[20:09] Simone: OMG ( Read more... )

[20:18] Me: I'm going to be a dark elf vampire ( Read more... )

Me, to M
Me: Are you touching your vag-- oh wait. You don't have a vagina.

Later
Me: Jiggle your milk jugs around too, baby!

This is me, classically ruining whatever mood there already wasn't. Kind of like when people try to undo my bra and I laugh at them. Will you ever win, Jamie?

[16:38] Me: On the way out this 14 year old camwhore in the other car was staring at us as we tried to pull out, which we obviously couldn't do because someone's shitty Ultima was blocking our path. She was giving us the dirtiest stuck up looks and I wanted to get out of the car and slap the duck lips right off her face. The breaking point was ( Read more... )

Me: Wouldn't it be great if I opted to write my own vows at the wedding, and started to recite the lyrics to "Never Gonna Give You Up" when it was time to say them ( Read more... )

Wow.

I was just browsing some forums and came across this quote from a lovable member of my friends list.

"I treat my bitches like queens. Won't see no raggedy-ass broken-finger hand-jobs from them!"

Oh, William. Between this and masturbating like a monkey on crack, is there anything you WON'T do?

[15:26] Jamie: The Internet has ruined RUINED Pokemon for me ( Read more... )

[22:07] Nate: girls aint nothing but bitches and hos ( Read more... )

[17:07] Me: When's your birthday? I know what I wanna get you ( Read more... )

I hate when people get all pissy when I'm acting out and they don't realize why. I know that's completely unreasonable and immature, but to Hell with it. If you don't get me, leave. I explained to the person why I acted how I did and he's still being a fuckhead. You guys know what I'm like. I'll be an asshole for a bit because of something ( Read more... )