(no subject)
Hmm, how to put this? I don't know. I don't even know if you noticed the changes...I'm not to sure. But I don't know i've been sulking for a while now. More of sad even...There's nothing wrong really, just that it's hard suppressing this feeling and it's eating me up to the point that I get so sensitive over everything. The very little things that I don't mind hurts and I end up giving you one word answers, seeming like I'm not interested...I don't know if you noticed though...
It's just that you're leaving soon...and things are going to change. Time and distance isn't an issue I know, it's not. The issue is the huge change. We'll be moving from "you're always there because we live in the same time zone to I'll just leave you an offline message because I'd probably be asleep when you go online" and that's...a huge change. We talk everyday from the moment we both wake up until past midnight and just stop because we have to go to sleep and the huge change of not having you around throughout the whole day is just...scary and I'll end up being lonely and missing you a lot.
I'm happy for you really. I'm extremely proud of you that you're going to your dream school and I've been trying to push those negative feelings aside because I don't want to dampen your excitement, I want you to leave happy and all but it's hard and it eating me up and it's affecting a lot of things like how I am towards you. All the small things bug me like when you tell me about how your Jiyoon's doing so much better in another home and it just makes me feel insecure that I'm really not doing a good job with my muse. Even you getting ahead of me in Tiny Tower had me feeling so inferior. When you have to go out and you're busy I hate it. If you don't say bye and just leave hurriedly I hate it. All those small things that I really wouldn't mind if I was in my right stable mind bugs me and I end up becoming slightly cold...
I know I have to be strong and eventually I'll get used to the change...I love you a lot really and I swear I can't even hold someone else's hand anymore because I only want to hold yours. And I'm clinging to whatever we have right now because 4 years is a long time...and I just well I know my tendencies, what if i don't get to talk to you? What if I get used to not talking to you? That's how my last relationship ended because i got used to not being with him. What if that happens to us? I'm not saying it will but you know, I'm afraid.
I didn't really want to tell you because I don't want to dampen your feelings and excitement but I don't want to lose you either so I guess I have to talk to you about it? I don't want to be overly sensitive over everything...I don't want to feel hurt when you tell me that you're friends are coming over and that you'll be busy or when your muses are happy with this Doojoon that this Doojoon is better. I'm just really insecure about a lot of things.
I'm sorry.... :( I love you so much. I miss you a lot.
It's just that you're leaving soon...and things are going to change. Time and distance isn't an issue I know, it's not. The issue is the huge change. We'll be moving from "you're always there because we live in the same time zone to I'll just leave you an offline message because I'd probably be asleep when you go online" and that's...a huge change. We talk everyday from the moment we both wake up until past midnight and just stop because we have to go to sleep and the huge change of not having you around throughout the whole day is just...scary and I'll end up being lonely and missing you a lot.
I'm happy for you really. I'm extremely proud of you that you're going to your dream school and I've been trying to push those negative feelings aside because I don't want to dampen your excitement, I want you to leave happy and all but it's hard and it eating me up and it's affecting a lot of things like how I am towards you. All the small things bug me like when you tell me about how your Jiyoon's doing so much better in another home and it just makes me feel insecure that I'm really not doing a good job with my muse. Even you getting ahead of me in Tiny Tower had me feeling so inferior. When you have to go out and you're busy I hate it. If you don't say bye and just leave hurriedly I hate it. All those small things that I really wouldn't mind if I was in my right stable mind bugs me and I end up becoming slightly cold...
I know I have to be strong and eventually I'll get used to the change...I love you a lot really and I swear I can't even hold someone else's hand anymore because I only want to hold yours. And I'm clinging to whatever we have right now because 4 years is a long time...and I just well I know my tendencies, what if i don't get to talk to you? What if I get used to not talking to you? That's how my last relationship ended because i got used to not being with him. What if that happens to us? I'm not saying it will but you know, I'm afraid.
I didn't really want to tell you because I don't want to dampen your feelings and excitement but I don't want to lose you either so I guess I have to talk to you about it? I don't want to be overly sensitive over everything...I don't want to feel hurt when you tell me that you're friends are coming over and that you'll be busy or when your muses are happy with this Doojoon that this Doojoon is better. I'm just really insecure about a lot of things.
I'm sorry.... :( I love you so much. I miss you a lot.