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[kinkado]

the innocence mission > bright as yellowfoggy hot sickness i slept after you left or i left.. i hung up first right? i always do. thats my job. guess whaaat... right this moment im being productive for the first time all day. starting now - my homework. i think if i finish and if i sleep again ill be okay becuase i am okay... i ate dry dry dry

Comments

[anonymous]

i relly like that. with the fish. and the innocence mission is so great. wow. i cant belive ive not heard of them. "spinning" is a great song

[anonymous]

aha. i realized....that my comment had nothing at all to do with your post. your post made me think a lot...but i just didnt type it. hm..

i forgot to mention. my dad. he likes you (of course, everyone does. "if there one thing you can say about heather smith, its that shes a very sociable person") though i s'pose he doesnt know you enough to have much of an opinion. he said as much.

iiiiim going to my room. where there is no computer. i used to want a computer in my room. because you were on MSN or DJ a lot. but after i went to bed. and id spend the night thinking about whatever you were doing and wishing i was on the computer so i could talk to you...

im glad i didnt get one though. in the end. i love talking to you, but phone calls work just as well. i wish it wasnt long distance form here though...

[anonymous]

i dont....fell as if i should call you. like...i shouldnt call you. but i still wanted to ask you, through any communicative means how you are today. did you sleep at all last night?

i taped nanalan this morning. the "snow" epiusode. its almost as long as a full show. she wears her snow suit. and you see her nana.and their neighbour who puts on a puppet show about swedish sledders and a melting snowmen. the swedish characters have a greta singing voice. haha. hm..

be well. i love you.

[kinkado]

i slept and you were there.
(in dreams - now posted)

do you think if you went back that far - changed things that much, that you would exist as you are?
like, .. had circumstances been completley different, from the beginning of time, would all the people still exist as they are today (in different situations but with the same heart and soul..persona(?)...), or no?
i think about that too. what life would be like - for you rather then me usually - had you stayed in milton, or just never been in my class. i might still not know you and think youre a jackass and you wouldnt care about me at all.
is imagining how things could have been worse/different equivalent to regret?
i guess not.

id like to be mute. weve talked about this... ("I WANT TO BE A GREEEAAAT BIG ELEPHANT!!")

"if there one thing you can say about heather smith, its that shes a very sociable person" who said this? i think it refers more to you, than me. id like to talk with your dad sometime. despite you saying i never will. then again, i said that about your mom, and

[anonymous]

"i slept and you were there"
when i read that i thought i was actually there and it felt good briefly. i cant explain it. i knew i wasnt, but...hm...i woke and you were there. in my mind. i still have to give you your shirt back.

initially i thought yes. for some reason. that people would be as they are. but thats.....no. realistically, people would be different. their "soul" and their "persona". because both of those things are shaped by your experiences. by your surroundings. if you lived under different conditions with different surroundings and experienceing different things....you'd be a completely different person.

thats why i dont literally regret things. i mean....there are things i sometimes wish i didnt do or hadnt happen. but if those events didnt occur....i don't know what i, or the people around me, would be like today.

imagining how things could have been different is not at all like regret. regret is when you actually wish something different had happened.

"if theres one thing you can say about edward bloom.."thats

[kinkado]

going by what youve said then, had you gone back far enough to put yourself in holland (farming tulips..) - you dont actually exist at all

[anonymous]

i thought of that, and yes, techincally....the person i am now wouldnt exist. but thats my point. i wonder who i would be and what changes could have done that

[kinkado]

pink milk is like candy. they should have that - pink milk ..gummi candies.
dreamy sweet things.
anyway, forewarning you - im in no mood to type.

"i picture the person saying it but more in an unhappy tone.."
to me its not so much unhappy as.. kind of dismissive. like - you find something funny, but youre attempting to lead into a more serious subdued sort of thought. youre just not in the mood to laugh however funny something is. 'heh' is like.. theee.. transitional laugh.

i dont regret. sometimes i just have the idea that... if i ever were to meet myself as another person - i wouldnt like myself at all.
youre right maybe. saying im self-conscience. or too self-conscience

[anonymous]

first i think thats so great. about the stories. i mean, im sorry you felt that way, and yes im familiar with the story. but i dont know...idont think you would have had to say anything. i mean i would have bugged you initially, but in the end i would have lain on your bed next to you, held you, and just.....ha. probably drift off to sleep, actually

[anonymous]

im fascinated by that...how one word....i think ive said this before. no, i have. i remember.

i really really miss you.
and i really really love you.
and i really really hope your sleeping...

all that in one word...goodnight.