First bad day in a long time

[nctrnl_wundrlnd]

Well today was the first bad day I have had in a long time. I did not use or anything, but the urges were stronger today than any other day in a long time. The imiges I see in the mirror are the same as I have seen in the pats. The imige that peers back at me is one that I do not wish to see. It is FAT. So what I ahve done is distract myself with thing to do other than useing my ED to cope. It all goes back to the self-detrement that I do. I still do not know why it is that I do it. But all I know is that I do it. Things have been going really good for me lately. I just feel so comfortable in that uncomfortable feeling. I know not why. But what I do know is that I must do everything in my abillity to not dwel on the urges and focus on what is important to me. That is to obtain the life i know I once had. Whatever that life was. They say, for addics, whatever that addiction may be, taht it takes seven minutes for the urge to go away. But mine have lasted for hours.

I always feel taht things will never get better. Also that sence these things will never get better that I should not try to make them so. That is why I stay bound to this thing. This, today, is an expierment. It is to see that if I wait long enough it will gett better. So then I can tell my self "jsut wait and it will pass." So here I am useing but another one of my copeing skills, the LJ. I just got done eating dinner, how hard it was. I did not so well today in the eating aspect, but I must remember that tommarow is another day. And the fellings I have will pass, only in time.
Anthony DeLao