Working through this whole loss issue is really sucking. I think the hardest part is that the people you expect to be there for you really aren't there for you...or if they are, they don't know how to be there for you so it's a vicious cycle. I remember being on the other end of this several times, so I get it. And part of me does work through ( Read more... )

The blooming of cherry blossoms is always my favorite part of spring. They opened just in time for my sister's wedding this weekend - and the weather cooperated too. Overall, the wedding went well, but I am exhausted. My sister doesn't really "plan" things all that well, so the entire weekend was a whirl-wind run of me troubleshooting problems. I ( Read more... )

Over the past year, I have been struggling. One thing I have been working on to improve these struggles is distancing myself from situations that were not healthy for me. There were many points where caring individuals intervened and let me know that I was doing something unhealthy and should work to eliminate that kind of toxicity and stress from ( Read more... )

I really should be trying to plow through work this afternoon, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. So maybe dumping the stuff on my brain will help clear it out so I can read some more papers (they aren't very good and I keep getting distracted by things that seem like more fun, but are really me just killing time ( Read more... )

I'm always excited when the first day of spring rolls around, but it always brings a cloud of sadness. On this day 30 years ago, my older sister drowned. Thirty years. It's crazy to think about it now seeing as with everything I just went through losing my first child, my parents have been opening up more about her death and they are faced with the ( Read more... )

I feel like I haven't written here in ages even though it's only been a few days. Mostly, I've been busy -- throwing myself back into the daily grind of work is keeping me motivated. I'm trying to get to a point where I simply don't worry about things so much any more. There's only so much I can do. I think the past couple years have been hard for ( Read more... )

And...I forgot this part...even if you think I didn't have a baby so I shouldn't be upset, it's insensitive of you to say it to my face. This is why many of the things I just put in that last post are things I would never say to your face because they would *hurt your feelings*! If someone is upset about something, even if you don't agree with ( Read more... )

So - good news, the beach was fantastic -- I REALLY needed some time away from life next to the ocean to put things into perspective. Probably overdid it on the alcohol, but that's what happens when my sister and I want to party. I've also had a successful couple days back to work -- actually getting large tasks off my plate and moving forward on a ( Read more... )

Lots to update - no word from SiL. I'm pretty sure if you've taken three days to cool off and you haven't bothered to apologize, you think that you're in the right. So whatever - I totally don't need that kind of stress at the moment.

I went back to work for real on Tuesday -- managed to get a few things done, and it felt good to be back in the ( Read more... )

Over the past few years, I have built up a pretty good relationship with my sister in law (or so I thought). She texted Sunday to see how I was doing and I gave her a call back yesterday. Throughout this process, I've had a lot of people call but I don't call back right away because I can only take about one deep conversation a day -- I am so ( Read more... )