someday.. *gulp*
need to write a smidge. I have been in such a bad mood lately. i hope its nothing more than hormones or something. seriously have wanted to kill people. especially my peds teacher. need a better attitude and soon or... well, or else! she's ridiculous. she is the reason i'm seriously considering teaching nursing one day. i just think i could do it better. much much better. maybe its just that i need organization and that is the furthest thing from her mind. i'm not sure. i'm really happy about riding with Devin and Katrina down there though. they are great. i drove last night and of course it decided to snow. fun stuff except this time it actually accumulated!!! whoooo hooo! oh, so this prof is also my clinical instructor. she drew out the evening to last the entire 5 hrs when the whole thing could have been done in three taking my time... yea. gr. the girls think its funny that it makes me so mad. the have no idea what a short fuse i have. i hate when people waste my time. absolutely hate it.
this eve i came home for dinner with a.dee and al as mom was still in pittsburg. she got back tonight. after that i went to get grams groceries and a.dee insisted both she and al were coming.. ended up gramps also HAD to go. w/e. i survived. also overslept this morning b/c of the stupid power outage. thankfully i didn't miss anything. also, psychology hurts my head b/c it makes me think about myself and possibly why i'm so screwed up. about things i can't talk about, things i talk about, things i do and don't do, relationships i have with people, the people that know me in one context but not another.. ahhh too much for my pea-sized brain to handle. i practiced viola today. i actually have somewhat of a practice schedule. i'm proud of that.
finally got home this eve and was just d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d. i think it was mostly gramps and how bad he is getting. it's so hard to watch and grams is always sad and leans so heavily on me for so much. i need so much strength, i need to be able to shoulder my own emotions to be able to hold her up. i don't know if i can. i really don't. i'm trying so hard though. God give me the strength. ugh. broad shoulders... that's what i need. soooo decided, maybe i'll talk to sara about it. i always try to, but mostly i just change the subject then hang up pretty soon after that. well i did that... then decided i had nothing to lose, so i called back. i told her about gramps, i didn't expect a reply but it was nice to vent a tad.
shane called and i told him i was outside walking around depressed. he never pried. never asked me to explain, nothing. just talked to me. and let me shoot the breeze about nothing. then next thing i know he's in the driveway. he told me to get in so i didn't freeze myself to death. we talked about nothing and i laughed. i never did tell him what was up. he's familiar with being depressed and doesn't usually tell me what it is, we always just find something to laugh about. i'm learning more and more why our paths have crossed. *for my own benefit* gig feb. 17th at the Mill probably.
God has been so good to me. I really don't say it enough. It's hard for me to think about all the things He's done. I get overwhelmed thinking about my own feelings and reactions. I don't spend enough time thanking Him for all of my blessings. I have been blessed with both sets of grandparents for 21 years of my life. All of my aunts and uncles on both sides of my family live within 90miles of me. I have been able to afford a private college with an excellent nursing program and will graduate with minimal debt and a degree that will ensure me a job for as long as i'm able to work. i have amazing friends that i can spend time having "good clean fun" with and they don't judge me for what i am or what i am not. they don't care that i don't smoke/drink/party and respect me. i have a job where i am paid well and can have some time to study during it. i have a car. i have a warm home. God has been so good to me. I can't even fathom it all.
Well i think this is enough for awhile. Time for bed. Goodnight.
this eve i came home for dinner with a.dee and al as mom was still in pittsburg. she got back tonight. after that i went to get grams groceries and a.dee insisted both she and al were coming.. ended up gramps also HAD to go. w/e. i survived. also overslept this morning b/c of the stupid power outage. thankfully i didn't miss anything. also, psychology hurts my head b/c it makes me think about myself and possibly why i'm so screwed up. about things i can't talk about, things i talk about, things i do and don't do, relationships i have with people, the people that know me in one context but not another.. ahhh too much for my pea-sized brain to handle. i practiced viola today. i actually have somewhat of a practice schedule. i'm proud of that.
finally got home this eve and was just d-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d. i think it was mostly gramps and how bad he is getting. it's so hard to watch and grams is always sad and leans so heavily on me for so much. i need so much strength, i need to be able to shoulder my own emotions to be able to hold her up. i don't know if i can. i really don't. i'm trying so hard though. God give me the strength. ugh. broad shoulders... that's what i need. soooo decided, maybe i'll talk to sara about it. i always try to, but mostly i just change the subject then hang up pretty soon after that. well i did that... then decided i had nothing to lose, so i called back. i told her about gramps, i didn't expect a reply but it was nice to vent a tad.
shane called and i told him i was outside walking around depressed. he never pried. never asked me to explain, nothing. just talked to me. and let me shoot the breeze about nothing. then next thing i know he's in the driveway. he told me to get in so i didn't freeze myself to death. we talked about nothing and i laughed. i never did tell him what was up. he's familiar with being depressed and doesn't usually tell me what it is, we always just find something to laugh about. i'm learning more and more why our paths have crossed. *for my own benefit* gig feb. 17th at the Mill probably.
God has been so good to me. I really don't say it enough. It's hard for me to think about all the things He's done. I get overwhelmed thinking about my own feelings and reactions. I don't spend enough time thanking Him for all of my blessings. I have been blessed with both sets of grandparents for 21 years of my life. All of my aunts and uncles on both sides of my family live within 90miles of me. I have been able to afford a private college with an excellent nursing program and will graduate with minimal debt and a degree that will ensure me a job for as long as i'm able to work. i have amazing friends that i can spend time having "good clean fun" with and they don't judge me for what i am or what i am not. they don't care that i don't smoke/drink/party and respect me. i have a job where i am paid well and can have some time to study during it. i have a car. i have a warm home. God has been so good to me. I can't even fathom it all.
Well i think this is enough for awhile. Time for bed. Goodnight.