...finally
i normally write in here after my shower and before i get into bed but i'm bored and listening to Taking Back Sunday so i wanted to write.
Today i hung out with a girl i met on Craigslist. She has gorgeous eyes. Breathtaking. She has a drinking problem and smokes a lot of cigarettes. She drank right before she met with me and while we hung out. That didn't stop me from asking her if she wanted to make out. She said "yes". We have a lot in common. She loves Taking Back Sunday, Coheed and Cambria, Bright Eyes, and she recognized that i was playing Marz Volta in the car. She has bipolar 1 and herpes. Yes, herpes so i have to be careful. She is taller than me and overweight but not badly overweight and she is attractive. She has some sort of uterus disease that keeps her from getting pregnant. It also causes her body to produce a lot of testosterone so she has to shave her face and around her nipples. She has really long dangly labia. She has a lose vagina. It wasn't very tight at all and i was able to fit my hand in there easily. She has a very cute ass though. i didn't get anything in return but i'm not too sour about it. i only fingered her and she didn't cum on a count she was a little drunk. i see the relationship going no further than making out and possibly sex. The herpes thing turns me off to sex. But she is willing to have anal sex.
Speaking of anal sex. Hollyn is coming over tomorrow and staying until Sunday. i am hoping it won't be torture. She has an insatiable sexual apatite and tends to get grouchy when i deny her. So i am not looking forward to this weekend but was kind enough to let her stay here while she looks for a job in Sacramento.
i have to put gas in the car before i give it back to Corri but i have no fucking money. i will put twenty dollars in it. That is all i can afford. i called Rocklin Ranch to find out if they had made a decision yet and they had not. They said they still have a couple more interviews. i don't know what i am going to do. i am in a really rough situation and praying, of course, didn't help. i don't know why i bothered.
i always forget just how much i like Taking Back Sunday. They really must be my favorite band. Their newer album is so disappointing though. i've tried to get into it a couple times with no positive results.
i don't want to go to the outpatient center tomorrow. i really just want to sleep in. The therapists have noted and admire my dedication though. i haven't missed a day. i have showed up late a few times but never blown it off completely.
i wish i had Seroquil. i want to take it to sleep while Hollyn is here because i don't think i will be able to fall asleep with her laying next to me.
Today i ate lunch AND dinner. Anji's mother bought me a whole pizza to take home because i admitted i haven't been eating. She could tell since i look really scrawny lately. Anyway, i really don't want the pizza to go to waste so i am going to try and eat it all before it goes bad.
i'm really stressed about my money problems and not having a job. i'm in a very bad way right now and i really don't know what i am going to do. i was in this situation when i got fired from Hot Topic. However, nothing was being withheld from my SSDI checks at the time so it wasn't nearly a big deal as it is now. What the fuck am i going to do. Shit. Just fuck shit. i am so fucked! Royally fucked. A part of me wants to say fuck it and use what is left of my money to by some Nembutal (Pentobarbital) from China and kill myself. For some reason, though i do want to kill myself, i can't do it. It makes no sense that i am perfectly fine with saving extra money to do it but not willing to blow money i already have to do it. i guess i am worried that it won't work and i will be more screwed but i read that it is a sure thing. 6 grams is enough to kill you. It is about 350$ for 6 grams. i don't know. It doesn't make sense.
i can't remember if i mentioned the attractive girl from Orange, CA that i came across on OKC. Anyway, i scared her off when i asked if she liked my profile and thought i was attractive. Oh well i guess. Didn't think that would have been a deal breaker.
Anyway this is getting really long so i am going to end it. i am just going to listen to Taking Back Sunday and wait for Aaron to call me when he is ready to be picked up from the Grocery Outlet that just opened up.
EDIT: Turns out Rosie wants to hang out again tonight. She is going to spend the night. We shall see how it goes. i don't plan on exposing myself to herpes though. Also, Edmund Kemper's address:
Edmund Emil Kemper B52453
California Medical Facility
P.O. BOX 2000
Vacaville, CA 95696-2000
Today i hung out with a girl i met on Craigslist. She has gorgeous eyes. Breathtaking. She has a drinking problem and smokes a lot of cigarettes. She drank right before she met with me and while we hung out. That didn't stop me from asking her if she wanted to make out. She said "yes". We have a lot in common. She loves Taking Back Sunday, Coheed and Cambria, Bright Eyes, and she recognized that i was playing Marz Volta in the car. She has bipolar 1 and herpes. Yes, herpes so i have to be careful. She is taller than me and overweight but not badly overweight and she is attractive. She has some sort of uterus disease that keeps her from getting pregnant. It also causes her body to produce a lot of testosterone so she has to shave her face and around her nipples. She has really long dangly labia. She has a lose vagina. It wasn't very tight at all and i was able to fit my hand in there easily. She has a very cute ass though. i didn't get anything in return but i'm not too sour about it. i only fingered her and she didn't cum on a count she was a little drunk. i see the relationship going no further than making out and possibly sex. The herpes thing turns me off to sex. But she is willing to have anal sex.
Speaking of anal sex. Hollyn is coming over tomorrow and staying until Sunday. i am hoping it won't be torture. She has an insatiable sexual apatite and tends to get grouchy when i deny her. So i am not looking forward to this weekend but was kind enough to let her stay here while she looks for a job in Sacramento.
i have to put gas in the car before i give it back to Corri but i have no fucking money. i will put twenty dollars in it. That is all i can afford. i called Rocklin Ranch to find out if they had made a decision yet and they had not. They said they still have a couple more interviews. i don't know what i am going to do. i am in a really rough situation and praying, of course, didn't help. i don't know why i bothered.
i always forget just how much i like Taking Back Sunday. They really must be my favorite band. Their newer album is so disappointing though. i've tried to get into it a couple times with no positive results.
i don't want to go to the outpatient center tomorrow. i really just want to sleep in. The therapists have noted and admire my dedication though. i haven't missed a day. i have showed up late a few times but never blown it off completely.
i wish i had Seroquil. i want to take it to sleep while Hollyn is here because i don't think i will be able to fall asleep with her laying next to me.
Today i ate lunch AND dinner. Anji's mother bought me a whole pizza to take home because i admitted i haven't been eating. She could tell since i look really scrawny lately. Anyway, i really don't want the pizza to go to waste so i am going to try and eat it all before it goes bad.
i'm really stressed about my money problems and not having a job. i'm in a very bad way right now and i really don't know what i am going to do. i was in this situation when i got fired from Hot Topic. However, nothing was being withheld from my SSDI checks at the time so it wasn't nearly a big deal as it is now. What the fuck am i going to do. Shit. Just fuck shit. i am so fucked! Royally fucked. A part of me wants to say fuck it and use what is left of my money to by some Nembutal (Pentobarbital) from China and kill myself. For some reason, though i do want to kill myself, i can't do it. It makes no sense that i am perfectly fine with saving extra money to do it but not willing to blow money i already have to do it. i guess i am worried that it won't work and i will be more screwed but i read that it is a sure thing. 6 grams is enough to kill you. It is about 350$ for 6 grams. i don't know. It doesn't make sense.
i can't remember if i mentioned the attractive girl from Orange, CA that i came across on OKC. Anyway, i scared her off when i asked if she liked my profile and thought i was attractive. Oh well i guess. Didn't think that would have been a deal breaker.
Anyway this is getting really long so i am going to end it. i am just going to listen to Taking Back Sunday and wait for Aaron to call me when he is ready to be picked up from the Grocery Outlet that just opened up.
EDIT: Turns out Rosie wants to hang out again tonight. She is going to spend the night. We shall see how it goes. i don't plan on exposing myself to herpes though. Also, Edmund Kemper's address:
Edmund Emil Kemper B52453
California Medical Facility
P.O. BOX 2000
Vacaville, CA 95696-2000