There is a place inside me, deep, deep down, under layers of cognizance, experience, and self-righteousness where there remains a dark visceral admiration for and envy of psychopaths and anorexics. In different yet basically similar ways - control over others and control over the self ( Read more... )

There will be a time when all of this has changed. When my memories are the only things that give life to this time, when the actual substance of houses, streets, existence will have crumbled and decayed. When this moment, this living, vibrating, expanded moment will be viewed through a long tunnel, will be encapsulated and contained in a black ( Read more... )

There are so many people flitting in and out of my life that have affected me profoundly - people I've actually met and people I haven't, people who have touched me directly and indirectly, people who know how much I care about them and the people who don't. Do you ever just stop and sit and think and trace the chain links of events that have lead ( Read more... )

After very in-depth, *very* inebriated philosophical discussions with Elena, Matt, and Derek last night, I wrote this note to myself (before I passed out) to sum up and retain the truths I felt I had struck upon during the conversation:

"I apparently feel that any kind of positive outlook or attitude is a form of, or a result of, self-deception." ( Read more... )

I've been afraid that I'm incapable of loving someone. Not in the easy familial or platonic way, but romantically, falling in love. I've been afraid that I'm too judgmental, too critical, that despite what my feelings are telling me, I can't help but pick the other person apart, put scrutinizing distance between us. My heart can fall in love, but ( Read more... )

Me: more people who are arrogant have dating ease than people who have low self-esteem ( Read more... )

( Bukowski - the crunch )

I feel like I have something important to say. Something meaningful and insightful that wouldn't change your world but would change your mind, at least for the few minutes it took you to read. I want to communicate myself to you - not ideas, not opinions, not pieces of my personality, but me, all of me. I want you to know me to the extent that I ( Read more... )

I have been thinking a lot lately. Philosophizing, almost (though, ironically, when I'm in Philosophy, I'm incapable of any form of higher thinking ( Read more... )

She gazed at him, longing evident in her eyes. But he looked away, not seeing her want, and not seeing the tears that followed after. Time seemed to slow when he was near, but the pain she felt only increased as her heart beat faster, seemingly trying to rip itself out of her chest to be closer to him ( Read more... )