Well today was the first bad day I have had in a long time. I did not use or anything, but the urges were stronger today than any other day in a long time. The imiges I see in the mirror are the same as I have seen in the pats. The imige that peers back at me is one that I do not wish to see. It is FAT. So what I ahve done is distract myself with ( Read more... )

Well I have finally taken the steps to get my life in order. I am applying for jobs. Learning to drive. And gettign back in TaeKwonDo. Yesterday was my first day of training. Fuck...Igot my ass whooped, lol. I do not lose, but I will admitt it. I got my ass kicked. But oh well. I have not trained for two years. Sence my two year battle with ( Read more... )

Well I am in a hole. I kinda know what it is that I do wrong. One thing is that I tend to think in black n' white. Most, if not all, time I do this. There is rearly ever a middle ground. For example: good or bad; success or failier; ect. I dont know why it is that I do this. Ok I do......I am scared of the unknown. The thought of not being in ( Read more... )

Well I have not been to the doctor in like ywo weeks. Not because I dont want to but I just need to call and make an appointment. Yesterday Sara, David, and I went to modesto to console a friend. One of are friends died. I will not say but it hurts. I relize that all the stupid shit we think will never touch us can and will. Only if we are not ( Read more... )

So as most of you know I am home from the hospital. It will be a week on wedsday seince they relesed me. I have been thinking alot about life and truth. Well in live and every thing that we do has a begenning and an end. And a swall bart of re-birth. Lets take the most fundemeltel thing that we do on a daily bases. Breathind, it has three aspects ( Read more... )

Well to day is monday and I got here saturday. I have my first meal today, I am kinda scared. They think I might go home soon, yea!!!! But how know shit might happen. It always seems to with me. I have a newly hound heart condition. My heart throws PVC's, which means it skips beets. Which means nothing really, but increases my chances of serious ( Read more... )

well to day I went to the doctor for the third day in a row. And my vitals were like so fucking bad. So needless to say I iwll be on my way to El Camino Hospital in just and hour. So I will be MIA for about 2 weeks tops, I hope. I will have my cell on me if you wanna say hi or just wanna chat! I dont know what my number will be up there though. ( Read more... )

well ever seince I had gottonn rid of my "things" i have felt better physicaly. But emotional I have been isolating. Yesterday Stephie called and said she needed help. You know Sara and I. We went to modesto to get her. On the way home Sara told me that I could only take one shower a day. I freaked out. I know this sound petty to you, but to me it ( Read more... )

09. Breaking The Habit 03:16 ( Read more... )

I have come to realization that the road of my life i must travle myself. NO ONE can be with me nor help me on my way. There are people that I have told "We are on the same path," but we are not. You know who you are! After the past few days I have thought about alot of things in my life. Love for one: Live is everchanging. I love someone who does ( Read more... )