Biting Your Lip (2/?) [Series: No Regrets]
TITLE: Biting Your Lip
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, team.
SUMMARY: Ianto's feelings a few hours, maybe days after Lisa dies. (1st Person)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: 1. My NaNo died. 2. I forgot the finale to Fading Yourself and 3. I decided to finally get this fic on the road. Inspired by the band Steer Clear, and I will be finishing Fading Yourself, when I remember what the hell is supposed to happen!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
This is for my wonderful beta, no matter what she thinks, she's bloody awesome, and deserves a great big hug! melthorne I hope you're feeling better soon! And just_being_me08 for being so bloody supportive! You're amazing. And to everyone else who reads this. I appreciate it!
Le sigh.
My life, is effectively a smouldering pile of shit. Why does everything go so bloody wrong? Why does everything I want to go right, turn to shit?
I know I don’t deserve the best. I brought my own problem onto them, and then it nearly killed them all too. I was more concerned with her well-being than that of the others her living was affecting. But I loved her, and love - as clichéd as it is - is blind.
So blind that I failed to notice what that thing was turning her into.
So blind that I shagged that smug bastard Captain Jack Harkness to ensure I kept my post on the team.
So blind that I hurt myself more than anyone else…
Jack. Jack. Jack. Ja-motherfucking-ck.
I hate him.
There are no words to describe how I feel right now. But I’ll give it my best shot.
I want to slit his fucking throat. Kill him so slowly, so painfully, that he knows the thousand little deaths I’m going through every moment without the comforting knowledge that my Lisa is still there. That he killed her and that I have to work here and see her murderer every single day. See that glint in his eye that tells the world that I am his bitch. Not only once, but countless nights when my own loneliness burdened me so.
I want him to feel the pain she went through herself, hoping that someday the half-completed process would be reversed and she would be mine again. The pain of the contraption, and the pain of her hope in vain. I hope he feels that on his shoulders forever.
Why did Lisa die?
Why did I shag Jack?
Why do I still have a job?
Lisa…my beautiful Lisa. She didn’t have to die. She really didn’t. Now I’ve calmed down a bit, I can see the logic from Jack’s point of view. Those things, were out to kill and enslave. He couldn’t let that loose. But Lisa wouldn’t. She was still in there. I know she was. If he’d just given me a chance……. Oh, who am I kidding? Still, it’s nice to remember her as she was. The hole that’s there now she’s gone will never be filled.
In my pitifully short life, my tragedies are too many to number, but this one hit the hardest. My only true love, taken so cruelly from me in my place of work. The place I brought her in a hope of making her better, only to get her killed so brutally and horribly.
Why did I shag Jack? Those casual grips of my arse, those tantalising moments in the tourist office, those sly comments, those…
I could go on forever, but the bottom line is, I cheated.
The biting of lips, the pressing of hips, and now I’m gone.
He…I don’t even know what to say. He’s intoxicating. It’s impossible to stay away from him, and I can’t get my head around why. It’s like when I first met Lisa.
I couldn’t get enough.
Lisa had an ego.
Jack has an ego bigger than most galaxies.
Lisa was unfaithful more than once.
Jack will shag anything if it stays still long enough.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
I’m biting the curb,
So “do not disturb”,
Just do me in.
Kill me now. My life is spent. It’s not worth it any more. Everyone hates me. But they couldn’t possibly hate me as much as I hate myself. I need to know that it’s okay. That she forgives me.
But I know she wouldn’t. And that’s why I loved her. She wouldn’t stand for my bullshit. Even back then.
Now I have no one to stand up and tell me to wise up…
And now the pain is all the more potent, because now images of her smiling, happy, back when we were so in love, are scarred crimson in my mind's eye from the night she died.
But keep smiling please,
That smile you do,
‘Cause when you smile,
I smile too…
A writer writes more when they are happy.
Comments make a happy writer.
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, team.
SUMMARY: Ianto's feelings a few hours, maybe days after Lisa dies. (1st Person)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: 1. My NaNo died. 2. I forgot the finale to Fading Yourself and 3. I decided to finally get this fic on the road. Inspired by the band Steer Clear, and I will be finishing Fading Yourself, when I remember what the hell is supposed to happen!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
This is for my wonderful beta, no matter what she thinks, she's bloody awesome, and deserves a great big hug! melthorne I hope you're feeling better soon! And just_being_me08 for being so bloody supportive! You're amazing. And to everyone else who reads this. I appreciate it!
Le sigh.
My life, is effectively a smouldering pile of shit. Why does everything go so bloody wrong? Why does everything I want to go right, turn to shit?
I know I don’t deserve the best. I brought my own problem onto them, and then it nearly killed them all too. I was more concerned with her well-being than that of the others her living was affecting. But I loved her, and love - as clichéd as it is - is blind.
So blind that I failed to notice what that thing was turning her into.
So blind that I shagged that smug bastard Captain Jack Harkness to ensure I kept my post on the team.
So blind that I hurt myself more than anyone else…
Jack. Jack. Jack. Ja-motherfucking-ck.
I hate him.
There are no words to describe how I feel right now. But I’ll give it my best shot.
I want to slit his fucking throat. Kill him so slowly, so painfully, that he knows the thousand little deaths I’m going through every moment without the comforting knowledge that my Lisa is still there. That he killed her and that I have to work here and see her murderer every single day. See that glint in his eye that tells the world that I am his bitch. Not only once, but countless nights when my own loneliness burdened me so.
I want him to feel the pain she went through herself, hoping that someday the half-completed process would be reversed and she would be mine again. The pain of the contraption, and the pain of her hope in vain. I hope he feels that on his shoulders forever.
Why did Lisa die?
Why did I shag Jack?
Why do I still have a job?
Lisa…my beautiful Lisa. She didn’t have to die. She really didn’t. Now I’ve calmed down a bit, I can see the logic from Jack’s point of view. Those things, were out to kill and enslave. He couldn’t let that loose. But Lisa wouldn’t. She was still in there. I know she was. If he’d just given me a chance……. Oh, who am I kidding? Still, it’s nice to remember her as she was. The hole that’s there now she’s gone will never be filled.
In my pitifully short life, my tragedies are too many to number, but this one hit the hardest. My only true love, taken so cruelly from me in my place of work. The place I brought her in a hope of making her better, only to get her killed so brutally and horribly.
Why did I shag Jack? Those casual grips of my arse, those tantalising moments in the tourist office, those sly comments, those…
I could go on forever, but the bottom line is, I cheated.
The biting of lips, the pressing of hips, and now I’m gone.
He…I don’t even know what to say. He’s intoxicating. It’s impossible to stay away from him, and I can’t get my head around why. It’s like when I first met Lisa.
I couldn’t get enough.
Lisa had an ego.
Jack has an ego bigger than most galaxies.
Lisa was unfaithful more than once.
Jack will shag anything if it stays still long enough.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
I’m biting the curb,
So “do not disturb”,
Just do me in.
Kill me now. My life is spent. It’s not worth it any more. Everyone hates me. But they couldn’t possibly hate me as much as I hate myself. I need to know that it’s okay. That she forgives me.
But I know she wouldn’t. And that’s why I loved her. She wouldn’t stand for my bullshit. Even back then.
Now I have no one to stand up and tell me to wise up…
And now the pain is all the more potent, because now images of her smiling, happy, back when we were so in love, are scarred crimson in my mind's eye from the night she died.
But keep smiling please,
That smile you do,
‘Cause when you smile,
I smile too…
A writer writes more when they are happy.
Comments make a happy writer.