! Another book featuring the delectable art of James Mathewuse. It’s Steven and the twins looking VERY CONCERNED. Steven has the exact same expression as on “the Ghost of Tricia Martin”. It’s creepy. Jess actually looks like a fairly normal 28 year-old, but there is something about Elizabeth’s mouth that bothers me. Perhaps it’s because her lips aren’t pursed in vague disapproval?




trouble at home


Chapter One
Liz comes home to an empty house. There’s a message on the machine from Alice (Alice? Who the fuck is Alice? Whoever gets the reference, I love you! ), who needs to be picked up from the office. Jess stumbles in because she walked the dog. Wait, shouldn’t Jess have more endurance? Anyway, she makes it sound like she’s been ministering to lepers or something

Mention is made of Peter Santelli-he’s running for mayor and since Jess and Maria are like BFF (?). Seriously, Jessica is such a star-fucker wannabe. Does that even make sense?

Alice has been assigned to work on the Valley Mall and Ned can’t stand a new co-worker. Ned is filled with woe over the good ole days. Grow back your ponytail, Ned!

Next morning it is discovered that Peter has been accused of accepting bribes. Alice points out what a shame it is regardless of innocence or guilt and Ned pretty much bites her head off. Oh, Ned…

Chapter Two
Jess being the sweet, tender soul she is (ha ha!) wants to pump Maria about her Dad. Liz tries to counsel her about sensitivity, but Jessica’s all about the criminal, likening it to being like TV. Ummm, okay considering the kidnappings, abductions, and death threats, I guess I’ll have to give her that.

Lila, Amy, and Jessica see Maria and ignore her and decide they don’t want to be friends with her because of something her father might have done,. Lila announces that George is buying her a video camera. Jess is pissed because Lila has everything and Jess lost her harmonica in the Hershey Bar and therefore cannot play the blues.

Jess announces to Liz that she saw a teen hotline advertised on TV and Liz pooh-poohs the whole thing. Steven says he is worried about Ned and they pop off downstairs to get the dirt. Basically, all Ned is hearing about is Peter. Money deposited into the bank account. Ned believes Peter is innocent. Blah blah blah.

Ned is asked if he would take the case. Okay, I have to seriously wonder what happened to the ghostwriter to make them write Ned as such a dick, because Alice points out that law may not be cutting it for him, he may just want to chill out. Ned ignores her. Alice points out that he would be working longer hours. He still ignores her.

Jess goes to her room to call the teen hotline, because nobody downstairs wants to talk about her.

She calls up the hotline and completely ignores the billing info. (Hey, I think I just saw Foreshadowing stealing an apple from my refrigerator! Come back here, Foreshadowing!). Jess meets some kids, namely Charlie Sarah, and Bea. Jess thinks Charlie sounds sexy

Chapter Three
Thursday morning everything seems nice and happy until later that day Ned reverts to Mr. Crankypants. Liz and Todd talk about this and there is unerotic neck-stroking involved. Eeuw. Todd tells her that stress is what she gets for not minding her own damn business. Oh, he does not!

Jess comes by and announces that cheer practice has been canceled and she needs the Fiat. Again, the twins butt into Ned’s business. Jess leaves and Todd comforts Liz.

Liz wants to have a nice dinner, but Alice is late and Ned is pissy; Alice finally comes home ready to celebrate. Why? She’s been chosen to head the mall project. Go Alice!
Ned is not amused and bitches because she didn’t consult him. Shut up, Ned. Turnabout is fair play. Suck it up and be happy for your wife!

There’s this social event that Mr. Wakefield won’t be able to attend. More tension ensues. Jessica goes to the party line after lying about needing to do homework. Jess has a “hone date” with Charlie. Sara is pissy about it. Charlie and Jess exchange sweet nothings. They heard each other’s voice and the world turned purple…or something.

My personal experience with a teen chat line was nowhere this romantic. More like nauseating.. Lucky Jess.

Chapter Four
Liz is chatting it up with Alice. Ned is dealing with Peter’s trial. Jessica is in lurve with a voice. Poor Lizzie. Ned wangsts about how badly the trial is going until Alice comes home, and then he pretends everything is sunshine and roses. Idiot.
Alice and Ned aren’t talking and Jess doesn’t care because of CHARLIE!

Speaking of Charlie, Jess is on the phone with him again. Charlie is trying to guess Jessica’s looks and Jess is thinking “Dude, I am so hot! I cannot let him know of my hotness. He might be intimidated. I mean, my eyes are the color of THE OCEAN!”
This reverie o’romance is broken by a guy named Earl Wasserman. Jess learns the phone service is a buck a minute, but this is Sweet Valley! Land where parents just don’t care! I believe that’s written on the visitors’ center.

Liz and Todd are on a romantic date…picking up groceries. Why am I not surprised that when Todd later moves in, they go buck-wild and do laundry? Anyway, they butt into Ned and Alice’s business some more.

Liz gets home and Alice is grateful that at least her kids are supporting her. Poor Alice. Liz tries to hint at returning normalcy and Alice is just tired and miserable. I have to wonder, does anyone else hate Ned in this book as much as I do??

Chapter Five
Alice and Ned had planned to see a movie. Alice, instead of calling Ned or leaving a note gets Liz to do her dirty work. Oh, Alice. I was actually on your side until this. Alice leaves and Jess sidles up to Liz and announces Steven will be using the Santelli trial for the rest of his ethics project (Holy Continuity, Batman!) Liz hopes this will bring Ned and Alice together, but all Jess wants to know is if her voice makes Liz think of hot, dirty sex…or something. Liz puts 2 and 2 together and lectures Jess on using the phone line. Liz is all you could meet a mass murderers. Liz, hon, you meet crazed killers once a month…

Todd and Liz are on a date. Gallantry is mentioned. They come home to find Ned and Alice hurling butcher knives at each other. How I wish!

Saturday evening: Amy is bothering Jess about how she needs a man, and Jess is all “I( have one, thank you!” Amy’s like “uh, he’s on the PHONE, how hot can he be?”
Jess calls up and lets Amy listen in. Amy is impressed with how sincere Charlie seems, but kind of freaked out because he is a disembodied voice. Jess thinks Amy is hopeless and she must never, ever tell Lila until Jess makes sure that Charlie is suitably hot to be seen in public with her.

Chapter Six
Liz and Enid at lunchtime. Liz is worried (of course!). Alice is supposed to find out if her firm is going to design the mall. Didn’t she already? Oh, what do I know about interior designers? Liz plans to have a big family dinner and the Wakefields will live happily ever after, or not!

Ned comes home in a pisser of a mood. The judge has decided that there wasn’t evidence of innocence or guilt so he suspended the case. Ned takes a few minutes to have a martyr complex. It’s all his fault, you see! He was the one who dumped the money into Peter’s bank account! He was the second gunman on the grassy knoll! Ach, I hate Ned in this book. I wish Crazy!Margo would come along and stab him or something.

So, Alice is late and Ned’s mood is fouler than the Bog of Eternal Stench. Alice comes in all elated because she gets to design the wing of the mall. She brought bubbly and everything! Ned is very rude and Alice feels like a total heel for, you know, being good at her job. Ned storms out leaving Liz and Alice alone with frozen dinners and champagne. (Is it just me or could that be a line from a country song?)

Chapter Seven
Jess is trying to get Alice to wave her Fame Flag high. Alice demurs on account of her husband being a gigantic asshat who cannot appreciate his wife’s good fortune. Liz suggests that Ned might feel more involved in Alice’s life if she would tell him about the project. YAY LIZ! Alice doesn’t take her advice.

Ned and Steven (remember his ethics project?) come home early. Ned is miserable because people want to talk nonstop about the case and he really is hating life right now, not to mention hating evil, money-grubbing lawyers. Steven and Liz comment on how bad Ned must feel now that Alice is a BFD. Maybe it’s just me, but Ned comes across as incredibly petty in this book

Alice is late…again. Ned is pissed because she didn’t call. I’m totally with Ned on this one. Ned wants a change. Grow your ponytail back, Ned! Alice finally comes home and Ned’s like “Well, it must have been important.” Alice totally patronizes him because she is a moron. Way to make your husband feel unimportant, you doofus.
Anyway, Jess wants to watch a movie and Ned’s all “things have to CHANGE!” Alice apologizes for not calling and asks Ned how his day was. Ned’s all trial this and trial that. Alice points out that’s pretty much to be expected from people.

Peter calls and tells Ned he’s dropping out of the mayoral race because people think he takes bribes.

Chapter Eight
Jess, Amy, and Lila are talking about Ned and Alice’s spats. Jess doesn’t really care because she is a freaking sociopath and this way they aren’t watching the phone bill. Jess tries to intrigue Lila with Charlie’s voice, but Lila just does not care. She is far too busy trying to find dirt on Lane Townsend with her video camera. Lane Townsend will rue the day he crossed paths with Lila Fowler!

Jess calls Charlie at home and an older man answers and announces that he is Charlie Sr. Charlie Jr answers then they flirt, of course Jess wants to meet so he can be dazzled by her Perfect Size Six figure and dimples. Charlie wants to maintain the surprise. Jess hangs up and is all “Dude, will I ever meet this guy?”

Alice discovers Ned has been invited to attend his legal fraternities’ dinner. Lawyer-hating Ned doesn’t want to go. Alice tries to get Liz and Steven to back her, and there like “Well, if Ned wants to go, sure!” Alice goes to RSVP

Day of the Dinner (Foreshadowing wanted me to type “Dia de Las Muertos”. Apparently, Foreshadowing has a very morbid sense of humor.) Liz gets Jess, who is wearing a fuchsia mini dress and tights. They get to the party and Jess checks out all the lawyers Alice asks some Random Lawyers about the law they practice and they all want to talk about design. Ned is pissed. Then to make matters worse, the scummy, money-grubbing associate toddles up and says he’s surprised Ned isn’t at home, his tail between his legs, sobbing into his beer.

Ned is enraged now and Alice suggests not letting things like that get to him. He blows up at her and leaves.

Chapter Nine
Liz and Todd discuss Ned and Alice. Todd’s pissed because he missed out on a chance to use the Todd Punch. Liz doesn’t know if Ned and Alice have made up. Todd suggests that Liz act even more saintly than usual

The doorbell rings and it’s Hank Patman and James Knapp. They want Ned to run for mayor. Ned promises to think about it.

Of course, Jess has been listening in and runs to tell Liz. Ned wants to tell Alice but he catches her just as she’s leaving. They bicker. They have reservations at Lake Tahoe. Nothing will interfere with their plans, right? RIGHT? Alice drives off in a snit.

Chapter Ten
Liz and Jessica talk about Lake Tahoe. Jess is all emo because she won’t be able to talk to Charlie. Jess calls Charlie and tries to get him to meet her, but things keep coming up. Hmmmm… Jess offers to ditch the family vacation and Charlie tells her not to because he wants her family to like him.

Alice has a lot of work to do and is not sure how she can juggle that and a vacation. Ned demands no work on the vacation and does not tell Alice his big news.

Todd and Liz are at the Wakefield abode. Alice’s assistant Julia calls. Liz doesn’t want her mother bothered during the vacation, but ends up giving Julia the number “just in case”.

Chapter Eleven
The Wakefields get to Lake Tahoe and it seems perfect. Splashing, laughing until Jess spills the beans that Ned is thinking about running for mayor. Alice is pissed because Ned didn’t tell her and Ned is wondering how Jessica knew. They decide to talk about it later

Liz yells at Jessica for spilling the beans and Jess basically says that they’ve been spending so much time worrying about Ned and Alice, that if they don’t get along it’s not there problem and tey can’t really stop them. Word, Jess.

The Wakefields are playing charades. Alice is engrossed in her paperwork. Ned’s like what about the no-work rule and Alice plays with her papers. Ned gets disgusted and goes to bed

Chapter Twelve
Jessica wakes up Liz because Ned wants to go boating. Alice won’t be joining them and has promised to make a special lunch. Ned tells Liz that sometimes people do different things and not to worry. They have a good time and go back to the cabin for a BBQ.

Mr. Wakefield says he’s not sure he’d feel comfy running for mayor, because it would mean being separated from his family. Awww

Then the inn owner’s son has to spoil everything because Julia called and they need Alice and Ned feels like her work is more important than their vacation. Ned yells at Alice and Alice leaves for the cabin.

Liz follows Alice and confesses she gave Julia the number. Alice is pissed because Ned immediately assumed she broke her promise. She tells Liz she knows she’s shutting Ned out and doesn’t know what to do. Liz hugs her mother and Alice strokes her hair.

Chapter Thirteen
Saturday night: the Wakefields plan to go horse-back riding the next day. Sunday they get their horsies and naturally, Alice gets another phone call. She takes quite awhile and when she comes back, she announces that she has to leave. Ned accuses her of neglecting her family and Alice exclaims that she can’t desert her design team. Alice needs to go. Ned tells her that if she leaves she will be leaving their marriage.

Alice heads for the inn.

I actually have no idea what happens in #66. I don't remember Charlie being mentioned in The Parent Plot.
PS If somebody can see things from Ned's point of view PLEASE recap this book. I just couldn't get into him at all!

recapper: tooimpureangel, trusty boyfriend todd, ned wakefield, alice wakefield, saint elizabeth of sweet valley, oh hi steven

Previous post Next post
Up