Because I can't read about aortic root measurements any longer without wanting to throw something

[thorne_scratch]

A play about health insurance in three acts!

Comments

[kadrin]

No court would convict me.

Pleasingly, if you found a court that did convict you, no court would convict you of overturning their result by slaughtering each and every last one of them.

A-ny-way, if worst comes to worst and you can get a flight down to Australia (where we have public health insurance) you may borrow the family's Medicare card. Our names are listed on it but not our ages, so you'll just have to answer to Siobhan.

It would help the masquerade if you called me a chickenface a few times.

(that said, I am worried for you, and if you want anyone to punch every insurance-related lawmaker and gynecologist in the continental United States... aw, heck, in the whole United States... give me a call.)

[thorne_scratch]

My Australian accent is pretty terrible, though. I'll have to do a British one and hope for the best.

[kadrin]

It's my cleverest deception yet. (Though not my cleverest Decepticon.)

[thorne_scratch]

(Who is your cleverest Decepticon?)

[kadrin]

...Soundwave.

[thorne_scratch]

Not Starscream?

Okay, also, Wikipedia says Originally Optimus Prime and Megatron ruled Cybertron together, due to the power of the Allspark, a mysterious device that could give life to Transformers - and keep Cybertron itself alive.

No one told me the leaders of the Transformers and the Decepticons were once shacked up in a commonlaw marriage.

[kadrin]

Starscream isn't actually that clever. He's like Lucy, always picking up the football before Megatron can kick it. If you want to engender trust and not have Megatron-II-as-voiced-by-Leonard-Nimoy kill you in the movie, you have to leave the football at least once.

It was assumed you knew! All great rivals were originally shacked up in commonlaw marriages - Superman and Lex Luthor, Professor X and Magneto, Cloud and Sephiroth, Statesman and Lord Recluse, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs...

[thorne_scratch]

...What about the dinosaur Decepticons? Their brains must have been even smaller. (Also, Leonard Nimoy? Seriously? Wow.)

So, wait, by that logic, Roland and Randall Flagg were once married? Man, no wonder Stephen King gave Randall such a piss-ant ending. Jealous lover ahoy.

Not to mention the Pope and the Dalai Lama have a famous "lost weekend" out there somewhere. Possibly on DVD.

[kadrin]

Most of the Dinobots were Autobots! ...Still dumb, though. (Seriously. You'd think he'd be above this sort of thing. Played the role to the hilt, too.)

Either that or Roland and the Crimson King. Naturally, this would end in six-way orgies of Roland, Cuthbert, Alain, Flagg, the Crimson King, and Stephen.

One million dollars.

[thorne_scratch]

So, no sweet, sweet Gorilla/Tyrannosaurus lovin'? (You have to give him props for that. he had soul.)

In a sewer. With many florid paragraphs devoted to intimate descriptions of their considerable packages. Man, not even Tabitha could top that one.

Seriously, why aren't we producing bootleg copies of this?

[kadrin]

Well, that was Beast Wars, and strictly speaking they weren't Autobots or Decepticons but Maximals and Predacons aaaaaaaaargh my very being is drowning in my own fanboy goop oh what a world. (I do!)

Yes, that was when she divorced him and married Terry Goodkind.

[thorne_scratch]

They were mechanical, it totally counts! I'm so damn confused. This is like the time you tried to explain the entirety of Silent Hill 2's plot to me in three comments. I should find that post; it was very useful.

Not before she had a torrid fling with Peter Straub, though.

[kadrin]

Screw three comments, I can do it in three lines.

JAMES: I am nuts blaaaaaaaargh.
PYRAMID HEAD: Loooooooom.
MARY: And then they all lived happily ever after or died.

[thorne_scratch]

That is the most awesome summary I have read in the history of awesome.

LAURA: You guys are all idiots.
DOG: *agreement* Woof.

Why don't I have a Silent Hill icon? Dios will have to fill in.

[kadrin]

Yeah, this is why you can't really do a "the cast of Utena goes to Silent Hill" fic. There already was one, it was called Revolutionary Girl Utena. The actual series. Yez bastards.