Obsesive
I have been obsessing big time. i think it's cause I turned 30 or something but I have this need to find closure for things this year. I've also made some decisions on things.
1. I want to find the girl who was being abused with me and see if she is okay
2. I want to find the other girl that was being abused with me and see if she is okay
3. i won't ask my family the full name of those girls because i am a wimp.
4. I am running the risk of becoming antisocial because i refuse to talk about anything personal with anyone that I meet.
5. The above stems from the fact that I don't want anyone I work with or is remotely related to my professional circle to know anything about my history; which means that when people start talking about all the things that matter to them i come off as "solid and stable and rather unemotional. But I mean that as a good thing" as one of my co-workers put it today.
He said that he sees me as one of the finest leaders he has ever met because no matter what is going on around me I am always exactly the same and am never shaken or upset or explosive or seem stressed. that it's comforting to him. that he trust me to make the right choices in a crisis. that he imagines that in my head things must be spinning but that no one would ever know (that part he actually got right).
Am i too cold?
I crave closeness but I just don't trust anyone. Not anyone around me or in close physical proximity (izzy clearly excluded). I think maybie this is bad but honestly wtf am i supposed to do when people are shooting the shit over drinks and talking about their relationships and crap. When they ask me questions do they honestly want the answer? I don't know. Perhaps that is unfaily judgemental of them and really this whole issue boils down to the fact that I can't go to work everyday and have personal shit mixed in because it helps me keep that coolness as Guy put it.
oh well fuck me.
/scream
I am going to go play wow and eat chocolate cause my period just started and insane amounts of chocolate seem like a fucking GREAT idea right now.
1. I want to find the girl who was being abused with me and see if she is okay
2. I want to find the other girl that was being abused with me and see if she is okay
3. i won't ask my family the full name of those girls because i am a wimp.
4. I am running the risk of becoming antisocial because i refuse to talk about anything personal with anyone that I meet.
5. The above stems from the fact that I don't want anyone I work with or is remotely related to my professional circle to know anything about my history; which means that when people start talking about all the things that matter to them i come off as "solid and stable and rather unemotional. But I mean that as a good thing" as one of my co-workers put it today.
He said that he sees me as one of the finest leaders he has ever met because no matter what is going on around me I am always exactly the same and am never shaken or upset or explosive or seem stressed. that it's comforting to him. that he trust me to make the right choices in a crisis. that he imagines that in my head things must be spinning but that no one would ever know (that part he actually got right).
Am i too cold?
I crave closeness but I just don't trust anyone. Not anyone around me or in close physical proximity (izzy clearly excluded). I think maybie this is bad but honestly wtf am i supposed to do when people are shooting the shit over drinks and talking about their relationships and crap. When they ask me questions do they honestly want the answer? I don't know. Perhaps that is unfaily judgemental of them and really this whole issue boils down to the fact that I can't go to work everyday and have personal shit mixed in because it helps me keep that coolness as Guy put it.
oh well fuck me.
/scream
I am going to go play wow and eat chocolate cause my period just started and insane amounts of chocolate seem like a fucking GREAT idea right now.