Forever & Ever 35
Title: Forever & Ever (Miseinen Sequel)
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34
“Dude, whoever you want to call just call them already.” Reita was leaning on the make-up counter staring at the side of Kai’s face as the drummer, all made up and ready to go on stage stared almost obsessively at the cell phone cradled in his hands. Naturally, Lie:Death advanced to Round 2 and they were invited to play again. Since there were less bands, 2 bands had their individual rooms and the other 2 were forced to share, the latter being Gazette and another band called Mort’Rouge who apparently took their stage persona of being completely an utterly expressionless and silent to the extreme that they were already in character when they had arrived, painted and lip locked. Ruki at the moment had transferred his torturous conversation away from Rey to them, finding a strange delight at the fact that they made no sign of running away. Reita however feeling his pre-show nerves decided to wander around the back of Cerberus until he came upon Lie:Death’s room and found Kai sitting there. At first they spoke rather easily, talking about some Nicholas Cage movie that just came out until Kai became completely arrested in staring at his mobile phone.
“There’s no one I want to call,” he said impatiently.
“Hey!” Reita threw his hands up. “Is it Haru?”
“Haru?” Kai looked up at him with an expression of disgust.
Reita tilted his head. “Did you break up with her?”
“Yeah! Like ages ago.”
“Dude, you didn’t tell me that! Then who is it? That one guy that you were flirting over the phone with?”
“Flirting?” Kai glared at him.
“Man, are you going to bite my head off or something?” Reita slid off the make-up counter, comically retreating in fear from him.
“I was not flirting with him okay? And his name is D’Marcus for one.”
“Riiiiight,” Reita laughed.
Yukio came into the room with his beautiful guitar in hand. He had just polished it and was about to go and retune it when he saw Reita standing there. “What are you doing in here?”
“Talking to my friend,” he replied being his usual friendly self. Glancing at Kai’s face, he could immediately tell that he didn’t care very much for Yukio.
“Why do you wear that thing on your face?”
“Huh?” Reita looked back up at him.
“That thing,” he made a gesture around his own nose. “Why do you wear that thing around your face?”
“It’s a long story…but it’s uh, part of my stage persona,” he nodded confidently.
“I see…” Yukio sat down and started tuning his guitar. He wasn’t that interested in why so he didn’t press. “That one guy in your band…” he said suddenly to Reita.
“What one guy?”
“The lead guitarist…what’s his name?”
“Uruha.”
“Ahh…I remember we played alongside Gabriel’s new band not too long ago-Do you know him?”
“Yeah, I know of the guy”
“He’s a prick,” Yukio replied as if it were merely a fact. “But he really hates him. I remember overhearing their conversation and he was talking quite nastily about Uruha. The name stuck out to me because one rarely comes across such a stage name…Well, I saw your performance last night and he was quite impressive.”
“Yeah, he’s really good,” Reita smiled. He easily made friends and warmed up to people and unlike the others who just assumed Yukio was a tight-assed douche, he allowed himself to make his own impressions, letting go of all his previous assumptions.
“Roku-he’s our bassist, he was telling me earlier that he admired your technique. He’s says you don’t have the fundamentals down exactly but you have a strong sound nonetheless…”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment!” Reita laughed.
“Hmm you should. Roku…I like his playing but he does lack your energy…”
Kai turned around and looked at Yukio suspicious as to why he was persistently talking to Reita liked this.
“If given the chance to pick between Roku and you, I’d rather have you in my band,” Yukio said looking directly at Reita’s face. He sounded more as if he were offering.
“What’s wrong with Roku?” Kai asked irritably.
“Roku is a great musician but he doesn’t have that pop that Reita has. Well, just between us then,” Yukio smiled a thin smile, the most he could generally muster. “If Gazette ever breaks up or if you want to be more successful-don’t get me wrong, Gazette is good but that singer of yours can’t sing and the other one isn’t a very good guitarist so… “ he wasn’t going to go into more detail. “Well, you are always welcomed to join Lie:Death.”
“Uh,” Reita folded his arms. In a matter of moments, he became extremely put off by Yukio. Even though, he was only stating his opinions honestly-and Reita had heard other such criticisms from other musicians, he still felt somewhat angry with him. “I know everyone thinks that you really know music and everything but I think I can firmly say “no” and mean it. I rather be bagging groceries than be playing with anyone else.”
Yukio observed him as he spoke and Kai felt his anger growing inside him more and more. He knew that Yukio was admiring Reita’s loyalty but in such a backward condescending way, observing him as if he were looking down on Reita and his simple and pure mindset. “You must be a very good friend,” he said. To Kai’s ears, he sounded insincere even if in truth, he wasn’t.
“I am,” Reita smiled confidently. “Thanks for the compliments and all but I think you’re wrong. Gazette may not be right now but I think in the future, we’re going to be a great band.” Yukio looked at him, thinking his optimism was somewhat cute in a childish manner. “Ruki’s right about it.”
“Ruki?”
“Yeah, our singer. He says that maybe we aren’t the perfect band musically-like Lie:Death but people want to see us because we make them feel involved and with all due respect, watching Lie:Death however impressive is like going to a movie theater where you watch on the other side like voyeur or something but with us, people feel a part of the show, so,” he shrugged.
Kai stared at the floor feeling somewhat awkward at Reita’s short monologue in defense of Gazette. It seemed his friend had almost forgotten that Kai was in Lie:Death and he felt that his criticism that Lie:Death despite their talent was in fact worse than saying that they sucked as musicians. Essentially, Reita was saying that Gazette had heart whereas they merely had skill. Without heart, music meant nothing and Kai knew that. He knew that with just skill, Lie:Death might become popular to some degree but would forever just be the interest of snooty uptight music collectors.
“So thanks but no thanks,” Reita smirked. “I may seem stupid and childish to you but at least, I can sleep at night knowing that I am doing the right thing.”
Kai’s eyes shot up to Reita’s face. Feeling his eyes on him, Reita finally looked at his friend. And as the realization came over him as to what he had just said and what it implied for Kai, he felt intensely guilty.
“Right,” Yukio chuckled. “I guess we’ll just see who wins the competition then.” He stood up and reaching over Kai, presented his hand for him to shake, displaying at that moment his professionalism, his confidence and his sportsmanship. But to Kai, it all felt rather slimy if not strangely creepy.
Suddenly, the phone in his hand rung and all eyes looked down at it.
“Hello?” Kai immediately answered it.
“Kai? Hey it’s me D’Marcus,” he said on the other line.
He looked at the other two who with hands clasped stared down at him.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good. Um…so, I told Anna that you have a show tonight and she’s is kinda deadest on going…so…where’s it at?”
“It’s a tournament actually,” Kai said trying to think of ways to prevent him from coming. “Who’s Anna?”
“My neighbor. She says you met. Oh, and if I tell her it’s a tournament, she for sure will want to come.”
“Uh…” he couldn’t think of an excuse. “Are you sure you want to? I mean won’t it be weird seeing me on stage?”
“No, should I be weirded out?” D laughed.
“Um…D it’s a visual kei concert.”
Yukio and Reita exchanged glances of curiosity and finally letting go of their hands went to their opposite sides of the room.
“Visual Kei…what is that?”
“You’ve been friends with me and you don’t know what that is?” Kai laughed.
“You just said you were in a rock band and that you played the drums. Visual Kei…uh..I don’t remember you telling me what that was.”
“You’re going to be freaked out if you come.”
“Kai, I think I can handle it.”
“Think a lot of men dressed up kinda like women. Everyone is wearing make-up, some people are really scary looking and almost everyone in the crowd is a girl but they mosh and headbang and push and cuss. Oh and often times, men will do homoerotic things on stage with each other while playing really heavy rock music. Are you absolutely sure you can handle it? You’re going to stick out by the way…I mean how can you not…”
“I think I can handle a couple of drag queens and gay Japanese guys. And I don’t think a bunch of angry tiny Asian girls are going to intimidate me.”
“Why do you want to come so badly?”
“Why do you not want me to come?”
“Errr….I don’t know…because it will be…weird.”
“I want to see what makes you so happy doing it that you are willing to torture yourself.”
“D… Fine. But you owe me.”
“Why is that really scary coming from you…”
Kai giggled almost evilly. “It’s at a place called Cerberus.” After giving him the details he added. “I hope this doesn’t make you stop talking to me.”
“Come on, Kai. You’ll have to do something really bad for me to stop talking to you. Besides, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Sure...” he sighed. “Bye, D.”
“Bye.”
After hanging up, he noticed how the other two were staring at him completely listening in on his conversation. “What?”
“D?” Reita repeated.
“Yeah, he’s my friend.”
“Who is D?” Yukio asked.
“My friend,” Kai repeated irritably.
“What do you mean stand out?”
“He’s American,” Reita clarified.
“Oh…”Yukio nodded. “Do you have gay feelings for him by any chance?” Getting straight to what Reita and him were thinking about all along as they watched Kai smile and shift in his chair in a giddy almost sexual manner, excited merely because he was on the phone with him.
Kai gritted his teeth. “I’m leaving and going for a walk.” He stood up and left the room, avoiding the question altogether.
***
Ruki boredly wandered back into their dressing room. He had already fixed his make-up and his hair and was all set to go on stage. Now, he didn’t have much to do but to walk around and talk to people.
“There you are,” Rey said looking up from a Fool’s Mate magazine that he was reading.
“What happened to the Mort people?” Ruki looked around searching for his silent friends.
“Your dad called and ask me where Cerberus was located and so I told him,” Rey said matter-of-factly as he held a photograph of Dir en Grey’s Shinya closer to his face to get a better look of his pretty face.
“WHAT?!!!!!!” Ruki’s jaw dropped. His panic seemed almost comic compared to Rey’s laidback manner. “My dad? What? What? How?”
Rey tilted his head like a confused dog. “You left your phone in here and I answered it.”
“WHAT?! HOW DID HE GET MY NUMBER?” Ruki moved closer to him and was close to smacking Rey because he wasn’t answering him fast enough.
“Man, why are you so excited? It said ‘Home’ was calling and I picked up and was like ‘Hey, this is Rey. Ruki is away from the phone right now.’ And the guy on the other line was like ‘Hey something something’-sorry I can’t remember what he said but then he was like ‘can you tell me where the venue is located.’ And so I told him, was that a problem?” Rey lifted up his hands innocently.
“Did he say he was my dad?” Ruki eyed him.
“No, but it said home and he sounded like an older guy.”
Ruki sighed relieved. “That wasn’t my dad. That was probably Fuwa,” he laughed as a sense of relief came over him.
“Who is Fuwa?”
“He’s someone I live with…A friend.”
Rey looked around evidently confused. “A friend?”
“Yeah, a friend.”
“You live with an older guy?”
“I live with him and his husband.”
“Oh, so you are like his adopted son then?”
“No, I have a dad okay?” Ruki was evidently annoyed by Rey’s questions.
“Right.” Suddenly something occurred to him and he asked “You live with two old gay guys?”
“Yeah, so?”
“That’s just…I don’t know…strange?” he shrugged.
“Wait! He’s coming?! WHAT?!” Suddenly he became nervous again as it finally hit him that Fuwa would be there any minute.
“Yeah, I guess so…”
From behind them, a small feminine voice chirped shyly “Um…Ruki…” he turned around to see one of the girls who worked at the venue standing awkwardly in the doorway, looking around unsure if she was barging in on something.
“Yeah?”
“There’s a man here to see you…”
Taking a deep breath, he said “Let him in.”
Several moments later, she led Fuwa in. He seemed completely and utterly fascinated by all the excitement that filled the backstage at the thriving Cerberus. He passed by decorated musicians with crazy hair and elaborate costumes, people rushing about getting things ready, the sound of music at every corner, groupies in revealing clothing as well as some reporters from small presses covering the tournament.
“Hey,” Ruki smiled cutely at him.
“OH MY!” Fuwa laughed delightedly at the sight of him. Ruki realized that Fuwa had never seen him on stage and had no idea how he dressed himself. He had his usual makeup with the scarecrow lips along with the writing down the cheek and throat along with the bow around the neck and the cowboy hat. “Aren’t you adorable!” He clapped.
“Um…” Ruki smiled self-conscientiously and looked around the room as he nervously tugged at the ends of his sleeves. “Thank you?”
“Let me look at you,” Fuwa went up to him and planting his hands on the sides of the boy’s face got a better look at his decorated face. “You are trying to look scary but you just look cute.”
“Fuwa….Stop…” Ruki murmured embarrassed.
“Oh, sorry! Your friend is here,” he bowed to Rey.
“Mhm,” the young man fixed the hair that Fuwa disrupted. “Um…you know I’m happy that you are here-I’m always happy to see you Fuwa but uh…why are you here?”
“Well, contrary to what you might think, I’m not necessarily here to see the show. I figured you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Yeah…” Ruki had to admit that the thought of Fuwa watching him on stage freaked him out. He probably couldn’t perform with him there. All he would be thinking about was what he was thinking about the performance and Ruki in all likelihood would either freeze up or forget where he was.
“I’m here because I need to speak with Aoi briefly. According to Uruha’s sister, he isn’t taking any calls no matter what so I figured I would speak with him in person. Do you know where I can find him?”
Ruki pouted. “He’s probably out back smoking a cigarette. Come with me,” he turned on his heels and headed toward the back door. With his back facing him, Fuwa covered his mouth and laughed secretly still not used to the way Ruki looked.
He was right. Aoi was back there, smoking a cigarette chatting away with another musician, some guy from the band that was scheduled to go against Lie:Death. “There he is,” Ruki pointed.
“Thank you,” Fuwa smiled at him and placed a hand on top of Ruki’s head.
“Quit messing up my hair,” Ruki whined.
“Sorry, you just look too cute. Like a little boy.”
“I’m a man.”
“Of course, Ruki,” he sarcastically teased.
He narrowed his eyes and glared playfully at him. “Aoi!” he shouted dragging his eyes from Fuwa’s face to Aoi standing off in the distance. “Come here!”
Aoi looked up and his surprise at seeing Fuwa there was quite evident. Saying a quick goodbye to the guy he was talking to, he walked over to them. “Fuwa,” he bowed.
“Aoi,” he bowed as well.
“Well, he needs to talk to you so…” Ruki folded his arms.
“Alone,” Fuwa added.
“Oh, I see,” Ruki pretended to be insulted. “I’ll leave then.” As he began to make his way back, he made a point to purposely bump into Fuwa, playfully messing with him.
“Ummm okay,” Aoi muttered in response to Ruki’s cute behavior.
“Aoi, I have been trying to get in contact with you through the phone,” Fuwa said getting right to it. “And from my understanding, you aren’t taking any calls.”
“If I knew it was you who wanted to speak with me, I would have answered.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” Fuwa bowed his head in thanks at Aoi’s kind words. “It has come to my attention that you are going through a rough time and I know it’s not exactly my place, I’m not your counselor like I was back when you were a kid but I would very much like to talk to you. Your friends are concerned and quite frankly, from what I’ve been told, I am too. Now, you don’t have to say yes but I would like to meet up with you tomorrow or sometime in the near future.”
“Who talked to you?”
“I can’t say that,” Fuwa smiled comfortingly at him. “And to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. Whoever it was…Are they wrong?”
“It was Uruha wasn’t it?”
The older man straightened up. Around them, people stared a bit weirded out at seeing Aoi one of the performers talking to a man like Fuwa who looked compared to all the dressed up young people, completely out of place. “Why does it matter to you if it was Uruha or not?”
Aoi tongued his lip ring and sighed. “I guess it doesn’t matter…” He considered Fuwa’s offer carefully. He knew that if he agreed, Fuwa wouldn’t hold anything back. Remembering their conversations back at the retreat, he recalled the man’s intensity and his strength of character that made whoever he speak confront themselves in the most painful and honest ways. He had hated those discussions with a passion. He hated looking in at himself and seeing all those things that he was afraid of or all those things that he buried.
Fuwa watched him, watched the expressions that appeared on his face as he thought about it. Like Aoi, he remembered how uncomfortable those talks had made him and how he would try under any circumstance to get out of them. “Uruha was the one,” he said, realizing now the importance of it being him. If Aoi knew that Uruha had come to Fuwa for help, Aoi’s love for him would impel him to undergo the pain and the intrusion it would entail. “He loves you…”
Aoi sighed deeply. “Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll talk with you.” He looked away from him.
Taking something from his pocket, Fuwa presented him a card. “On that is my mobile number as well as my home number and my address. It might be best to speak with me there unless you would feel comfortable someplace else.”
Aoi took it from him and looked down at the information that Fuwa had written down before hand. “There is fine.”
“In the morning tomorrow?”
Aoi nodded.
“How about 10?”
“10 is good,” Aoi tongued his lip ring. “Why are you doing this?” he looked up at him.
“Why?”
“Yeah, you aren’t getting paid.”
Fuwa laughed. “I studied social work in college and I didn’t go into the business for money,” he seemed to find Aoi’s comment very humorous.
“Sometimes I wonder about you Fuwa…”
“Really?”
“It’s almost like you are trying to make up for something…”
“With good deeds?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm, I used to think that,” he paused to think about it. “When I first started, I wanted to be a good person because I had lived my life in such a bad way but after awhile, I knew that trying to earn back all that good that I had given up and had lost, that it wasn’t a way to live. A life of balancing what we think is good and bad is somewhat insincere, don’t you think? And one can become easily confused since the line between good and bad is so thin…”
“So, why do you do it then?”
“To be honest, I don’t really ask myself that.”
“Ask now then.”
Fuwa shook his head. “When I do, I can’t think of an answer. Why would anyone willingly do what I do?” he laughed. “I suppose,” he smiled warmly at the young man. “I just like people even when they don’t like themselves.”
[A/N Alright so I've been trying to work around this LJ post limit BS. I copy and paste from the word doc and it brings with it a bunch of garbage html but when I post the text directly into the html area, it loses it's formatting....so any help out there?]
Author: Zion Shadowlet
Beta: butterflysaga(the bitch)
Characters: Aoi, Uruha, Ruki, Reita, Kai and many OCs (Fuwa etc.)
Pairing: Aoi/Uruha and more~
Genre: Drama, Romance, Friendship, Comedy
Rating: NC17
Summary: Six years have passed since the summer at the Dazai Bright Future Retreat for Troubled Children. The boys meet in an unexpected way perhaps bound by fate in the underground world of Visual Kei. With broken hearts and promises; the boys-now young men look to regain some of what they lost by the wild and reckless pursuit of the same dream.
Previous Parts: Part 1.1 | Part 1.2 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4.1| Part 4.2| Part 5| Part 6| Part 7.1| Part 7.2| Part 8.1| Part 8.2| Part 9| Part 10| Part 11| Part 12| Part 13| Part 14| Part 15| Part 16| Part 17| Part 18| Part 19| Part 20| Part 21| Part 22| Part 23| Part 24| Part 25| Part 26| Part 27| Part 28| Part 29| Part 30.1| Part 30.2| Part 31| Part 32.1| Part 32.2| Part 33| Part 34
“Dude, whoever you want to call just call them already.” Reita was leaning on the make-up counter staring at the side of Kai’s face as the drummer, all made up and ready to go on stage stared almost obsessively at the cell phone cradled in his hands. Naturally, Lie:Death advanced to Round 2 and they were invited to play again. Since there were less bands, 2 bands had their individual rooms and the other 2 were forced to share, the latter being Gazette and another band called Mort’Rouge who apparently took their stage persona of being completely an utterly expressionless and silent to the extreme that they were already in character when they had arrived, painted and lip locked. Ruki at the moment had transferred his torturous conversation away from Rey to them, finding a strange delight at the fact that they made no sign of running away. Reita however feeling his pre-show nerves decided to wander around the back of Cerberus until he came upon Lie:Death’s room and found Kai sitting there. At first they spoke rather easily, talking about some Nicholas Cage movie that just came out until Kai became completely arrested in staring at his mobile phone.
“There’s no one I want to call,” he said impatiently.
“Hey!” Reita threw his hands up. “Is it Haru?”
“Haru?” Kai looked up at him with an expression of disgust.
Reita tilted his head. “Did you break up with her?”
“Yeah! Like ages ago.”
“Dude, you didn’t tell me that! Then who is it? That one guy that you were flirting over the phone with?”
“Flirting?” Kai glared at him.
“Man, are you going to bite my head off or something?” Reita slid off the make-up counter, comically retreating in fear from him.
“I was not flirting with him okay? And his name is D’Marcus for one.”
“Riiiiight,” Reita laughed.
Yukio came into the room with his beautiful guitar in hand. He had just polished it and was about to go and retune it when he saw Reita standing there. “What are you doing in here?”
“Talking to my friend,” he replied being his usual friendly self. Glancing at Kai’s face, he could immediately tell that he didn’t care very much for Yukio.
“Why do you wear that thing on your face?”
“Huh?” Reita looked back up at him.
“That thing,” he made a gesture around his own nose. “Why do you wear that thing around your face?”
“It’s a long story…but it’s uh, part of my stage persona,” he nodded confidently.
“I see…” Yukio sat down and started tuning his guitar. He wasn’t that interested in why so he didn’t press. “That one guy in your band…” he said suddenly to Reita.
“What one guy?”
“The lead guitarist…what’s his name?”
“Uruha.”
“Ahh…I remember we played alongside Gabriel’s new band not too long ago-Do you know him?”
“Yeah, I know of the guy”
“He’s a prick,” Yukio replied as if it were merely a fact. “But he really hates him. I remember overhearing their conversation and he was talking quite nastily about Uruha. The name stuck out to me because one rarely comes across such a stage name…Well, I saw your performance last night and he was quite impressive.”
“Yeah, he’s really good,” Reita smiled. He easily made friends and warmed up to people and unlike the others who just assumed Yukio was a tight-assed douche, he allowed himself to make his own impressions, letting go of all his previous assumptions.
“Roku-he’s our bassist, he was telling me earlier that he admired your technique. He’s says you don’t have the fundamentals down exactly but you have a strong sound nonetheless…”
“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment!” Reita laughed.
“Hmm you should. Roku…I like his playing but he does lack your energy…”
Kai turned around and looked at Yukio suspicious as to why he was persistently talking to Reita liked this.
“If given the chance to pick between Roku and you, I’d rather have you in my band,” Yukio said looking directly at Reita’s face. He sounded more as if he were offering.
“What’s wrong with Roku?” Kai asked irritably.
“Roku is a great musician but he doesn’t have that pop that Reita has. Well, just between us then,” Yukio smiled a thin smile, the most he could generally muster. “If Gazette ever breaks up or if you want to be more successful-don’t get me wrong, Gazette is good but that singer of yours can’t sing and the other one isn’t a very good guitarist so… “ he wasn’t going to go into more detail. “Well, you are always welcomed to join Lie:Death.”
“Uh,” Reita folded his arms. In a matter of moments, he became extremely put off by Yukio. Even though, he was only stating his opinions honestly-and Reita had heard other such criticisms from other musicians, he still felt somewhat angry with him. “I know everyone thinks that you really know music and everything but I think I can firmly say “no” and mean it. I rather be bagging groceries than be playing with anyone else.”
Yukio observed him as he spoke and Kai felt his anger growing inside him more and more. He knew that Yukio was admiring Reita’s loyalty but in such a backward condescending way, observing him as if he were looking down on Reita and his simple and pure mindset. “You must be a very good friend,” he said. To Kai’s ears, he sounded insincere even if in truth, he wasn’t.
“I am,” Reita smiled confidently. “Thanks for the compliments and all but I think you’re wrong. Gazette may not be right now but I think in the future, we’re going to be a great band.” Yukio looked at him, thinking his optimism was somewhat cute in a childish manner. “Ruki’s right about it.”
“Ruki?”
“Yeah, our singer. He says that maybe we aren’t the perfect band musically-like Lie:Death but people want to see us because we make them feel involved and with all due respect, watching Lie:Death however impressive is like going to a movie theater where you watch on the other side like voyeur or something but with us, people feel a part of the show, so,” he shrugged.
Kai stared at the floor feeling somewhat awkward at Reita’s short monologue in defense of Gazette. It seemed his friend had almost forgotten that Kai was in Lie:Death and he felt that his criticism that Lie:Death despite their talent was in fact worse than saying that they sucked as musicians. Essentially, Reita was saying that Gazette had heart whereas they merely had skill. Without heart, music meant nothing and Kai knew that. He knew that with just skill, Lie:Death might become popular to some degree but would forever just be the interest of snooty uptight music collectors.
“So thanks but no thanks,” Reita smirked. “I may seem stupid and childish to you but at least, I can sleep at night knowing that I am doing the right thing.”
Kai’s eyes shot up to Reita’s face. Feeling his eyes on him, Reita finally looked at his friend. And as the realization came over him as to what he had just said and what it implied for Kai, he felt intensely guilty.
“Right,” Yukio chuckled. “I guess we’ll just see who wins the competition then.” He stood up and reaching over Kai, presented his hand for him to shake, displaying at that moment his professionalism, his confidence and his sportsmanship. But to Kai, it all felt rather slimy if not strangely creepy.
Suddenly, the phone in his hand rung and all eyes looked down at it.
“Hello?” Kai immediately answered it.
“Kai? Hey it’s me D’Marcus,” he said on the other line.
He looked at the other two who with hands clasped stared down at him.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good. Um…so, I told Anna that you have a show tonight and she’s is kinda deadest on going…so…where’s it at?”
“It’s a tournament actually,” Kai said trying to think of ways to prevent him from coming. “Who’s Anna?”
“My neighbor. She says you met. Oh, and if I tell her it’s a tournament, she for sure will want to come.”
“Uh…” he couldn’t think of an excuse. “Are you sure you want to? I mean won’t it be weird seeing me on stage?”
“No, should I be weirded out?” D laughed.
“Um…D it’s a visual kei concert.”
Yukio and Reita exchanged glances of curiosity and finally letting go of their hands went to their opposite sides of the room.
“Visual Kei…what is that?”
“You’ve been friends with me and you don’t know what that is?” Kai laughed.
“You just said you were in a rock band and that you played the drums. Visual Kei…uh..I don’t remember you telling me what that was.”
“You’re going to be freaked out if you come.”
“Kai, I think I can handle it.”
“Think a lot of men dressed up kinda like women. Everyone is wearing make-up, some people are really scary looking and almost everyone in the crowd is a girl but they mosh and headbang and push and cuss. Oh and often times, men will do homoerotic things on stage with each other while playing really heavy rock music. Are you absolutely sure you can handle it? You’re going to stick out by the way…I mean how can you not…”
“I think I can handle a couple of drag queens and gay Japanese guys. And I don’t think a bunch of angry tiny Asian girls are going to intimidate me.”
“Why do you want to come so badly?”
“Why do you not want me to come?”
“Errr….I don’t know…because it will be…weird.”
“I want to see what makes you so happy doing it that you are willing to torture yourself.”
“D… Fine. But you owe me.”
“Why is that really scary coming from you…”
Kai giggled almost evilly. “It’s at a place called Cerberus.” After giving him the details he added. “I hope this doesn’t make you stop talking to me.”
“Come on, Kai. You’ll have to do something really bad for me to stop talking to you. Besides, I’m looking forward to it.”
“Sure...” he sighed. “Bye, D.”
“Bye.”
After hanging up, he noticed how the other two were staring at him completely listening in on his conversation. “What?”
“D?” Reita repeated.
“Yeah, he’s my friend.”
“Who is D?” Yukio asked.
“My friend,” Kai repeated irritably.
“What do you mean stand out?”
“He’s American,” Reita clarified.
“Oh…”Yukio nodded. “Do you have gay feelings for him by any chance?” Getting straight to what Reita and him were thinking about all along as they watched Kai smile and shift in his chair in a giddy almost sexual manner, excited merely because he was on the phone with him.
Kai gritted his teeth. “I’m leaving and going for a walk.” He stood up and left the room, avoiding the question altogether.
***
Ruki boredly wandered back into their dressing room. He had already fixed his make-up and his hair and was all set to go on stage. Now, he didn’t have much to do but to walk around and talk to people.
“There you are,” Rey said looking up from a Fool’s Mate magazine that he was reading.
“What happened to the Mort people?” Ruki looked around searching for his silent friends.
“Your dad called and ask me where Cerberus was located and so I told him,” Rey said matter-of-factly as he held a photograph of Dir en Grey’s Shinya closer to his face to get a better look of his pretty face.
“WHAT?!!!!!!” Ruki’s jaw dropped. His panic seemed almost comic compared to Rey’s laidback manner. “My dad? What? What? How?”
Rey tilted his head like a confused dog. “You left your phone in here and I answered it.”
“WHAT?! HOW DID HE GET MY NUMBER?” Ruki moved closer to him and was close to smacking Rey because he wasn’t answering him fast enough.
“Man, why are you so excited? It said ‘Home’ was calling and I picked up and was like ‘Hey, this is Rey. Ruki is away from the phone right now.’ And the guy on the other line was like ‘Hey something something’-sorry I can’t remember what he said but then he was like ‘can you tell me where the venue is located.’ And so I told him, was that a problem?” Rey lifted up his hands innocently.
“Did he say he was my dad?” Ruki eyed him.
“No, but it said home and he sounded like an older guy.”
Ruki sighed relieved. “That wasn’t my dad. That was probably Fuwa,” he laughed as a sense of relief came over him.
“Who is Fuwa?”
“He’s someone I live with…A friend.”
Rey looked around evidently confused. “A friend?”
“Yeah, a friend.”
“You live with an older guy?”
“I live with him and his husband.”
“Oh, so you are like his adopted son then?”
“No, I have a dad okay?” Ruki was evidently annoyed by Rey’s questions.
“Right.” Suddenly something occurred to him and he asked “You live with two old gay guys?”
“Yeah, so?”
“That’s just…I don’t know…strange?” he shrugged.
“Wait! He’s coming?! WHAT?!” Suddenly he became nervous again as it finally hit him that Fuwa would be there any minute.
“Yeah, I guess so…”
From behind them, a small feminine voice chirped shyly “Um…Ruki…” he turned around to see one of the girls who worked at the venue standing awkwardly in the doorway, looking around unsure if she was barging in on something.
“Yeah?”
“There’s a man here to see you…”
Taking a deep breath, he said “Let him in.”
Several moments later, she led Fuwa in. He seemed completely and utterly fascinated by all the excitement that filled the backstage at the thriving Cerberus. He passed by decorated musicians with crazy hair and elaborate costumes, people rushing about getting things ready, the sound of music at every corner, groupies in revealing clothing as well as some reporters from small presses covering the tournament.
“Hey,” Ruki smiled cutely at him.
“OH MY!” Fuwa laughed delightedly at the sight of him. Ruki realized that Fuwa had never seen him on stage and had no idea how he dressed himself. He had his usual makeup with the scarecrow lips along with the writing down the cheek and throat along with the bow around the neck and the cowboy hat. “Aren’t you adorable!” He clapped.
“Um…” Ruki smiled self-conscientiously and looked around the room as he nervously tugged at the ends of his sleeves. “Thank you?”
“Let me look at you,” Fuwa went up to him and planting his hands on the sides of the boy’s face got a better look at his decorated face. “You are trying to look scary but you just look cute.”
“Fuwa….Stop…” Ruki murmured embarrassed.
“Oh, sorry! Your friend is here,” he bowed to Rey.
“Mhm,” the young man fixed the hair that Fuwa disrupted. “Um…you know I’m happy that you are here-I’m always happy to see you Fuwa but uh…why are you here?”
“Well, contrary to what you might think, I’m not necessarily here to see the show. I figured you wouldn’t want me to.”
“Yeah…” Ruki had to admit that the thought of Fuwa watching him on stage freaked him out. He probably couldn’t perform with him there. All he would be thinking about was what he was thinking about the performance and Ruki in all likelihood would either freeze up or forget where he was.
“I’m here because I need to speak with Aoi briefly. According to Uruha’s sister, he isn’t taking any calls no matter what so I figured I would speak with him in person. Do you know where I can find him?”
Ruki pouted. “He’s probably out back smoking a cigarette. Come with me,” he turned on his heels and headed toward the back door. With his back facing him, Fuwa covered his mouth and laughed secretly still not used to the way Ruki looked.
He was right. Aoi was back there, smoking a cigarette chatting away with another musician, some guy from the band that was scheduled to go against Lie:Death. “There he is,” Ruki pointed.
“Thank you,” Fuwa smiled at him and placed a hand on top of Ruki’s head.
“Quit messing up my hair,” Ruki whined.
“Sorry, you just look too cute. Like a little boy.”
“I’m a man.”
“Of course, Ruki,” he sarcastically teased.
He narrowed his eyes and glared playfully at him. “Aoi!” he shouted dragging his eyes from Fuwa’s face to Aoi standing off in the distance. “Come here!”
Aoi looked up and his surprise at seeing Fuwa there was quite evident. Saying a quick goodbye to the guy he was talking to, he walked over to them. “Fuwa,” he bowed.
“Aoi,” he bowed as well.
“Well, he needs to talk to you so…” Ruki folded his arms.
“Alone,” Fuwa added.
“Oh, I see,” Ruki pretended to be insulted. “I’ll leave then.” As he began to make his way back, he made a point to purposely bump into Fuwa, playfully messing with him.
“Ummm okay,” Aoi muttered in response to Ruki’s cute behavior.
“Aoi, I have been trying to get in contact with you through the phone,” Fuwa said getting right to it. “And from my understanding, you aren’t taking any calls.”
“If I knew it was you who wanted to speak with me, I would have answered.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” Fuwa bowed his head in thanks at Aoi’s kind words. “It has come to my attention that you are going through a rough time and I know it’s not exactly my place, I’m not your counselor like I was back when you were a kid but I would very much like to talk to you. Your friends are concerned and quite frankly, from what I’ve been told, I am too. Now, you don’t have to say yes but I would like to meet up with you tomorrow or sometime in the near future.”
“Who talked to you?”
“I can’t say that,” Fuwa smiled comfortingly at him. “And to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. Whoever it was…Are they wrong?”
“It was Uruha wasn’t it?”
The older man straightened up. Around them, people stared a bit weirded out at seeing Aoi one of the performers talking to a man like Fuwa who looked compared to all the dressed up young people, completely out of place. “Why does it matter to you if it was Uruha or not?”
Aoi tongued his lip ring and sighed. “I guess it doesn’t matter…” He considered Fuwa’s offer carefully. He knew that if he agreed, Fuwa wouldn’t hold anything back. Remembering their conversations back at the retreat, he recalled the man’s intensity and his strength of character that made whoever he speak confront themselves in the most painful and honest ways. He had hated those discussions with a passion. He hated looking in at himself and seeing all those things that he was afraid of or all those things that he buried.
Fuwa watched him, watched the expressions that appeared on his face as he thought about it. Like Aoi, he remembered how uncomfortable those talks had made him and how he would try under any circumstance to get out of them. “Uruha was the one,” he said, realizing now the importance of it being him. If Aoi knew that Uruha had come to Fuwa for help, Aoi’s love for him would impel him to undergo the pain and the intrusion it would entail. “He loves you…”
Aoi sighed deeply. “Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll talk with you.” He looked away from him.
Taking something from his pocket, Fuwa presented him a card. “On that is my mobile number as well as my home number and my address. It might be best to speak with me there unless you would feel comfortable someplace else.”
Aoi took it from him and looked down at the information that Fuwa had written down before hand. “There is fine.”
“In the morning tomorrow?”
Aoi nodded.
“How about 10?”
“10 is good,” Aoi tongued his lip ring. “Why are you doing this?” he looked up at him.
“Why?”
“Yeah, you aren’t getting paid.”
Fuwa laughed. “I studied social work in college and I didn’t go into the business for money,” he seemed to find Aoi’s comment very humorous.
“Sometimes I wonder about you Fuwa…”
“Really?”
“It’s almost like you are trying to make up for something…”
“With good deeds?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm, I used to think that,” he paused to think about it. “When I first started, I wanted to be a good person because I had lived my life in such a bad way but after awhile, I knew that trying to earn back all that good that I had given up and had lost, that it wasn’t a way to live. A life of balancing what we think is good and bad is somewhat insincere, don’t you think? And one can become easily confused since the line between good and bad is so thin…”
“So, why do you do it then?”
“To be honest, I don’t really ask myself that.”
“Ask now then.”
Fuwa shook his head. “When I do, I can’t think of an answer. Why would anyone willingly do what I do?” he laughed. “I suppose,” he smiled warmly at the young man. “I just like people even when they don’t like themselves.”
[A/N Alright so I've been trying to work around this LJ post limit BS. I copy and paste from the word doc and it brings with it a bunch of garbage html but when I post the text directly into the html area, it loses it's formatting....so any help out there?]