Because I can't read about aortic root measurements any longer without wanting to throw something
A play about health insurance in three acts!
Act One
Old Health Insurance: You are twenty-five and may no longer suckle at our teat. Away with you, varlet!
New Health Insurance: I am shiny and confusing. Also, your birth control prescription is now defunct. Get another prescription from one of our doctors. Also, I can't give you an appointment with the doctor until September. La!
Old Health Insurance: By the way, when you hoisted your legs in the air for that unduly intimate medical examination a couple months ago, you actually had suspicious squamous cells show up on your test. We just didn't feel like telling you until you were leaving us. Might want to get that checked out.
Thorne: ...wot?
Act Two
Old Health Insurance: I have no recollection of you having that test done a couple months ago. What squamous cells?
New Health Insurance: Still can't give you an appointment with that doctor. La!
Old Health Insurance: Oh, you're talking about the test you had in 2007! Yeah, that was the abnormal results one. The one that was over a year and a half ago. This year, we decided not to pap test you at all because of a clerical error. We only notified you because you're not a member anymore.
New Health Insurance: If you don't have an appointment, you can't have a prescription for birth control. La!
Old Health Insurance: We did test you for syphilis and gonorrhea. You're fine there. But get those cells checked out.
Thorne: ...wot?
Act Three
Old Health Insurance: As it turns out, there was an incorrect notation, and then the doctor read your chart wrong, and then we changed policies, which is what led to this whole fiasco. Anyway. We'd give you a free test to make up for it because it was our fault but you're not a member anymore, so we're not going to do anything. Get those cells of yours checked out.
New Health Insurance: By the way, the appointment for September is just a meet the doctor appointment. If you want to have an actual procedure done, you'll have to make another appointment after the September one.
Thorne: LOOK HAVE I OR HAVE I NOT BEEN WALKING AROUND WITH A TUMOR IN MY LADY PARTS FOR THE PAST YEAR?
Old & New Health Insurance: *in chorus* So long, farewell, auf wiedersen, fuck you!
Thorne: ...fuck. Forsooth.
*curtain falls*
The upshot of this is that I have to hie myself hither to the OBGYN again-- if I can find one who will give me an appointment-- and get the whole damn exam all over again to find out what the hell is going on in my genitals. Man, two pelvic exams in the same three month period is justifiable grounds for homicide. No court would convict me.
Olympics in less than a day! I have caught the Olympic fever; I have been collecting so many swimmer links. They deserve their own entry, so expect them here in just a bit.
Act One
Old Health Insurance: You are twenty-five and may no longer suckle at our teat. Away with you, varlet!
New Health Insurance: I am shiny and confusing. Also, your birth control prescription is now defunct. Get another prescription from one of our doctors. Also, I can't give you an appointment with the doctor until September. La!
Old Health Insurance: By the way, when you hoisted your legs in the air for that unduly intimate medical examination a couple months ago, you actually had suspicious squamous cells show up on your test. We just didn't feel like telling you until you were leaving us. Might want to get that checked out.
Thorne: ...wot?
Act Two
Old Health Insurance: I have no recollection of you having that test done a couple months ago. What squamous cells?
New Health Insurance: Still can't give you an appointment with that doctor. La!
Old Health Insurance: Oh, you're talking about the test you had in 2007! Yeah, that was the abnormal results one. The one that was over a year and a half ago. This year, we decided not to pap test you at all because of a clerical error. We only notified you because you're not a member anymore.
New Health Insurance: If you don't have an appointment, you can't have a prescription for birth control. La!
Old Health Insurance: We did test you for syphilis and gonorrhea. You're fine there. But get those cells checked out.
Thorne: ...wot?
Act Three
Old Health Insurance: As it turns out, there was an incorrect notation, and then the doctor read your chart wrong, and then we changed policies, which is what led to this whole fiasco. Anyway. We'd give you a free test to make up for it because it was our fault but you're not a member anymore, so we're not going to do anything. Get those cells of yours checked out.
New Health Insurance: By the way, the appointment for September is just a meet the doctor appointment. If you want to have an actual procedure done, you'll have to make another appointment after the September one.
Thorne: LOOK HAVE I OR HAVE I NOT BEEN WALKING AROUND WITH A TUMOR IN MY LADY PARTS FOR THE PAST YEAR?
Old & New Health Insurance: *in chorus* So long, farewell, auf wiedersen, fuck you!
Thorne: ...fuck. Forsooth.
*curtain falls*
The upshot of this is that I have to hie myself hither to the OBGYN again-- if I can find one who will give me an appointment-- and get the whole damn exam all over again to find out what the hell is going on in my genitals. Man, two pelvic exams in the same three month period is justifiable grounds for homicide. No court would convict me.
Olympics in less than a day! I have caught the Olympic fever; I have been collecting so many swimmer links. They deserve their own entry, so expect them here in just a bit.