( Something I wish I didn't have to write. )

On the one hand, it's my brother's birthday today.

On the other hand, twenty years ago today, my mother was murdered.

I think that you can all understand why I am, at best, ambivalent.

My cousin Viron, the youngest of my three Florida cousins, informed me last night that his mother, my Aunt Willadean, passed away on the 22nd. It was sad news, but hardly out of line---she was pretty old and she'd been in failing health for some while. My brother and I won't be able to make it to the services, but we're going to be sending

Warning: This may be triggery for some people.
( Trying to make sense of it all... )

( The dripping you will not hear is the bleeding of my heart. )

Two years ago today, the guy who'd been my best pal, closer in a lot of ways than either of us were to our siblings, died suddenly. I still find myself seeing something he'd like and thinking about showing him, before I remember.

( But, unfortunately, not unexpected. )

( And I still find myself missing Bill. )

( Normally, I don't remember or care about my dreams. )

One month ago today, I got the call that Bill had died unexpectedly.

It's still kind of hard to process--I find myself looking at something and thinking he'd like to have seen it.