[If you are on the football team (or cheerleading squad, for that matter), you probably received a mysterious package within the past few days. The packages contain brand new football jerseys, individualized to each player, with numbers and everything.

The only problem is that the jerseys read "Smash Academy Flaming HobosIt seems to be the work of ( Read more... )

( Narration )

[Despite the fact (or perhaps in spite of the fact) that most of the Academy seems to have gone completely crazy, Sunday dawns bright and clear, with hints of a warm spring wind against the melting snow. It is a fine day indeed.

A fine day to land your giant dong spaceship in the middle of the parking lot like a total douchenozzleSome might ( Read more... )

[So, like. There's this vending machine outside the cafeteria.

And Captain Falcon is standing at this vending machine. And he looks extremely upset by this vending machine. Occasionally he kicks it. Or moves around it and shoves it. But mostly he is inspecting this vending machine, contemplating his next move ( Read more... )

[After the complete debacle that was Bowser's Day Out, the esteemed Captain found himself doing damage control--but not at the school. No, Falcon was fighting a media firestorm, running back and forth between Final Destination and Mute City. As such, he has been in and out of his office for the better part of a week--but if you're lucky, you might ( Read more... )

[Yeah, Falcon's around. You might catch him in the common room playing Contra and exacting some carefully calculated revenge on the man who robbed him of his prized high scores.]

( The new leaderboard. )

[Falcon gives no shits about naked people that are not Ionia. Incidentally, he gives very many shits for naked people who are Ionia.]

You think this is funny? You're sick. Does the word minor mean anything to you, pedophile ( Read more... )

[Falcon? Mysteriously absent during this whole debacle? Yes? Where was he? Fixing the leak from hell at mommy's house Doing Important Captain Falcon Things and being oblivious to the school's most recent brush with death, of course.]

You people would not believe what I have been through.

Well. That was fun.

I'm back, in case anyone needs me. Or something.

[Perhaps your character was the type to catch some of the F-Zero Grand Prix on TV this week. If they did, they may have seen the strange events of the last race on Friday, where Falcon's victory was interrupted by a brain in a jar, traveling by giant purple death bubble. And ( Read more... )

( Private to self, hackable. )