It feels like it. She is so distant, and I cannot seem to reach her to make any contact. I can’t imagine what it is like to want distance like that. Even when I knew I wanted out of a relationship I never felt that kind of distance. When I left my first wife I had to learn to keep a great distance because she would violate my boundaries. I am ( Read more... )

I had an epiphany today. It is that we just need to get over it. It does not matter, move on with life. Forget your pain and be present now, in this reality.

Our parents failed us? So what? Move on!

You don’t exist anyway.

rs

We went to a wedding yesterday, up in Napa. It was a wonderful wedding. Friends that I have known for a long time. There were many other work acquaintances and friends there also. I had a good time except that there was a lot of distance between my wife and I. My friend D has been living with B whom I also know very well for several years, and ( Read more... )

Disconnect

In looking back at the recent dialog with my wife, there is only one word that describes it: DISCONNECTI say that it was wrong of me to be in judgment of her in the past and she responds that she doesn’t want my judgments right or wrong ( Read more... )

I found only two star thistle down below the other day, but I found four on the property above and the ones above were much more mature. I’m imagining a situation where next year there are no star thistle below but many above. I would then have won the battle but lost the war. I wonder if that is not the nature of my life. It feels like it now ( Read more... )

Divergence is the title of my reply to SG3’s, AKA my wife, maybe AKA my ex-wife, recent post to explain how we have gone wrong ( Read more... )

I want to be in the arms of my lover but those arms are not available to me. The loss stagers me. I can’t understand how I can love this woman so much and still lose her. I understand that the conflict inherent in us hurts her. I understand that loss of things pains her. But, she tamed me long ago, and I know she will miss me as much as I will ( Read more... )

That is what if feels like, like my life is falling apart.
My wife and I are at odds again. We can't even make it happen for a few days.
I’m back in Miami, on this contract. I have been passed by for yet another job.
I don’t know what the fuck to do.
I guess that’s it!
Life is too good:-)

r.s.

This feeling in the gut keeps coming up or pulling me in. Terror, I guess. Terror that I can’t keep it together. Part of it is that the day has not been productive. I went out to get some things done, and things took too long. I have to get some code done by Sunday when I fly to Florida on this new contract. It's going to be a busy weekend. ( Read more... )

Contrary to popular opinion, life is a no lose proposition. Enjoy.

r.slime