AU fic: Without you... (18/20)
TITLE: Without you…
AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
RATING: NC-1. warning: there is domestic abuse in this story!
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
SUMMARY: This is AU, it’s been in my head for a while. A famous singer falls in love with a woman. It’s a love that is looked upon and has to happen secretly until something happens…
BETA: Thanks for my wonderful beta mar_chel !!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Callie and Erica go dancing to a gay bar, they enjoy themselves. But then Erica gets a very disturbing phone call...
You might want to have some tissues nearby, I cried while writing this. It could have been my pregnancy hormones of course too...
Links to previous parts:
part 1: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/35601.html
part 2: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/36180.html
part 3: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/36754.html
part 4: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/37565.html
part 5: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/38211.html
part 6: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/39663.html
part 7: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/40086.html
part 8: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/40970.html
part 9: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/41401.html
part 10: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/42314.html
part 11: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/42829.html
part 12: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/43757.html
part 13: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/44617.html
part 14: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/46779.html
part 15: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/47260.html
part 16: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/48005.html
part 17: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/48834.html
NEW PART:
Callie was in her dressing room at the Nokia Theatre. The show would start in 30 minutes. She was doing some last minute exercises to warm up her voice a bit. She looked at her playlist again. Even though she knew which songs to sing, she checked again. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes and start singing the wrong song. Imagine the embarrassment. She heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Her face lit up when she saw Erica coming in.
“Hey, baby”, she greeted her with a kiss.
“Hey. You look great. Are you nervous?” Erica asked.
“Not more than usual before a concert.”
“The audience is very enthusiastic, Cal. They are already screaming your name and singing some of your songs.”
“Will you watch the concert?”
“Of course I will. I wouldn’t want to miss it.”
“Thanks. Will you hold me a bit before I have to go up to stage, to take away the last nerves?” Callie shyly asks.
Erica pulled her closer. Callie felt all the nerves and stress leave her body. Erica was the perfect way to calm her nerves. “You’ll do great, Cal. Now, go up there and go be the great Calliope.” Erica quickly kissed her.
“Thanks.”
**************************************************************************
As predicted by Carlos and Erica, the concert was a big success. Minutes after Callie had left the stage, the audience was still applauding for her. For Callie this was the best concert she had ever given.
“You were simply wonderful, Calliope”, Carlos praised her. “You totally rocked out there and everyone loved you! This album is going to break records.”
“Thank you, Carlos. I’ve never felt like this on stage. I can’t describe it, it was like I was flying”, Callie smiled.
“I arranged some interviews for tomorrow. Lots of magazines and newspapers want to interview you after the concert. And after such an amazing concert, talking to the press is very good publicity.”
“I know. When are the interviews?”
“The first is at 1pm. I figured you could use the morning off to rest a bit after your great performance.”
“Thanks, Carlos. Have you seen Erica?”
Just as Callie asked Carlos about Erica’s whereabouts, the blonde woman came through the door.
“Erica”, Callie called out. She forgot Carlos was in the room and went to hug Erica. “How did you like the concert?”
“Amazing, Callie, simply amazing.” She gently pushed Callie away. “Hey, Carlos”, she greeted the older man to make Callie aware he was still in the same room with them.
Callie’s second concert was just as well received in the press as her first one. Every magazine, every newspaper was praising her performance and her new album. Callie had never felt happier in her life. She had Erica and her new album was a success.
Tomorrow was their last day in New York. Then they had to head back to LA and Callie had to face a difficult situation: breaking up with Jason. But she didn’t want to think about that just yet. She wanted to enjoy one last evening with Erica before all hell would break lose.
“Erica, I want to take you dancing this evening”, Callie announced after she had given her last interview of the trip.
“Dancing? I don’t dance, Callie”, Erica said horrified.
“Sure you do. This is our last evening here before we have to go back to the madness that is LA. I want to enjoy this last evening with you and I want to take you dancing. I love to go dancing.”
Erica hadn’t been lying when she told Callie she didn’t dance. She hadn’t really danced since her college days. She had never been good at it. She didn’t have a natural flow with music like Callie seemed to have.
“Dancing really isn’t a good idea, you know. I’ll never be able to keep my hands off you when we go dancing and that might not be appreciated by the other visitors there”, Erica tried to change Callie’s mind.
“Well, you’ve been a lesbian for years. Surely there are lesbian bars in New York where we can dance freely without having to worry about the looks we’d get if I kissed you.”
Erica’s eyes widened in shock. “You want to go to a gay bar, Callie?”
“Yes. Why do you seem so surprised?”
“Well, first you’re famous, you’ve been in every magazine and newspaper this last week. Second, you’re not out, no one knows you’re gay. People will recognize you, Callie.” And if McKinney sees pictures of you and me in a magazine, he’ll totally freak out, Erica added in after thought.
“So?” Callie shrugged.
“So? You’ll be recognized and people will see you are with me and they will know you are gay, Callie”, Erica tried to reason with her.
“I don’t care, Erica. I’m breaking up with Jason anyway as soon as we get back. Also, it wouldn’t be the first time I go out using a disguise. And if I get spotted, so be it. Saves me the trouble of telling Jason.”
Erica knew there was no way she’d get out of this, so she agreed to take Callie dancing to a gay bar. Callie used the disguise she always used when she wanted to go out incognito. She put on glasses and let her hair be curly. Mostly she straightened out her curls or put her hair in a pony tail, but this evening she let her curly hair be free. She wanted to take Erica out dancing and really be with her, not from a distance. She wanted to hold her close and kiss her and not hold back.
“You weren’t kidding about the disguise”, Erica said when seeing Callie. She barely recognized her. She looked completely different with her curly hair and her glasses.
“Are these real?” she pointed to the glasses.
“No, a complete fake.”
“I like your hair all curly, it’s sexy”, Erica shyly said.
“Thanks. You ready to go?”
Erica nodded. Erica had decided on an exclusive gay bar where she knew only discrete people went. You needed to be a member to enter the bar, but she had been a member since she lived here, so it wouldn’t be a problem getting in. The bar was crowded and the clientele was mostly female. There were some gay men, but very few. Callie immediately felt comfortable and didn’t think twice to take Erica’s hand into hers when walking through the bar. All night they acted like any other couple in the bar. Soon Erica lost the fear that someone might recognize Callie and she let herself enjoy the evening too. She knew all hell would break lose when they’d get back to LA. She’d have to make a move on Jason and Callie would never want to see her again. Even though Erica hadn’t really danced since her college days, Callie swaying of hips was contaminating and before she knew it, she was moving to the music too.
After lots of dancing, they went to a quiet corner in the bar and ordered something to drink.
“This place is great, Erica. Did you come here a lot when you lived here?”
“At least once a month, mostly to have some drinks and watch people.”
“These two weeks with you in New York were the best of my life. I’ve never felt so happy as I do now. I can’t wait to break up with Jason and really be with you”, Callie smiled at Erica.
Callie’s confession made Erica feel bad. She’d have to break Callie’s heart in two days and here Callie was saying to her how happy she made her. Maybe she could find a way to arrest Jason without telling Callie who she really was.
“You make me happy too, Callie.”
**************************************************************************
The next day found the two women in La Guardia Airport again to take a flight back to LA. The more the departure neared, the more nervous Erica came. She wanted to stay in New York and not face the reality of LA again.
“Erica, aren’t you going to pick up your phone?” Callie nudged her. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she hadn’t even heard her cell phone.
She looked at the caller ID.
“Oh shit”. Her heart was hammering in her chest. It couldn’t be good when McKinney was calling her. She had to pick up.
“Hello”, she simply said.
“Special Agent Erica Hahn, what do you think you are doing in New York when our suspect is dealing drugs in LA? I contacted the LA Office and they told me you asked them to take things over”, McKinney yelled into the phone.
“I can explain, sir.”
“I’m sure you can. You can explain it to me in Washington DC. You’re off the case. The LA Office will take over.”
“What??”
“You heard me. You…are…off…the…case.”
This couldn’t be happening to her. McKinney couldn’t take her off the case. She still had to arrest Jason. She couldn’t leave Callie now.
“No… I’ll wrap this up first and then I’m coming”, Erica angrily said.
“You report to me in two days or you are fired. End of discussion, Agent Hahn.” McKinney angrily put down the phone. When he had contacted Agent Darnett, at first he couldn’t believe Erica had gone to New York and had left them to handle things with Jason Taylor.
Callie looked at Erica. She looked pretty upset.
“Erica, are you okay?” she worriedly asked.
Erica looked at the Latina woman beside her. It was no use to lie to Callie. “No, I’m not.”
“What was the phone call about?”
Erica had no idea what to tell Callie. She couldn’t tell her the truth, not yet and definitely not here, in the check-in area of La Guardia.
“I … I have an emergency. I have to…” Erica couldn’t find the right words. “When we are back in LA, I’ll have to leave. I don’t know…”
The news must be very bad, Callie mused, seeing the distressed state Erica was in.
“It’s okay, Erica. I understand. I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”
“Thank you.”
The flight back to LA was pure horror for Erica. Her mind kept thinking what she could do to solve the situation. She had already more or less decided to leave the FBI after arresting Jason, but could she leave the FBI on a sore note without arresting Jason? This was her case and damn it if she was letting Darnett take the credit for it. McKinney had forced her to go undercover even when she had told him she didn’t want to.
Erica knew she’d be taken off field duty and she wasn’t cut out for a desk job. So there really was only one thing to do, something she should have done earlier when the Bureau had started ruling her life. She had her mind made up. As soon as she had made the necessary arrangements, she’d quit and be a free and independent woman again.
**************************************************************************
Callie wondered what the phone call was about Erica had received. She had never seen her so depressed and so angry. The phone call must have really disturbed her. Erica had barely spoken to her during the flight and she seemed to be on a constant verge of tears. Maybe something had happened to a family member or a close friend. She didn’t want to push Erica into telling her, but she was very curious and very worried for her blonde lover.
As soon as they got to the house, Erica excused herself and went to her room. Once inside, she let the emotions inside her run free. She wasn’t one to cry, but now tears spilled out like a real flood. She wasn’t able to stop them. All the feeling of confusion and anger were rushing to the surface and she didn’t know how to stop them. She was angry at McKinney, angry at Jason, but most of all she was angry at herself. She had let her emotions take over this case, her feelings for Callie had clouded her professional judgement. When she thought about the recent developments between her and Callie, she realized she’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Callie was worth the wrath of McKinney. For the first time in her life, a person was more important to her than her job and she found she liked that feeling very much.
If only she could still put that bastard Jason behind bars for what he had done to Callie. He deserved to be treated the same way he had treated her. Nothing would give her more pleasure than to arrest Jason and read him his rights.
She had already booked a flight to DC for tomorrow. She wanted to enjoy one last day with Callie. She didn’t know whether she’d see Callie again, if Callie would want to see her again.
A knock on her door startled her out of her reverie.
“Come in.”
Callie tentatively opened the door. She had heard Erica cry and the sounds of that crying had gone straight to her heart. She wanted to ask if she was okay, but when she saw Erica’s tear strained face, she figured it was a stupid question to ask.
“You want to talk about it?” she simply said.
Erica nodded. She knew she couldn’t tell Callie much, but still she felt like she had to give her some explanation. They sat down closely together on the bed.
“I lived in Washington DC before I came here. I messed something up at work and now I have to go back there ASAP.”
“I thought you’d quit your job”, Callie said.
“Not really, I simply took some personal time to decide what I wanted to do: quit the job or continue.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ll quit my job.”
“What did you do wrong?” Callie thought Erica was being very mysterious about her job.
“I disobeyed orders from my direct chief and he isn’t happy about it”, Erica sighed. That wasn’t a complete lie. She felt horrible leaving things out for Callie.
“Is that why you have to go back? To get yelled at by your boss?”
“Yes. I’ll probably have to go to a disciplinary hearing as well. But all that doesn’t matter, I’m quitting anyway.”
Callie thought for a moment before speaking again. “You don’t seem too worried about your job, but you were awfully upset after the phone call. You are still upset.”
Erica looked in Callie’s beautiful brown eyes. “I’m upset because I don’t want to go back to DC, I want to stay here with you. I want to be here when you break up with Jason. I want to see you when I wake up in the morning.”
This time Erica wasn’t lying or leaving things out. This time she was speaking from her heart.
“But you’ll come back, right? You’ll come back?” Callie tearfully asked. Suddenly it struck her that Erica might not come back to her. Fear gripped her heart at that thought.
Erica didn’t know how to answer that question. Would Callie still want her to come back if she found out about her? Would she be allowed to come back? Even if she quit the FBI, they could still put her on discretion. They’d definitely put her on discretion during her disciplinary hearing. They’d forbid her to have any contact with Callie. But she had been an FBI agent long enough to know she could have contact with Callie without the FBI knowing it.
“I’ll come back, but I don’t know how long it will take. It might take a while. There are some things I have to take care of, professionally and personally. I don’t know when I’ll be back, Cal”, Erica said in a painful voice.
“I’ll wait for you, baby. Even if it takes months before you can get back to me, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you. I… I love you, Erica”, Callie cried.
Erica kissed Callie. It was a kiss filled with hurt of the pending goodbye. She took Callie’s face in her hands.
“I love you too, Callie, so very much. But I can’t ask you to wait for me.”
“Yes, you can, Erica, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you.”
***************************************************************************
The next morning Callie insisted on driving Erica to the airport. She wanted to spend every minute with Erica until she left. They had spent the night talking and making love to each other. It had felt bitter sweet.
They were standing at the gate Erica’s plane was leaving. Callie had bought a ticket because she wanted to accompany Erica to her gate and watch the plane leave. She knew it was pure torture what she was doing, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Passengers for flight UA 5547 with destination Washington DC, please get ready to board the plane”, an intercom voice said.
Just as on cue, a song started playing in the airport.
If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way
And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm
When they heard which song it was, they both started crying.
“Just what we need, a depressing song about saying good bye”, Erica said between two sobs.
“I know, the song couldn’t be more fitting.”
Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need
Callie softly sang with the song. “And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you
You, ooh”
She didn’t care that people might recognize her. She only cared about feeling Erica’s lips one more time. She closed the gap between them and kissed Erica good bye. The kiss tasted of salt and tears.
The intercom voice urged the passengers to board one last time.
“I have to go”, Erica said in voice choked up with tears.
“I know.”
They hugged one last time. The looks in their eyes conveyed the love they feel for each other.
“I love you, Callie, always and forever.”
“Te quiero para siempre, mi amor.”
They looked one last time at each other and Erica went through the boarding gate. She was crying so much she could barely breathe. She was barely away from Callie and already it was physically hurting her.
Callie watched Erica walk through the boarding gate to the plane. She felt like she would never see Erica again. Tears were streaming freely on her face. People were watching her, but she didn’t care.
I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love
Callie stayed until she saw the plane take off and it was merely a little spot in the air.
“And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you”, she finished in a tear stricken voice.
A/N: I think you all know the song which I used for this part. It's "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston.
AUTHOR: sapphicwarrior
PAIRING: Callie/Erica
RATING: NC-1. warning: there is domestic abuse in this story!
DISCLAIMER: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
SUMMARY: This is AU, it’s been in my head for a while. A famous singer falls in love with a woman. It’s a love that is looked upon and has to happen secretly until something happens…
BETA: Thanks for my wonderful beta mar_chel !!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Callie and Erica go dancing to a gay bar, they enjoy themselves. But then Erica gets a very disturbing phone call...
You might want to have some tissues nearby, I cried while writing this. It could have been my pregnancy hormones of course too...
Links to previous parts:
part 1: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/35601.html
part 2: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/36180.html
part 3: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/36754.html
part 4: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/37565.html
part 5: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/38211.html
part 6: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/39663.html
part 7: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/40086.html
part 8: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/40970.html
part 9: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/41401.html
part 10: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/42314.html
part 11: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/42829.html
part 12: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/43757.html
part 13: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/44617.html
part 14: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/46779.html
part 15: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/47260.html
part 16: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/48005.html
part 17: sapphicwarrior.livejournal.com/48834.html
NEW PART:
Callie was in her dressing room at the Nokia Theatre. The show would start in 30 minutes. She was doing some last minute exercises to warm up her voice a bit. She looked at her playlist again. Even though she knew which songs to sing, she checked again. She couldn’t afford to make any mistakes and start singing the wrong song. Imagine the embarrassment. She heard a knock on the door.
“Come in.”
Her face lit up when she saw Erica coming in.
“Hey, baby”, she greeted her with a kiss.
“Hey. You look great. Are you nervous?” Erica asked.
“Not more than usual before a concert.”
“The audience is very enthusiastic, Cal. They are already screaming your name and singing some of your songs.”
“Will you watch the concert?”
“Of course I will. I wouldn’t want to miss it.”
“Thanks. Will you hold me a bit before I have to go up to stage, to take away the last nerves?” Callie shyly asks.
Erica pulled her closer. Callie felt all the nerves and stress leave her body. Erica was the perfect way to calm her nerves. “You’ll do great, Cal. Now, go up there and go be the great Calliope.” Erica quickly kissed her.
“Thanks.”
**************************************************************************
As predicted by Carlos and Erica, the concert was a big success. Minutes after Callie had left the stage, the audience was still applauding for her. For Callie this was the best concert she had ever given.
“You were simply wonderful, Calliope”, Carlos praised her. “You totally rocked out there and everyone loved you! This album is going to break records.”
“Thank you, Carlos. I’ve never felt like this on stage. I can’t describe it, it was like I was flying”, Callie smiled.
“I arranged some interviews for tomorrow. Lots of magazines and newspapers want to interview you after the concert. And after such an amazing concert, talking to the press is very good publicity.”
“I know. When are the interviews?”
“The first is at 1pm. I figured you could use the morning off to rest a bit after your great performance.”
“Thanks, Carlos. Have you seen Erica?”
Just as Callie asked Carlos about Erica’s whereabouts, the blonde woman came through the door.
“Erica”, Callie called out. She forgot Carlos was in the room and went to hug Erica. “How did you like the concert?”
“Amazing, Callie, simply amazing.” She gently pushed Callie away. “Hey, Carlos”, she greeted the older man to make Callie aware he was still in the same room with them.
Callie’s second concert was just as well received in the press as her first one. Every magazine, every newspaper was praising her performance and her new album. Callie had never felt happier in her life. She had Erica and her new album was a success.
Tomorrow was their last day in New York. Then they had to head back to LA and Callie had to face a difficult situation: breaking up with Jason. But she didn’t want to think about that just yet. She wanted to enjoy one last evening with Erica before all hell would break lose.
“Erica, I want to take you dancing this evening”, Callie announced after she had given her last interview of the trip.
“Dancing? I don’t dance, Callie”, Erica said horrified.
“Sure you do. This is our last evening here before we have to go back to the madness that is LA. I want to enjoy this last evening with you and I want to take you dancing. I love to go dancing.”
Erica hadn’t been lying when she told Callie she didn’t dance. She hadn’t really danced since her college days. She had never been good at it. She didn’t have a natural flow with music like Callie seemed to have.
“Dancing really isn’t a good idea, you know. I’ll never be able to keep my hands off you when we go dancing and that might not be appreciated by the other visitors there”, Erica tried to change Callie’s mind.
“Well, you’ve been a lesbian for years. Surely there are lesbian bars in New York where we can dance freely without having to worry about the looks we’d get if I kissed you.”
Erica’s eyes widened in shock. “You want to go to a gay bar, Callie?”
“Yes. Why do you seem so surprised?”
“Well, first you’re famous, you’ve been in every magazine and newspaper this last week. Second, you’re not out, no one knows you’re gay. People will recognize you, Callie.” And if McKinney sees pictures of you and me in a magazine, he’ll totally freak out, Erica added in after thought.
“So?” Callie shrugged.
“So? You’ll be recognized and people will see you are with me and they will know you are gay, Callie”, Erica tried to reason with her.
“I don’t care, Erica. I’m breaking up with Jason anyway as soon as we get back. Also, it wouldn’t be the first time I go out using a disguise. And if I get spotted, so be it. Saves me the trouble of telling Jason.”
Erica knew there was no way she’d get out of this, so she agreed to take Callie dancing to a gay bar. Callie used the disguise she always used when she wanted to go out incognito. She put on glasses and let her hair be curly. Mostly she straightened out her curls or put her hair in a pony tail, but this evening she let her curly hair be free. She wanted to take Erica out dancing and really be with her, not from a distance. She wanted to hold her close and kiss her and not hold back.
“You weren’t kidding about the disguise”, Erica said when seeing Callie. She barely recognized her. She looked completely different with her curly hair and her glasses.
“Are these real?” she pointed to the glasses.
“No, a complete fake.”
“I like your hair all curly, it’s sexy”, Erica shyly said.
“Thanks. You ready to go?”
Erica nodded. Erica had decided on an exclusive gay bar where she knew only discrete people went. You needed to be a member to enter the bar, but she had been a member since she lived here, so it wouldn’t be a problem getting in. The bar was crowded and the clientele was mostly female. There were some gay men, but very few. Callie immediately felt comfortable and didn’t think twice to take Erica’s hand into hers when walking through the bar. All night they acted like any other couple in the bar. Soon Erica lost the fear that someone might recognize Callie and she let herself enjoy the evening too. She knew all hell would break lose when they’d get back to LA. She’d have to make a move on Jason and Callie would never want to see her again. Even though Erica hadn’t really danced since her college days, Callie swaying of hips was contaminating and before she knew it, she was moving to the music too.
After lots of dancing, they went to a quiet corner in the bar and ordered something to drink.
“This place is great, Erica. Did you come here a lot when you lived here?”
“At least once a month, mostly to have some drinks and watch people.”
“These two weeks with you in New York were the best of my life. I’ve never felt so happy as I do now. I can’t wait to break up with Jason and really be with you”, Callie smiled at Erica.
Callie’s confession made Erica feel bad. She’d have to break Callie’s heart in two days and here Callie was saying to her how happy she made her. Maybe she could find a way to arrest Jason without telling Callie who she really was.
“You make me happy too, Callie.”
**************************************************************************
The next day found the two women in La Guardia Airport again to take a flight back to LA. The more the departure neared, the more nervous Erica came. She wanted to stay in New York and not face the reality of LA again.
“Erica, aren’t you going to pick up your phone?” Callie nudged her. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she hadn’t even heard her cell phone.
She looked at the caller ID.
“Oh shit”. Her heart was hammering in her chest. It couldn’t be good when McKinney was calling her. She had to pick up.
“Hello”, she simply said.
“Special Agent Erica Hahn, what do you think you are doing in New York when our suspect is dealing drugs in LA? I contacted the LA Office and they told me you asked them to take things over”, McKinney yelled into the phone.
“I can explain, sir.”
“I’m sure you can. You can explain it to me in Washington DC. You’re off the case. The LA Office will take over.”
“What??”
“You heard me. You…are…off…the…case.”
This couldn’t be happening to her. McKinney couldn’t take her off the case. She still had to arrest Jason. She couldn’t leave Callie now.
“No… I’ll wrap this up first and then I’m coming”, Erica angrily said.
“You report to me in two days or you are fired. End of discussion, Agent Hahn.” McKinney angrily put down the phone. When he had contacted Agent Darnett, at first he couldn’t believe Erica had gone to New York and had left them to handle things with Jason Taylor.
Callie looked at Erica. She looked pretty upset.
“Erica, are you okay?” she worriedly asked.
Erica looked at the Latina woman beside her. It was no use to lie to Callie. “No, I’m not.”
“What was the phone call about?”
Erica had no idea what to tell Callie. She couldn’t tell her the truth, not yet and definitely not here, in the check-in area of La Guardia.
“I … I have an emergency. I have to…” Erica couldn’t find the right words. “When we are back in LA, I’ll have to leave. I don’t know…”
The news must be very bad, Callie mused, seeing the distressed state Erica was in.
“It’s okay, Erica. I understand. I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”
“Thank you.”
The flight back to LA was pure horror for Erica. Her mind kept thinking what she could do to solve the situation. She had already more or less decided to leave the FBI after arresting Jason, but could she leave the FBI on a sore note without arresting Jason? This was her case and damn it if she was letting Darnett take the credit for it. McKinney had forced her to go undercover even when she had told him she didn’t want to.
Erica knew she’d be taken off field duty and she wasn’t cut out for a desk job. So there really was only one thing to do, something she should have done earlier when the Bureau had started ruling her life. She had her mind made up. As soon as she had made the necessary arrangements, she’d quit and be a free and independent woman again.
**************************************************************************
Callie wondered what the phone call was about Erica had received. She had never seen her so depressed and so angry. The phone call must have really disturbed her. Erica had barely spoken to her during the flight and she seemed to be on a constant verge of tears. Maybe something had happened to a family member or a close friend. She didn’t want to push Erica into telling her, but she was very curious and very worried for her blonde lover.
As soon as they got to the house, Erica excused herself and went to her room. Once inside, she let the emotions inside her run free. She wasn’t one to cry, but now tears spilled out like a real flood. She wasn’t able to stop them. All the feeling of confusion and anger were rushing to the surface and she didn’t know how to stop them. She was angry at McKinney, angry at Jason, but most of all she was angry at herself. She had let her emotions take over this case, her feelings for Callie had clouded her professional judgement. When she thought about the recent developments between her and Callie, she realized she’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Callie was worth the wrath of McKinney. For the first time in her life, a person was more important to her than her job and she found she liked that feeling very much.
If only she could still put that bastard Jason behind bars for what he had done to Callie. He deserved to be treated the same way he had treated her. Nothing would give her more pleasure than to arrest Jason and read him his rights.
She had already booked a flight to DC for tomorrow. She wanted to enjoy one last day with Callie. She didn’t know whether she’d see Callie again, if Callie would want to see her again.
A knock on her door startled her out of her reverie.
“Come in.”
Callie tentatively opened the door. She had heard Erica cry and the sounds of that crying had gone straight to her heart. She wanted to ask if she was okay, but when she saw Erica’s tear strained face, she figured it was a stupid question to ask.
“You want to talk about it?” she simply said.
Erica nodded. She knew she couldn’t tell Callie much, but still she felt like she had to give her some explanation. They sat down closely together on the bed.
“I lived in Washington DC before I came here. I messed something up at work and now I have to go back there ASAP.”
“I thought you’d quit your job”, Callie said.
“Not really, I simply took some personal time to decide what I wanted to do: quit the job or continue.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ll quit my job.”
“What did you do wrong?” Callie thought Erica was being very mysterious about her job.
“I disobeyed orders from my direct chief and he isn’t happy about it”, Erica sighed. That wasn’t a complete lie. She felt horrible leaving things out for Callie.
“Is that why you have to go back? To get yelled at by your boss?”
“Yes. I’ll probably have to go to a disciplinary hearing as well. But all that doesn’t matter, I’m quitting anyway.”
Callie thought for a moment before speaking again. “You don’t seem too worried about your job, but you were awfully upset after the phone call. You are still upset.”
Erica looked in Callie’s beautiful brown eyes. “I’m upset because I don’t want to go back to DC, I want to stay here with you. I want to be here when you break up with Jason. I want to see you when I wake up in the morning.”
This time Erica wasn’t lying or leaving things out. This time she was speaking from her heart.
“But you’ll come back, right? You’ll come back?” Callie tearfully asked. Suddenly it struck her that Erica might not come back to her. Fear gripped her heart at that thought.
Erica didn’t know how to answer that question. Would Callie still want her to come back if she found out about her? Would she be allowed to come back? Even if she quit the FBI, they could still put her on discretion. They’d definitely put her on discretion during her disciplinary hearing. They’d forbid her to have any contact with Callie. But she had been an FBI agent long enough to know she could have contact with Callie without the FBI knowing it.
“I’ll come back, but I don’t know how long it will take. It might take a while. There are some things I have to take care of, professionally and personally. I don’t know when I’ll be back, Cal”, Erica said in a painful voice.
“I’ll wait for you, baby. Even if it takes months before you can get back to me, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you. I… I love you, Erica”, Callie cried.
Erica kissed Callie. It was a kiss filled with hurt of the pending goodbye. She took Callie’s face in her hands.
“I love you too, Callie, so very much. But I can’t ask you to wait for me.”
“Yes, you can, Erica, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always wait for you.”
***************************************************************************
The next morning Callie insisted on driving Erica to the airport. She wanted to spend every minute with Erica until she left. They had spent the night talking and making love to each other. It had felt bitter sweet.
They were standing at the gate Erica’s plane was leaving. Callie had bought a ticket because she wanted to accompany Erica to her gate and watch the plane leave. She knew it was pure torture what she was doing, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Passengers for flight UA 5547 with destination Washington DC, please get ready to board the plane”, an intercom voice said.
Just as on cue, a song started playing in the airport.
If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way
And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm
When they heard which song it was, they both started crying.
“Just what we need, a depressing song about saying good bye”, Erica said between two sobs.
“I know, the song couldn’t be more fitting.”
Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need
Callie softly sang with the song. “And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you
You, ooh”
She didn’t care that people might recognize her. She only cared about feeling Erica’s lips one more time. She closed the gap between them and kissed Erica good bye. The kiss tasted of salt and tears.
The intercom voice urged the passengers to board one last time.
“I have to go”, Erica said in voice choked up with tears.
“I know.”
They hugged one last time. The looks in their eyes conveyed the love they feel for each other.
“I love you, Callie, always and forever.”
“Te quiero para siempre, mi amor.”
They looked one last time at each other and Erica went through the boarding gate. She was crying so much she could barely breathe. She was barely away from Callie and already it was physically hurting her.
Callie watched Erica walk through the boarding gate to the plane. She felt like she would never see Erica again. Tears were streaming freely on her face. People were watching her, but she didn’t care.
I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love
Callie stayed until she saw the plane take off and it was merely a little spot in the air.
“And I... Will always love you I... Will always love you”, she finished in a tear stricken voice.
A/N: I think you all know the song which I used for this part. It's "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston.