The thing is, I'm really not well. Please don't think I'm just saying this for attention or that I don't count my blessings. I have been trying so hard not to cry, so hard to think about the positive things in life, and so hard not to burden my friends with my problems. The thing is, I can't stop it. It keeps getting worse and I don't know why ( Read more... )

Very few people have ever seen the real me. I don't open myself up to people much... past pain, constant insecurity from that pain, low self-esteem. I don't ask for sympathy or blame others. I know people have been catching on to the fact that I'm not myself a lot. I act like I really enjoy the same music as people, love the same food, enjoy ( Read more... )

Alright. Moving in wasn't so bad. I have everything unpacked and ready to go, we have all the groceries we will need for at least a month or two, and I found out last night that these really ARE the party apartments, no joking around whatsoever. They went pretty crazy and now my sister's boyfriend is trapped in our bathroom getting sick. So much ( Read more... )

I don't want to be growing up so fast. I just sat and thought about my dad's old house. Every morning I used to wake up, call my best friend and ask if she wanted to come over and play. I used to run outside and try to catch frogs and find golf balls in the woods all day. I played kickball in with all of the kids in my neighborhood... I would ( Read more... )

So it's thursday. I just got off work, which I now hate with a passion. Our new manager is the biggest ass in the world. He never smiles, has the biggest attitude, and acts as though I'm a complete idiot. After being there for 2 years, i think i know how to do my job. All the other managers understand this and let me go free, because they ( Read more... )

Alright, I thought my problems were over. I thought my depression was going away. Sadly, i went to the psychiatrist yesterday with my mom, told her about me feelings and behavior over the past few months and how the antidepressants were simply making me act stranger, and she diagnosed me with bi polar depression. So not only do I feel crappy, ( Read more... )

It's going away! I think it's actually freaking going AWAY!!! This is so exciting! Hopefully there will be no more sad, depressing entries and me bitching about things everyone else simply keeps to themselves! Lol, anyhow... that just makes me happy. This weekend I went to Lake Cumberland with my mom, chaz, britt (sis), and sharon. It was so ( Read more... )

God im so pathetic! I'm all upset again... Im sitting here crying, dying for attention that i know i cant have right now. i cant stand having all of these emotions, i just cant take it anymore!!! I hate taking things the wrong way, I hate feeling like im being used, i hate always wanting genuine affection.. i hate feeling like no one REALLY cares ( Read more... )

Well, I'm really not sure why I write in here so much... no one comments anymore. I guess it's more about getting things out of my system then trying to send a message out, which was my first real reason for starting this journal. Right now I'm fighting with the fact that I destroyed an ok friendship by scarring them away. Note to that person if ( Read more... )

God I wish I could write how I really feel in here without concequences. There's so much I want to say, but I simply can't. Why is it that we all feel the need to repress our true emotions to keep others comfortable? Or am I the only one who feels closed up? This morning, after whipping my tears away outside of work, I decided I'm not wasting ( Read more... )