Yay, update \o/ So...uh...yeah. I'm thinner. About 86/85lbs. My doctor won't be happy but if her scale shows the same as mine, I'll be ecstatic. She warned me last time I saw her, saying "You better not drop anymore weight". I smiled and said "Don't worry, I won't." HAHA! You wish. Anyway, I had awesome Christmases with all my family, despite the ( Read more... )

There is a big family dinner tonight. I wanted to be 80lbs for the party. I wanted my cousins to be jealous. I wanted everyone to look at me. But I failed. I'm not 80. So I scratched my right hand with my nails and a blade until my knuckles were almost bleeding. Now my hand looks like I punched a brick wall multiple times. I'll have to wear gloves ( Read more... )

Dear LJ lovelies, I’m obviously not dead…yet. Well, I’m actually closer to death than to life. It’s been a long time since I posted so this is going to be kind of long. Anyway ( Read more... )

Got a new Formspring to entertain myself...Any questions?

http://www.formspring.me/ThatSickQueen

I'm abusing of Tumblr. Yesterday night, I had one of the worst mental breakdowns in my life. It was crazy. I was crazy. It started because I had an upset stomach: I ate a lot of cheese in the evening and I'm lactose intolerant. I told my brother I needed the bathroom and it said he didn't care because it needed it more than me. I told him I was ( Read more... )

Isn't it weird that my inner voices are personified by Batman characters? You know, the control voice and the crazy one. When I started debating with myself seriously, I was 12 and I told my psychologist that I was fighting with two 'myselves'; at the time I called them The President and The Clown. I learned about 'archetypes' and ' ( Read more... )

So yeah uh...Apart from feeling like shit every moment of my life, I actually do things. I starved for most of the day but lost at dinner and binge. I'm glad I'll be busy tomorrow so I won't eat too much. I'm 19 and I'm going trick-or-treating with my youngest brother (step-brother by marriage) and my mom. But today, I decorated a gingerbread house ( Read more... )

I'm last again in the priority list so I'm scratching and starving myself. I'm not enough. I'm never enough for anything. Not fit enough to run, not skinny enough to be cute, not smart enough to have a diploma, not awake enough to have a life, not nice enough to have friends, not mature enough to please my mom, not rich enough to buy cute clothes ( Read more... )

The oldest of my cats died this morning...He was really sick and old, the last days have been terrible for him. He couldn't walk straight yesterday and it seems painful for him. This morning, he couldn't move and his bladder had failed. My mom brought him to the vet to be euthanized because he was in serious pain.  He lived almost 17 years. Love ( Read more... )

I was at 630cal. but I ate more...like, approximatively 400 more. I'm awful. I feel like throwing up but it was hours ago. I stayed in my brother's room, watching him playing Bayonetta. I was so angry that I cut just before my shower, all over the same thigh I have been cutting in the last weeks. I started limping again because the cuts are rubbing ( Read more... )