I need to remember to tell people:

before we go do mushrooms, you should know that for me this is less about entertainment, and more about psycho-spiritual intensity.

Today it was JP and I at Burnaby Mountain. It was intense. And it was good.

( Two facets; one person )

I can feel it now. I am in the process of settling to be "here."

My personhood is unfolding, revealed tender and vulnerable like a flower from a bud I now value my own existence in a way I never have before.

Wriggling out free and blinking like a moth from a cocoon: I had been only a placeholder, a "person" in theory only. In practice, I was mostly ( Read more... )

On Sunday, I went to Burnaby lake to enter a psilocybin-induced altered state. Each time, I discover new things.

I realize:

1 - Where I am right now may not be perfect, but it is the product of a long series of sensible choices; good decisions under disorienting cirucmstances. I guess that's good.

2 - (Speaking of "sensible choice:") Gender identity ( Read more... )

Swelling has narrowed my vision to a tear-streaked La-Forge-esque strip.

Indeed.It feels like I have taken a small muppet, stretched it and shoved my head up its ass until it fits like a belaclava.

Fortunately, I'm not having trouble sleeping on my back. I am having trouble with stress/narcotic-induced repetitive dreams that gradually turn sour and ( Read more... )

Years after the sustained bullying at the hands of my classmates, I have still not acquired the knack of putting up with a room full of people intent on tearing me down.

No wait.

What I lack is the ability to try to do productive work in a room where a fair number of people are intent on giving me shit, a few blame me for the fact that others are ( Read more... )

[I've made a little edit]

The renaming/rite/of-passage/initiation is a little less than two weeks off now and it is dawning on me that this is a pretty big deal.

With "Sasha" I let an experimental pragmatic name hang on me to see how it affected my balance, so to speak. With "Amy," I am not only taking on a new name; grafting it on rather than simply ( Read more... )

...to follow up on the last post

Most of the other deaths in my life were expected The second death was my paternal grandmonther, who'd been fighting with cancer, and so her death was no surprise. I don't remember why my mom went to the funeral and not myself. My Paternal grandfather died suddenly, but I made the trip and saw his body. My maternal ( Read more... )

It was good to go to dinner, and be surrounded by life ( Read more... )

For a few days in my waking life, I'd been thinking of the streaks made by objects entering the atmosphere at oblique angles and high velocity. Tangents, caught by gravity, then by the atmosphere, curving and streaking to hit the Earth with a roar and distant thud.

This is why, when I saw them in my dream, I thought, oh, I'd been wondering if I'd ( Read more... )

Toenails.
Ever had a day when you lean down with a pair of nail clippers and realize that your toenails don't need clipping, even though you swore they were getting too long last night, and that the only logical conclusion is that someone must have cut them while you slept?
I am having such a day.

I sound like... Rosencratz. That's odd, usually I ( Read more... )