Two years gone.
I woke up on this day two years ago, I was getting ready to go back to work after having been off for a week, sitting at my father's death bed. He hadn't passed yet... the doctor's gave him three days, and now we were going on day ten, but I felt guilty for having been out so long. So I figured I'd go back, that it wasn't doing any good just waiting. Then I got the phone call saying he had finally passed. I still regret that I wasn't there when it happened, but I think he wanted it that way. I think he waited until he was alone... that's just kind of how he was. Very private.
So it's been two years and I feel like life really hasn't gotten any easier. I mean, it's not like I haven't gone on living, or I can't function on a daily basis, but it's just like there's always this emptiness weighing on me. It sucks sometimes more than others...like milestones. Big milestones kind of suck. Like I was so excited when I got into nursing school, but then immediately sad that I couldn't share it with him. I imagine graduation in 10 days will be much the same.
Maybe I don't really feel like going through any more milestones without him, so that's why instead of doing starting the massive assessment and care plan I have due tomorrow, I'm baking. Yes, I am Izzie Stevens.
Last night I was at the hospital where he died for an educational program. That was the first time I'd been back there, and it was weird, but not that hard. Today I've got clinical on the oncology floor. Sunday there was a patient dying of renal cell carcinoma (my dad's cancer) and I hope I don't come across that patient. I just hope my shift today is therapeutic and not painful. But yeah... I should do some work... or some more baking. Sorry for all the gloom lately, but I swear not looking for a pity party. Later, skaterz.
So it's been two years and I feel like life really hasn't gotten any easier. I mean, it's not like I haven't gone on living, or I can't function on a daily basis, but it's just like there's always this emptiness weighing on me. It sucks sometimes more than others...like milestones. Big milestones kind of suck. Like I was so excited when I got into nursing school, but then immediately sad that I couldn't share it with him. I imagine graduation in 10 days will be much the same.
Maybe I don't really feel like going through any more milestones without him, so that's why instead of doing starting the massive assessment and care plan I have due tomorrow, I'm baking. Yes, I am Izzie Stevens.
Last night I was at the hospital where he died for an educational program. That was the first time I'd been back there, and it was weird, but not that hard. Today I've got clinical on the oncology floor. Sunday there was a patient dying of renal cell carcinoma (my dad's cancer) and I hope I don't come across that patient. I just hope my shift today is therapeutic and not painful. But yeah... I should do some work... or some more baking. Sorry for all the gloom lately, but I swear not looking for a pity party. Later, skaterz.