Grief may be a thing that we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life, it's loss, it's change. And when you wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad, the thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime -- that's how you stay alive. When it hurts so ( Read more... )

I woke up on this day two years ago, I was getting ready to go back to work after having been off for a week, sitting at my father's death bed. He hadn't passed yet... the doctor's gave him three days, and now we were going on day ten, but I felt guilty for having been out so long. So I figured I'd go back, that it wasn't doing any good just ( Read more... )

I'm thankful for a lot of things... my friends, my health, my cat, my financial stability (albeit growing more precarious every day I go unemployed), trapeze, my nursing education and the fact that I'm almost done with it, and what little family I have left. Despite being thankful for so much, I hate Thanksgiving. I always spent Thanksgiving with ( Read more... )

A year ago today I buried my father.


( Read more... )

Sometimes it just hits me like a ton of bricks, like this intense wave of sadness that just consumes me. And out of nowhere I'll burst into tears, even if I was just fine a minute earlier ( Read more... )

Today was miserable. Whenever I was comfortably indoors it was sunny and beautiful but whenever I went outside it was raining and disgusting. And I didn't have an umbrella. I guess that was kind of a perfect metaphor for my day. I hate the rain, but today the sun kind of annoyed me just as much as the rain did. Lately I've been itching for ( Read more... )

Today is probably going to be hard. I'm going to do some things that are probably going to make me incredibly sad, but some things that will hopefully make me really happy, too.

It might be better to not talk to me. I'm probably not going to want to talk to you, no offense, unless you happen to be a member of the Dead Dads Club (or a member of ( Read more... )

Yesterday I woke up in the most horrible way: sobbing hysterically, wailing and screaming from a nightmare. This is what I get for going back to sleep after my alarm goes off instead of getting my lazy ass out of bed. I don't remember what was going on in the first part of the dream, and it maybe doesn't matter. But in the end of it I was ( Read more... )

THANK GOD that it's finally Friday. This week has dragged on forever. I'm thinking this week will end on a better note than last week did. This has been the most hellish week of work ever and I can't even tell you how many times I just walked out and never came back. I miss Josh... he needs to come back, even though he *is* out for a very good ( Read more... )

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.

Stop fucking up EVERYTHING.  All the time, just ruining EVERYTHING.  Why do I make plans?  WHY?  What's the fucking point when you're just going to ruin everything?  Why do I even bother with these grand ambitions of getting into nursing school?  You're just going to fuck it all up.  Even if I did ( Read more... )