FIC: Maybe Definitely, YanaKiri, NC17, 3/7
Title: Maybe Definitely (3/7)
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Yukimura is scowling before he walks into the clubhouse. No one moves, not even Sanada. Renji doesn't even blink until Yukimura sucks in a deep breath.
"We have a problem," Yukimura says.
Renji's heart skips a beat.
Yukimura walks around the room. He narrows his eyes at Renji. Bile burns the back of Renji's mouth. "Sei-ichi?"
Yukimura pulls a sheet of paper from his bag. "The coach says he talked to the head coach at the Invitationals and we can only go if we come up with a 'non-suggestive' rooming arrangement."
"What-what's that supposed to mean?" Marui looks at Jackal. So does Renji. Jackal nods.
Niou and Yagyuu share a look. Sanada hides his face under his cap.
"It's two to a room," Yukimura says.
"So one of the girls has to room with a guy," Renji says.
"I'm not a girl!" Sanada says.
Renji thinks of Jackal last night. They went for udon. Renji said nothing, but he paid for both of them.
"They know that there's some girls on the team," Yukimura says. "But…they don't know who."
Renji straightens his back.
"Renji."
"Seiichi?"
"I'm counting on you to sort this out."
***
Yukimura adds in an email, bcuz me and sanada are gonna share but DONT TELL NIOU AND JACKAL OK??
***
"Are you aware of this?" Renji asks.
Sanada avoids his eye. "I said we're too young," he mutters.
"You should probably buy some condoms just in case."
Renji reminds Sanada that he looks like a koi fish with his mouth hanging like that.
***
He meets Marui and Yukimura at the ramen shop.
Renji pokes around his ramen. He grabs the shichimi and shakes it into his bowl. The broth turns pink.
"How do I get Sanada to have sex with me?" Yukimura asks.
Renji raises his eyebrows. Marui sprays ramen across the table.
Yukimura leans forward. "Well?"
Marui clears his throat. He strokes his chin. "You have come to the right guys," he says.
"Not Yagyuu?" Renji asks.
Yukimura says, "He said he was busy."
Renji's voice is thick. "Akaya?"
Marui rolls his eyes. "Puh-leeez, like the kid's gonna ever have sex in the next, like, twelve years!"
Yukimura nods. Renji purses his lips.
"So, how do I get Sanada to want to…you know…do it with me?"
Marui puts a finger up. "The first thing you need to do is seduce him."
Yukimura nods. "Yes."
"Well, what does he like?" Renji asks.
"Tennis, duh."
"And…?"
"Antiques?"
"And?"
"His pet rock?"
"Sounds like we're talking about my grandpa," Marui says. He snickers. Renji almost smiles.
Yukimura glares. "No time for jokes, this is serious!"
"Okay okay," Marui says. "The thing about girls is…"
They lean so far forward, their foreheads touch.
"Some people are lucky, and some people aren't."
Yukimura keeps nodding. "So I should bring my lucky pajamas."
Marui grins. "Exactly. Are they silk?"
"No, flannel."
"Red?"
"Well, they have hearts. I wore them before my…" Yukimura pauses. "My operation."
"Good choice, then," Marui says. He pops a bubble. "They'll become your Lucky Love Pajamas. Sanada won't be able to resist."
Renji thinks about the word seduce all night.
***
The bus leaves at quarter to seven for Gumma. Renji spends a half-hour throwing clothes around his room until he finds the bra. At half-past six, he grabs his bag and bikes to school. He's covered in sweat when he peddles into the bike rack. His skin is flushed when he rushes for the bus-the engine is running. Everyone stares at him. He sits down in the seat behind Jackal and Kirihara. Renji takes a deep breath.
"Do you have them?" he asks Sanada.
Sanada pulls a stack of sarashi cloths from his backpack. "We were supposed to do this before," he says.
Renji says he had last minute preparations. Sanada gives him a look.
Niou kicks Marui out of the back seat. He chucks Marui's candy bags from the other.
Jackal just says, "No one look!"
They wrap Niou first. Niou sits around longer than he needs to shirtless. Renji hasn't seen any of the others up close yet. He makes estimates in his head. Cup size B. Rib cage, 85cm in circumference. Niou squishes his nipples down. They're pinkish and poke through the first thin layer of cloth. Renji holds the far end. Jackal does the winding. Sanada says, "Tighter!" Yagyuu keeps turning his head around.
Niou sits back down next to Yagyuu. He gasps for air. "Can't…breathe…" He grabs his chest, and falls onto Yagyuu's shoulder. Sanada tells him to stop joking around.
"This is serious!" Sanada says.
"Yeah!" Yukimura says. "No one can find out who the girls are."
Renji looks at Jackal. Jackal rolls his eyes. Niou refuses to take his skirt off.
"I just shaved these damn things!" he says. He sticks his legs out. When Marui reaches for a feel, Niou says, "Puri! Fat chance, fatty!"
But he lets Yagyuu test his thigh.
They wrap Jackal next. Cup size A. Rib cage, 90cm. Sanada pulls tighter. Jackal chokes. Renji feeds more of the cloth. He and Sanada nod at each other. Jackal walks back to his seat. Renji pulls the electric razor from his bag.
"I charged it last night."
Jackal's hands go to his head. "No! I…it took me a long time to grow it this much," Jackal says.
Renji does Sanada's sarashi by himself. He avoids Sanada's skin at first, but he can feel the heat through the cloth. Cup size E. Rib cage 90cm. Sanada covers his chest with his palms. They crouch behind the seat backs. "Faster!" Sanada hisses. Renji slips. His fingers brush Sanada's breasts. He freezes. Sanada makes a strangled sound.
"Just…keep going!" Sanada snaps. He's red in the face. Renji gives up. He touches Sanada's side. He squishes Sanada's breasts against his ribs. He wraps tighter, and winds faster. Sanada pulls his uniform shirt back on. Then he zips up his jacket.
Sanada looks down, and he frowns.
Yukimura stares at Sanada's chest. He frowns, too.
"This isn't working," Sanada mutters. He reaches under his jacket, and his tshirt. Sanada crouches back down behind the seat. The sportsbras go with him.
"You realize they have sabotaged your plan," Renji says.
Yukimura grabs a handful of ramune popcorn from Marui's bag. Marui shouts. Yukimura crunches. "I know," he says.
"Should we even try stuffing the socks?" Renji asks.
Yukimura brushes popcorn bits off his shirt. "I guess not." He pats the back of Sanada's hand. "I'll have to defend my honour on my own," he says.
They stop at a family-style restaurant. Niou and Jackal disappear into the toilets. They hand Renji the sarashi cloths on their way out.
Renji stares out the window. Up in the mountains the leaves have changed. The air is crispy and cool. His udon noodles coil in the bowl. He blows on the steam. Kirihara sits at the other end of the table, gobbling his food up.
For a split-second, their eyes meet.
***
The high school players whoop and cheer. Atobe and Oshitari from Hyoutei hang around the Rikkai table in the cafeteria. Renji zips his jacket up to his neck. He closes his eyes, and thanks the kami-sama. His breasts ache. His insides ache, too, when Kirihara walks past him in the food line.
Jackal is wedged between Marui, and Hyoutei's Jiroh. Jiroh waggles his eyebrows. Marui huffs. He tells Jiroh to go away. Jiroh pulls on Jackal's arm. "Whatever Marui-kun thinks is great, so do-"
"No!" Marui shouts. He grabs Jackal's other arm. "Jackal is MINE!"
Jackal pulls his arm free of Jiroh. Then he shoves Marui away. "I am not a sexual commodity!" he shouts. "Stop OBJECTIFYING ME!"
Marui and Jiroh both blink.
Jackal smoothes down his shirt. He walks off to a corner table, where Hyoutei's Hiyoshi is eating by himself.
Niou struts past the high school players. On the courts, he bends low for his balls. He's got green panties on. Renji can hear Yagyuu grind his teeth, even during jumping jack reps.
Renji stays close to Sadaharu. Kaidoh is never far behind. Sadaharu counts Renji's shuttle runs. Renji times Sadaharu's stretches. Kaidoh hisses words like "traitor" and "hypocrite" under his breath. Renji narrows his eyes at Kaidoh.
Then his skin crawls all over. Two courts over, Kirihara is staring.
***
Yukimura destroys a basket of balls. Sanada goes to get another. Renji stands at the baseline. He waits until Sanada is out of earshot.
"You'll have other opportunities," he says.
Yukimura pushes his headband up. His face is twisted. "It's not FAIR!" His fist shakes. Renji shrugs.
"Surely you can’t be surprised they're having all the girls room together-"
"NOT A GIRL!" Sanada shouts, three courts over. A group of high schoolers wolf-whistle.
Renji steps closer to Yukimura. "Besides, there's always the north stairwell of the building."
Yukimura perks up. A thin smile creeps over his face. He grabs Renji in a tight hug. "I love you," he says.
The high schoolers whistle at that, until Yukimura offers to play them.
"Wait until tomorrow, pipsqueaks," the biggest one says. They all hur hur.
***
Renji emails Sadaharu.
Tomorrow. We're playing games with the high school students.
that is as I preadicted
Oh?
my sources indicated dubbles games
Jrs vs SRs?
Renji leans back against the wall. The tiny pillow digs into his lower back. He pulls it out. "Hm," he says.
On the bed next to him, Ibu Shinji says, "I see you're talking with your friends. That must be nice. Kamio never answers my emails anymore. And when he does, he only uses a couple words. Should I use only a few words too? You can't say enough in just a few words…"
Renji shuts out his light. He rolls onto his side. Ibu Shinji keeps mumbling in the dark. Renji sighs, and mouths a name on his breath.
***
He dreams that he and Kirihara are playing tennis. Kirihara has the first serve. "I will be number ONE!" he screams. The ball flies over Renji's head. Instead of going to get it, Renji walks up to the net.
Kirihara has red eyes. He tilts his head to the side, and laughs. His teeth are sharp. His skin is scarlet. Renji says that he's number one. Kirihara grabs him by the shoulders. He shakes Renji so hard his teeth rattle. They fall to the ground.
Kirihara crunches his sneaker down. Renji is on his hands and knees. Blood drips from his mouth all over the shards. Kirihara laughs louder and louder. When Renji finally lifts his head, Kirihara's head explodes.
Renji sits up in bed, gasping.
Ibu Shinji murmurs in his sleep. Renji takes his bar of soap, and a towel. He creeps through the hallways. The air is cold in the mountains. He squints in the darkness. The only sounds are the soughing breeze through the trees outside, and the hum of the sports centre furnaces.
Renji takes a hot shower. He stays under the spray until his fingertips wrinkle. He rolls his shoulders under the patter. He reaches between his legs. Nothing has changed. He leans against the tiles, and says, "Fuck."
He changes back into his pajamas, shuts off the light, and creeps back through the dark hallway. Something squeaks. Renji tightens his hand on the soap box. A shadow moves around the corner. It's small. It has a mess of hair. Renji sucks in a breath. He slips his slippers off, and runs. The shadow moves. Renji whispers, "Akaya?"
But there is no one.
***
Renji asks the caf lady for extra pickles.
Next in line, Niou picks a wedgie. Shitenhoji's Shiraishi walks past. His eyes trail down Niou's body. "Ne, Rikkai's Niou, huh?"
Niou stops mid-scratch. "Yeah?"
Shiraishi winks. A stack of caf trays collapses. He looks up, and reaches for his arm bandages. "Kin-chan," he says. The freshman kid cowers in the centre of the mess.
"Don't kill me, Shiraishi! Pleeeease!"
At the table, Niou says, "Dataman, did you know girls still snore?"
Renji says no.
"You can add to your notebook that Sanada snores," Niou says.
Kirihara jerks his head up from his fish. Renji says nothing. He nods once. He goes back to dumping his pickles onto the orange slices. Sanada and Jackal give him funny looks.
"Vitamin C is essential," Renji says.
"That's a lot of pickles," Jackal says. He slurps his coffee.
"Isn't that your third coffee?"
Jackal doesn't answer.
"Where did you learn that word?" Renji asks.
"Objectifying?" Jackal drains his coffee. "My mom gave me this book about feminism and stuff. I didn't get anything, but I liked the word."
Marui drops his chopsticks. "You…you're not going to burn your bra and start going all man-hating, are you?"
Sanada snorts.
Seigaku's table is filling up. Sadaharu is there, with a notebook under his nose. When he reaches for the soy sauce, so does Kaidoh. Sadaharu's mouth moves in apology.
Kirihara grabs the soy sauce from the middle of the table. He dumps it over his plate. Then he pours it into his tea, too. Marui snickers. Niou asks if he's too worried about creaming all the high school players.
Renji says, "Did you sleep all right?"
Kirihara ignores him.
Renji eats another pickle. It's not his mouth that stings.
***
Renji asks first, before Kirihara has a chance to ask Sanada, or Yukimura, or anyone else.
Kirihara yanks his arm away. Renji holds his breath. Please, he wants to add. "We can play together."
Kirihara swings his racket over his shoulder. "Fine. We'll crush some dumbasses from Fudomine."
Renji has a thick lump in his throat. He nods.
Sanada and Yukimura hold hands. Yukimura says something about Atobe. Oshitari lurks behind Sanada. His short friend asks if he has a partner yet, and hey Yuushi stop staring at that chick's fat ass!
The coach makes the announcement with a chuckle. Renji's stomach shrivels up.
Kirihara is already walking to the other side of the net. A ball strains under his knuckles. He starts to laugh under his breath. "I'm gonna defeat one of you…" He whips his head around. His eyes bulge at the corners.
"I WILL BE NUMBER ONE!"
Renji lifts his chin. His shoulders are tight, and tense. Sun blinds his side of the court. Kirihara serves a knuckle ball from the shadows.
"So this is what you want," Renji whispers. He loosens his hand on his racket. He takes a step back. The ball veers right. He dashes to mid-court and swings wide. It's a low pass that skims the net cording. Kirihara is too far left. The ball drops over the net.
Renji takes the first point.
"So be it."
***
Kirihara screams through his serves. He seethes during the rallies he tries to set up. Renji slices the Knuckle Serves. He smashes through the Devil Mode. He keeps his face even, and his balls fast. Kirihara sweats and shouts. He runs for the balls that fly over his head. He dives for balls that are out of bounds. Renji looks down his nose. He squeezes his hand around the ball.
Sadaharu sits in the stands. Kaidoh stands next to him. Kirihara paces his baseline. His face is red, and he's panting. He clenches his fist.
It's match point.
Renji takes a deep breath. He raises his arm.
"Referee!"
The referee turns. Kirihara's eyes go wide. Blood drains from his face.
"I quit," Renji says.
Kirihara chokes. He shakes his head. Sweat splatters the ground. "Tell me you're joking," he says. He keeps shaking his head. Something slithers down from his eyes.
For a moment, Renji has three words on his tongue.
He swallows down.
Sadaharu hobbles out of the stands. Renji walks beside him. The sound of Kirihara smashing his racket follows him.
Sadaharu pushes his glasses up. His face is chartreuse. "Renji?"
"Let's go home, Sadaharu." Renji's shoulders sink.
Sadaharu nods. The he falls to his knees, and starts to retch. Renji leans down next to him. "Are you all right?"
Sadaharu takes a drink from a muddy-coloured PET bottle. "Something…I ate…" he croaks.
Renji looks back at the tennis courts. Kirihara pushes Marui and Yagyuu away. He flails his arms, and smacks Marui in the face.
"Go be number one, Akaya," Renji whispers.
***
He stops Shiraishi outside the toilets. Yukimura isn't around, neither is Marui.
"Would you…" Renji takes a deep breath. Shiraishi cocks his head a little. Sanada's stomping onto the bus so hard his shorts ride up. "Do me a favour?"
Shiraishi asks what.
"We made a mistake, thinking the only way Akaya can beat his opponents is through his Devil Mode."
Shiraishi snorts. "You want me to help."
"Since I'm gone…" Renji glances back. The bus engine starts. Renji leans closer. "Keep him in check. If you can control Tooyama, you can help Akaya."
He runs to make the bus. No one talks. Sadaharu opens the window. He sticks his head out. Renji offers him a brown bag.
He sends Sanada an email. Did you two do it?
Sanada whips his head around from the front seat. He glares. Renji leans back in his seat. The bus jerks and jumps from the gravel road.
Momoshiro jumps up. "Are we just gonna sit here on our ASSES? Aren't we gonna be PISSED OFF?"
Renji closes his eyes. Jackal and Sanada and Higa's Tanishi start to argue with Momoshiro. The paper bag crunches in Sadaharu's lap.
The bus lurches to a stop. The bus driver shouts. Renji climbs off. They're in the middle of a zelkova forest and there's a prediction of frost tonight. The coach looks down at them. He smiles. "Now our real job begins."
***
His calves ache from the climb. His fingers bleed; his palms are cut up. His head throbs. Momoshiro and Kaidoh argued for an hour straight, until Niou suggested Momoshiro carry Kaidoh up on his shoulders.
Renji sits on a precipice. Crows circle overhead. A rock hits Renji on the arm. He winces. A shadow looms over him: another coach, hairy and barefoot and large.
"Get your ass up!"
Renji gets up.
"You're all FUCKING LATE!" he screams. He stinks of alcohol. A group of high school students in black come out of the trees. They all have rackets. Renji squeezes his hands into balls. Blood trickles down his arms.
There's only a shack behind a copse of trees, and bushes littered with empty sake bottles. There's no toilet, and no running water. Renji swirls saliva around his mouth. His tongue is dusty. He's hungry. His lips are cracked. Wind whips around his hair. He shivers.
There's a stack of white uniforms. Sanada turns the same colour when everyone else starts to change.
Shitenhoji's Koharu dances over. He drags Zaizen in hand. "We'll help you, Sanada-kun!"
Sanada doesn't move. Neither does Renji.
The coach hiccups. "NO HELPING! ARE YOU HERE TO BE PUSSIES???" he screams.
Jackal and Niou share a glance. Renji turns around. He switches t-shirts. Smears of blood stain the white shorts. The high school players throw a barrage of shovels. Sanada refuses to change his t-shirt.
"…so what do we do now?" Echizen asks.
"Dig?" Kenya offers. He winks at Sanada.
Sanada scowls.
"Of course," Renji says. The crack in his lip starts to bleed.
***
Occasionally last year Renji questioned the number of laps Sanada would assign for practice. Laps were practical, and stamina-building. Digging a hole for the coach to piss is useless. A sudden death match with the high schoolers could make sense, except there are too many players and too many rackets. Mukahi hits Shishido and knocks him out cold. Jackal runs into Jiroh, who cops a feel, so Jackal runs the other way, into Momoshiro, who cops another feel. Sanada hits Oishi's racket three times.
"Get out of my way!" he shouts. He runs up to mid-court. His breasts bounce. The high schoolers stare. Sanada volleys. The ball isn't returned. The coach throws a bottle. It smashes at Sanada's feet.
"Play like a man, or get off."
Sanada's chin trembles.
Renji frowns. Sadaharu says his name.
"We haven't played in-"
"-four years seven months and twenty-one days."
"Quit yer yackin!"
The ball slams between them. Renji swings back. His shot is straight and deep. A high schooler uses a backhand. Renji steps back. Sadaharu steps forward.
"Zero percent chance of a mistake," he says. He turns his wrist to make the shot.
Renji's skin flushes. The ball drops over the net.
"STOP right there!" the coach says. He points at the high schoolers. "It's their win."
"He was 100% incorrect," Sadaharu says, later.
They sit at the edge of the cave. Bats fly in and out. Renji rests his chin on his hands. He squints into the darkness. There are no lights. The hairs on his body stand up. He rubs his hands together. His nipples are chafed.
"Sadaharu," Renji says.
"Hn?"
Renji leans close. Sadaharu smells like sweat, and dirt. Renji presses his mouth to Sadaharu's. His lips crack when he parts them. He slides his tongue inside. Renji tries to kiss harder, but Sadaharu doesn't move. Renji's insides shrivel.
Nylon rustles behind them. Jackal moans that he has a cramp. Jiroh offers to share his sleeping bag.
"…Sadaharu?"
He doesn't answer. Renji tries again. "I'm not…"
"Your actions suggest otherwise. There is a ninety-five percent chance that I do not reciprocate your feelings."
"Ninety-five?"
"Taking into account five percent error."
Renji says nothing. He leans on Sadaharu's shoulder. He's warm, and solid, and he leans back on Renji.
Renji licks his bottom lip. All he tastes is blood.
***
The coach ties meat balloons to their wrists. He wakes them at three in the morning, and sends them marching through swamps. He throws rocks instead of tennis balls. He buries their uniforms. On the third day, Sanada walks off the court and doesn’t come back.
Jackal slinks around camp. The coach is passed out. Tanishi and Kenya hold the bottles upside down over their mouths.
"Not even a drop left," Kenya says. He chucks a bottle into the bonfire. Tanishi crushes the other in his hand.
Renji closes his eyes. His body is worn out. His stomach claws at his ribs. The thought of the rice gruel and empty sandwiches they've been fed makes bile burn his throat. Sadaharu asks if he's okay. Renji stands up, and walks into the forest. It's too dark to see anything except the thin pathway. His stomach churns. Hot vomit fills his mouth.
He pukes until his stomach chokes. He gags and his stomach heaves again. Renji staggers over to a large rock. He presses his palms to the cold stone.
"Renji?"
"Jackal."
"Um…heat stroke?"
Renji says perhaps.
Jackal offers a leaf. Renji wipes the sweat from his forehead.
"You wanna know what really sucks?" Jackal asks. "My period showed up here, and I have to stuff leaves up my snatch."
Renj's mouth doesn't close, not even after Mifune is air-lifted to a hospital for alcohol poisoning and the bus arrives to take them back to the sports centre.
***
They show up at the courts. Sanada gets three games off Yukimura, and wins a spot at the Invitationals.
Kirihara stands with the winners in samurai blue, next to Shitenhoji's Shiraishi. Renji says, "Congratulations." Kirihara starts to lift his head. Then he turns to Atobe and says, "The coach'd better not make us play doubles."
Atobe snorts. "Sanada and I will, though." He winks at Sanada. Sanada tells him to fuck off. But he's still not talking to Yukimura.
The Invitational team members stay longer to play their official matches the following week in Sendai, against the American team. Renji stuffs his bag in the cargo hold of the Rikkai bus. Through the hold, Kaidoh and Sadaharu shove their tennis bags onto the Seigaku bus.
Renji sits by himself. On the next bus over Sadaharu reaches for his shade curtain. He raises his hand. Renji waves back.
He watches the trees whizz by for five hours.
***
Sanada sends an email on Tuesday. No we didn't.
***
Jackal announces he has a girlfriend.
"Told you I was a lesbian," he tells Marui. "I'm fighting for vaginal rights, too!"
Marui passes out into his soup curry.
***
Sanada blushes and Yukimura brushes Sanada's hair from his eyes when they come back.
"We played doubles," Yukimura says. "It was amazing."
Sanada shakes his head behind Yukimura's back. "He's a ball hog," he mutters to Renji. Renji rolls his eyes. Yukimura's fingers slither down to Sanada's skirt. He pinches Sanada's bum. Sanada nearly slaps him.
It's just like things used to be, except that Kirihara spends his lunch hours slamming balls at the cement retaining wall.
Renji looks down at his novel. He rubs his hands over his waistband. His chest is empty.
***
There is a Peach John branch in the underground arcade, six stops away on the line to Tokyo. There is another branch in a department store four stops beyond that. Renji takes a deep breath.
There are women everywhere.
Christmas carols about Santa Claus are piped through the PA system instead of Arashi. Renji is lost in the racks of coloured bras and panty sets. Women stare. He's got his school uniform on.
He clears his throat. He asks the clerk if she can help. She offers a vapid smile and says yes, what colours does Renji's girlfriend like?
He shakes his head. "For me," he says. "I think…I'm an A cup."
Her smile is glued on. "We can measure you. What colours do you like?"
Renji says the word boyfriend for the first time. "He likes red. And black."
"Frills? Lace? Ribbons?"
"I don't know."
The salesclerk adjusts the straps, and the band. She nods at one bra, and shakes her head at the next. Renji tries not to crawl under the change room seat.
He doesn't recognize the body in the mirror. There are curves where straight lines should be. His hips jut. His breasts fill the cups-almost.
"Do you want the matching panties?" she asks. "We have thong, boy cut, and a cute bikini brief."
Renji says boy cut. She puts the panties in a labelled bag. Renji says he doesn't need one. He stuffs them into his tennis bag instead. He turns to escape. A woman steps aside.
"I'm sorry," she says. She smiles at him. The boy next to her lifts his bandana up from his eyes. His mother pulls him close and says, "Kaoru, let the tall girl by."
***
Renji dunks his head under the bath water.
The water absorbs his frustration.
***
And Sadaharu never emails to ask.
Renji waits a week. Sadaharu does, however, email to ask if Renji has seen any of the import issues of Tennis World with the paragraph on Tezuka.
***
It's been fifty-three days.
The student council meeting runs late. Renji hands out the minutes from the last meeting. They pick colours for the Christmas dance-red, and gold. Renji plays with the hem of his blazer. He shifts in his seat. The lace itches his sternum. It scratches his pants, and rides up his butt crack.
After, Renji knocks on the clubhouse door. He tries the handle. He buries his face into his scarf. Damp cold bites his cheeks.
His hands shake the entire bus ride. And then his fingers don't work on the buzzer. He looks at the concrete hallway of the apartment building. His head is too light, and his feet too heavy.
The door swings open. Kirihara's sister walks into him. She rolls her eyes and tells him to watch it, and Akaya's inside in his room being a hikikomori again. She runs into the elevator as the door closes.
But she leaves the front door of the apartment open for him.
Renji toes his sneakers off. He sets his tennis bag down. Dusky evening creeps through the curtains. Down the hallway, a light peeks out from under a door.
Renji's heart sticks in his throat. He pushes the door open, and closes it behind himself. He leans back on it. Kirihara drops his gameboy console on the floor. He turns on his light.
Renji takes a step closer. Kirihara's expression burns a hole through his belly. Renji trails his fingers over the candy wrappers and empty milk cartons on Kirihara's desk. He has a stack of Jump issues, and a Tennis Pro Weekly, too. A filmy layer of dust coats everything.
He looks at Kirihara and he wants to puke. Kirihara curls his lip. Renji says, "Just listen to me."
"It's true that I…I did it for the data."
Kirihara's knuckles crack. Renji's squeezes his eyes shut. "It's true that I took data on you-Akaya, I'm sorry. But you…" He shakes his head. Hot tears prick his eyes. "I woke up-if you woke up and your dick was gone…"
He tries to take a deep breath. His chest shudders. Kirihara's eyes widen when Renji pulls off his blazer.
"I started to like what you did," Renji whispers. He unties his tie.
"I liked you." He takes his jumper off.
Renji unbuckles his belt. His pants hit the floor. The panties ride up higher into his butt. Kirihara is breathing hard when Renji stands next to the bed.
"I do like you," he says. He unbuttons his shirt. Kirihara's eyes move up and down his body. Renji lets the shirt fall. He keeps his hands in front of his stomach. He's never felt more naked in his life.
Kirihara looks up. Renji reaches for Kirihara's face. He sits down beside Kirihara and holds Kirihara's face to his chest. "I'm so sorry," he mutters. "I'm so sorry, Akaya..."
Hands touch his hip. Renji sniffles. Kirihara brushes his nose over Renji's jaw, and his cheek too, so soft that Renji shivers. Fingers slip under his panties. Renji arches into the touch. He spreads his legs wider. "Akaya…no more data…" The finger curls up. Renji's moans. Kirihara starts to kiss him. He cups Renji's breast, and kneads the skin. Renji kisses Kirihara back as hard as he can.
"Don't ever stop," he says. Kirihara licks off the tears. Renji rips Kirihara's sweatshirt off, and his pants and underwear, too. He squeezes Kirihara's dick. Kirihara bites Renji through the bra. He fingers Renji until he's straining and his muscles shake.
"Do it," he groans. "Fuck me, Akaya."
Kirihara growls. Renji rides him until his eyes roll back. Then Kirihara flips him back over. The pillow muffles his shouts as Kirihara thrusts deep and hard and fast. Kirihara digs his nails into Renji's hips and pushes deeper. Renji chokes on moans as he pushes his hips back to meet the thrusts. He says things he doesn't remember, and things he doesn't want to remember. Their bodies slap until Kirihara stiffens and comes. He collapses on Renji's back.
Renji's body is on fire. His cunt is raw. His voice is too. Kirihara pulls out. Renji turns around. He takes Kirihara's hand. He slips Kirihara's index finger into his mouth. Kirihara shoves his face under a pillow.
Renji looks at him. Kirihara has a sideways smile.
"Akaya?" Renji presses his lips to Kirihara's neck.
Kirihara shakes his head. He's laughing. He hooks his fingers under the lacy boy cut panties and pulls them down Renji's legs. They unhook the bra together. Kirihara chews on the side of Renji's breast. Renji bites his lip. His cunt is tingly and numb again.
"Is it true?" Kirihara asks. "That I'm…?"
Renji raises his eyebrows.
"You said I'm number one."
Renji hums. Kirihara's hand brushes his bum. It tickles. His cunt throbs.
"I don't think I'll be able to move for a week," Renji says.
Kirihara's grin widens. "What are you doing tomorrow?"
***
They walk as far as the Seven-Eleven across from the school campus. Renji buys a PET bottle of tea. Kirihara flips through comics. The school bell rings. The cashier looks at her nails.
Instead of crossing the street, they walk back to Kirihara's apartment. And spend the entire day naked, in bed. They have sex until Kirihara whimpers his dick will fall off. Then they have sex some more, until Renji begs Kirihara not to. His chest and thighs are covered in bruises. Renji wraps his lips around Kirihara's cock. Kirihara's legs give out.
On Monday, Renji winces when he walks through the school doors.
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together.
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe, please leave a comment to let me know.
Yukimura is scowling before he walks into the clubhouse. No one moves, not even Sanada. Renji doesn't even blink until Yukimura sucks in a deep breath.
"We have a problem," Yukimura says.
Renji's heart skips a beat.
Yukimura walks around the room. He narrows his eyes at Renji. Bile burns the back of Renji's mouth. "Sei-ichi?"
Yukimura pulls a sheet of paper from his bag. "The coach says he talked to the head coach at the Invitationals and we can only go if we come up with a 'non-suggestive' rooming arrangement."
"What-what's that supposed to mean?" Marui looks at Jackal. So does Renji. Jackal nods.
Niou and Yagyuu share a look. Sanada hides his face under his cap.
"It's two to a room," Yukimura says.
"So one of the girls has to room with a guy," Renji says.
"I'm not a girl!" Sanada says.
Renji thinks of Jackal last night. They went for udon. Renji said nothing, but he paid for both of them.
"They know that there's some girls on the team," Yukimura says. "But…they don't know who."
Renji straightens his back.
"Renji."
"Seiichi?"
"I'm counting on you to sort this out."
***
Yukimura adds in an email, bcuz me and sanada are gonna share but DONT TELL NIOU AND JACKAL OK??
***
"Are you aware of this?" Renji asks.
Sanada avoids his eye. "I said we're too young," he mutters.
"You should probably buy some condoms just in case."
Renji reminds Sanada that he looks like a koi fish with his mouth hanging like that.
***
He meets Marui and Yukimura at the ramen shop.
Renji pokes around his ramen. He grabs the shichimi and shakes it into his bowl. The broth turns pink.
"How do I get Sanada to have sex with me?" Yukimura asks.
Renji raises his eyebrows. Marui sprays ramen across the table.
Yukimura leans forward. "Well?"
Marui clears his throat. He strokes his chin. "You have come to the right guys," he says.
"Not Yagyuu?" Renji asks.
Yukimura says, "He said he was busy."
Renji's voice is thick. "Akaya?"
Marui rolls his eyes. "Puh-leeez, like the kid's gonna ever have sex in the next, like, twelve years!"
Yukimura nods. Renji purses his lips.
"So, how do I get Sanada to want to…you know…do it with me?"
Marui puts a finger up. "The first thing you need to do is seduce him."
Yukimura nods. "Yes."
"Well, what does he like?" Renji asks.
"Tennis, duh."
"And…?"
"Antiques?"
"And?"
"His pet rock?"
"Sounds like we're talking about my grandpa," Marui says. He snickers. Renji almost smiles.
Yukimura glares. "No time for jokes, this is serious!"
"Okay okay," Marui says. "The thing about girls is…"
They lean so far forward, their foreheads touch.
"Some people are lucky, and some people aren't."
Yukimura keeps nodding. "So I should bring my lucky pajamas."
Marui grins. "Exactly. Are they silk?"
"No, flannel."
"Red?"
"Well, they have hearts. I wore them before my…" Yukimura pauses. "My operation."
"Good choice, then," Marui says. He pops a bubble. "They'll become your Lucky Love Pajamas. Sanada won't be able to resist."
Renji thinks about the word seduce all night.
***
The bus leaves at quarter to seven for Gumma. Renji spends a half-hour throwing clothes around his room until he finds the bra. At half-past six, he grabs his bag and bikes to school. He's covered in sweat when he peddles into the bike rack. His skin is flushed when he rushes for the bus-the engine is running. Everyone stares at him. He sits down in the seat behind Jackal and Kirihara. Renji takes a deep breath.
"Do you have them?" he asks Sanada.
Sanada pulls a stack of sarashi cloths from his backpack. "We were supposed to do this before," he says.
Renji says he had last minute preparations. Sanada gives him a look.
Niou kicks Marui out of the back seat. He chucks Marui's candy bags from the other.
Jackal just says, "No one look!"
They wrap Niou first. Niou sits around longer than he needs to shirtless. Renji hasn't seen any of the others up close yet. He makes estimates in his head. Cup size B. Rib cage, 85cm in circumference. Niou squishes his nipples down. They're pinkish and poke through the first thin layer of cloth. Renji holds the far end. Jackal does the winding. Sanada says, "Tighter!" Yagyuu keeps turning his head around.
Niou sits back down next to Yagyuu. He gasps for air. "Can't…breathe…" He grabs his chest, and falls onto Yagyuu's shoulder. Sanada tells him to stop joking around.
"This is serious!" Sanada says.
"Yeah!" Yukimura says. "No one can find out who the girls are."
Renji looks at Jackal. Jackal rolls his eyes. Niou refuses to take his skirt off.
"I just shaved these damn things!" he says. He sticks his legs out. When Marui reaches for a feel, Niou says, "Puri! Fat chance, fatty!"
But he lets Yagyuu test his thigh.
They wrap Jackal next. Cup size A. Rib cage, 90cm. Sanada pulls tighter. Jackal chokes. Renji feeds more of the cloth. He and Sanada nod at each other. Jackal walks back to his seat. Renji pulls the electric razor from his bag.
"I charged it last night."
Jackal's hands go to his head. "No! I…it took me a long time to grow it this much," Jackal says.
Renji does Sanada's sarashi by himself. He avoids Sanada's skin at first, but he can feel the heat through the cloth. Cup size E. Rib cage 90cm. Sanada covers his chest with his palms. They crouch behind the seat backs. "Faster!" Sanada hisses. Renji slips. His fingers brush Sanada's breasts. He freezes. Sanada makes a strangled sound.
"Just…keep going!" Sanada snaps. He's red in the face. Renji gives up. He touches Sanada's side. He squishes Sanada's breasts against his ribs. He wraps tighter, and winds faster. Sanada pulls his uniform shirt back on. Then he zips up his jacket.
Sanada looks down, and he frowns.
Yukimura stares at Sanada's chest. He frowns, too.
"This isn't working," Sanada mutters. He reaches under his jacket, and his tshirt. Sanada crouches back down behind the seat. The sportsbras go with him.
"You realize they have sabotaged your plan," Renji says.
Yukimura grabs a handful of ramune popcorn from Marui's bag. Marui shouts. Yukimura crunches. "I know," he says.
"Should we even try stuffing the socks?" Renji asks.
Yukimura brushes popcorn bits off his shirt. "I guess not." He pats the back of Sanada's hand. "I'll have to defend my honour on my own," he says.
They stop at a family-style restaurant. Niou and Jackal disappear into the toilets. They hand Renji the sarashi cloths on their way out.
Renji stares out the window. Up in the mountains the leaves have changed. The air is crispy and cool. His udon noodles coil in the bowl. He blows on the steam. Kirihara sits at the other end of the table, gobbling his food up.
For a split-second, their eyes meet.
***
The high school players whoop and cheer. Atobe and Oshitari from Hyoutei hang around the Rikkai table in the cafeteria. Renji zips his jacket up to his neck. He closes his eyes, and thanks the kami-sama. His breasts ache. His insides ache, too, when Kirihara walks past him in the food line.
Jackal is wedged between Marui, and Hyoutei's Jiroh. Jiroh waggles his eyebrows. Marui huffs. He tells Jiroh to go away. Jiroh pulls on Jackal's arm. "Whatever Marui-kun thinks is great, so do-"
"No!" Marui shouts. He grabs Jackal's other arm. "Jackal is MINE!"
Jackal pulls his arm free of Jiroh. Then he shoves Marui away. "I am not a sexual commodity!" he shouts. "Stop OBJECTIFYING ME!"
Marui and Jiroh both blink.
Jackal smoothes down his shirt. He walks off to a corner table, where Hyoutei's Hiyoshi is eating by himself.
Niou struts past the high school players. On the courts, he bends low for his balls. He's got green panties on. Renji can hear Yagyuu grind his teeth, even during jumping jack reps.
Renji stays close to Sadaharu. Kaidoh is never far behind. Sadaharu counts Renji's shuttle runs. Renji times Sadaharu's stretches. Kaidoh hisses words like "traitor" and "hypocrite" under his breath. Renji narrows his eyes at Kaidoh.
Then his skin crawls all over. Two courts over, Kirihara is staring.
***
Yukimura destroys a basket of balls. Sanada goes to get another. Renji stands at the baseline. He waits until Sanada is out of earshot.
"You'll have other opportunities," he says.
Yukimura pushes his headband up. His face is twisted. "It's not FAIR!" His fist shakes. Renji shrugs.
"Surely you can’t be surprised they're having all the girls room together-"
"NOT A GIRL!" Sanada shouts, three courts over. A group of high schoolers wolf-whistle.
Renji steps closer to Yukimura. "Besides, there's always the north stairwell of the building."
Yukimura perks up. A thin smile creeps over his face. He grabs Renji in a tight hug. "I love you," he says.
The high schoolers whistle at that, until Yukimura offers to play them.
"Wait until tomorrow, pipsqueaks," the biggest one says. They all hur hur.
***
Renji emails Sadaharu.
Tomorrow. We're playing games with the high school students.
that is as I preadicted
Oh?
my sources indicated dubbles games
Jrs vs SRs?
Renji leans back against the wall. The tiny pillow digs into his lower back. He pulls it out. "Hm," he says.
On the bed next to him, Ibu Shinji says, "I see you're talking with your friends. That must be nice. Kamio never answers my emails anymore. And when he does, he only uses a couple words. Should I use only a few words too? You can't say enough in just a few words…"
Renji shuts out his light. He rolls onto his side. Ibu Shinji keeps mumbling in the dark. Renji sighs, and mouths a name on his breath.
***
He dreams that he and Kirihara are playing tennis. Kirihara has the first serve. "I will be number ONE!" he screams. The ball flies over Renji's head. Instead of going to get it, Renji walks up to the net.
Kirihara has red eyes. He tilts his head to the side, and laughs. His teeth are sharp. His skin is scarlet. Renji says that he's number one. Kirihara grabs him by the shoulders. He shakes Renji so hard his teeth rattle. They fall to the ground.
Kirihara crunches his sneaker down. Renji is on his hands and knees. Blood drips from his mouth all over the shards. Kirihara laughs louder and louder. When Renji finally lifts his head, Kirihara's head explodes.
Renji sits up in bed, gasping.
Ibu Shinji murmurs in his sleep. Renji takes his bar of soap, and a towel. He creeps through the hallways. The air is cold in the mountains. He squints in the darkness. The only sounds are the soughing breeze through the trees outside, and the hum of the sports centre furnaces.
Renji takes a hot shower. He stays under the spray until his fingertips wrinkle. He rolls his shoulders under the patter. He reaches between his legs. Nothing has changed. He leans against the tiles, and says, "Fuck."
He changes back into his pajamas, shuts off the light, and creeps back through the dark hallway. Something squeaks. Renji tightens his hand on the soap box. A shadow moves around the corner. It's small. It has a mess of hair. Renji sucks in a breath. He slips his slippers off, and runs. The shadow moves. Renji whispers, "Akaya?"
But there is no one.
***
Renji asks the caf lady for extra pickles.
Next in line, Niou picks a wedgie. Shitenhoji's Shiraishi walks past. His eyes trail down Niou's body. "Ne, Rikkai's Niou, huh?"
Niou stops mid-scratch. "Yeah?"
Shiraishi winks. A stack of caf trays collapses. He looks up, and reaches for his arm bandages. "Kin-chan," he says. The freshman kid cowers in the centre of the mess.
"Don't kill me, Shiraishi! Pleeeease!"
At the table, Niou says, "Dataman, did you know girls still snore?"
Renji says no.
"You can add to your notebook that Sanada snores," Niou says.
Kirihara jerks his head up from his fish. Renji says nothing. He nods once. He goes back to dumping his pickles onto the orange slices. Sanada and Jackal give him funny looks.
"Vitamin C is essential," Renji says.
"That's a lot of pickles," Jackal says. He slurps his coffee.
"Isn't that your third coffee?"
Jackal doesn't answer.
"Where did you learn that word?" Renji asks.
"Objectifying?" Jackal drains his coffee. "My mom gave me this book about feminism and stuff. I didn't get anything, but I liked the word."
Marui drops his chopsticks. "You…you're not going to burn your bra and start going all man-hating, are you?"
Sanada snorts.
Seigaku's table is filling up. Sadaharu is there, with a notebook under his nose. When he reaches for the soy sauce, so does Kaidoh. Sadaharu's mouth moves in apology.
Kirihara grabs the soy sauce from the middle of the table. He dumps it over his plate. Then he pours it into his tea, too. Marui snickers. Niou asks if he's too worried about creaming all the high school players.
Renji says, "Did you sleep all right?"
Kirihara ignores him.
Renji eats another pickle. It's not his mouth that stings.
***
Renji asks first, before Kirihara has a chance to ask Sanada, or Yukimura, or anyone else.
Kirihara yanks his arm away. Renji holds his breath. Please, he wants to add. "We can play together."
Kirihara swings his racket over his shoulder. "Fine. We'll crush some dumbasses from Fudomine."
Renji has a thick lump in his throat. He nods.
Sanada and Yukimura hold hands. Yukimura says something about Atobe. Oshitari lurks behind Sanada. His short friend asks if he has a partner yet, and hey Yuushi stop staring at that chick's fat ass!
The coach makes the announcement with a chuckle. Renji's stomach shrivels up.
Kirihara is already walking to the other side of the net. A ball strains under his knuckles. He starts to laugh under his breath. "I'm gonna defeat one of you…" He whips his head around. His eyes bulge at the corners.
"I WILL BE NUMBER ONE!"
Renji lifts his chin. His shoulders are tight, and tense. Sun blinds his side of the court. Kirihara serves a knuckle ball from the shadows.
"So this is what you want," Renji whispers. He loosens his hand on his racket. He takes a step back. The ball veers right. He dashes to mid-court and swings wide. It's a low pass that skims the net cording. Kirihara is too far left. The ball drops over the net.
Renji takes the first point.
"So be it."
***
Kirihara screams through his serves. He seethes during the rallies he tries to set up. Renji slices the Knuckle Serves. He smashes through the Devil Mode. He keeps his face even, and his balls fast. Kirihara sweats and shouts. He runs for the balls that fly over his head. He dives for balls that are out of bounds. Renji looks down his nose. He squeezes his hand around the ball.
Sadaharu sits in the stands. Kaidoh stands next to him. Kirihara paces his baseline. His face is red, and he's panting. He clenches his fist.
It's match point.
Renji takes a deep breath. He raises his arm.
"Referee!"
The referee turns. Kirihara's eyes go wide. Blood drains from his face.
"I quit," Renji says.
Kirihara chokes. He shakes his head. Sweat splatters the ground. "Tell me you're joking," he says. He keeps shaking his head. Something slithers down from his eyes.
For a moment, Renji has three words on his tongue.
He swallows down.
Sadaharu hobbles out of the stands. Renji walks beside him. The sound of Kirihara smashing his racket follows him.
Sadaharu pushes his glasses up. His face is chartreuse. "Renji?"
"Let's go home, Sadaharu." Renji's shoulders sink.
Sadaharu nods. The he falls to his knees, and starts to retch. Renji leans down next to him. "Are you all right?"
Sadaharu takes a drink from a muddy-coloured PET bottle. "Something…I ate…" he croaks.
Renji looks back at the tennis courts. Kirihara pushes Marui and Yagyuu away. He flails his arms, and smacks Marui in the face.
"Go be number one, Akaya," Renji whispers.
***
He stops Shiraishi outside the toilets. Yukimura isn't around, neither is Marui.
"Would you…" Renji takes a deep breath. Shiraishi cocks his head a little. Sanada's stomping onto the bus so hard his shorts ride up. "Do me a favour?"
Shiraishi asks what.
"We made a mistake, thinking the only way Akaya can beat his opponents is through his Devil Mode."
Shiraishi snorts. "You want me to help."
"Since I'm gone…" Renji glances back. The bus engine starts. Renji leans closer. "Keep him in check. If you can control Tooyama, you can help Akaya."
He runs to make the bus. No one talks. Sadaharu opens the window. He sticks his head out. Renji offers him a brown bag.
He sends Sanada an email. Did you two do it?
Sanada whips his head around from the front seat. He glares. Renji leans back in his seat. The bus jerks and jumps from the gravel road.
Momoshiro jumps up. "Are we just gonna sit here on our ASSES? Aren't we gonna be PISSED OFF?"
Renji closes his eyes. Jackal and Sanada and Higa's Tanishi start to argue with Momoshiro. The paper bag crunches in Sadaharu's lap.
The bus lurches to a stop. The bus driver shouts. Renji climbs off. They're in the middle of a zelkova forest and there's a prediction of frost tonight. The coach looks down at them. He smiles. "Now our real job begins."
***
His calves ache from the climb. His fingers bleed; his palms are cut up. His head throbs. Momoshiro and Kaidoh argued for an hour straight, until Niou suggested Momoshiro carry Kaidoh up on his shoulders.
Renji sits on a precipice. Crows circle overhead. A rock hits Renji on the arm. He winces. A shadow looms over him: another coach, hairy and barefoot and large.
"Get your ass up!"
Renji gets up.
"You're all FUCKING LATE!" he screams. He stinks of alcohol. A group of high school students in black come out of the trees. They all have rackets. Renji squeezes his hands into balls. Blood trickles down his arms.
There's only a shack behind a copse of trees, and bushes littered with empty sake bottles. There's no toilet, and no running water. Renji swirls saliva around his mouth. His tongue is dusty. He's hungry. His lips are cracked. Wind whips around his hair. He shivers.
There's a stack of white uniforms. Sanada turns the same colour when everyone else starts to change.
Shitenhoji's Koharu dances over. He drags Zaizen in hand. "We'll help you, Sanada-kun!"
Sanada doesn't move. Neither does Renji.
The coach hiccups. "NO HELPING! ARE YOU HERE TO BE PUSSIES???" he screams.
Jackal and Niou share a glance. Renji turns around. He switches t-shirts. Smears of blood stain the white shorts. The high school players throw a barrage of shovels. Sanada refuses to change his t-shirt.
"…so what do we do now?" Echizen asks.
"Dig?" Kenya offers. He winks at Sanada.
Sanada scowls.
"Of course," Renji says. The crack in his lip starts to bleed.
***
Occasionally last year Renji questioned the number of laps Sanada would assign for practice. Laps were practical, and stamina-building. Digging a hole for the coach to piss is useless. A sudden death match with the high schoolers could make sense, except there are too many players and too many rackets. Mukahi hits Shishido and knocks him out cold. Jackal runs into Jiroh, who cops a feel, so Jackal runs the other way, into Momoshiro, who cops another feel. Sanada hits Oishi's racket three times.
"Get out of my way!" he shouts. He runs up to mid-court. His breasts bounce. The high schoolers stare. Sanada volleys. The ball isn't returned. The coach throws a bottle. It smashes at Sanada's feet.
"Play like a man, or get off."
Sanada's chin trembles.
Renji frowns. Sadaharu says his name.
"We haven't played in-"
"-four years seven months and twenty-one days."
"Quit yer yackin!"
The ball slams between them. Renji swings back. His shot is straight and deep. A high schooler uses a backhand. Renji steps back. Sadaharu steps forward.
"Zero percent chance of a mistake," he says. He turns his wrist to make the shot.
Renji's skin flushes. The ball drops over the net.
"STOP right there!" the coach says. He points at the high schoolers. "It's their win."
"He was 100% incorrect," Sadaharu says, later.
They sit at the edge of the cave. Bats fly in and out. Renji rests his chin on his hands. He squints into the darkness. There are no lights. The hairs on his body stand up. He rubs his hands together. His nipples are chafed.
"Sadaharu," Renji says.
"Hn?"
Renji leans close. Sadaharu smells like sweat, and dirt. Renji presses his mouth to Sadaharu's. His lips crack when he parts them. He slides his tongue inside. Renji tries to kiss harder, but Sadaharu doesn't move. Renji's insides shrivel.
Nylon rustles behind them. Jackal moans that he has a cramp. Jiroh offers to share his sleeping bag.
"…Sadaharu?"
He doesn't answer. Renji tries again. "I'm not…"
"Your actions suggest otherwise. There is a ninety-five percent chance that I do not reciprocate your feelings."
"Ninety-five?"
"Taking into account five percent error."
Renji says nothing. He leans on Sadaharu's shoulder. He's warm, and solid, and he leans back on Renji.
Renji licks his bottom lip. All he tastes is blood.
***
The coach ties meat balloons to their wrists. He wakes them at three in the morning, and sends them marching through swamps. He throws rocks instead of tennis balls. He buries their uniforms. On the third day, Sanada walks off the court and doesn’t come back.
Jackal slinks around camp. The coach is passed out. Tanishi and Kenya hold the bottles upside down over their mouths.
"Not even a drop left," Kenya says. He chucks a bottle into the bonfire. Tanishi crushes the other in his hand.
Renji closes his eyes. His body is worn out. His stomach claws at his ribs. The thought of the rice gruel and empty sandwiches they've been fed makes bile burn his throat. Sadaharu asks if he's okay. Renji stands up, and walks into the forest. It's too dark to see anything except the thin pathway. His stomach churns. Hot vomit fills his mouth.
He pukes until his stomach chokes. He gags and his stomach heaves again. Renji staggers over to a large rock. He presses his palms to the cold stone.
"Renji?"
"Jackal."
"Um…heat stroke?"
Renji says perhaps.
Jackal offers a leaf. Renji wipes the sweat from his forehead.
"You wanna know what really sucks?" Jackal asks. "My period showed up here, and I have to stuff leaves up my snatch."
Renj's mouth doesn't close, not even after Mifune is air-lifted to a hospital for alcohol poisoning and the bus arrives to take them back to the sports centre.
***
They show up at the courts. Sanada gets three games off Yukimura, and wins a spot at the Invitationals.
Kirihara stands with the winners in samurai blue, next to Shitenhoji's Shiraishi. Renji says, "Congratulations." Kirihara starts to lift his head. Then he turns to Atobe and says, "The coach'd better not make us play doubles."
Atobe snorts. "Sanada and I will, though." He winks at Sanada. Sanada tells him to fuck off. But he's still not talking to Yukimura.
The Invitational team members stay longer to play their official matches the following week in Sendai, against the American team. Renji stuffs his bag in the cargo hold of the Rikkai bus. Through the hold, Kaidoh and Sadaharu shove their tennis bags onto the Seigaku bus.
Renji sits by himself. On the next bus over Sadaharu reaches for his shade curtain. He raises his hand. Renji waves back.
He watches the trees whizz by for five hours.
***
Sanada sends an email on Tuesday. No we didn't.
***
Jackal announces he has a girlfriend.
"Told you I was a lesbian," he tells Marui. "I'm fighting for vaginal rights, too!"
Marui passes out into his soup curry.
***
Sanada blushes and Yukimura brushes Sanada's hair from his eyes when they come back.
"We played doubles," Yukimura says. "It was amazing."
Sanada shakes his head behind Yukimura's back. "He's a ball hog," he mutters to Renji. Renji rolls his eyes. Yukimura's fingers slither down to Sanada's skirt. He pinches Sanada's bum. Sanada nearly slaps him.
It's just like things used to be, except that Kirihara spends his lunch hours slamming balls at the cement retaining wall.
Renji looks down at his novel. He rubs his hands over his waistband. His chest is empty.
***
There is a Peach John branch in the underground arcade, six stops away on the line to Tokyo. There is another branch in a department store four stops beyond that. Renji takes a deep breath.
There are women everywhere.
Christmas carols about Santa Claus are piped through the PA system instead of Arashi. Renji is lost in the racks of coloured bras and panty sets. Women stare. He's got his school uniform on.
He clears his throat. He asks the clerk if she can help. She offers a vapid smile and says yes, what colours does Renji's girlfriend like?
He shakes his head. "For me," he says. "I think…I'm an A cup."
Her smile is glued on. "We can measure you. What colours do you like?"
Renji says the word boyfriend for the first time. "He likes red. And black."
"Frills? Lace? Ribbons?"
"I don't know."
The salesclerk adjusts the straps, and the band. She nods at one bra, and shakes her head at the next. Renji tries not to crawl under the change room seat.
He doesn't recognize the body in the mirror. There are curves where straight lines should be. His hips jut. His breasts fill the cups-almost.
"Do you want the matching panties?" she asks. "We have thong, boy cut, and a cute bikini brief."
Renji says boy cut. She puts the panties in a labelled bag. Renji says he doesn't need one. He stuffs them into his tennis bag instead. He turns to escape. A woman steps aside.
"I'm sorry," she says. She smiles at him. The boy next to her lifts his bandana up from his eyes. His mother pulls him close and says, "Kaoru, let the tall girl by."
***
Renji dunks his head under the bath water.
The water absorbs his frustration.
***
And Sadaharu never emails to ask.
Renji waits a week. Sadaharu does, however, email to ask if Renji has seen any of the import issues of Tennis World with the paragraph on Tezuka.
***
It's been fifty-three days.
The student council meeting runs late. Renji hands out the minutes from the last meeting. They pick colours for the Christmas dance-red, and gold. Renji plays with the hem of his blazer. He shifts in his seat. The lace itches his sternum. It scratches his pants, and rides up his butt crack.
After, Renji knocks on the clubhouse door. He tries the handle. He buries his face into his scarf. Damp cold bites his cheeks.
His hands shake the entire bus ride. And then his fingers don't work on the buzzer. He looks at the concrete hallway of the apartment building. His head is too light, and his feet too heavy.
The door swings open. Kirihara's sister walks into him. She rolls her eyes and tells him to watch it, and Akaya's inside in his room being a hikikomori again. She runs into the elevator as the door closes.
But she leaves the front door of the apartment open for him.
Renji toes his sneakers off. He sets his tennis bag down. Dusky evening creeps through the curtains. Down the hallway, a light peeks out from under a door.
Renji's heart sticks in his throat. He pushes the door open, and closes it behind himself. He leans back on it. Kirihara drops his gameboy console on the floor. He turns on his light.
Renji takes a step closer. Kirihara's expression burns a hole through his belly. Renji trails his fingers over the candy wrappers and empty milk cartons on Kirihara's desk. He has a stack of Jump issues, and a Tennis Pro Weekly, too. A filmy layer of dust coats everything.
He looks at Kirihara and he wants to puke. Kirihara curls his lip. Renji says, "Just listen to me."
"It's true that I…I did it for the data."
Kirihara's knuckles crack. Renji's squeezes his eyes shut. "It's true that I took data on you-Akaya, I'm sorry. But you…" He shakes his head. Hot tears prick his eyes. "I woke up-if you woke up and your dick was gone…"
He tries to take a deep breath. His chest shudders. Kirihara's eyes widen when Renji pulls off his blazer.
"I started to like what you did," Renji whispers. He unties his tie.
"I liked you." He takes his jumper off.
Renji unbuckles his belt. His pants hit the floor. The panties ride up higher into his butt. Kirihara is breathing hard when Renji stands next to the bed.
"I do like you," he says. He unbuttons his shirt. Kirihara's eyes move up and down his body. Renji lets the shirt fall. He keeps his hands in front of his stomach. He's never felt more naked in his life.
Kirihara looks up. Renji reaches for Kirihara's face. He sits down beside Kirihara and holds Kirihara's face to his chest. "I'm so sorry," he mutters. "I'm so sorry, Akaya..."
Hands touch his hip. Renji sniffles. Kirihara brushes his nose over Renji's jaw, and his cheek too, so soft that Renji shivers. Fingers slip under his panties. Renji arches into the touch. He spreads his legs wider. "Akaya…no more data…" The finger curls up. Renji's moans. Kirihara starts to kiss him. He cups Renji's breast, and kneads the skin. Renji kisses Kirihara back as hard as he can.
"Don't ever stop," he says. Kirihara licks off the tears. Renji rips Kirihara's sweatshirt off, and his pants and underwear, too. He squeezes Kirihara's dick. Kirihara bites Renji through the bra. He fingers Renji until he's straining and his muscles shake.
"Do it," he groans. "Fuck me, Akaya."
Kirihara growls. Renji rides him until his eyes roll back. Then Kirihara flips him back over. The pillow muffles his shouts as Kirihara thrusts deep and hard and fast. Kirihara digs his nails into Renji's hips and pushes deeper. Renji chokes on moans as he pushes his hips back to meet the thrusts. He says things he doesn't remember, and things he doesn't want to remember. Their bodies slap until Kirihara stiffens and comes. He collapses on Renji's back.
Renji's body is on fire. His cunt is raw. His voice is too. Kirihara pulls out. Renji turns around. He takes Kirihara's hand. He slips Kirihara's index finger into his mouth. Kirihara shoves his face under a pillow.
Renji looks at him. Kirihara has a sideways smile.
"Akaya?" Renji presses his lips to Kirihara's neck.
Kirihara shakes his head. He's laughing. He hooks his fingers under the lacy boy cut panties and pulls them down Renji's legs. They unhook the bra together. Kirihara chews on the side of Renji's breast. Renji bites his lip. His cunt is tingly and numb again.
"Is it true?" Kirihara asks. "That I'm…?"
Renji raises his eyebrows.
"You said I'm number one."
Renji hums. Kirihara's hand brushes his bum. It tickles. His cunt throbs.
"I don't think I'll be able to move for a week," Renji says.
Kirihara's grin widens. "What are you doing tomorrow?"
***
They walk as far as the Seven-Eleven across from the school campus. Renji buys a PET bottle of tea. Kirihara flips through comics. The school bell rings. The cashier looks at her nails.
Instead of crossing the street, they walk back to Kirihara's apartment. And spend the entire day naked, in bed. They have sex until Kirihara whimpers his dick will fall off. Then they have sex some more, until Renji begs Kirihara not to. His chest and thighs are covered in bruises. Renji wraps his lips around Kirihara's cock. Kirihara's legs give out.
On Monday, Renji winces when he walks through the school doors.