...just completely fucked
Hollyn will be here soon and i probably won't want to update my journal while she is here so i am going to do it now.
i ended up have sex with Rosy. i used a condom though. The sex was okay. She came so that makes me happy and feeling accomplished. It will probably be a regular thing. It is not ideal but it is better than no affection at all. i can look past all her flaws and still enjoy her sex i guess.
Hollyn and i will be having as much sex as i can muster up this weekend too unfortunately. i don't find her very attractive. Like Rosy she is much bigger than me and it makes sex awkward, being so small myself. It is hard to maneuver around someone so big. But, like i mentioned above, it is better than nothing so i will do it. Plus i have a problem with saying no, obviously. i am unsure i have ever turned down sex. No matter how attractive the person was. Even really ugly chicks. i just can't say no.
i daydreamed more about my unknown soul mate again while in group therapy. This time we met on the swing set at Royer Park. She wasn't a porn actress in this daydream. She worked with dogs at a dog daycare in Folsom. i still can't see her face just her gorgeous blue eyes. She has big boobs but she doesn't show them off with low cut tops or anything. Of course she still and always will have a great ass :). She is still really short of course. i didn't daydream about her for very long. Oh and she wears glasses now and has a beautiful chest tattoo. She has a Taking Back Sunday tattoo and a straight edge tattoo just like me. She is just amazing. Now if i can just find her. She has to be out there somewhere. i hate seeing girls on the internet that i am heavily attracted too because it confirms that my soul mate is out there but unreachable. She is probably a Suicide Girl but i can't exactly go stocking Suicide Girls. Too bad there isn't a Suicide Boys. i would totally submit pictures of myself. And i would post my phone number so girls can get a hold of me. My soul mate has a christina piercing. i really sound shallow and picky. i realize this. But i think it is realistic. i am told i am very attractive after all. i just need to put myself out there more somehow. i need to let these hot chicks know that i am here and i am available.
i want to date the type of girls they have on altporn.net. How do i do that. How do i successfully hit on these girls? i don't have the answer.
Enough sex talk. Let's get to how fucking stressed i am over not having a job and how fucking scared i am for next month. i am scared shitless. i am so fucked. i don't know that i will ever get a call back from Rocklin Ranch. i wonder how many people they interviewed. What is my competition like. FUCK. i feel like life is just fucking me in the ass without any lube at all. Not even any spit. The only thing i can do is hope that i get the job. It is out of my hands. i hope i made a good enough impact during my working interview. i don't know what i am going to fucking do. Not a single clue. i still have to send out a rent check. i am dreading doing that. i have been to scared to look at my bank account. i just hope i have enough money in there to cover everything this month. Man, i am completely fucked.
i ended up have sex with Rosy. i used a condom though. The sex was okay. She came so that makes me happy and feeling accomplished. It will probably be a regular thing. It is not ideal but it is better than no affection at all. i can look past all her flaws and still enjoy her sex i guess.
Hollyn and i will be having as much sex as i can muster up this weekend too unfortunately. i don't find her very attractive. Like Rosy she is much bigger than me and it makes sex awkward, being so small myself. It is hard to maneuver around someone so big. But, like i mentioned above, it is better than nothing so i will do it. Plus i have a problem with saying no, obviously. i am unsure i have ever turned down sex. No matter how attractive the person was. Even really ugly chicks. i just can't say no.
i daydreamed more about my unknown soul mate again while in group therapy. This time we met on the swing set at Royer Park. She wasn't a porn actress in this daydream. She worked with dogs at a dog daycare in Folsom. i still can't see her face just her gorgeous blue eyes. She has big boobs but she doesn't show them off with low cut tops or anything. Of course she still and always will have a great ass :). She is still really short of course. i didn't daydream about her for very long. Oh and she wears glasses now and has a beautiful chest tattoo. She has a Taking Back Sunday tattoo and a straight edge tattoo just like me. She is just amazing. Now if i can just find her. She has to be out there somewhere. i hate seeing girls on the internet that i am heavily attracted too because it confirms that my soul mate is out there but unreachable. She is probably a Suicide Girl but i can't exactly go stocking Suicide Girls. Too bad there isn't a Suicide Boys. i would totally submit pictures of myself. And i would post my phone number so girls can get a hold of me. My soul mate has a christina piercing. i really sound shallow and picky. i realize this. But i think it is realistic. i am told i am very attractive after all. i just need to put myself out there more somehow. i need to let these hot chicks know that i am here and i am available.
i want to date the type of girls they have on altporn.net. How do i do that. How do i successfully hit on these girls? i don't have the answer.
Enough sex talk. Let's get to how fucking stressed i am over not having a job and how fucking scared i am for next month. i am scared shitless. i am so fucked. i don't know that i will ever get a call back from Rocklin Ranch. i wonder how many people they interviewed. What is my competition like. FUCK. i feel like life is just fucking me in the ass without any lube at all. Not even any spit. The only thing i can do is hope that i get the job. It is out of my hands. i hope i made a good enough impact during my working interview. i don't know what i am going to fucking do. Not a single clue. i still have to send out a rent check. i am dreading doing that. i have been to scared to look at my bank account. i just hope i have enough money in there to cover everything this month. Man, i am completely fucked.