Don't fucking sit there and stare at me and then, when I turn around because I've felt your eyes burning into the side of my head for five minutes, say "what?" in a 'why are you staring at me, crazy girl?' tone of voice. It's not charming. No one will think any less of me, no matter how much you try to make me look weird and creepy. You're ( Read more... )

Adventures in Babysitting 101: Kid screeching for s'mores despite the fact that she lives in Yuppie Manor, on the corner of Spoiled and Overeducated Streets in Suburbia, Texas? Simple! Brew yourself a soothing cuppa - don't worry, Southern liberals always have a kettle and tea in the house, even if the former's never used and the latter's kept in ( Read more... )

Oh, and a babysitting gem.

"My dad's taking me to Disneyworld," Cole says. "That's in Florida."

"I know," I say.

"Know what's in Florida, Miss Charlotte?"

"Disneyworld?"

"And a lot of airports."