Because I can't read about aortic root measurements any longer without wanting to throw something

[thorne_scratch]

A play about health insurance in three acts!

Comments

[twigcollins]

Fucking shit cells what!?

[thorne_scratch]

Hell if I know. I'm sure it's nothing; I'm just annoyed I have to go do the stirrup thing again.

My real problem is that my mother (being a nurse in said old health insurance place) is so angry over the whole thing, she wants to file a malpractice complaint and write blistering letters and I am afraid she's gonna start a flamewar with Kaiser Permanente or something. And then I'll have to fake my own death again. Need to build a new robot double.

[twigcollins]

... build two robot doubles.

I need one for purposes.

[thorne_scratch]

I love that icon so much.

Is this going to end the same way the Midget Jello Wrestling Debacle ended?

[thorne_scratch]

I know! I was pretty much, "Oh, um, a bit tardy here, wot wot?"

Like I said to Twig, I'm mostly just annoyed at having to do another pelvic. Still, I'd rather have a pelvic done than have to go to the dentist, all things considering. Less drills and blood.

[thorne_scratch]

I used to be okay with it, then I had to get a cavity filled for the first time and the anesthetic wore off halfway through, and the trauma has never left me since. Even though my current dentist is a nice man and has not hurt me yet. Trauma!

[kadrin]

No court would convict me.

Pleasingly, if you found a court that did convict you, no court would convict you of overturning their result by slaughtering each and every last one of them.

A-ny-way, if worst comes to worst and you can get a flight down to Australia (where we have public health insurance) you may borrow the family's Medicare card. Our names are listed on it but not our ages, so you'll just have to answer to Siobhan.

It would help the masquerade if you called me a chickenface a few times.

(that said, I am worried for you, and if you want anyone to punch every insurance-related lawmaker and gynecologist in the continental United States... aw, heck, in the whole United States... give me a call.)

[thorne_scratch]

My Australian accent is pretty terrible, though. I'll have to do a British one and hope for the best.

[kadrin]

It's my cleverest deception yet. (Though not my cleverest Decepticon.)

[m_steelgrave]

What?! They just casually drop that bomb on you AFTER they don't cover you anymore?

Man, two pelvic exams in the same three month period is justifiable grounds for homicide.

Hell, two pelvic exams EVER is grounds for homicide. I had an uncomfortable moment with my doctor when she told me their new pap tests were good for THREE SPARKLY FORCEPS-FREE YEARS and I gave her a large hug.

Anyway, the business of health insurance in this country is also grounds for homicide. I am currently an idiot who plans to have a career that relies heavily on my body working properly, and yet I am uninsured. Dumb? Yes.

[thorne_scratch]

I KNOW! ... actually, them saying the "we would have given you a free exam if you were still with us!" was the final insult added to injury. I mean, dude. What do you do for an encore? Pour sugar in my gas tank? Anal rape my grandmother?

I had an uncomfortable moment with my doctor when she told me their new pap tests were good for THREE SPARKLY FORCEPS-FREE YEARS and I gave her a large hug.

See, that was one of the policies that apparently fracked me up, but you need to have three normal paps before they can do that? I think. Anyway, I hadn't. And in any case, at my last exam, where they DIDN'T do a pap, I STILL got forceps up my intimate parts. Maybe they just do that for shits and giggles, I don't know.

Oh man, I hope you get some insurance soon. I actually have reasonably good insurance because of my job, it's just trying to get it all set up that is driving me totally insane. (I also get pet insurance! Maybe I can give that to you, and we can at least make sure Winchester is covered.)

[m_steelgrave]

It is my thinking that if they're going to have everything splayed open for God and the world to see, they'd damn well better do EVERYTHING they could possibly do while they're down there.

I also get pet insurance! Maybe I can give that to you, and we can at least make sure Winchester is covered.

He would have met his deductible this year, what with his surgery to get rid of the bug bite tumor from hell. Maybe I could just use your pet insurance. At least I'd be worm-free.

[thorne_scratch]

And how! Me, I also wish they'd use better quality lube. I hate having to do the "Got To Get This Stubborn Glob Out Of My Plumbing While Also Trying Frantically To Get Dressed Before The Doctor Comes Back Into The Room To Tell Me The Results." I always use, like, half the box of provided tissues.

You're welcome to it. I'd turn down the spay and neutering option, though. (I think I can get them to implant a microscopic tracking chip in you however!)

[sakuranochi]

Come live/work here and that shit is free man. Plus, I'm here, what could be better than that?

[sakuranochi]

Also, so glad I'm not a chick.

[thorne_scratch]

Wait until you get old and have to start getting a prostate exam every year. We'll see who's laughing then!

[thorne_scratch]

Yeah, but your cough syrup doesn't get me high. I demand a country whose prescribed cough syrup gets me seeing pink giraffes and heffalumps.

You are a powerful draw, though.