each ending brings a new beginning
Well it's official, 2008 will be over in just under twelve hours. Well for me anyway. My plans are still a bit shaky, but we've got it figured out so that I get to go to the pub and see Melissa and anyone else who is at the pub, and Mark gets to spend it with Chad and Daniel and his friends, and I get to be home in bed before 1am.
This year has been a bit crazy, to say the least. I fell in love with Melissa this time last year, and spent the first few months of 2008 coming to terms with the fact that she was ignoring me after she left. I got more and more better acquainted with Mark's family, again. Michelle got married in February (I'm pretty sure) and I wasn't in the wedding party but I did get a formal invite. We all turned 20 this year. No more teenage fun for us. I did my TAFE courses, and made new friends. Mark and I moved out on our own. I got into the smoke shop at work and I got a decent contract. I got really depressed, and then finally went and got diagnosed with it and put on medication for it. We went to see So You Think You Can Dance. Charlotte came home, and turned 21 in the same week. We had Christmas parties and birthday celebrations, and then Christmas, and now we're at the end of another year.
At the end of 2007 I was hoping that 2008 would be my year, because 2007 was quite the disaster in itself. We had the whole Sarah thing, along with fighting with Amy and Emily and losing all those friends. And then on top of that having Mark's entire family hate me and think I was a slut. Well, 2008 didn't really turn out to be much better. In many ways it did, me and Mark's family are back on dinner-once-a-week terms and I think they've realised that they were pretty pathetic about the whole thing last year. I made new friends this year, and stopped worrying about the old ones. But, I got really depressed and finally admitted it to myself. That was a big step, probably the turning point of the year. And probably of my whole last five years or so. For as long as I can remember, I've never been a completely happy person, and now maybe one day I will be.
This year I took more on in terms of study, which was hard. I did the two TAFE courses on top of doing more units at uni. A lot of my assessments fell right on the time when we moved out, but I got it all done. I didn't do as well as I would have liked at uni, but I did the best I could have done at that time. I also got my course changed the the bachelor of psychology, which is the best thing that happened at uni this year. I didn't have any residential schools to go to this year, and I missed that. I've got a few coming up though. I loved the photography courses, and bought my own DSLR when I got my tax back.
I started reading a lot more this year, with Jodi Picoult and the Twilight series. I did some cross stitches as well, and got my place a little bit more decorated. I've come a long way in terms of knowing who I am, or so I think anyway. Who else would know really? I expanded my taste in music and just interests in general. I can't help but think that even though a lot of this year was spent feeling horrible, that I really did have a good year. I feel like now I'm going somewhere. Now that I've said "hey look, I'm depressed and can't cope" that I can cope, that coming back is possible. I'm really positive for 2009, and I'm also positive for my New Years Eve celebrations. The last New Years Eve kind of sucked, with being at the pub and having Melissa ignore me and it being packed and no one really had a good night. I'm hopeful that tonight is better. I'm sure it will be.
The year in review; a survey
1. What did you do in the last year that you'd never done before? We moved out and started renting our own place.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes I did keep a few of them, and I will be making them again.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Michelle had her baby.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? None, I stayed in this one.
6. What would you like to have this coming year that you lacked this last year? Motivation (to do anything), more free time, more inspiration, more money, more time, more fun times.
7. What date from this year will remain etched upon your memory and why? I don't really have dates that I remember, I have things that have happened. I remember moving out (in April) and then going to the doctor for the first time to tell her I was depressed.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going to the doctor to tell her that I was depressed, and moving out.
9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know. I don't want to say "being depressed" or "not being able to cope on my own", so maybe I'll just say that I started cutting.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Depression, and a few colds.
11. What was the best thing you bought? All the stuff I bought for the flat I guess?! I don't recall spending much money on clothes or anything else really.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mark's, for putting up with me through it all.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I don't honestly know. I didn't really have a huge fight with anyone this year.
14. Where did most of your money go? Rent, groceries and stuff for the flat.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Moving out, and going to see So You Think You Can Dance, and then my birthday, and then Christmas.
16. What song will always remind you of this year? That is such a hard question. I have listened to so many songs this year so I can't answer it!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: I'm probably much the same in terms of mood, just with different things triggering it, but I like to think that I am more positive.
Older or wiser: Well of course I am older, but I am also wiser.
Thinner or fatter: Fatter, but only by like one kilo!
Richer or poorer: Richer in the sense that I earn more money, but poorer in the sense that I have actual bills that need paying.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Studied, gone out with friends, spent time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Sat around being depressed, but I can't change that now.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With Mark, with our families, with a new cat, and with many gifts.
21. How will you be spending New Years Eve? At a friend's and at the pub.
22. Did you fall in love this year? I am still in love with Mark, and I crushed on Precious.
23. How many one-night stands? None
24. What was your favorite TV program? House, Gossip Girl, Smallville.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't think so.
26. What was the best book you read? Twilight by far, although I did read some others that were quite good.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Twilight soundtrack, and everything else I found. Jimmy Eat World, probably.
28. What did you want and get? A position in the smoke shop, a digital camera, a polaroid camera and film.
29. What did you want and not get? Enough girl sex!
30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? Twilight, easily.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We had dinner at a pub and then my friends and I went out drinking, and I turned 20.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More girl sex.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept this year? Changing.
34. What kept you sane? Music, blogging and my anti-depressants.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Kristen Steward and Rob Patterson I suppose. I loved Sarah Palin too, only because she was such a ditz in a love-to-hate kind of way.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? A lot of the issues in Australia that Rudd is supposedly fixing, and those that he has fixed. Climate. Gay marriage in the US (where they banned it).
37. Who did (do) you miss? I missed Melissa when she first left. Now I don't really miss anyone.
38. Who were the best new person/people you met? Precious, and all my online friends.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year: Imagine what you would do if you knew you couldn't fail.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I used to know you so well (Decode - Paramore)