Last year at this time I was clinging to the inner rim of the depression pit, kicking at the invisible hands that were trying to grasp hold of my ankles to pull me down.

This year, I'm running around in the field that surrounds the pit, knowing that it has been fenced off.

Today has not been a good day. For some reason it really started hitting me that I won't be celebrating the holiday season with Joe Louis this year. So far I've successfully pushed the thought to the farthest recess of my mind. But POW it hit me out of the blue today and I couldn't shake intense sadness that came with it. I'm trying to be gentle ( Read more... )

I'm heading out to see The English Beat with Joe Tunes and his lovely wife. I've prepped with 3 oz of bourbon, 1 1/2 cups of coffee, 2 pieces of pizza and a head full of tunes. Bring on my younger ska driven days. Woo hoo ( Read more... )

To prevent myself from slipping into a holiday funk/depression, I've decided to try something different this year. Rather than opt out of the season, I'm going to try and embrace it.

Over the past few months I have come to the realization that I have stopped doing a number of things that I used to enjoy: crocheting, drawing, and painting. I figure that there are more parts of me that have become buried underneath the sludge of bitterness that has come years of being a functional depressive. I know that I'm still not living at ( Read more... )

This week I tried to resolve things with Joe. I sent her an email expressing how disappointed I was that there was a limit to our friendship. This limit became evident when I was in the midst of a battle with my depression and, as happens, was not behaving in the most rational or ordinary manner. However, instead of  being understanding that I was ( Read more... )

Right now I feel like I've been flailed by a thousand lashes and I have lost a layer of skin. I'm feeling emotionally raw right now and have been having difficulty holding my shit together for the past few days. There have been several times that I've been unable to stop the tears from flowing while at work or on the bus. And last night was the ( Read more... )

I finished Doctor Zhivago, by Boris Pasternak. It was the May selection for my 20th C Russian Lit project. Other than how interesting it was and that I wished I'd read it when turn-of-the-century Russian history was fresher in my mind, I don't have much to say about it. Very poetic and lovely. Yet depressing ( Read more... )

I'm starting to feel like things are getting back on track. I know that I won't experience the full effectiveness of the new meds for another few weeks. However, the side effects are completely manageable and I'm sleeping much better. In fact, last night I had a dream about Joe Physics that would have probably sent me to the whirlpool's edge just a ( Read more... )

Things I need to keep in mind as motivators for my battle against Winston's hounds:
1) bluelotus is here next week reading her ass-kicking poetry.
2) Joe Louis gets here any time now and there will be coffee drinking, food eating, and, perchance, some shoe buying.
3) Joe Jackson's new CD Rain is only 11 days away ( Read more... )