Sweet Valley's Dead Exes: In Memoriam!
Hey guys
I hope this is okay, but seeing all the lists that have popped up lately, (which I loved), I wanted to start a list for dead-exes in the Sweet Valley series.
Jessica's Dead Exes
Sam Woodruff- my #1 on this list! Jessica's dirt biking boyfriend from Bridgewater, he was always my favorite Sweet Valley boyfriend. He seemed fun and sweet and made Jessica a better person. I was sorry to see him go when Liz got drunk on one cup of vodka fruit punch and crashed her car into a tree. That's one recipe Jessica won't want to serve at future parties (vodka fruit punch anyone? It killed my one true love!)
Christian Gormless- excuse me, Gorman. Jessica's surfer boyfriend with zero personality, from a rival high school who died in the wars between the schools. I want to say gang wars, but I can't because Bruce, Todd, Winston, Ken, and Ronnie Edwards, a gang do not make. I was actually quite glad to see him shuffle off the mortal coil as it meant no more long, mushy scenes with Jess at the beach declaring their undying love. I was afraid they'd break out into song, WHILE writing poetry, picking flowers, and doing lame connect the dots kisses (TM Todd). It would be like the movie Enchanted minus the charm. Proof that his death was WRONG in every way: he died from a POOL PUSH. Sweet Valley does not understand.
James the Dirtbike Guy (as irinaauthor named him)- Alas, he was never given a last name. Margo hired him at Kelly's to date Jessica for information on the twins. He genuinely started to care for Jessica but was murdered by awesome Margo when he tried to warn Jessica about her plans. I think by this noble act he has earned the right to a last name.
Louis Miles- Jessica's professor at SVU (Mr.Collins was unavailable to be inappropriate with a student?) who was in love with her but had a crazy ex-wife and ended up driving his car over a cliff I think. Very Jane Eyre, except of course, much much worse:)
Liz's Dead Exes
Luke Shepherd- Mentally unstable and violent, just the way Liz likes them. She met him in London where he turned out to be the "werewolf" that had been murdering people while in a trance and then waking up remembering nothing but covered in blood. He had a traumatic fatherless childhood because he was the secret bastard son of an English noble. Probably allowed by the ghostwriters to eat only fish and chips, shepherd's pie, and the occasional mushy peas as he was English.
John Marin- technically dated both Liz and Jess and was a serial killer, but still, a dead ex. Could be sensitive and shy for Liz and outgoing and wild for Jess. Surprisingly, never fell in love with either twin unlike every other male in the vicinity. This is how we know he is truly evil. He was put in jail by Ned Wakefield but planned to get revenge when he got out. Was killed in A Killer on Board.
William White Supremacist- oh sorry, just White. Murderer and obsessed with Liz to the point where even Liz-loving Sweet Valley committed him to the asylum. Escaped to prove his love but died, leaving Liz his inheritance which she then used to take all her friends on a cruise (either she never has post-traumatic stress or she's in deep, deep denial). He may have been a crazy ass killer but he gave the best presents! Come to think of it, how come none of the other dead exes left anything cool to inherit? Or any of the serial killers even? Regina just left a lousy old letter for Liz, not even for Bruce.
Miscellaneous Dead Exes (I love that this category can exist. This series rocks!:P)
Regina Morrow- will be mourned by hundreds of teenagers who have been scared off cocaine for life after reading her book. She was rich, beautiful and good, yet didn't make us sick like Saint Liz. I always thought she was the prettiest girl in Sweet Valley, with her blue eyes and black hair; I pictured her as the Jewel Secrets Whitney Barbie:P. She was good for Bruce, but we are all secretly thrilled he went back to being a full-time ass after she died:P
Count Tisiano- Lila's rich, hot italian husband who died in a tragic jet skiing accident before we could really get to know him. I can't really picture him as anything more than a giant ball of flame. We assume he was nothing less than absolute perfection as he married the awesomest girl in Sweet Valley.
Olivia Davidson- Sweet Valley's Jesus, she was killed by a falling fridge in the earthquake but magically came back to life later on in SVU to continue being "artsy" and wearing colorful scarves. Oddly, her boyfriend Ken did not seem to remember their relationship, but perhaps he was the only one who remembered her death and did not want to reclaim love with a zombie in a floral skirt.
Tricia Martin- has been over-mourned, if there is a such a thing. Steven's first love, he would have become a nun if he could in her memory I bet. Steven loved to pine after she died and anytime he forgot to, her older sister Betsy was there with the whip:P There were too many books with Steven mourning, including one in which he dates Andrea, who "looks just like her". I suspect Sweet Valley has a secret cloning lab with all the lookalikes running around.
Gin-Yung Suh- Todd's ex in SVU who dies of cancer/ brain tumor? She is the reason the Liz/Todd OTP didn't work out at the end of SVU; just as they were about to get back together so they could live happily cheat-on-each-other ever after, Todd had to go take care of her until she died. Call me insensitive but I don't know why she'd want him if she knew he didn't love her.
Luke- Alex's boyfriend from Don't Answer the Phone. I guess we'll know more when we recap it. Wasn't her boyfriend Noah? I'm confused.
New category! Undead Exes:) *glee*
Jonathan Cain- Hot vampire comes to Sweet Valley (for the sunshine? the surfing? who knows!) and falls for Jessica. He is all powerful, as evidenced when he makes Enid and other girls at SVH go goth. Poor Enid competes with Jess for his love, but doesn't look as good in black, I guess. However, even the dark powers of hell are no match for the Wakefield twins as he admits defeat when he realizes he cannot steal Jessica and give her immortality because he can't separate her from Liz. For real. That's his reason.
Also, there's another mention of a Liz/Jess lookalike who is Amy's cousin. I guess the Suttons don't remember when the cloning factory sent her.
Nicholas des Perdu- If Jess has a vampire lover, it wouldn't be fair unless Liz got one too (unless she secretly dated the same one, Secret Vampire Diaries!) According to amazon, he went around SVU introducing himself as Nikolai von Greiner, which I keep spelling Groiner. As a "famous" and mysterious journalist, Liz was instantly attracted to him. She in turn, happens to look just like Lizette, his long lost love, implying that this sekrit SV cloning factory has been around a long, long time and even sends its clones to Europe on sekrit missions. No wonder the twins fit into her ratty old wedding dress, it was a perfect size 6! I wish Liz had married him, because then she'd live in New Orleans and probably have to borrow clothes from Olivia Davidson to fit in. We'd get stories of Saint Elizabeth solving mysteries to put ghosts at rest while dining on gumbo and being chased by voodoo practitioners. I like how he is immortal and decided to be a journalist. Forget taking over the world, inquiring minds need to know!
Nick Fox- My second favorite of Jess's boyfriends, Nick was a cop she dated in SVU who always seemed down to earth and fun. He gets in the Undead category because of his fake death, which he needed after testifying against the mafia. Jess fell into a deep depression without him and tried to commit suicide, but Nick showed up to tell her that he was going away with the witness protection program but gave her the will to live again. I think I still miss him.
edit: thanks guys for the help!:) feel free to add to the descriptions too if you think of anything funny!
I hope this is okay, but seeing all the lists that have popped up lately, (which I loved), I wanted to start a list for dead-exes in the Sweet Valley series.
Jessica's Dead Exes
Sam Woodruff- my #1 on this list! Jessica's dirt biking boyfriend from Bridgewater, he was always my favorite Sweet Valley boyfriend. He seemed fun and sweet and made Jessica a better person. I was sorry to see him go when Liz got drunk on one cup of vodka fruit punch and crashed her car into a tree. That's one recipe Jessica won't want to serve at future parties (vodka fruit punch anyone? It killed my one true love!)
Christian Gormless- excuse me, Gorman. Jessica's surfer boyfriend with zero personality, from a rival high school who died in the wars between the schools. I want to say gang wars, but I can't because Bruce, Todd, Winston, Ken, and Ronnie Edwards, a gang do not make. I was actually quite glad to see him shuffle off the mortal coil as it meant no more long, mushy scenes with Jess at the beach declaring their undying love. I was afraid they'd break out into song, WHILE writing poetry, picking flowers, and doing lame connect the dots kisses (TM Todd). It would be like the movie Enchanted minus the charm. Proof that his death was WRONG in every way: he died from a POOL PUSH. Sweet Valley does not understand.
James the Dirtbike Guy (as irinaauthor named him)- Alas, he was never given a last name. Margo hired him at Kelly's to date Jessica for information on the twins. He genuinely started to care for Jessica but was murdered by awesome Margo when he tried to warn Jessica about her plans. I think by this noble act he has earned the right to a last name.
Louis Miles- Jessica's professor at SVU (Mr.Collins was unavailable to be inappropriate with a student?) who was in love with her but had a crazy ex-wife and ended up driving his car over a cliff I think. Very Jane Eyre, except of course, much much worse:)
Liz's Dead Exes
Luke Shepherd- Mentally unstable and violent, just the way Liz likes them. She met him in London where he turned out to be the "werewolf" that had been murdering people while in a trance and then waking up remembering nothing but covered in blood. He had a traumatic fatherless childhood because he was the secret bastard son of an English noble. Probably allowed by the ghostwriters to eat only fish and chips, shepherd's pie, and the occasional mushy peas as he was English.
John Marin- technically dated both Liz and Jess and was a serial killer, but still, a dead ex. Could be sensitive and shy for Liz and outgoing and wild for Jess. Surprisingly, never fell in love with either twin unlike every other male in the vicinity. This is how we know he is truly evil. He was put in jail by Ned Wakefield but planned to get revenge when he got out. Was killed in A Killer on Board.
William White Supremacist- oh sorry, just White. Murderer and obsessed with Liz to the point where even Liz-loving Sweet Valley committed him to the asylum. Escaped to prove his love but died, leaving Liz his inheritance which she then used to take all her friends on a cruise (either she never has post-traumatic stress or she's in deep, deep denial). He may have been a crazy ass killer but he gave the best presents! Come to think of it, how come none of the other dead exes left anything cool to inherit? Or any of the serial killers even? Regina just left a lousy old letter for Liz, not even for Bruce.
Miscellaneous Dead Exes (I love that this category can exist. This series rocks!:P)
Regina Morrow- will be mourned by hundreds of teenagers who have been scared off cocaine for life after reading her book. She was rich, beautiful and good, yet didn't make us sick like Saint Liz. I always thought she was the prettiest girl in Sweet Valley, with her blue eyes and black hair; I pictured her as the Jewel Secrets Whitney Barbie:P. She was good for Bruce, but we are all secretly thrilled he went back to being a full-time ass after she died:P
Count Tisiano- Lila's rich, hot italian husband who died in a tragic jet skiing accident before we could really get to know him. I can't really picture him as anything more than a giant ball of flame. We assume he was nothing less than absolute perfection as he married the awesomest girl in Sweet Valley.
Olivia Davidson- Sweet Valley's Jesus, she was killed by a falling fridge in the earthquake but magically came back to life later on in SVU to continue being "artsy" and wearing colorful scarves. Oddly, her boyfriend Ken did not seem to remember their relationship, but perhaps he was the only one who remembered her death and did not want to reclaim love with a zombie in a floral skirt.
Tricia Martin- has been over-mourned, if there is a such a thing. Steven's first love, he would have become a nun if he could in her memory I bet. Steven loved to pine after she died and anytime he forgot to, her older sister Betsy was there with the whip:P There were too many books with Steven mourning, including one in which he dates Andrea, who "looks just like her". I suspect Sweet Valley has a secret cloning lab with all the lookalikes running around.
Gin-Yung Suh- Todd's ex in SVU who dies of cancer/ brain tumor? She is the reason the Liz/Todd OTP didn't work out at the end of SVU; just as they were about to get back together so they could live happily cheat-on-each-other ever after, Todd had to go take care of her until she died. Call me insensitive but I don't know why she'd want him if she knew he didn't love her.
Luke- Alex's boyfriend from Don't Answer the Phone. I guess we'll know more when we recap it. Wasn't her boyfriend Noah? I'm confused.
New category! Undead Exes:) *glee*
Jonathan Cain- Hot vampire comes to Sweet Valley (for the sunshine? the surfing? who knows!) and falls for Jessica. He is all powerful, as evidenced when he makes Enid and other girls at SVH go goth. Poor Enid competes with Jess for his love, but doesn't look as good in black, I guess. However, even the dark powers of hell are no match for the Wakefield twins as he admits defeat when he realizes he cannot steal Jessica and give her immortality because he can't separate her from Liz. For real. That's his reason.
Also, there's another mention of a Liz/Jess lookalike who is Amy's cousin. I guess the Suttons don't remember when the cloning factory sent her.
Nicholas des Perdu- If Jess has a vampire lover, it wouldn't be fair unless Liz got one too (unless she secretly dated the same one, Secret Vampire Diaries!) According to amazon, he went around SVU introducing himself as Nikolai von Greiner, which I keep spelling Groiner. As a "famous" and mysterious journalist, Liz was instantly attracted to him. She in turn, happens to look just like Lizette, his long lost love, implying that this sekrit SV cloning factory has been around a long, long time and even sends its clones to Europe on sekrit missions. No wonder the twins fit into her ratty old wedding dress, it was a perfect size 6! I wish Liz had married him, because then she'd live in New Orleans and probably have to borrow clothes from Olivia Davidson to fit in. We'd get stories of Saint Elizabeth solving mysteries to put ghosts at rest while dining on gumbo and being chased by voodoo practitioners. I like how he is immortal and decided to be a journalist. Forget taking over the world, inquiring minds need to know!
Nick Fox- My second favorite of Jess's boyfriends, Nick was a cop she dated in SVU who always seemed down to earth and fun. He gets in the Undead category because of his fake death, which he needed after testifying against the mafia. Jess fell into a deep depression without him and tried to commit suicide, but Nick showed up to tell her that he was going away with the witness protection program but gave her the will to live again. I think I still miss him.
edit: thanks guys for the help!:) feel free to add to the descriptions too if you think of anything funny!