...or it will be more terrible then I can ever imagine.

Either or - right now I don't care. I have calmed down a great deal. I even talked to my mom on the phone and told her that I was [enter much repeated sob story here] but I did not say by whom. I told her that she would find out soon.

( read more... (trigger warning) )

( may trig )

( talking about child abuse and confronting the abusers (trigger warning?) )

I was feeling really down and i still can't sleep, so i thought that i would go sit outside for some fresh air. I went outside and the air was beautiful and the lawn was awash in a pale glow. I had forgotten that tonight was a full moon but just staring at it made me forget all my worries and i don't know why ( Read more... )

( trauma never stops - may trigger )

I have spent the last three hours redesigning and fine-tuning my journal because I do not want to sleep. I have been having anxiety attacks on and off all day and I have been fighting dissociating by binge eating or trying to keep my mind and hands busy by using the internet. (I'm going to regret and feel guilty about the binge eating tomorrow, I ( Read more... )

My internet has been reconnected and i'm glad that it didn't take as long as i thought it would. I seriously think that i am addicted to the internet because it's my only social network. It was less than a week without the net and i though i was going to go crazy. I was alone with my own dark thoughts and there isn't much scarier than that for me ( Read more... )