It's that time of year again. I guess I'm too sensitive to the seasons. But it's hard not to be.

This time of year, for the last four years, the deep of winter marked more sorrow than my heart could bear. Every year my heart was broken, right around this time. And in the most recent years, insults were added to the injury as I lost other precious ( Read more... )

I guess some people fall in love like they do in Spirited Away: they are plunging through the clouds, filled with vertigo and they should be terrified, but they're not. Everything is blue around them, perfectly clear. And then, when they should crash, they fly away instead.

You can fall out of love, too. Sometimes I think this happens a lot like the ( Read more... )

Exhausted out of my mind, I tried to have fun with my friends playing soccer after church and the OG会 at ICU yesterday. In the shade of Mt. Fuji at sunset, we were running around and laughing. I wasn't going to play but people kept offering me their shoes, and we took pictures and I was placed on a team against Kenny and had no choice but to defend ( Read more... )

Oh my god, I keep saying, as each entry unfolds before me. I'm fucked I'm fucked I'm fucked.

* * *
This is everything I said I wanted -- more so than I even knew. When I met him, when I got to know him, I thought, "He's perfect! We have all the same things in common; we have the same goals; and we like each other."

But I'd forgotten about something ( Read more... )

I need to start writing again.

Like, making the time and just doing it, dammit, and stop letting my head get away and letting it all get out.

I've had so much of my identity in writing for so long and recently I've felt it sort of slipping away. It's something I love, and when I do it, I'm happy -- but I don't know. I am finding happiness in other ( Read more... )

So, I'm back in America. It's still hot/cold, it's still blue skies, big food, big Texas -- so on, so forth. Jet-lag is starting to hit but I am at least moderately well-rested, so there's a head ache. I wish I could blame the time travel for not being able to eat, but my appetite is gone because of Kenny. I feel like my will for everything is gone ( Read more... )

"It's over now. It's all over."

Part Six

I was a bit hung over but the first thing I did was to go to dress and go to 2MD. Before I got out of the house I ran into Teneal, and she exclaimed, “Casey! I just got a text message from Elizabeth -- you won’t believe what happened to Global House last night. SAO sent out  an email to all the members of the ( Read more... )

Hold on. I just got a message on facebook.

...

Oh my god, Casey. Casey.

Are you crying? Oh... Don't cry. It's not all that bad.

Dear Casey,

As promised, I'm going to tell you about the meeting.

I'm sorry to tell you this, but it appears a large number of guys at 2nd Men's are frustrated and disappointed in your recent actions. If you can`t control ( Read more... )

Oh, fuck this ( Read more... )

I just lost everything in this message when I tried to post it.

That's exactly how I feel.

I pressed the wrong button and now I have lost everything.

* * *

This morning, I skyped with my mother and my brother. My mother told me to talk to him. My brother told me to make him jealous. I wanted to do one and could only succeed with the other: I met a ( Read more... )