Comebacks (10/?) [Series: No Regrets]
TITLE: Comebacks
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, team.
SUMMARY: The next day in the office. (Just before Series One Episode 12)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter is a bit...I'm not sure. LOL. Try and enjoy it. Big finale is looming! Special thanks to my beta melthorne for inspiring me, helping me, and being there for me. You're fab!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
Part 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7498.html
Part 3: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7819.html
Part 4: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8054.html
Part 5: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8327.html
Part 6: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8654.html
Part 7: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8852.html
Part 8: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9027.html
Part 9: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9326.html
Special dedi to my beta melthorne and to just_being_me08 for totally setting a good example. LOL
Please Mr Surgeon this is urgent!
Can you make a sharp incision,
Straight in through my rib cage?
How? I don’t care,
Just get him out of there…
My peaceful time in the park didn’t last long, as the weather seemed to reflect my morose feelings. It started to rain heavily as I scrambled to my feet and walked back home.
Obviously, it didn’t help my memories of Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness…
I hate that man one moment, and the next I love him. And sometimes - actually, more often than not - I both hate and love him at the same time. And it’s steadily driving me deeper into the depths of depression and insanity.
I hate myself even more for kicking him out that morning, for letting him think I was okay in the first place…
Upon arriving home, it took all my restraint not to lift the phone and call him to apologise. Instead, I set the offending phone beside me and lay on the sofa, watching blindly as bright images danced across the television screen. Welcoming and cheerful, a polar opposite to my feelings at that moment.
When my alarm went off the next morning I realised I’d fallen asleep in the living room. I groaned and sat up, cracking my neck as I did to, to try and return some feeling to it.
I quickly considered taking the day off work again, but dismissed the idea as quickly as it had crossed my mind. It wouldn’t help anything if I went back on my word. Instead, I went to my bedroom and dutifully washed myself and then put on a number from my collection of pristine suits. I checked myself in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair to get it to sit right before heading to the kitchen to make a coffee. The need to eat anything eluded me, as I felt my stomach grumble in regret that it had nothing to reject.
I had no plans to be vomiting today. Especially when my nerves were strung so high in anticipation of seeing Jack.
As I stepped into the tourist office I noticed an envelope on my desk. An envelope addressed to me, my name written in some ancient and highly elaborate script.
Ianto Jones.
I winced. I didn’t want to read it, but at the same time, my damnable curiosity got the better of me. I simply couldn’t help myself as I lifted the folded paper and turned it gently in my hands.
The paper was of beautiful quality, wonderfully heavy, textured and old, just like Jack.
I pulled the page out and unfurled it carefully to reveal some of the smallest handwriting I’d ever laid eyes on (well, compared with Jack’s usual infantile scrawl) fill every available space on the front of the page.
I stood a moment, debating over the pros and cons of reading, but again, curiosity was still getting the better of me unfortunately, and so I read.
Ianto,
I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I genuinely didn’t know. I should have put my brain into gear before I started the engine, so to speak. Look, now I’m back I appreciate what you’re going through. It’s given me time to think, and even if you never come back here, at least I’ll know I’ve been completely honest with you, even if you never see it.
I paused and looked around, ensuring that no one was watching me, and carefully continued, trying to read it while holding my emotions at bay.
I guess it…no, I know it was insensitive, so soon after Lisa, and I can’t say that you haven’t tried. I’ve seen it in your every move, trying to remember her, but trying to forget her and move on. But still she clouds your judgement. Don’t get me wrong here Ianto, please, I’m not saying that is a bad thing. Really, I’m not. How can I put this. After Lisa, it was like I was…holding your hand, but I didn’t know you wanted to let go. I was too concerned with feeling betrayed, but also wanting to keep you, that I forgot how delicate emotions really are. It was thoughtless of me, and I feel so stupid for not noticing sooner the pain you were suffering.
I’m still not sure if I can chose between my conscience and my pride. They’re battling so fiercely, as I know your feelings are split also. It’s hard for me to be so honest, but I’m trying Ianto, and if this comes out wrong, I’m sorry. I’m doing my best…
Please, when and if you read this, come and find me, because I need to see you, I need to show you how sorry I genuinely am.
I didn’t want to kill her, trust me, it’s not like that, and I hope you can understand that, because right now, I can’t even do so myself. It’s not a choice I often like having to make, but in this case, it was all I could do. And I know how much you hate me for it, and I know how much you want me to turn back time and make things happen differently, but I can’t do that.
And right now, after everything that’s happened, I really wish I could, because I hate to see you like this. It upsets me to see someone who means so much to me hurting that much.
I wish I had just kept my concern for you at the fore, holding my need for sex back . But I didn’t. And there’s no use wishing I know, but I do regret it as much as you do, if not more.
I just hope you know that, and that I’ll never let it happen again. I’d not even think twice if you wanted to stop seeing me. Really. Just…I need to hear it.
Love,
Jack
My heart was literally in my throat. I couldn’t even gulp the lump away, much as I wanted to. I had to face him. He’d poured his heart out, and he deserved so much more from me after my actions.
And so I made my way to the main area of the Hub, not expecting what was to happen next…
And I know that this doesn’t feel right at all,
I can’t adjust to this way at all…
Comments make me write more.
They make me happy too. :)
AUTHOR: naddypants
RATING: 15
CHARACTERS: Jack/Ianto, team.
SUMMARY: The next day in the office. (Just before Series One Episode 12)
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This chapter is a bit...I'm not sure. LOL. Try and enjoy it. Big finale is looming! Special thanks to my beta melthorne for inspiring me, helping me, and being there for me. You're fab!
DISCLAIMER: This is a piece of fan fiction, I own nothing, no money is being made from this and no harm is intended. Fanfictions can be removed and/or deleted if needed. Torchwood belongs to the BBC and Russell T Davies. Thank you.
Part 1: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7328.html
Part 2: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7498.html
Part 3: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/7819.html
Part 4: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8054.html
Part 5: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8327.html
Part 6: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8654.html
Part 7: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/8852.html
Part 8: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9027.html
Part 9: http://naddypants.livejournal.com/9326.html
Special dedi to my beta melthorne and to just_being_me08 for totally setting a good example. LOL
Please Mr Surgeon this is urgent!
Can you make a sharp incision,
Straight in through my rib cage?
How? I don’t care,
Just get him out of there…
My peaceful time in the park didn’t last long, as the weather seemed to reflect my morose feelings. It started to rain heavily as I scrambled to my feet and walked back home.
Obviously, it didn’t help my memories of Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness…
I hate that man one moment, and the next I love him. And sometimes - actually, more often than not - I both hate and love him at the same time. And it’s steadily driving me deeper into the depths of depression and insanity.
I hate myself even more for kicking him out that morning, for letting him think I was okay in the first place…
Upon arriving home, it took all my restraint not to lift the phone and call him to apologise. Instead, I set the offending phone beside me and lay on the sofa, watching blindly as bright images danced across the television screen. Welcoming and cheerful, a polar opposite to my feelings at that moment.
When my alarm went off the next morning I realised I’d fallen asleep in the living room. I groaned and sat up, cracking my neck as I did to, to try and return some feeling to it.
I quickly considered taking the day off work again, but dismissed the idea as quickly as it had crossed my mind. It wouldn’t help anything if I went back on my word. Instead, I went to my bedroom and dutifully washed myself and then put on a number from my collection of pristine suits. I checked myself in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair to get it to sit right before heading to the kitchen to make a coffee. The need to eat anything eluded me, as I felt my stomach grumble in regret that it had nothing to reject.
I had no plans to be vomiting today. Especially when my nerves were strung so high in anticipation of seeing Jack.
As I stepped into the tourist office I noticed an envelope on my desk. An envelope addressed to me, my name written in some ancient and highly elaborate script.
Ianto Jones.
I winced. I didn’t want to read it, but at the same time, my damnable curiosity got the better of me. I simply couldn’t help myself as I lifted the folded paper and turned it gently in my hands.
The paper was of beautiful quality, wonderfully heavy, textured and old, just like Jack.
I pulled the page out and unfurled it carefully to reveal some of the smallest handwriting I’d ever laid eyes on (well, compared with Jack’s usual infantile scrawl) fill every available space on the front of the page.
I stood a moment, debating over the pros and cons of reading, but again, curiosity was still getting the better of me unfortunately, and so I read.
Ianto,
I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I genuinely didn’t know. I should have put my brain into gear before I started the engine, so to speak. Look, now I’m back I appreciate what you’re going through. It’s given me time to think, and even if you never come back here, at least I’ll know I’ve been completely honest with you, even if you never see it.
I paused and looked around, ensuring that no one was watching me, and carefully continued, trying to read it while holding my emotions at bay.
I guess it…no, I know it was insensitive, so soon after Lisa, and I can’t say that you haven’t tried. I’ve seen it in your every move, trying to remember her, but trying to forget her and move on. But still she clouds your judgement. Don’t get me wrong here Ianto, please, I’m not saying that is a bad thing. Really, I’m not. How can I put this. After Lisa, it was like I was…holding your hand, but I didn’t know you wanted to let go. I was too concerned with feeling betrayed, but also wanting to keep you, that I forgot how delicate emotions really are. It was thoughtless of me, and I feel so stupid for not noticing sooner the pain you were suffering.
I’m still not sure if I can chose between my conscience and my pride. They’re battling so fiercely, as I know your feelings are split also. It’s hard for me to be so honest, but I’m trying Ianto, and if this comes out wrong, I’m sorry. I’m doing my best…
Please, when and if you read this, come and find me, because I need to see you, I need to show you how sorry I genuinely am.
I didn’t want to kill her, trust me, it’s not like that, and I hope you can understand that, because right now, I can’t even do so myself. It’s not a choice I often like having to make, but in this case, it was all I could do. And I know how much you hate me for it, and I know how much you want me to turn back time and make things happen differently, but I can’t do that.
And right now, after everything that’s happened, I really wish I could, because I hate to see you like this. It upsets me to see someone who means so much to me hurting that much.
I wish I had just kept my concern for you at the fore, holding my need for sex back . But I didn’t. And there’s no use wishing I know, but I do regret it as much as you do, if not more.
I just hope you know that, and that I’ll never let it happen again. I’d not even think twice if you wanted to stop seeing me. Really. Just…I need to hear it.
Love,
Jack
My heart was literally in my throat. I couldn’t even gulp the lump away, much as I wanted to. I had to face him. He’d poured his heart out, and he deserved so much more from me after my actions.
And so I made my way to the main area of the Hub, not expecting what was to happen next…
And I know that this doesn’t feel right at all,
I can’t adjust to this way at all…
Comments make me write more.
They make me happy too. :)