When I first started to remember all the shit from when I was little it drove me mad. I felt like my entire universe was falling apart and then some.  Nothing in the world made sense and everything in it was terrifying. I'll never forget the one night when I remembered the name of one of the girls that was being abused with me.  I was in bed with ( Read more... )

The last few weeks I have felt particularly self destructive.  Of course this feeling couldn't come with the desire to run a 100 miles until I drop.  In stead I haven't felt like taking care of my body, mind, and mood.  Even work feels like it's taken a hit; lack of motivation, commitment, caring. I've been drinking more, smoking, genearly wanting ( Read more... )

Listening to Ani DiFranco's In or Out makes me happy.

I have been obsessing big time.  i think it's cause I turned 30 or something but I have this need to find closure for things this year.  I've also made some decisions on things ( Read more... )

Been having a stream of bad dreams the last week.  They don't seem to stop.  In my desire to SLEEP and grab every extra moment I can I haven't been working out this week either, which, now that I think about it, may actually be the worst thing.  Today I actually found the motivation, got my ass out of bed and then looked outside at the pitch ( Read more... )

Went on a great 5 mile hike yesterday, just really relaxing and up and down this big hill along the River in New York.  Then today I did a 7.5 mile run along the East River and over into the City.  The best part is that I tried a new form and felt great, the pace felt easy but I ended up shaving off a good 30 seconds per mile, even up hill and by ( Read more... )

today watching an episode of Numbers i triggered.  It was about a cop who was raping girls that he pretended to offer help to.  Just a bit upsetting to say the least.  Now i just want to rip out my hair and drink myself into the gutter.

/sigh

My hair is getting a bit longer, I spend some of my mornings and evenings running around in skin tight running cloths, and recently got some new cloths that I love but are slightly more girly although really girly isn't quite the word... i guess LESS something other then girly is really what I am trying to say ( Read more... )

tonight i am struggling with some serious depression. i think it came from reading the news today and feeling completely and totally flabergasted over the fact that the national healthcare bill does not support "elective" abortions. the first thought that went though my head after reading that was, what does this mean for rape ( Read more... )

Marry me, he said, through his rotten teeth, bad breath, and then ( Read more... )