therefore i am ( Read more... )

it hurts so much when all you want and try to do is love yourself and you cant. I can't even picture when that or if that will ever happen. My heart is plagued by this dull aching that nothing can make go away. Nothing or noone, not even myself, can do anything. I dont know if I can live the rest of my life like this. I dont know if I can live the ( Read more... )

"how are you ( Read more... )

for everything good that happens, something bad will happen to balance the cosmic force. blah blah blah some more mumbo jumbo. whatever the reason, its completely true.

why is it i go from a-ok to pissed off, want to break something, scream my lungs off, and ready to give up. karma? balance? yin yang?

there is so much that i am angry about right ( Read more... )

waiting waiting waiting
not knowing my up from down, my left from my right.

so im doing ok after my break down. work is busy. busy busy busy ( Read more... )

these last 3 days have been the hardest days of my life. ive been in newark since i got off work on thursday. sparkys tattoo shop raised 4800 dollars for anthony. what started as a plan of 3 small tattoo designes turned in to 9 total designs and an 18 hour day of tattooing. friday was the viewing. what was supposed to be calling house from 7-9 ( Read more... )

today is anthony's viewing. tomorrow is the funeral. i dont know if i can keep it together while i watch all my friends hearts break again ( Read more... )

he's gone and it doesnt seem real yet.
its hard to see my friends, my strong friends, broken and hurting. its hard to think that i wont see him ever again, none of us will.
surreal

fuck everything. i made a mistake. the worst kind ever. and now im stuck. and if i get out of it, i will be a bad person