FIC: Maybe Definitely, YanaKiri, NC17, 5/7
Title: Maybe Definitely (5/7)
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Kirihara avoids Renji all day. He does say hello, and good morning. He does eat lunch with them, and he does say thanks when Renji hands him a photocopy of last season's training schedule. But the clipboard shakes. Kirihara looks away.
Renji doesn't like it.
He walks home with Yagyuu for once. Yagyuu doesn't stop talking until Renji slams the gate at home. Renji rubs his temples. He doesn't care about Inspector Morse. Although he nods and hums in agreement, he isn’t interested in Niou's fellatio skills either.
His sister has the sewing machine out in the main room. Fabric drapes down the hallway at dinner. Renji helps himself to extra fish. Under the table, he undoes the top button of his pants.
The door bell rings.
Kirihara stands in the doorway. His hair is plastered down with wax. He's wearing his school uniform-for once, his tie is tight, and his shirt buttoned up all the way.
"No," Renji mouths.
His chopsticks roll across the floor.
Kirihara pushes past him. Renji's ears ring. Kirihara tells Renji's parents everything. He's a girl, they're dating, he's pregnant. Renji sinks to the floor. He keeps shaking his head. His mother gasps. His father sets the evening newspaper down, and rubs the bridge of his nose. His sister whispers, oh my god.
All of their jaws hit the floor.
Kirihara is on his knees. He says he's sorry, he's so sorry, he'll do his best. Renji can't breathe. He shakes all over and tells Kirihara to Stop, STOP!
Kirihara doesn't. He kisses the floor by Renji's father's feet.
"Oh Renji," his mom says. Her face ages ten years in ten seconds. "Why didn't you say something?"
Renji shakes his head. He can't even say, "I couldn't."
***
They all sit around the table. Kirihara's parents and sister drove over. Their sisters glare at each other-if they sat any closer, there would be hair-pulling. Renji stares at the chopstick holder. Kirihara reaches for his hand. Renji pulls away. He turns, and glares.
He wants to crawl under a rock. Every square centimetre of his skin is on fire when his parents ask how far he is, and how long they've known, and they're both children!
Out of nowhere, Kirihara slams his fist down. Tea sloshes onto the table. "I'm going to do my best!" he shouts. Kirihara's mother starts to shriek. Renji's father opens the sake cabinet. He pours a glass, and downs it in one shot before offering a cup to Kirihara's father.
The clock ticks.
Renji hangs his head lower.
He used to think that his match with Sadaharu was the longer time ever.
Now he knows better.
***
"I had to," Kirihara says.
Renji stares out the train window. He purses his lips. The train rushes through rice paddies, and into another concrete suburb. He can still hear his mother's words, and the tangible disappointment: why didn't you say something?
"Don’t hate me," Kirihara says.
Renji frowns. "I don't."
Kirihara frowns, too. He rakes his fingernail over the pages of his Jump volume. "Do you know what my mom said to me?"
The train doors open. The stop closest to Rikkai is next.
"She said that I was throwing my life away. She said she was…" Kirihara takes a deep breath. "She was ashamed I was her son."
Renji opens his mouth.
Kirihara shrugs. "I said it just means I have a reason to do my best." Their eyes meet. "You know, to be number one."
Renji lets Kirihara hold his hand all the way to the school gate. There's no one around anyway. Tennis practice started ten minutes ago, school won't for another hour. Kirihara's skin is warm, and solid. When they part, Renji walks ahead. He closes his palm over the sensation.
The baby tickles his ribs.
***
His mother goes with him to the clinic. She sits in the waiting room. The doctor prods cold, metal instruments up inside. Renji stares at the ceiling. He winces. His bare legs are cold.
He comes home after school. Graduation is coming up. Renji leaves a folder of student council minutes for next year. He passes the last of his tests. Yukimura finally hands over the second key to the clubhouse after his birthday.
It takes Renji five days to realize Sanada and Yukimura have stopped talking. He's spent all his lunches with Kirihara, in a classroom on the fourth floor annex. They look at pamphlets, and books. Kirihara flips through tennis magazines. Renji reads a book with Kirihara's head in his lap. His fingers comb Kirihara's hair. His eyes rake the worn pages.
"I'm not allowed to hang out with you unless I have a chaperone," Kirihara mumbles. He smells like milk, from the carton he drank.
Renji says, "I'm not allowed to hang out with you unless I have a chaperone."
"This sucks," Kirihara says. He wiggles. He's got an erection. Renji shifts. He's hot between the legs, too.
Yukimura pushes the door open. Kirihara rolls onto the floor and hits his head. Renji drops his novel. Yukimura doesn't say anything. He pushes through a row of desks, and sits on the window ledge with a huff.
Renji looks at Kirihara. Kirihara shrugs.
Renji invites himself to Sanada's house. For once, Sanada is alone. He's sullen and silent the entire bus ride. His skirt whips up with a breeze, and he doesn't bother to blush. Renji strokes his chin.
"You two had sex," he says.
Sanada stops. He says, "I don't know what you are talking about." They sit on the dojo floor, and eat curry popcorn. A flush creeps up Sanada's neck, and down his chest, too. His nipples stiffen under his shirt. Renji sympathizes.
"That's why you're not talking."
"That's none of your business!"
Renji rolls his eyes. "Don't be a prude, Genichirou. It's not a big deal."
Sanada closes his mouth. He unfolds his arms from his chest to grab another handful of popcorn. "Maybe not for you," he mutters.
"But that's what you wanted."
Sanada says they're too young. Renji shakes his head. "You're afraid."
Sanada snorts.
"That he only likes you because you're a girl, and you'll put out." Renji brushes a kernel off his sweater. He sits up. When he leans forward, the fly of his pants bursts open. Sanada is too busy sniffling to notice.
"He loves your boobs," Renji says. Sanada starts to cry more. His chest shakes. Renji wonders if Sanada's back hurts, or if his shoulders are used to it now. He offers a Kleenex. Sanada uses his sleeve instead.
"He loves you, too. Deep down," Renji says.
Sanada's grandfather moves around the courtyard garden with a straw broom. He waves to Renji through the glass panels. Renji waves back.
He looks down at Sanada. "But aren’t you glad that even though you're a girl now, your body grew parts that Yukimura would love?"
"What do you mean?" Sanada blows his nose. His face is red and splotchy.
"Yukimura is a boobs-man, so he loves you more for it."
"You're not helping."
Renji smiles. "Do you want to be a girl, and have a normal relationship now?"
Sanada never answers.
On White Day, Renji and Niou and Kirihara follow behind Sanada. He sits on a bench, on the roof. Yukimura touches his hair. Sanada opens a little box. Yukimura presses kisses to his mouth, and slides a clip through Sanada's hair. He reaches up Sanada's skirt. Niou shoves Kirihara down the stairs.
"Not for your eyes, kid."
"Hey!" Kirihara shouts.
Yukimura and Sanada look over. Renji hides behind a wall with Niou. They laugh so hard, Renji feels something warm and wet between his legs.
***
"Is it…normal?" he asks.
His mom looks up from the box. There are baby clothes piled on the floor, and a folding crib in the corner.
"When I was pregnant with you, your sister used to constantly do things to make me laugh after it happened the first time." She rolls her eyes. Renji's sister smirks. Then his sister checks her cellphone.
"Shit, I have an appointment with Ayaka," she says. "We're going to Yuzawaya to look at bootie patterns."
Renji looks at her. "You don't wear booties."
She shakes her head. She pokes his middle. "For that, Renji. Knocked up, remember?"
Unless Kirihara's sister has a scooter, the rev of a motorcycle outside suggests Izumi is out with someone else.
***
Graduation is tomorrow. It's been three weeks, and two days since they last had sex. Renji reaches under his pajama bottoms. He rubs the little nub. It feels good. He spits on his hand, and rubs some more. He thinks of Kirihara, on top of him, pushing in.
His cellphone buzzes.
whatcha doing??
Renji sighs. He wipes his hand on his sheets. thinking of you He presses send, and shuts his phone in the drawer. He slides a finger up his cunt.
His cellphone keeps buzzing.
yeah??
Renji frowns.
Yes
gud things?
Akaya, stop emailing. I'm horny.
There is no response. Renji rubs his clit until shudders. He lies back, and listens to his parents moving around the main room. His cunt aches. He sighs. It's not the same.
Five minutes later, there's a new email.
i was thinkin of u 2
I want you inside me. His insides tingle at the words on the screen. Renji hesitates on the send button.
He presses. Then he puts his phone on manner mode.
Kirihara calls. "Me, too," he whispers.
***
Renji says, "I have to get to school early to help clean out the tennis clubhouse."
His mom says, "We'll see you at the ceremony at ten."
Kirihara sits on the bench inside the clubhouse. This is the first time he's been here before seven. Renji locks the door. His belt is already unbuckled. Kirihara launches himself at Renji. Renji yanks his pants off. Kirihara fucks him against the row of lockers, so hard that the last locker crashes to the floor.
Then Kirihara flips Renji over, and fucks him over that.
Renji pushes back on Kirihara's cock as far as he can. His pussy drips. His hips hip the metal door. Kirihara stuffs his hand in Renji's mouth. It feels so good Renji screams.
***
He forces a smile for the camera. Renji holds up the graduation certificate. On either side, his parents purse their lips.
There are other parents around. Yukimura's parents say hello. Renji bows, and holds his breath. He looks at his parents. They say hello back. They ask how Yukimura's parents are, now that Seiichi is out of the hospital-and nothing else.
Renji closes his eyes, and exhales. At least Kirihara left before the ceremony.
Sanada's parents invite them to a restaurant, near their house, out in the suburbs. Renji thinks of excuses. His parents smile. In the car, Renji's mom sighs. "Your only graduation," she says.
Renji asks why.
She gives him a look. Renji shrinks two feet. "You have to quit school now."
"I start high school in a week." Renji stares at her. Her eyes drift to his middle.
"You can't be serious," she whispers.
He narrows his eyes. The car jumps over a hill on the road. The baby kicks his ribs. There is a tiny beat that follows. Renji shifts in his seat. His back hurts. There's another tiny beat. Hiccups, he thinks.
The restaurant is old fashioned kaiseki-style food. A woman in a kimono sets ceramic dishes on a long, lacquer table. Sanada and Renji sit at the end. Their parents sit at the other. Renji's knees ache sitting on the floor. Sanada spills a dish of soup on his skirt, and turns as pink as the salmon.
"And Renji, are you entering the academic stream of high school?" Sanada's mother looks like Sanada, except with a smaller chest.
Renji's father stiffens his back. His mom looks at the wall scroll.
Renji nods and says yes.
***
His father swirls a cup of sake. He frowns.
He says, "If you're expelled, you'll have to stay with your uncle."
***
The high school head teacher looks at Renji. Renji holds the uniform to his chest. His mom taps her pump on the side of a chair.
The head teacher pushes his glasses up his nose. "Can't be worse than the one who was caught with his dog on the roof three years ago."
"That's…an odd place for a walk," Renji's mom says.
The head teacher looks over the rim of his glasses. His eyebrow hairs bristle. "It wasn't a walk up there."
Renji and his mom look at each other. His mom keeps the same stunned expression for the remainder of the meeting.
The head teacher shakes Renji's hand. "Well," he says, "good luck in high school."
***
Renji develops a face full of pus-y pimples. The sakura blossoms start to open. His nose drips, and his eyes match Kirihara's. He keeps a box of Kleenex in his bag, along with jellies and snack bars.
Jackal is on vacation in Saipan. Marui was stopped at the gates in Haneda and told to go home. Niou and Yagyuu are MIA-Renji assumes they are either at Yagyuu's having sex, or at the golf course twenty minutes out from school. The course opened two weeks ago.
Renji phones Sanada.
There's heavy breathing on the other end. "…yes?" Sanada pants. Something rustles. Yukimura hisses, "Who's calling?"
Renji rolls his eyes. "I'll call back later," he says. "You're evidently in the middle of intercourse."
He smiles at Sanada's silence. Then he hangs up.
Kirihara comes over with his tennis bag. He slinks past Renji's mom. She has a sour face for him. Renji snacks on a jar of pickled daikon. Kirihara flops on his stomach, on Renji's bed. He props himself up on his elbows.
"We could play tennis?" he asks.
Renji shrugs. He starts to close his door. His mom tells him to open it back up.
Renji leans back on his mattress. He trails his fingers up Kirihara's calf. Kirihara shivers. His mom is downstairs, even if the door is open. His cunt is still sore from graduation.
He unzips the fly of Kirihara's cargos.
Kirihara squeaks.
There are footsteps on the stairs. Kirihara yanks at his zip.
They play a five-set match of tennis on the street courts after all. Petals float on the wind. Renji sneezes as he serves. Kirihara kisses him over the net. "I'm not super mad that you beat me," he says. "I wasn't really trying to win."
Renji raises his eyebrows. "Your serve was very…regular."
Kirihara licks his lips. The sunset gleams on them. "Well I figured that it'd be pretty bad if I, uh…accidentally hit a pregnant chick."
"I'm not a chick," Renji says.
Kirihara looks at Renji. Then he raises his eyebrows too.
***
Renji makes a list. It has two columns. He goes through the books on his shelf, one by one, and adds to it.
They sit in the park, near the hospital. Sakura carpet the ground. This morning's rain makes everything a little soggy, including the bench. Renji shifts on the hard wooden seat. He spreads his legs a little wider than usual.
Kirihara asks if he's okay. He has a backpack tucked between his knees-too small for a racket.
Renji opens his novel, and unfolds the list. He hands it to Kirihara. "These are the names I like," he says.
Kirihara turns the page over. Then the second, and the third. "Senpai, these are…" He spells a name out. Renji corrects him.
Kirihara scratches his head. "These are really lame," he says.
Renji blinks.
"Like, the kid's gonna get their ass kicked if we call it Shinosuke or Yasu or Yukiji."
Renji snatches the list back. "I like those."
"Shitosuke! Yassu! Genpachiro!" Kirihara cackles. "That's like fukubuchou's name!" He snickers.
Renji folds his list back up. He crosses his arms over his chest. His belly sticks out below. "And what do you like?" he asks.
Kirihara shrugs. An old lady meanders through the park. She sweeps the sakura off the trail with a wicker broom.
They eat cold bentos spread out on their laps. Renji wipes his nose with his sleeve. He flicks pollen off his onigiri balls. Kirihara yawns. "Oh yeah!" He rummages around his backpack, and pulls out a package. Renji picks the tape off. He holds up a band of red crochet.
"My mom said pregnant women need them," Kirihara says. "So my sister knit a haramaki for you."
Renji leans over. He presses his lips to Kirihara's mouth. He licks the mayonnaise off Kirihara's tongue.
"Tell her I said thanks."
***
Kirihara shows up at Renji's door. He waves a piece of paper.
"I made a list, too," he says. He peels off his grey sneakers.
Renji reads it.
"Akaya?"
Kirihara cringes. "That's what I always call my Mii?"
"Yamapi?"
"Marui-senpai says he's cool." Kirihara nods.
Renji says no way in hell.
"Joong?" Renji says the name twice. It's hard.
"My sister says he's hot."
"It's Korean," Renji says.
"Oh," Kirihara says. "Sorry."
"That's all you have?"
"Well…" Kirihara slides his sock around the floor. His big toe sticks out a hole, and wiggles. "I like Satoshi, too, but you'd get mad because it's from Pokemon."
"Maybe we should pick names out of a hat," Renji says.
"Sanada's hat?"
Renji smacks Kirihara across the ear. But he laughs, too.
***
The new uniform that fit two weeks ago pulls across his middle. Renji sucks in a breath and tries the button again. The zipper strains. He pats his blazer down. No matter how much he sucks his stomach in it still sticks out. Renji frowns in the mirror.
There is no tennis practice yet, which means there is no Kirihara hanging around. Seniors are three feet taller than he is. It takes five times as long to find his new shoe cubby. He can't find any of the familiar faces.
He goes to his classroom and sits. Slowly, last year's classmates file in, along with a few others. He types up a quick email to Kirihara. Faces press to the window from the corridor. Marui and Jackal wave. Renji nods back.
His stomach growls and groans all morning. Yesterday, he snacked when he felt like it. Now, Renji clutches his sides and hunches forward. Stop! he thinks. A girl turns around and gives him the stink eye. Then she gives it to another boy-his stomach gurgles so loud the teacher drops her chalk.
He has to pee, too. The minutes take hours to pass. Renji stops taking notes, and squeezes his legs together. He purses his lips. He chews on his pencil. By lunch bell, he runs to the toilet. The baby dances on his bladder as he pees.
They sit on the grass, close to the junior high campus. Renji rips open his bread bun. He gobbles up the rice bowl bento. He eats three snack bars in two bites. His stomach keeps gnawing. Bile stings his throat. And his mouth waters at the sight of Marui's Cheetos.
He can smell the grease, and the cheesiness. Renji shoves his hand into the bag. Marui shouts. Renji's eyes roll back at the salt, and flavouring. The taste is orgasmic.
"If you wanted your own bag, you could buy them!" Marui pouts. He holds his bag tight to his chest. Niou reaches from above and steals a Cheeto, too.
"Thought you hated Cheetos," Marui says. "If my genius remembers correctly."
Jackal says, "And when we went to Taco Derio last week, you ordered extra cheese nachos."
Sanada and Yukimura stop giving each other googly eyes. Renji starts to sweat. His pants dig into his skin. Niou and Yagyuu exchange glances. "You have been snacking a lot recently, Yanagi-kun," Yagyuu says. He nods to the pile of empty plastic wrappers beside Renji.
Niou prods him in the stomach. Renji hisses. "Don't!"
"Your pudge is a hell of a lot harder than his." Niou flicks Cheeto crumbs at Marui. Marui drops his bag. Renji grabs it. His mouth fills with saliva. His body tenses all over.
Sanada shakes his head. His mouth parts, and he makes a tiny sigh in the back of his throat. "Renji…" he whispers.
He says it. He tells it straight-faced to Sanada, and expects one of two reactions. Sanada does neither. Instead, he turns white all over. Then he starts to shake his head frantically. Then he starts to scream.
He's done it. Renji finally unbuttons the top of his pants, and he finishes off the Cheetos.
"Really?" Yukimura asks. Sanada stomps around them. He balls his fists in the air, and screams that Renji is a fool, and it's AKAYA, and Renji is a GIRL and he never said anything?
Renji winces. He looks down, and picks crumbs off his pants. Yukimura touches his shoulder. "…Renji?"
Renji says nothing.
"Thanks for ruining my winning team," Yukimura says, deadpan.
"Thanks for ruining your LIFE!" Sanada seethes.
Jackal touches his other shoulder. Renji flinches. Jackal looks up at him, and offers a stick of peach pocky. Then he says, "I like kids," and offers to babysit.
***
He phones Kirihara. He keeps his voice even. He cups his hand over his receiver, and tells Sanada to tone it down.
Sanada stops ranting for a moment.
Kirihara says, "Fuck, fukubuchou is going to kill me."
Renji manages to get to the tennis courts in time to see Sanada punch Kirihara in the nose. Blood sprays across the nets. Yukimura gasps. Yagyuu covers his glasses. Sanada wrapped his hands around Kirihara's neck. Kirihara turns blue. His eyes bulge out.
"Stop!" Renji yells.
Yukimura pulls Sanada off Kirihara. Kirihara coughs and gags, and takes Renji's hand to stand up. He spits a wad of foamy blood at Sanada's feet. He wipes his mouth off. "I'm gonna be responsible," he tells Sanada.
Sanada gapes.
Renji squeezes Kirihara's hand. Kirihara stares at him.
"We're walking home together," Renji says. Kirihara leans on his side. Renji leans back.
***
His phone rings before he's even home.
"I knew you'd be calling."
"I needed to confirm the new data."
Kirihara asks who's calling. When Renji hesitates, Kirihara narrows his eyes and mutters something about fucking Inui.
Sadaharu says, "This explains your uncharacteristic actions at the Invitationals."
Renji's face is hot.
"Aa…that."
"Your condition is an interesting experiment," Sadaharu says.
Renji stops walking. "It's not."
***
Sanada doesn't speak to him for a week.
Renji goes to the supermarket, and buys a matcha roll cake. He has every intention of bringing it as a peace offering, except he gets hungry on the bus and eats it all himself.
Sanada's mother opens the door. She looks at Renji's haramaki wrap. "Oh."
Gardening club meets Mondays after class. Tennis club tryouts start tomorrow. Renji doesn't bother to knock on Sanada's door. He lets himself in.
Sanada jumps. He turns around, and then his face darkens. "What do you want?" he snaps.
Renji sits next to him. The flowers in the alcove vase are new. The same sorts of daffodils grow in Yukimura's garden. Sanada fumbles with something. A lipstick rolls out from under his hand. Renji hands it back.
"You're a stupid fool," Sanada says.
"I knew you'd say that."
Sanada snorts. "Were you planning to keep it a secret forever?"
Renji frowns. He shakes his head.
"You just happened to open your legs-" Sanada shudders. "You just happened to have sex with Akaya and-it was a stupid experiment!" Sanada bangs his fist on the floor.
"It wasn't," Renji says.
Sanada shakes his head. "You actually…?"
Renji says nothing.
Sanada slaps his palms to his forehead. "Akaya?"
"He's really not that much younger than Seiichi," Renji says. "And you have sex with him."
"That's different!" Sanada turns red. His nipples stiffen under his jersey shirt.
"If you insist," Renji says. The baby bounces inside. Renji stiffens for a moment. He eases into the familiar tickling. Sanada stops talking.
Renji's hands are on his stomach. Sanada stares. Then he looks down at his own hands.
Renji lifts his shirt.
Sanada says, "You're still an idiot. Both of you!" His hands hover over Renji's skin until Renji takes one.
"Here. Do you feel that?"
Sanada's eyes go wide.
***
Sanada finds Sadaharu hiding behind the tennis clubhouse on the day of the second real practice for the high school team. He drags Sadaharu out by his collar. Sadaharu is horrified to have a girl touch him.
"I assume he's here for you," Sanada tells Renji. Yukimura tells the captain.
Renji confiscates the notebook. Sadaharu tries to grad at it. His glasses fall off. Sanada stands in the way.
"There's no tennis in here," Renji says. Except for a rough sketch of a graph labelled 'female vs male aerodynamics'.
He frowns.
"One needs to investigate for himself," Sadaharu says. He pushes his glasses back up. There are grease marks on the lenses.
The captain escorts Sadaharu to the school gate. Renji's uniform feels tighter than before. His seams strain when he lobs. His pants bunch up around his crotch when he rallies with a senpai. Jackal looks up from picking up balls, and says, "Pssst! Camel toe!"
Niou pushes a basket of balls. It rolls across a court in the direction of Sanada. Renji jogs to catch it. His breasts seem to jiggle under his jacket. Two senpais drop their rackets on the next court.
In the showers, Niou gives him a look. Renji stares back. Niou's body has rounded out in the past few months. "You definitely have a cooch," Niou says.
Renji leans back in the spray. Shampoo washes down his back. Niou is still looking.
"You need to put those away," Niou says.
"Put what away?"
"Your tits."
Renji pulls on his undershirt, and then his school uniform shirt. "You can't see anything," he says.
Jackal makes a noise behind Sanada. Sanada grunts as he pulls his bra around right ways.
"Renji," Sanada says.
Sanada swallows something big and bitter. He cringes like he has PMS cramps.
"Niou is right."
***
His mom buys him three.
Renji wears the white one to school. He takes a deep breath. The back of his neck prickles all the way down to his rib cage. Sweat beads between the cups. For the first time, he feels like everyone knows.
He stays in the clubhouse until halfway through first period.
***
Sanada asks him to play a game. Renji missed the fast pace of Sanada's balls. He runs across the court, and breathes the smell of singed rubber. "Did you ever think-" Sanada rocks back on his sneaker. Slice, Renji thinks. He side-steps to catch the ball. His racket hums.
"About what?" He returns the shot, deep and low.
"About…getting rid of it?" Sanada lobs.
Renji blinks. The ball glances off the rim of his racket. Sanada smashes to take the point. Renji's chest twists.
"I told Akaya no," he says.
Sanada frowns. He throws the ball for the serve. His skirt flips up. He grunts like a girl. Like Serena Williams.
"You're not married," Sanada says. The ball zooms across the net.
Renji narrows his eyes. He dashes two steps forward for a drop shot. Sanada dives. Renji listens to the sound of skin scraping the gravelly clay.
"Genichirou," he says, "you can't stop me."
Sanada stands up. His knees are skinned. His thighs are dusty. "Fine then," he says. "But it's shameful."
He rubs his stomach. Renji adds, "Maybe I just want it."
Sanada doesn't answer.
In a small voice by the clubhouse lockers, he says, "I still think you're both fools."
***
They play Yokohama Central in the Prefectural finals.
Renji is scheduled as alternate. He sits on the bench, and watches Sanada play doubles with the captain. The other team laughs at the girl they have to play. Renji leans over to Yukimura.
"6-1?"
Yukimura doesn't take his eyes off Sanada. He shakes his head. Sanada yells at the other pair, calls them lazyass fools. The captain lets him serve first. The ball burns through the opponent's defence. The court smells of burnt rubber.
"6-0," Yukimura says. "Sanada's really pissed off now."
***
"Well?"
Renji cradles his cellphone to his ear. His sister has the sewing machine out.
"We won, of course."
"Yeah, us too."
"I knew you would."
"Senpai?"
"Hn?"
"Can you tell the baby good night for me?"
Renji smiles to himself. "You can do it yourself." He lifts his shirt. Kirihara's voice vibrates on his skin. "There."
"Thanks. Se-Renji?"
"Hn?"
"Do you think…do you think I'll be good at it?"
The baby moves from his left to his right side. Renji watches the lump shift across his middle.
"Number one."
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Kirihara avoids Renji all day. He does say hello, and good morning. He does eat lunch with them, and he does say thanks when Renji hands him a photocopy of last season's training schedule. But the clipboard shakes. Kirihara looks away.
Renji doesn't like it.
He walks home with Yagyuu for once. Yagyuu doesn't stop talking until Renji slams the gate at home. Renji rubs his temples. He doesn't care about Inspector Morse. Although he nods and hums in agreement, he isn’t interested in Niou's fellatio skills either.
His sister has the sewing machine out in the main room. Fabric drapes down the hallway at dinner. Renji helps himself to extra fish. Under the table, he undoes the top button of his pants.
The door bell rings.
Kirihara stands in the doorway. His hair is plastered down with wax. He's wearing his school uniform-for once, his tie is tight, and his shirt buttoned up all the way.
"No," Renji mouths.
His chopsticks roll across the floor.
Kirihara pushes past him. Renji's ears ring. Kirihara tells Renji's parents everything. He's a girl, they're dating, he's pregnant. Renji sinks to the floor. He keeps shaking his head. His mother gasps. His father sets the evening newspaper down, and rubs the bridge of his nose. His sister whispers, oh my god.
All of their jaws hit the floor.
Kirihara is on his knees. He says he's sorry, he's so sorry, he'll do his best. Renji can't breathe. He shakes all over and tells Kirihara to Stop, STOP!
Kirihara doesn't. He kisses the floor by Renji's father's feet.
"Oh Renji," his mom says. Her face ages ten years in ten seconds. "Why didn't you say something?"
Renji shakes his head. He can't even say, "I couldn't."
***
They all sit around the table. Kirihara's parents and sister drove over. Their sisters glare at each other-if they sat any closer, there would be hair-pulling. Renji stares at the chopstick holder. Kirihara reaches for his hand. Renji pulls away. He turns, and glares.
He wants to crawl under a rock. Every square centimetre of his skin is on fire when his parents ask how far he is, and how long they've known, and they're both children!
Out of nowhere, Kirihara slams his fist down. Tea sloshes onto the table. "I'm going to do my best!" he shouts. Kirihara's mother starts to shriek. Renji's father opens the sake cabinet. He pours a glass, and downs it in one shot before offering a cup to Kirihara's father.
The clock ticks.
Renji hangs his head lower.
He used to think that his match with Sadaharu was the longer time ever.
Now he knows better.
***
"I had to," Kirihara says.
Renji stares out the train window. He purses his lips. The train rushes through rice paddies, and into another concrete suburb. He can still hear his mother's words, and the tangible disappointment: why didn't you say something?
"Don’t hate me," Kirihara says.
Renji frowns. "I don't."
Kirihara frowns, too. He rakes his fingernail over the pages of his Jump volume. "Do you know what my mom said to me?"
The train doors open. The stop closest to Rikkai is next.
"She said that I was throwing my life away. She said she was…" Kirihara takes a deep breath. "She was ashamed I was her son."
Renji opens his mouth.
Kirihara shrugs. "I said it just means I have a reason to do my best." Their eyes meet. "You know, to be number one."
Renji lets Kirihara hold his hand all the way to the school gate. There's no one around anyway. Tennis practice started ten minutes ago, school won't for another hour. Kirihara's skin is warm, and solid. When they part, Renji walks ahead. He closes his palm over the sensation.
The baby tickles his ribs.
***
His mother goes with him to the clinic. She sits in the waiting room. The doctor prods cold, metal instruments up inside. Renji stares at the ceiling. He winces. His bare legs are cold.
He comes home after school. Graduation is coming up. Renji leaves a folder of student council minutes for next year. He passes the last of his tests. Yukimura finally hands over the second key to the clubhouse after his birthday.
It takes Renji five days to realize Sanada and Yukimura have stopped talking. He's spent all his lunches with Kirihara, in a classroom on the fourth floor annex. They look at pamphlets, and books. Kirihara flips through tennis magazines. Renji reads a book with Kirihara's head in his lap. His fingers comb Kirihara's hair. His eyes rake the worn pages.
"I'm not allowed to hang out with you unless I have a chaperone," Kirihara mumbles. He smells like milk, from the carton he drank.
Renji says, "I'm not allowed to hang out with you unless I have a chaperone."
"This sucks," Kirihara says. He wiggles. He's got an erection. Renji shifts. He's hot between the legs, too.
Yukimura pushes the door open. Kirihara rolls onto the floor and hits his head. Renji drops his novel. Yukimura doesn't say anything. He pushes through a row of desks, and sits on the window ledge with a huff.
Renji looks at Kirihara. Kirihara shrugs.
Renji invites himself to Sanada's house. For once, Sanada is alone. He's sullen and silent the entire bus ride. His skirt whips up with a breeze, and he doesn't bother to blush. Renji strokes his chin.
"You two had sex," he says.
Sanada stops. He says, "I don't know what you are talking about." They sit on the dojo floor, and eat curry popcorn. A flush creeps up Sanada's neck, and down his chest, too. His nipples stiffen under his shirt. Renji sympathizes.
"That's why you're not talking."
"That's none of your business!"
Renji rolls his eyes. "Don't be a prude, Genichirou. It's not a big deal."
Sanada closes his mouth. He unfolds his arms from his chest to grab another handful of popcorn. "Maybe not for you," he mutters.
"But that's what you wanted."
Sanada says they're too young. Renji shakes his head. "You're afraid."
Sanada snorts.
"That he only likes you because you're a girl, and you'll put out." Renji brushes a kernel off his sweater. He sits up. When he leans forward, the fly of his pants bursts open. Sanada is too busy sniffling to notice.
"He loves your boobs," Renji says. Sanada starts to cry more. His chest shakes. Renji wonders if Sanada's back hurts, or if his shoulders are used to it now. He offers a Kleenex. Sanada uses his sleeve instead.
"He loves you, too. Deep down," Renji says.
Sanada's grandfather moves around the courtyard garden with a straw broom. He waves to Renji through the glass panels. Renji waves back.
He looks down at Sanada. "But aren’t you glad that even though you're a girl now, your body grew parts that Yukimura would love?"
"What do you mean?" Sanada blows his nose. His face is red and splotchy.
"Yukimura is a boobs-man, so he loves you more for it."
"You're not helping."
Renji smiles. "Do you want to be a girl, and have a normal relationship now?"
Sanada never answers.
On White Day, Renji and Niou and Kirihara follow behind Sanada. He sits on a bench, on the roof. Yukimura touches his hair. Sanada opens a little box. Yukimura presses kisses to his mouth, and slides a clip through Sanada's hair. He reaches up Sanada's skirt. Niou shoves Kirihara down the stairs.
"Not for your eyes, kid."
"Hey!" Kirihara shouts.
Yukimura and Sanada look over. Renji hides behind a wall with Niou. They laugh so hard, Renji feels something warm and wet between his legs.
***
"Is it…normal?" he asks.
His mom looks up from the box. There are baby clothes piled on the floor, and a folding crib in the corner.
"When I was pregnant with you, your sister used to constantly do things to make me laugh after it happened the first time." She rolls her eyes. Renji's sister smirks. Then his sister checks her cellphone.
"Shit, I have an appointment with Ayaka," she says. "We're going to Yuzawaya to look at bootie patterns."
Renji looks at her. "You don't wear booties."
She shakes her head. She pokes his middle. "For that, Renji. Knocked up, remember?"
Unless Kirihara's sister has a scooter, the rev of a motorcycle outside suggests Izumi is out with someone else.
***
Graduation is tomorrow. It's been three weeks, and two days since they last had sex. Renji reaches under his pajama bottoms. He rubs the little nub. It feels good. He spits on his hand, and rubs some more. He thinks of Kirihara, on top of him, pushing in.
His cellphone buzzes.
whatcha doing??
Renji sighs. He wipes his hand on his sheets. thinking of you He presses send, and shuts his phone in the drawer. He slides a finger up his cunt.
His cellphone keeps buzzing.
yeah??
Renji frowns.
Yes
gud things?
Akaya, stop emailing. I'm horny.
There is no response. Renji rubs his clit until shudders. He lies back, and listens to his parents moving around the main room. His cunt aches. He sighs. It's not the same.
Five minutes later, there's a new email.
i was thinkin of u 2
I want you inside me. His insides tingle at the words on the screen. Renji hesitates on the send button.
He presses. Then he puts his phone on manner mode.
Kirihara calls. "Me, too," he whispers.
***
Renji says, "I have to get to school early to help clean out the tennis clubhouse."
His mom says, "We'll see you at the ceremony at ten."
Kirihara sits on the bench inside the clubhouse. This is the first time he's been here before seven. Renji locks the door. His belt is already unbuckled. Kirihara launches himself at Renji. Renji yanks his pants off. Kirihara fucks him against the row of lockers, so hard that the last locker crashes to the floor.
Then Kirihara flips Renji over, and fucks him over that.
Renji pushes back on Kirihara's cock as far as he can. His pussy drips. His hips hip the metal door. Kirihara stuffs his hand in Renji's mouth. It feels so good Renji screams.
***
He forces a smile for the camera. Renji holds up the graduation certificate. On either side, his parents purse their lips.
There are other parents around. Yukimura's parents say hello. Renji bows, and holds his breath. He looks at his parents. They say hello back. They ask how Yukimura's parents are, now that Seiichi is out of the hospital-and nothing else.
Renji closes his eyes, and exhales. At least Kirihara left before the ceremony.
Sanada's parents invite them to a restaurant, near their house, out in the suburbs. Renji thinks of excuses. His parents smile. In the car, Renji's mom sighs. "Your only graduation," she says.
Renji asks why.
She gives him a look. Renji shrinks two feet. "You have to quit school now."
"I start high school in a week." Renji stares at her. Her eyes drift to his middle.
"You can't be serious," she whispers.
He narrows his eyes. The car jumps over a hill on the road. The baby kicks his ribs. There is a tiny beat that follows. Renji shifts in his seat. His back hurts. There's another tiny beat. Hiccups, he thinks.
The restaurant is old fashioned kaiseki-style food. A woman in a kimono sets ceramic dishes on a long, lacquer table. Sanada and Renji sit at the end. Their parents sit at the other. Renji's knees ache sitting on the floor. Sanada spills a dish of soup on his skirt, and turns as pink as the salmon.
"And Renji, are you entering the academic stream of high school?" Sanada's mother looks like Sanada, except with a smaller chest.
Renji's father stiffens his back. His mom looks at the wall scroll.
Renji nods and says yes.
***
His father swirls a cup of sake. He frowns.
He says, "If you're expelled, you'll have to stay with your uncle."
***
The high school head teacher looks at Renji. Renji holds the uniform to his chest. His mom taps her pump on the side of a chair.
The head teacher pushes his glasses up his nose. "Can't be worse than the one who was caught with his dog on the roof three years ago."
"That's…an odd place for a walk," Renji's mom says.
The head teacher looks over the rim of his glasses. His eyebrow hairs bristle. "It wasn't a walk up there."
Renji and his mom look at each other. His mom keeps the same stunned expression for the remainder of the meeting.
The head teacher shakes Renji's hand. "Well," he says, "good luck in high school."
***
Renji develops a face full of pus-y pimples. The sakura blossoms start to open. His nose drips, and his eyes match Kirihara's. He keeps a box of Kleenex in his bag, along with jellies and snack bars.
Jackal is on vacation in Saipan. Marui was stopped at the gates in Haneda and told to go home. Niou and Yagyuu are MIA-Renji assumes they are either at Yagyuu's having sex, or at the golf course twenty minutes out from school. The course opened two weeks ago.
Renji phones Sanada.
There's heavy breathing on the other end. "…yes?" Sanada pants. Something rustles. Yukimura hisses, "Who's calling?"
Renji rolls his eyes. "I'll call back later," he says. "You're evidently in the middle of intercourse."
He smiles at Sanada's silence. Then he hangs up.
Kirihara comes over with his tennis bag. He slinks past Renji's mom. She has a sour face for him. Renji snacks on a jar of pickled daikon. Kirihara flops on his stomach, on Renji's bed. He props himself up on his elbows.
"We could play tennis?" he asks.
Renji shrugs. He starts to close his door. His mom tells him to open it back up.
Renji leans back on his mattress. He trails his fingers up Kirihara's calf. Kirihara shivers. His mom is downstairs, even if the door is open. His cunt is still sore from graduation.
He unzips the fly of Kirihara's cargos.
Kirihara squeaks.
There are footsteps on the stairs. Kirihara yanks at his zip.
They play a five-set match of tennis on the street courts after all. Petals float on the wind. Renji sneezes as he serves. Kirihara kisses him over the net. "I'm not super mad that you beat me," he says. "I wasn't really trying to win."
Renji raises his eyebrows. "Your serve was very…regular."
Kirihara licks his lips. The sunset gleams on them. "Well I figured that it'd be pretty bad if I, uh…accidentally hit a pregnant chick."
"I'm not a chick," Renji says.
Kirihara looks at Renji. Then he raises his eyebrows too.
***
Renji makes a list. It has two columns. He goes through the books on his shelf, one by one, and adds to it.
They sit in the park, near the hospital. Sakura carpet the ground. This morning's rain makes everything a little soggy, including the bench. Renji shifts on the hard wooden seat. He spreads his legs a little wider than usual.
Kirihara asks if he's okay. He has a backpack tucked between his knees-too small for a racket.
Renji opens his novel, and unfolds the list. He hands it to Kirihara. "These are the names I like," he says.
Kirihara turns the page over. Then the second, and the third. "Senpai, these are…" He spells a name out. Renji corrects him.
Kirihara scratches his head. "These are really lame," he says.
Renji blinks.
"Like, the kid's gonna get their ass kicked if we call it Shinosuke or Yasu or Yukiji."
Renji snatches the list back. "I like those."
"Shitosuke! Yassu! Genpachiro!" Kirihara cackles. "That's like fukubuchou's name!" He snickers.
Renji folds his list back up. He crosses his arms over his chest. His belly sticks out below. "And what do you like?" he asks.
Kirihara shrugs. An old lady meanders through the park. She sweeps the sakura off the trail with a wicker broom.
They eat cold bentos spread out on their laps. Renji wipes his nose with his sleeve. He flicks pollen off his onigiri balls. Kirihara yawns. "Oh yeah!" He rummages around his backpack, and pulls out a package. Renji picks the tape off. He holds up a band of red crochet.
"My mom said pregnant women need them," Kirihara says. "So my sister knit a haramaki for you."
Renji leans over. He presses his lips to Kirihara's mouth. He licks the mayonnaise off Kirihara's tongue.
"Tell her I said thanks."
***
Kirihara shows up at Renji's door. He waves a piece of paper.
"I made a list, too," he says. He peels off his grey sneakers.
Renji reads it.
"Akaya?"
Kirihara cringes. "That's what I always call my Mii?"
"Yamapi?"
"Marui-senpai says he's cool." Kirihara nods.
Renji says no way in hell.
"Joong?" Renji says the name twice. It's hard.
"My sister says he's hot."
"It's Korean," Renji says.
"Oh," Kirihara says. "Sorry."
"That's all you have?"
"Well…" Kirihara slides his sock around the floor. His big toe sticks out a hole, and wiggles. "I like Satoshi, too, but you'd get mad because it's from Pokemon."
"Maybe we should pick names out of a hat," Renji says.
"Sanada's hat?"
Renji smacks Kirihara across the ear. But he laughs, too.
***
The new uniform that fit two weeks ago pulls across his middle. Renji sucks in a breath and tries the button again. The zipper strains. He pats his blazer down. No matter how much he sucks his stomach in it still sticks out. Renji frowns in the mirror.
There is no tennis practice yet, which means there is no Kirihara hanging around. Seniors are three feet taller than he is. It takes five times as long to find his new shoe cubby. He can't find any of the familiar faces.
He goes to his classroom and sits. Slowly, last year's classmates file in, along with a few others. He types up a quick email to Kirihara. Faces press to the window from the corridor. Marui and Jackal wave. Renji nods back.
His stomach growls and groans all morning. Yesterday, he snacked when he felt like it. Now, Renji clutches his sides and hunches forward. Stop! he thinks. A girl turns around and gives him the stink eye. Then she gives it to another boy-his stomach gurgles so loud the teacher drops her chalk.
He has to pee, too. The minutes take hours to pass. Renji stops taking notes, and squeezes his legs together. He purses his lips. He chews on his pencil. By lunch bell, he runs to the toilet. The baby dances on his bladder as he pees.
They sit on the grass, close to the junior high campus. Renji rips open his bread bun. He gobbles up the rice bowl bento. He eats three snack bars in two bites. His stomach keeps gnawing. Bile stings his throat. And his mouth waters at the sight of Marui's Cheetos.
He can smell the grease, and the cheesiness. Renji shoves his hand into the bag. Marui shouts. Renji's eyes roll back at the salt, and flavouring. The taste is orgasmic.
"If you wanted your own bag, you could buy them!" Marui pouts. He holds his bag tight to his chest. Niou reaches from above and steals a Cheeto, too.
"Thought you hated Cheetos," Marui says. "If my genius remembers correctly."
Jackal says, "And when we went to Taco Derio last week, you ordered extra cheese nachos."
Sanada and Yukimura stop giving each other googly eyes. Renji starts to sweat. His pants dig into his skin. Niou and Yagyuu exchange glances. "You have been snacking a lot recently, Yanagi-kun," Yagyuu says. He nods to the pile of empty plastic wrappers beside Renji.
Niou prods him in the stomach. Renji hisses. "Don't!"
"Your pudge is a hell of a lot harder than his." Niou flicks Cheeto crumbs at Marui. Marui drops his bag. Renji grabs it. His mouth fills with saliva. His body tenses all over.
Sanada shakes his head. His mouth parts, and he makes a tiny sigh in the back of his throat. "Renji…" he whispers.
He says it. He tells it straight-faced to Sanada, and expects one of two reactions. Sanada does neither. Instead, he turns white all over. Then he starts to shake his head frantically. Then he starts to scream.
He's done it. Renji finally unbuttons the top of his pants, and he finishes off the Cheetos.
"Really?" Yukimura asks. Sanada stomps around them. He balls his fists in the air, and screams that Renji is a fool, and it's AKAYA, and Renji is a GIRL and he never said anything?
Renji winces. He looks down, and picks crumbs off his pants. Yukimura touches his shoulder. "…Renji?"
Renji says nothing.
"Thanks for ruining my winning team," Yukimura says, deadpan.
"Thanks for ruining your LIFE!" Sanada seethes.
Jackal touches his other shoulder. Renji flinches. Jackal looks up at him, and offers a stick of peach pocky. Then he says, "I like kids," and offers to babysit.
***
He phones Kirihara. He keeps his voice even. He cups his hand over his receiver, and tells Sanada to tone it down.
Sanada stops ranting for a moment.
Kirihara says, "Fuck, fukubuchou is going to kill me."
Renji manages to get to the tennis courts in time to see Sanada punch Kirihara in the nose. Blood sprays across the nets. Yukimura gasps. Yagyuu covers his glasses. Sanada wrapped his hands around Kirihara's neck. Kirihara turns blue. His eyes bulge out.
"Stop!" Renji yells.
Yukimura pulls Sanada off Kirihara. Kirihara coughs and gags, and takes Renji's hand to stand up. He spits a wad of foamy blood at Sanada's feet. He wipes his mouth off. "I'm gonna be responsible," he tells Sanada.
Sanada gapes.
Renji squeezes Kirihara's hand. Kirihara stares at him.
"We're walking home together," Renji says. Kirihara leans on his side. Renji leans back.
***
His phone rings before he's even home.
"I knew you'd be calling."
"I needed to confirm the new data."
Kirihara asks who's calling. When Renji hesitates, Kirihara narrows his eyes and mutters something about fucking Inui.
Sadaharu says, "This explains your uncharacteristic actions at the Invitationals."
Renji's face is hot.
"Aa…that."
"Your condition is an interesting experiment," Sadaharu says.
Renji stops walking. "It's not."
***
Sanada doesn't speak to him for a week.
Renji goes to the supermarket, and buys a matcha roll cake. He has every intention of bringing it as a peace offering, except he gets hungry on the bus and eats it all himself.
Sanada's mother opens the door. She looks at Renji's haramaki wrap. "Oh."
Gardening club meets Mondays after class. Tennis club tryouts start tomorrow. Renji doesn't bother to knock on Sanada's door. He lets himself in.
Sanada jumps. He turns around, and then his face darkens. "What do you want?" he snaps.
Renji sits next to him. The flowers in the alcove vase are new. The same sorts of daffodils grow in Yukimura's garden. Sanada fumbles with something. A lipstick rolls out from under his hand. Renji hands it back.
"You're a stupid fool," Sanada says.
"I knew you'd say that."
Sanada snorts. "Were you planning to keep it a secret forever?"
Renji frowns. He shakes his head.
"You just happened to open your legs-" Sanada shudders. "You just happened to have sex with Akaya and-it was a stupid experiment!" Sanada bangs his fist on the floor.
"It wasn't," Renji says.
Sanada shakes his head. "You actually…?"
Renji says nothing.
Sanada slaps his palms to his forehead. "Akaya?"
"He's really not that much younger than Seiichi," Renji says. "And you have sex with him."
"That's different!" Sanada turns red. His nipples stiffen under his jersey shirt.
"If you insist," Renji says. The baby bounces inside. Renji stiffens for a moment. He eases into the familiar tickling. Sanada stops talking.
Renji's hands are on his stomach. Sanada stares. Then he looks down at his own hands.
Renji lifts his shirt.
Sanada says, "You're still an idiot. Both of you!" His hands hover over Renji's skin until Renji takes one.
"Here. Do you feel that?"
Sanada's eyes go wide.
***
Sanada finds Sadaharu hiding behind the tennis clubhouse on the day of the second real practice for the high school team. He drags Sadaharu out by his collar. Sadaharu is horrified to have a girl touch him.
"I assume he's here for you," Sanada tells Renji. Yukimura tells the captain.
Renji confiscates the notebook. Sadaharu tries to grad at it. His glasses fall off. Sanada stands in the way.
"There's no tennis in here," Renji says. Except for a rough sketch of a graph labelled 'female vs male aerodynamics'.
He frowns.
"One needs to investigate for himself," Sadaharu says. He pushes his glasses back up. There are grease marks on the lenses.
The captain escorts Sadaharu to the school gate. Renji's uniform feels tighter than before. His seams strain when he lobs. His pants bunch up around his crotch when he rallies with a senpai. Jackal looks up from picking up balls, and says, "Pssst! Camel toe!"
Niou pushes a basket of balls. It rolls across a court in the direction of Sanada. Renji jogs to catch it. His breasts seem to jiggle under his jacket. Two senpais drop their rackets on the next court.
In the showers, Niou gives him a look. Renji stares back. Niou's body has rounded out in the past few months. "You definitely have a cooch," Niou says.
Renji leans back in the spray. Shampoo washes down his back. Niou is still looking.
"You need to put those away," Niou says.
"Put what away?"
"Your tits."
Renji pulls on his undershirt, and then his school uniform shirt. "You can't see anything," he says.
Jackal makes a noise behind Sanada. Sanada grunts as he pulls his bra around right ways.
"Renji," Sanada says.
Sanada swallows something big and bitter. He cringes like he has PMS cramps.
"Niou is right."
***
His mom buys him three.
Renji wears the white one to school. He takes a deep breath. The back of his neck prickles all the way down to his rib cage. Sweat beads between the cups. For the first time, he feels like everyone knows.
He stays in the clubhouse until halfway through first period.
***
Sanada asks him to play a game. Renji missed the fast pace of Sanada's balls. He runs across the court, and breathes the smell of singed rubber. "Did you ever think-" Sanada rocks back on his sneaker. Slice, Renji thinks. He side-steps to catch the ball. His racket hums.
"About what?" He returns the shot, deep and low.
"About…getting rid of it?" Sanada lobs.
Renji blinks. The ball glances off the rim of his racket. Sanada smashes to take the point. Renji's chest twists.
"I told Akaya no," he says.
Sanada frowns. He throws the ball for the serve. His skirt flips up. He grunts like a girl. Like Serena Williams.
"You're not married," Sanada says. The ball zooms across the net.
Renji narrows his eyes. He dashes two steps forward for a drop shot. Sanada dives. Renji listens to the sound of skin scraping the gravelly clay.
"Genichirou," he says, "you can't stop me."
Sanada stands up. His knees are skinned. His thighs are dusty. "Fine then," he says. "But it's shameful."
He rubs his stomach. Renji adds, "Maybe I just want it."
Sanada doesn't answer.
In a small voice by the clubhouse lockers, he says, "I still think you're both fools."
***
They play Yokohama Central in the Prefectural finals.
Renji is scheduled as alternate. He sits on the bench, and watches Sanada play doubles with the captain. The other team laughs at the girl they have to play. Renji leans over to Yukimura.
"6-1?"
Yukimura doesn't take his eyes off Sanada. He shakes his head. Sanada yells at the other pair, calls them lazyass fools. The captain lets him serve first. The ball burns through the opponent's defence. The court smells of burnt rubber.
"6-0," Yukimura says. "Sanada's really pissed off now."
***
"Well?"
Renji cradles his cellphone to his ear. His sister has the sewing machine out.
"We won, of course."
"Yeah, us too."
"I knew you would."
"Senpai?"
"Hn?"
"Can you tell the baby good night for me?"
Renji smiles to himself. "You can do it yourself." He lifts his shirt. Kirihara's voice vibrates on his skin. "There."
"Thanks. Se-Renji?"
"Hn?"
"Do you think…do you think I'll be good at it?"
The baby moves from his left to his right side. Renji watches the lump shift across his middle.
"Number one."