Two to One (Epilogue 3/3) [Series: No Regrets]
TITLE: Two to One (You & I Undone for the Last Time)
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
SUMMARY: This is Jack's Epilogue. Tissue warning!!! One year later, and still Jack hasn't come to terms with Ianto's death.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the final epilogue, and the end of this series. It's been an angst filled one I know, but I'm going to miss it now that it's done! I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! Thank you all so much. Special thanks to my beta melthorne for inspiring me, helping me, and being there for me. You're fab!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
Part 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7498.html
Part 3: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7819.html
Part 4: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8054.html
Part 5: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8327.html
Part 6: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8654.html
Part 7: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8852.html
Part 8: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9027.html
Part 9: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9326.html
Part 10: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9675.html
Part 11: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9815.html
Part 12: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10020.html
Part 13: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10342.html
Part 14 : http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10758.html#cutid1
Part 15: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/11178.html
Part 16: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/12841.html
Epilogue 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/13609.html
Epilogue 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/15082.html
This is dedicated to anyone who has ever read my work, especially this, and supported me through it all. I appreciate everything!
Special dedi's have to go to melthorne for being the best beta ever, even though I'm sure she'll never believe it, and just_being_me08 for being just so awesome and supportive, and not minding when I throw random fic in her direction! :D
This part has a soundtrack, don't listen to it if you don't want to, but I feel it really compliments the emotions of the piece. I also stole the title from it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwuLm1HPpSY
*one year on*
Today's the day.
One year ago today, Ianto Jones took his life, tried to remove himself from my memory. Today, he's stuck there more than he or I ever thought possible. Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about him, and today is no exception. When thoughts of all the one's I've ever held dear swirl in my mind so completely that I can hardly think straight. And there, in the eye of that mental whirlwind, is Ianto fucking Jones.
I still can't quite comprehend just why he did it. Why he would do something to break me so completely? Maybe it was my fault in the end. For not noticing his cries for help.
Or maybe I did, and just ignored them.
I'm too good at that. Ignoring a problem and hoping it'll go away.
Well this time it did.
And it wasn't something I wanted rid of.
Because those little things are always there to bring back memories. Whether they be good, bad or completely in between, they'll always be there.
Like the feeling of moving completely as one, or his warm embrace, or just him being there - and the emotions that he managed to drag so wholly out of me. He was incredible.
This is the last time I'm going to write an entry like this. So I'm going to do it properly.
I met Ianto Jones in the park. I was capturing a Weevil and he saved me from another messy death. He had a habit of doing that.
Like when I finally agreed to hire him. He saved me from having my brains splattered across the concrete floor of that warehouse where he'd contained the pteradon.
He just had a habit of being completely and utterly brilliant.
Of course there was Lisa, and in many ways I appreciate that I ignored so many little things that should have made her presence obvious, because if I hadn't, we would never have grown to trust each other in the way we did. I understand that what I did may have been morally wrong, but if it's for something as special as the fleeting connection of the beginning of a relationship between two people, it's more than worth it.
Just knowing the suffering I put him through is enough to make me hate myself beyond reason though. Firstly for Lisa, and later for leaving unannounced. It wasn't fair.
But he has no idea how long that year was for me. How horrible every day knowing he could be dead. Being so sure the Master had found them and killed them...Knowing that those fears are true now, I realise even more that I should have been there as if I had, I wouldn't be writing these words in a pathetic attempt to put my mind at ease.
And the nights spent holding him and loving him and just being there will never make up for the mistakes I made. But I'm willing to take my punishment for what it's worth now.
I try and think about it all positively. Like he's happy now. But it's so hard when I'm left blaming myself for everything, and no one’s around to make things improve, and knowing what comes after death doesn't make it any easier. Although Ianto, ever a man of intelligence and logic, never believed in anything, it would have put my mind at ease knowing he thought he was going to a better place, because at least then he would have died with a glimmer of hope.
The past year has been a living hell for me, although no one would ever know it. Because that's what I do - hide my feelings behind fleeting interests in attractive people and smile like everything's okay, when really everything is falling apart. The structure that we once had is fragmented and no more.
Two people left to pick up the pieces.
Still, Gwen coped better than I did. I just wished I hadn't pushed her away so much. She deserved better. Nonetheless, we're here now, still pretending, still mourning, still living.
And knowing that this isn't the life for us.
Everyday, knowing that it'll be exactly the same as the last. Nothing has the audacity to differ from what has gone past, because I've realised that it's not worth getting attached. I know I've become cold. But one man made everything come so alive for me.
He made everything worth something.
Ianto.
And now, lovers and friends who have passed come to haunt me but I can't remember them all. And it kills me to know that there are wonderful people who have died, who have died and who will never be remembered properly; remembered for the wonderful people they were because my pathetic memory isn't large enough. I never remember the good things either. Always the things that I fucked up. The things that were my fault.
But with Ianto, I remember every touch, every caress, every smile. From the first day we met to the day he died; and everything in between.
My name is Captain Jack Harkness.
It was once Asheni Meurte.
I protect the Earth from my workstation in Cardiff...
But maybe it isn't worth protecting anymore...
After all, my true name is roughly, "Angel of death".
So, it's all done.
*sad sigh*
I really hope you enjoyed it, after all that is why it's written.
I guess I'm here now to ask you politely for your comments, if you're willing to give them. I'd really appreciate it. :)
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
SUMMARY: This is Jack's Epilogue. Tissue warning!!! One year later, and still Jack hasn't come to terms with Ianto's death.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the final epilogue, and the end of this series. It's been an angst filled one I know, but I'm going to miss it now that it's done! I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! Thank you all so much. Special thanks to my beta melthorne for inspiring me, helping me, and being there for me. You're fab!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
Part 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7498.html
Part 3: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7819.html
Part 4: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8054.html
Part 5: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8327.html
Part 6: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8654.html
Part 7: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8852.html
Part 8: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9027.html
Part 9: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9326.html
Part 10: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9675.html
Part 11: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9815.html
Part 12: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10020.html
Part 13: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10342.html
Part 14 : http://naddypants.livejournal.com/10758.html#cutid1
Part 15: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/11178.html
Part 16: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/12841.html
Epilogue 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/13609.html
Epilogue 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/15082.html
This is dedicated to anyone who has ever read my work, especially this, and supported me through it all. I appreciate everything!
Special dedi's have to go to melthorne for being the best beta ever, even though I'm sure she'll never believe it, and just_being_me08 for being just so awesome and supportive, and not minding when I throw random fic in her direction! :D
This part has a soundtrack, don't listen to it if you don't want to, but I feel it really compliments the emotions of the piece. I also stole the title from it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwuLm1HPpSY
*one year on*
Today's the day.
One year ago today, Ianto Jones took his life, tried to remove himself from my memory. Today, he's stuck there more than he or I ever thought possible. Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about him, and today is no exception. When thoughts of all the one's I've ever held dear swirl in my mind so completely that I can hardly think straight. And there, in the eye of that mental whirlwind, is Ianto fucking Jones.
I still can't quite comprehend just why he did it. Why he would do something to break me so completely? Maybe it was my fault in the end. For not noticing his cries for help.
Or maybe I did, and just ignored them.
I'm too good at that. Ignoring a problem and hoping it'll go away.
Well this time it did.
And it wasn't something I wanted rid of.
Because those little things are always there to bring back memories. Whether they be good, bad or completely in between, they'll always be there.
Like the feeling of moving completely as one, or his warm embrace, or just him being there - and the emotions that he managed to drag so wholly out of me. He was incredible.
This is the last time I'm going to write an entry like this. So I'm going to do it properly.
I met Ianto Jones in the park. I was capturing a Weevil and he saved me from another messy death. He had a habit of doing that.
Like when I finally agreed to hire him. He saved me from having my brains splattered across the concrete floor of that warehouse where he'd contained the pteradon.
He just had a habit of being completely and utterly brilliant.
Of course there was Lisa, and in many ways I appreciate that I ignored so many little things that should have made her presence obvious, because if I hadn't, we would never have grown to trust each other in the way we did. I understand that what I did may have been morally wrong, but if it's for something as special as the fleeting connection of the beginning of a relationship between two people, it's more than worth it.
Just knowing the suffering I put him through is enough to make me hate myself beyond reason though. Firstly for Lisa, and later for leaving unannounced. It wasn't fair.
But he has no idea how long that year was for me. How horrible every day knowing he could be dead. Being so sure the Master had found them and killed them...Knowing that those fears are true now, I realise even more that I should have been there as if I had, I wouldn't be writing these words in a pathetic attempt to put my mind at ease.
And the nights spent holding him and loving him and just being there will never make up for the mistakes I made. But I'm willing to take my punishment for what it's worth now.
I try and think about it all positively. Like he's happy now. But it's so hard when I'm left blaming myself for everything, and no one’s around to make things improve, and knowing what comes after death doesn't make it any easier. Although Ianto, ever a man of intelligence and logic, never believed in anything, it would have put my mind at ease knowing he thought he was going to a better place, because at least then he would have died with a glimmer of hope.
The past year has been a living hell for me, although no one would ever know it. Because that's what I do - hide my feelings behind fleeting interests in attractive people and smile like everything's okay, when really everything is falling apart. The structure that we once had is fragmented and no more.
Two people left to pick up the pieces.
Still, Gwen coped better than I did. I just wished I hadn't pushed her away so much. She deserved better. Nonetheless, we're here now, still pretending, still mourning, still living.
And knowing that this isn't the life for us.
Everyday, knowing that it'll be exactly the same as the last. Nothing has the audacity to differ from what has gone past, because I've realised that it's not worth getting attached. I know I've become cold. But one man made everything come so alive for me.
He made everything worth something.
Ianto.
And now, lovers and friends who have passed come to haunt me but I can't remember them all. And it kills me to know that there are wonderful people who have died, who have died and who will never be remembered properly; remembered for the wonderful people they were because my pathetic memory isn't large enough. I never remember the good things either. Always the things that I fucked up. The things that were my fault.
But with Ianto, I remember every touch, every caress, every smile. From the first day we met to the day he died; and everything in between.
My name is Captain Jack Harkness.
It was once Asheni Meurte.
I protect the Earth from my workstation in Cardiff...
But maybe it isn't worth protecting anymore...
After all, my true name is roughly, "Angel of death".
So, it's all done.
*sad sigh*
I really hope you enjoyed it, after all that is why it's written.
I guess I'm here now to ask you politely for your comments, if you're willing to give them. I'd really appreciate it. :)