-
The shifting winds of an empath
Im sitting here on my bed looking out the window. the sky is grey. that kind of grey that says snow is on its way. other than the people on second floor stomping around and the cars driving past all is quiet. lately i havent been able to deal with such silence. but as i am writing this i feel as though a calming wave is washing over me. i can ( Read more... ) -
lost and found
The past few months i have been a wreck for one reason or another. I feel like everything is just one big mess. evita and i started talking a little bit again she said that it seems like most of the time things are not going well for me. then lauren said that i seem upset a lot of the time. i have been telling lauren just how empty and alone i have ( Read more... ) -
The calm before the storm....
i spoke to terri today. she told me i need to talk to my father more. i told her i have nothing to say. the truth is i have too much to say. she kept pushing the issue so i finally said i have alot of issues with him. she wanted to know what they are. so i gave her a couple things he has done and said.she told me i have a lot of anger. well no ( Read more... ) -
self control.....
I don't feeling right tonight. I feel weird inside. Have you ever heard that saying " the calm before the storm"? that's what i feel like. I was at my best friend's house this weekend. She got married. I am so happy for her.That's not the issue though. So i'm on the couch after everyone had gone to bed. it was very quite. as i'm lying there i get ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I have so much shit going on in my head right now i really have no clue where to start. I just feel so lonely it hurts. its seems like everyone around me has that special person except me. not that i am surprised. first off look where i live. who in their right mind wants to be with an AIDS infested freak like me. im damaged goods. no one wants ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I feel so empty inside. Im so numb it hurts, i hurt so much im numb. I wonder... will anyone ever love me? Its seems like everyone else has that special someone except me. Im too dirty to be loved. who could loved an AIDS infested diseased freak like me.? I scare everyone away. I dont mean to though. at least not all the time. some people i push ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
my ribs fuckin' hurt like hell tonight!!! im taking 180 oxi a day an its not even coming close to easing my pain. im fuckin' pissed!!!!!welcome to my life!! ;lifes a bitch and then you die!! sometimes i wish i could just fuckin' die and get it over with. im bout ready to slit on own throat! im fuckin' sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! just ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
from one extreme to the other. i am starting to get sick again. my counts are shit. my cd4 is just about non existant. im getting ulcurs in my mouth again which really sucks. its hurts like hell and its hard to eat the way i need to so im losing alot of weight which makes it easier for me to get sick.it all feeds off each other and it all REALLY ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
its been a while since ive posted anything here. i guess im not really sure what to say anymore.its pretty much the same old bullshit everyday.this is life? what the fuck?i feel like a robot. i just dont feel like me anymore. but then again who is " me" anyway? i dont seem to feel much of anything really, and when i do it doesnt feel right. i ( Read more... )