And now what?
Exhausted out of my mind, I tried to have fun with my friends playing soccer after church and the OG会 at ICU yesterday. In the shade of Mt. Fuji at sunset, we were running around and laughing. I wasn't going to play but people kept offering me their shoes, and we took pictures and I was placed on a team against Kenny and had no choice but to defend against him, and being on the field with him was horrible because every time he passed me I could smell him. And then I thought, I can't let this get in the way of my game (in the way of my life, in the way of everything) so I man-to-manned him, just as I would anyone else. And he was so surprised when I shoved him in the stomach and stole the ball away.
But the truth is I didn't man-to-man anyone else that day.
Then we stayed up late, drinking. I thought, "I want to keep enjoying this day, being happy."
But Kenny kept ignoring me, and singing songs and pointing at everyone in the room but me. I misunderstood Shin, and Yuichiro, when they said that there had been talk about Nakamoto, and then suddenly a secret romance. And I left the room a minute later - and it was so hard to open that door - I shoved it into Kenny's back as hard as I could. I sat in the lobby for a few minutes, trying to think, "How could Kenny do that?" and then I came back into the room and asked Shin again. It turned out I had misunderstood, and it still didn't make me feel that better because I had been so ready to believe that if Kenny had betrayed me in one way, why wouldn't he betray me in another? And so Shin and I kept talking but it was loud, so we were whispering to each other while laughing and THEN Kenny shoved a beer at me with an expression that could only seem angry.
He spent a long time talking to Yuichiro, and I was talking to Shinta, and Shin was talking to Keita for the last hour, and I was doing Lady Gaga and Linkin Parlk requests for Shinta the whole time. I guess you don't get to hear it in good english all that often.
And then the night was over. And we walked to the station, encouraging Keita for the exams on Tuesday and telling him we looked forward to him moving to Tokyo. And then we waved goodbye, and I wanted to yell and cry because Kenny was still going to Akita in the morning, with Shinta, yes, and also that stupid girl who likes him and doesn't understand why I call him Kenny like he's mine. And they will be there for days, just shoveling snow and talking. And I was trying to go Akita last year, at this exact same time last year.
And when I got to the parking lot, where the other bikes were lined up in little rows, I couldn't find my own.
The police had taken it, and I had to walk all the way home with my new computer heavy at my back. And I just thought to myself,
Everything that's happening is so horrible and it all has the same root.
I didn't go to class today. I need to go to school, just to turn something into my teacher if nothing else, but I need to write this 8 page paper and I can't even get myself out of bed.
Might be having a Valentine's meal with Matt and Laura and Tsubasa tonight.
I just want to feel better so badly, so badly, so badly, so badly.
Anyway.
This picture describes, more or less, every day of my life:
But the truth is I didn't man-to-man anyone else that day.
Then we stayed up late, drinking. I thought, "I want to keep enjoying this day, being happy."
But Kenny kept ignoring me, and singing songs and pointing at everyone in the room but me. I misunderstood Shin, and Yuichiro, when they said that there had been talk about Nakamoto, and then suddenly a secret romance. And I left the room a minute later - and it was so hard to open that door - I shoved it into Kenny's back as hard as I could. I sat in the lobby for a few minutes, trying to think, "How could Kenny do that?" and then I came back into the room and asked Shin again. It turned out I had misunderstood, and it still didn't make me feel that better because I had been so ready to believe that if Kenny had betrayed me in one way, why wouldn't he betray me in another? And so Shin and I kept talking but it was loud, so we were whispering to each other while laughing and THEN Kenny shoved a beer at me with an expression that could only seem angry.
He spent a long time talking to Yuichiro, and I was talking to Shinta, and Shin was talking to Keita for the last hour, and I was doing Lady Gaga and Linkin Parlk requests for Shinta the whole time. I guess you don't get to hear it in good english all that often.
And then the night was over. And we walked to the station, encouraging Keita for the exams on Tuesday and telling him we looked forward to him moving to Tokyo. And then we waved goodbye, and I wanted to yell and cry because Kenny was still going to Akita in the morning, with Shinta, yes, and also that stupid girl who likes him and doesn't understand why I call him Kenny like he's mine. And they will be there for days, just shoveling snow and talking. And I was trying to go Akita last year, at this exact same time last year.
And when I got to the parking lot, where the other bikes were lined up in little rows, I couldn't find my own.
The police had taken it, and I had to walk all the way home with my new computer heavy at my back. And I just thought to myself,
Everything that's happening is so horrible and it all has the same root.
I didn't go to class today. I need to go to school, just to turn something into my teacher if nothing else, but I need to write this 8 page paper and I can't even get myself out of bed.
Might be having a Valentine's meal with Matt and Laura and Tsubasa tonight.
I just want to feel better so badly, so badly, so badly, so badly.
Anyway.
This picture describes, more or less, every day of my life: