Melissa
Today has been quite a day. I started off really negatively. I was originally going to write something else when I wrote my last entry, but decided that my efforts would be better if put into something worth reading, instead of just another complaint filled blog about how I feel like shit for no reason. I'd been planning to write that blog for a few days now, and although it didn't turn out quite like I planned it I still felt good about finally doing it. I just hope that the girl I mentioned in it is still alive to read it, but I don't want to get into that state of mind again. I'm trying not to think about it, thinking that there is absolutely nothing I can do, which is true. Short of flying around the world to save her, which I cannot do, there is nothing else.
I was in a really bad place this morning. I've started reading The Pact by Jodi Picoult, and I'm guessing I shouldn't have. It's a book about suicide, and I got screwed up enough just reading a book about rape. I'm struggling through it though, I really do enjoy reading it. I just wish that I could not end up feeling what the characters are feeling. This morning went so slow, reading occasionally, being so crazily tired, playing with Tibbles (who didn't want to be ignored). It reached midday and felt like it should have been late afternoon. Things picked up after that, I started to feel better after I wrote that blog.
Melissa came around to visit at around 3pm. I was really nervous, but I was fine once she got here. We didn't have sex. No, today was about the catch up. It has been a year since we've talked decently after all. I didn't expect to have sex today, because I didn't really know if sex was on the cards (apparently, it very much is) and because she came over too late and Mark told me he didn't really want to know when we had sex (I'm not sure he's completely alright with it yet) I figured I wouldn't make a move because we could easily get carried away. I didn't want Mark just walking in on us without knowing it was happening because that would hurt him. We just chatted for a few hours, about anything and everything. She loved Tibbles, absolutely adored him. I showed her the place, which is an absolute mess. I'll be cleaning it up tomorrow, that's for sure (if I'm motivated, of course). We talked about life, about other people. She told me about her night out on Saturday, and how she thinks Emma has put on so much weight and how no one likes Emma any more because of a few things that she's said about people. I told her about Mark trying to hook up with that girl from work last weekend. She told me about her family dramas, and how she got sick with glandular fever this year, and her plans for the next year, and when she hopes to come down next. She told me that she's kind of dating this guy, and he's given her the restriction that she can fuck other girls but not other guys. And he's most likely gay, because he's been quite disinterested in sex with her lately and is just confused. And is threatened by all Melissa's gay friends because Melissa loves watching gay guys having sex and for some reason he is just threatened by that. He sounds all backward to me. From what I can gather, I think he's only my age, if I'm thinking of the right person. Which is odd for them to be dating. Actually just odd for her to be dating at all, but I guess she loves him. She told me how she's hooked up a few times since she's been here because her boyfriend has been with holding from her, and even though she's not allowed to hook up with guys she has been. But she's allowed to hook up with me. She told him that she was coming to see me and all he said was "take photos for me". I think she said something about them probably breaking up when she gets back up there though.
We went and visited Mark (and half of Big W) because she had to go to the post office to do something for her sister. I wasn't sure if taking her to see Mark would be the best idea, because yesterday he was all like "I don't want to know, because I don't want you to hate me when I get jealous and ask you not to do anything with her" but he seemed happy to see her. She was still here when he got home from work, but of course we were only sitting in the lounge room chatting. She left shortly after though, to go and see other people. When she left he said "so when are you coming back later?", like he used to ask her what time her kids would be in bed so we could go around for sex. That shocked me, considering he was all "I don't want to know" and that. Apparently when faced with her he melts, and wants a blowjob, or a threesome. He texted her all night to try to get her to come around, and she was just about to, but then her sister rang and she had to go get her kids. Which is fair enough. I wasn't at all disappointed that she couldn't come around. I really didn't expect her to. Not tonight, not after her being here this afternoon, not after hearing how little sleep she'd gotten over the last few days! After she let on that sex was definately on the cards (she told him she was coming to see me, he asked for photos and told her to have a good time because he knows she's been craving another girl since she's been there) I knew it would happen, just not today. I texted her off Mark's phone and successfully booked in Thursday night. Ha, that sounds so weird saying it like that, but that's seriously what I said to her; can we book in Thursday night? She said yes, so that's awesome. I can't wait, and I know it's going to happen and be awesome this time because there's no messy strings attached.
I think a year is what I needed. It's hard for me to seperate things so that things that aren't supposed to be emotional actually aren't, but I think I've done it with Melissa now. I could do it before, when we were having sex, but then she left and ignored me and that's when things got screwed. Things are ok now, we're both just in it for the sex, and we seem to be doing alright as friends. It's not like we're going to go for lunch or anything like that, but I'm guessing she'll talk to me more often now. It's nice. She hasn't changed much in a year either, except for the whole moving interstate and getting a boyfriend thing. She's still the same Melissa I knew. I've changed, or at least the me she knew has changed. Then again I guess to anyone who has been paying attention, I've changed. I haven't really, I've just become more open.
I was so lazy today. It sucked. I felt sick, like I feel like I've got a head cold or something. I'm so tired writing this, but I really wanted to write about Melissa. I'm going to try so hard tomorrow to get this place cleaned up. I'll have to show Melissa that I can have a clean flat! And it's just a huge mess and I'm sick of it being like this. And I've been lazy since Christmas, and I don't want to be lazy anymore. That, and I've run out of normal every day underwear, so I'm down to wearing lace undies and g-strings. Which isn't so bad, except that it turns Mark on, and at the moment with the tiredness and stuffed up head, I'm not feeling very sexual at all.