Time the Tale Was Told
This week I tried to resolve things with Joe. I sent her an email expressing how disappointed I was that there was a limit to our friendship. This limit became evident when I was in the midst of a battle with my depression and, as happens, was not behaving in the most rational or ordinary manner. However, instead of being understanding that I was going through a rough spot she got mad at me because my behaviour was "disrespectful" to the other people there. It was like I was flailing about in an sea of emotion and instead of offering me a life preserver, she whacked me with an oar. I tried to explain that I wasn't capable of acting any differently that night because of my depression. Her response to my email was that she couldn't believe I wouldn't take any responsibility for what went on that night (huh?), that I don't know what it's like to be on the other side of my depression, and that as much as she cares about me, she will not stand by and let me disrespect other people she cares about.
Yep. No understanding that I wasn't really in control of myself at that moment. No understanding that all my energy was being concentrated on holding my own shit together and I couldn't concern myself with other people's feelings at that moment in time. No taking responsibility for ignoring the heightened emotional state I was in.
Things for me have been very difficult for the past year and I've got to a point that I'm tired of apologizing because I have an illness. It's one thing to apologize to people who don't know about it but I shouldn't have to apologize to someone who knows I've been struggling with my depression, who I've tried to explain it to, and who I told at the specific moment in time that I was having problems with it. At this moment in time I need people in my life that I can count on for support. I know that not everyone can handle being in the midst of the storm it can bring. I had a relationship that was going on two years end because he found it too hard to be around. And thankfully, I have friends and family that have gone through it with me and know that as hard as it is on them, it's tougher on me and that their support is what sustains me.
And so, I have to just wish her well and go on knowing that I at least tried.
Yep. No understanding that I wasn't really in control of myself at that moment. No understanding that all my energy was being concentrated on holding my own shit together and I couldn't concern myself with other people's feelings at that moment in time. No taking responsibility for ignoring the heightened emotional state I was in.
Things for me have been very difficult for the past year and I've got to a point that I'm tired of apologizing because I have an illness. It's one thing to apologize to people who don't know about it but I shouldn't have to apologize to someone who knows I've been struggling with my depression, who I've tried to explain it to, and who I told at the specific moment in time that I was having problems with it. At this moment in time I need people in my life that I can count on for support. I know that not everyone can handle being in the midst of the storm it can bring. I had a relationship that was going on two years end because he found it too hard to be around. And thankfully, I have friends and family that have gone through it with me and know that as hard as it is on them, it's tougher on me and that their support is what sustains me.
And so, I have to just wish her well and go on knowing that I at least tried.